...rather than something you created. Puma
I guess this is the nail to hit on the head. It wasn't created. It is a pain I carry with me and I want it considered seriously. I caused none of it and still I lay awake with the visions of dead bloody children and dismembered bodies in
my head because someone else felt it was ok to drive drunk. Not just once but again and again. My depression and guilt -- I don't know why the guilt -- have lessened my quality of life.
I relive these crashes nearly everyday. I actually jump from the couch when a movie suddenly throws in a collision, which is quite often. And then there are the dreams...
I used to drink. I know the signs, the testing, the denials. They are so easy to spot and any one of them should be enough of a clue to hand the keys to someone else.
Today, thousands of people will choose to drive when they shouldn't and hundreds of people will begin experiences similar to mine. By the end of this year more than 16,000 people will be dead from alcohol related crashes. Odds are that half the people reading this post have either known one in the passed ten years or will know one in the next ten. There is always someone left. I imagine a good many of us who lived through it wish we were the ones that had died.
I expect many that are in the same boat as me will relate to the story but is it even possible to affect any of those that will one day cause the grief and make them think before they insert that key?
I suppose in the end it all comes down to my writing ability. If I can't figure out how to say
these things really happened it will just feel as insignificant as those unknown victims that the camera briefly passes over and are forgotten when the movie goes on.
Thanks to all for the replies. And I will continue to work on it.