?'s for Stay at home parent writers

My son is 3 years old and my daughter is 2 months. I wrote 2 novels in 2006. I don't use childcare. I write during naptimes and after my son is in bed at night. Before our daughter arrived, I wrote while my DH and our son were playing. My laptop is beside where I sit to nurse so when my daughter is feeding I can write for a bit. I type well with one hand. The biggest thing for me as a parent writer is writing in five and ten minute bursts. I'm more patient with our son when I get writing done at some time during the day.

I wasn't a stay-at-home dad, but I wrote my novel with my son basically in the room with me. All I can say is this: thank God for Blue's Clues. That sounds terrible, I know, but it was the only method I could find.

Yet I don't think your infant's gonna much care for Blue's Clues, so the only advice I could give is to try and learn his/her sleeping habits. When our son was about three or four months, he started settling into pretty regular nap times. If you can discern those, maybe you can open up like windows to write.

Storyteller5 said:

My son is 3 years old and my daughter is 2 months. I wrote 2 novels in 2006. I don't use childcare. I write during naptimes and after my son is in bed at night. Before our daughter arrived, I wrote while my DH and our son were playing. My laptop is beside where I sit to nurse so when my daughter is feeding I can write for a bit. I type well with one hand. The biggest thing for me as a parent writer is writing in five and ten minute bursts. I'm more patient with our son when I get writing done at some time during the day.

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Your situation is similar to ours now. We have a three-year-old and a one-month-old. I have to admit, it's much more difficult to find time now than it was when I only had one. My wife and I are both staying home, but my three-year-old is so precocious that he wants to go everywhere with me. I have to literally hide in the house to find time to write, and it's really not fair to my wife to disappear for the long stretches it takes to really get into a good flow with a novel.

And I can't do late night writing. Not with kids. I have to get up so early with them that I'm not clear-headed enough to stay focused.

I'm sure I'll figure out a rhythm, but it's certainly choppy so far.

Stay

I was a stay at home dad with young children. Honestly, unless an emergency arose, I made the children adjust to my schedule. With a very young baby, the crib was in my writing office, along with a refrigerator, diapers, expressed breast milk, etc.

It wasn't always easy, but it worked.

I'm at home with five girls (ages 11-1yo). The older three are in school, the 5yr old just finished preschool for the summer break and the toddler naps like a (sleepy) wildwoman. I wrote during the three hours I had during preschool/naptime and after the girls went to bed. It's no use trying to get anything down while they're all home, we're constantly on the move.

I carve out time in tiny bits - I recently wrote a filler on the back of a clean diaper at a softball game. Now that Lily's home for the summer and her sisters out of school soon, I'm going to enlist my eldest to help me hide for an hour by babysitting.

LOL, I nursed while at the keyboard too!

Unschool during the day; write at night and when Cedar's chilling out (with toys, tv, books, etc). I write on the weekends when my partners not at work. When I have extra big projects I try to get family or friends help with watching Cedar (but that's easier for me just having the one child -- so far). I used to breastfeed at the keyboard. Cedar's six now so that's not on the table anymore.

Take care -- you can write with kids it just takes some fancy scheduling.
~ Jennifer

I have a 6 year old and a 20 month old, so I do my writing during my son's naptime (daughter's in school - half days now, full days come fall woo hoo!) and I log a lot of late night hours in my office. Fortunately, I'm a night owl by nature, so getting to bed at midnight or later is ok, I can still function the next day.

I have to say, my husband's great about my writing - he understands when I spend half of Saturday or Sunday in my office - the kids think it's great that they have Daddy all to themselves, and I think it's good for him as well.

It was a lot easier with only one - she was a sleep hog, so she'd go to bed at 7 pm and be gone until 9 am the next day. Unfortunately, her brother isn't quite as fond of sleep...

My six year old is at school but my 3 year old is still at home with me every day. And quite demanding of my time. I steal small bits of time when I can when she wants to watch a video or play on the computer. I don't do it all day long, so I don't feel bad about doing it now and again.

I try to write when they're in bed, but I'm so tired by then, I can't get much good quality out.

My 3 year old goes to a carer on Fridays, so that's my full-on writing-don't-let-anything-else-get-in-the-way-day. Other than that, my husband takes them both to the shops for doughnuts on Saturday, so I get a couple of hours in then.

Gotta go - even now, they're in the playroom yelling at each other!

My 13 yr old is at her dads now, the other three are 5, 2 1/2, and 8 months.

I write when they are sleeping, well...when they all stay asleep for more than a few minutes without one of them waking the other and calling for 'Mommy, dink, dink!"

It's hard. Hubby helps, but when only mommy will do, then only mommy will do, which is most of the time. My 5 yr old is in the high functioning end of the autism spectrum and man, is that a roller coaster.

You know, I'm not a big fan of a tv as a babysitter, but I do enjoy the mornings when my 5 yr old is in preschool and her sister is watching PBS. I occasionally get an article done then.

I write during nap time and after munchkin goes to bed. I can usually sneak in a hour after hubby gets home with work because Mommy's chopped liver during that time anyway.

I hate the idea of writing in short burtss during breaks, naps etc. I need long stretches of time to keep in the flow of writing. I hate being disturbed. It was hard enough when my kids were in school and I wrote all morning; then they'd come home and jolt me out of it with "Hi, what's for lunhc?" and I hadn't even THOUGHT about lunch! We ate a lot of frozen pizza in those days.

I wish I had developed the following schedule a few years earlier; as it is, I only hit upon the solution when my son had left school and hung about the house a lot. I decided that the only time I can have my long stretches is in the early morning. I trained myself to get up at 4.am to write. From that time on I had 3 straight hours of writing without the least disturbance. Heaven! And the whole day was free for other things. I never write during the day now. This is great because I am never under pressure; I keep that schedule even when I no longer needed it, because it is simply the best; it frees up the days so you never have to worry about finding time to write, or about being disturbed by telephone calls, visitors etc.

I'm a morning person anyway, so it isn't much of a problem. I go to bed early instead. Even when I'm not working on a book I always wake up at 4 now.

I wrote almost all of my novel at night, sitting by my three year olds bed as she fell asleep. Of course, I was working on a laptop with lightup keys, my mac powerbook G4.

So, sitting in the room with your child as he/she sleeps is a good way to get it done.

I'm not a SAHM, but between working full-time and taking care of a child, I felt like I never had time to write. I carved out two hours out of every day to do my writing. I write from 10 to midnight. It works for me, because I find myself being the most creative at that hour.

Another thing that might help is to get a sling. Those free up your hands and make it much easier to do things.

kierstenk said:

When do you write? How old are your kids? Do you use childcare? I have a 3 mo. old and I am wondering how other people find time to write. NAK...nursing at keyboard...
Kiersten

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Mine is 9. It's just now getting to the point where I can DO something without being interrupted 90-11 times.

Didn't nurse but when he was a teeny (like 3 mo.) I wish I made better use of the time. (I did, but not by writing)

There's a lot to be said for a playpen. Once he got out - all bets were off.
Enjoy what you have while you have it.

Housework will always be there - always. Good ideas won't. Use it. Chase dustbunnies later. Please just trust me on this.

I'm okay now that the kids are all at school, but I used to write at night or whenever they went to nursery, it's difficult - I used to feel so selfish, ought to be doing stuff with the kids, or the ironing/washing instead of being so self-indulgent...still do, there's always things to do, and if like me, you are unpublished it is hard to for anyone (me included) to take writing seriously, the little hobby!!
The kids won't be kids forever. I'd say enjoy your wee baby, you'll get a routine in time, no point getting in a tangle about it - they come first, second and third...sleep is fourth...as I'm sure you have discovered already.

One thing I used to do, was write longhand, say jot down character backstory or the elements I wanted to include in a scene while they were eating lunch or in the bath, things I could do quickly that didn't require a huge amount of concentration. I'd only go to computer to write when I had a good stretch of time to commit. Good luck.

I'm not a parent, but I have done LOADS of babysitting (as favors to friends and family, as well as professional childcare in the homes of some mighty wealthy people) and I have one bit of advice. It's NOT for infants and babies, but for toddlers and pre-schoolers up through Middle Grades:

Designate a time and a place for your writing, and firmly instruct your chidlren that you are NOT to be disturbed a) during THAT time and b) whenever you are in THAT place.

Little chidlren (up through age 5 or 6) have no sense of actual time, so the best you can do is say "it's lunch time now" or "it's wake-up time now" or "it's whisper time now" (I did whisper time when I put the kids to bed) or "it's quiet time now" (quiet time was when whispering was done and they then had to lie on their beds in total silence--no more talking or giggling, and no i-pod either). And the same goes for writing: "it's Mommy's writing time now." As long as you're firm about whisper time and firm about lunch time and firm about writing time, they'll "get it." And it helps them even more to wrap their brains around it if "Mommy's writing time" means it's the ONLY time she's ever sitting at that one particular desk, or the only time she's in that one particular room. And it can help YOU if they are not allowed access to that desk or that room--maybe they are alowed to come to the doorframe and poke their head in--but there's no way on God's green Earth they will EVER be allowed to actually set foot over the threshold. This will reinforce even further that there is a restriction in place. And they'll totally "get it." They will comply.

Okay--so I have ANOTHER bit of advice!


Demonstrate to your baby-- from a very early age (as in six months of age give or take a month or two)-- moments of actual silence! Even engineer a moment ahead of time with your husband where you (just Mommy) are interacting with the baby, and then he intentionally walks into the room and issues a very polite yet unmistakeable "Sssshhhhh!" to you and the baby. If baby sees you 1) turn your head to him and b) fall into complete (but not scared) silence, the baby will immediately understand what "Sssshhhh!" is all about. And if you and your husband maintain the silence for at least five whole seonds, and only break it via whispers, the baby will again understand. Keep reinforcing this rehearsed exercise (as long as its never startling or mean or scarey but loving and polite) and you've laid some excellent groundwork in training your child on an important social skill prior to the age of 1.

I am a Work At Home Mum (WAHM) with 2 children. I also home educate them! I run a business from here and I write. Most of my work (business and writing) gets done after they're in bed. I can concentrate better then.

My kids are 7 and 4 and bedtime is around 8-8.30 at the latest for them. Then I make sure certain housework jobs get done. Then it's my working time. Sometimes (like during Nano) I try to write during the day and the kids are generally very good - we try to all do "work" at the same time.

I baby sit grandkids while I write - they do their thing, I do mine, we have a mutual agreement - they don't kill each other and I won't tie them to a tree in the swamp (snakes and gators). Works fairly well, I put on my special headset so I can't hear them argue or the television.

I'm a stay at home dad. When my son was younger I'd write when he was napping or sleeping. When he got older (school age) I wrote when he was at school. Now that he's a teen I can write pretty much whenever I want. Usually he's surfing the web or doing his own writing while I'm writing away.

I wrote my very first novel while he was still in a baby bouncy seat right next to my computer. I would split my time with writing a couple of lines then making sure he was entertained. It's still my biggest selling book to date.... Not sure what to make of that.

My kids are 10, 5, 3, and 2.

I write while they destroy the house.

I'm a SAHD with a 3 1/2 yr old and a 7 month old. I write during naps or when everyone else is sleeping (or when my wife is home and insists I write). I have a swing next to the computer for my littlest one and a bunch of cars and trains for my older one so occasionally they'll allow me to write while they're awake. It took some time to adapt to that kind of writing--spur of the moment writing that may only last for a few minutes--but I take what I can get and try to make the most of it.

Take care all (and good luck with your own writing).

I'm a stay-at-home mom with a 18-yr. old and 14-yr. old. I can write virtually whenever I want to at this stage of the game. (I've only been writing for publication for about 3 years.) This is just to let you know, your time will come...so 'enjoy' those interruptions if possible, because it really does go fast.

You're not alone. I also nurse at the keyboard. My sprogs are 4 yo and 3 months, and I work in snatches.

I set myself a goal of 750 words a day, and mostly reach it, and go over. Being a stay-home parent is hard, because people think you have nothing to do but write all day.

Wer all know that as a stay-home parent you actually spend your days lazing about, eating bon-bons while tanned and toned wo/men fan you with palm fronds, and the servants see to the house...

Oh wait.

Dammit.