Getting past frustration

I haven't written enough yet to tell if I'll feel this way, but in your situation, I would recommend going back and reading some of your earliest stuff, and then some of the more recent stuff. There might be a noticeable improvement; there might not be, and if you do like your earlier stuff better, you can always keep an eye out for things you were doing differently then.

I also highly recommend not deleting everything you've written in the past five minths - even if you don't end up using it, keep it and think of it as a resource.

And, of course, keep writing - because it's almost definitely not as bad as you think it is.

lfraser said:

I've done a fair bit of writing over the past two years. I enjoy it, but lately I've been feeling more frustration than satisfaction, because I'm unable to tell if I'm improving -- in fact, lately I'm convinced that the more I write the less articulate I become.

Tonight I had an almost irresistible urge to delete everything I've written in the past five months. I'd regret it; I know that. But I don't feel as though I'm getting anywhere. I don't like what I've written. It isn't good enough. I'm not expecting to wirite anything of publishable quality right off the bat, but I can't even imagine asking for critiques on this WIP. I'd be too humilated.

I've always liked writing, and I've been told many times that I write very well. That's why I decided to try my hand at fiction. And I expected to have to work hard at it. I've never had any illusions that it would be easy. But I keep hearing that if I keep at it, I'll improve, yet I don't feel that I have.

Has anyone else felt that they're getting worse as they go on? Is this a common feeling for beginners?

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I think this is a common feeling for a lot of writers. I know in my own case I have this overwhelming desire to toss everything I've written in the previous couple weeks because I'm afraid it's bad.

What I've learned is, I cannot make such a huge decision when I'm depressed about my writing. I suffer from a form of Depression on a regular basis, so I have to remind myself, sometimes verbally, that I am depressed and that I ought not to make this decision right now. It's a tough thing to do, because my emotions are quite powerful. But if I don't keep myself from making that decision while depressed, I always end up being sorry I did it later on.

So whatever you're going through, know it's quite common and that you're not alone in this. And try not to make the decision to chuck your writing until you can think about it objectively. If you have a feeling, it's probably just that: a feeling, not a real thought.

I hope this helps, and I wish you the very best.

lfraser said:

Has anyone else felt that they're getting worse as they go on? Is this a common feeling for beginners?

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Hmmm, I do remember a while back a stage where everything was becoming crap and I knew it. God some of it was rubbish, and what I think was going on is...

When I first started any kind of writing people (I mean people I did trust, whose opinion I valued) really liked it, I got comments like "Jeeez, you seriously need to start getting into this", and to be honest I really liked what I was doing too. Then as I started to try to learn the technical aspects of the craft, trying to go beyond those first drafts, it was as though I was killing the very thing I'd first liked, which was the natural voice I was writing in. Does that make sense?

BTW, one thing I specifically identified was that I was trying to edit too soon, before I had stepped away to look objectively. I was screwing aound so much with everything that it was becoming a scramble of words in my head.

But I now also wonder whether it goes like this... to become interested to start with, we do have some "raw" ability. But perhaps the actual craft of writing, taking it say to a publishable stage, is a vastly more difficult proposition. And for a while we go a bit adrift. We're actually going through really big learning curves, and unavoidable ones. Because the other day I re-read a particular little story that I'd recently written just for my own enjoyment and as a little diversion from WIP, and I was surprised. I liked the voice I was writing in again, but also I could see far more skill than say two years ago. As though maybe some of the more technical stuff has actually rubbed off and is now becoming ingrained in my writing, rather than a conscious struggle. I can't quite see it in my WIP yet because it's at the very early stage and I haven't had the chance to stand back objectively yet. But here's hoping!

I'm not sure if you'll follow what I'm saying or if it is relevant. Just my own trip of where I'm at right now. But my own opinion on what you are asking... I think these phases are part of learning.

We all write crap to start with.

Some people look on it as writing the crap out of the pen (figuratively) before you hit the good stuff.

I prefer to think of it as loam. You go out to an overgrown, weed-ridden yard and start work. But even all the weeds you pull up can become compost that will enrich the soil and make what comes next grow stronger.

And I think, if you're objective, you can look back at the stuff you first wrote and see the improvement. I was horrified when I looked back at my first piece. I had showed people THAT! But once past the initial shock, I realized that seeing how bad it was proved how much better I was now. And, without it, I wouldn't have gotten to the better stuff.

lfraser said:

Tonight I had an almost irresistible urge to delete everything I've written in the past five months. I'd regret it; I know that. But I don't feel as though I'm getting anywhere.

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Back it all up to disk, and then have a ceremonial file-deleting from your hard drive. It's cathartic, but you won't really lose anything.

Go back to those disks in a week, once you've had time to clear your head.

Keep writing. I stopped for several years and literally lost my ability to use language as well as I had before. When I returned to writing, the thesaurus became my best friend, and that aggravated me to no end because the words were still in my brain, just held back by a chain link fence.

Whether you are, in fact, writing crap or not, you're using language and you're creating. If what you're creating isn't working for you, then try doing some writing exercises, read some books about writing, try to learn more about the craft and apply it to your own writing, whether as an exercise or as something serious, do research on ideas. Don't be afraid also to just step back and take a break for a few days or even a few weeks, but do come back to it and try again.

I know this sounds weird, but sometimes your writing does get worse before it gets better. You start trying new things, exploring new techniques/voices/etc., and at first it doesn't work, and you feel like a fool. But that's a natural part of the process. Eventually the new things you're trying will begin to work for you -- or you'll figure out that they aren't your style and let them go. Just keep writing and give yourself permission to explore your style wherever it leads, good or bad, for a good long while.

It's best to simply enjoy your writing and not to worry about if anyone else will like it.
Critiques can be very helpful, but you have to remember that any criticism is one person's opinion. Another person might have an opposite opinion. For example, I promoted the deification of Jimmy Page, whilst a dear friend of mine promoted the deification of Pete Townsend. We never saw eye to eye on the issue, and it was an ongoing debate.
If you enjoy writing, then keep writing.

I've definitely been there. What's truly horrifying is when you look at earlier works and feel like they're better than what you're doing now. I felt like banging my head against the keyboard and howling "I'll never get it! Never!" like Don Music on Sesame Street. (instead I ate half a pint of Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide, which is a much more constructive response, IMHO. )

I'm climbing out of an everything-I-write-is-crap phase now, actually. I took a break for a few weeks, which helped a little attitude-wise but still left me uninspired. Now I'm reading a great book on editing your own work, which someone here very helpfuly recommended, and it's really helping me find the objectivity about my writing I've been missing since - oh, birth.

Don't delete! Put them in an archive folder if it helps keep them mentally separate from new attempts, or do the back-up to disk and ceremonially delete thing (that sounds kind of fun). In time you'll be able to look at them again and see that they're worth having.

In addition to all the good observations already made, consider that the ability to recognize deficiency is itself measure of progress. It may only seem like you're getting worse, because you mentally compare your self-satisfaction with your current work to that which you felt before you began to hone your art. The pride we feel in our early works is artificially bloated by our lack of knowledge. Ignorance is bliss.

Your standards may simply be higher now. So that plays out in less-frequent bouts of heady delight in what you've done. I suppose there was a time when Tiger Woods noticed the rush had gone from merely connecting with ball off the tee, too. But I suspect his higher standards at each step of the way has brought ample perspective.

wordmonkey said:

We all write crap to start with.

Some people look on it as writing the crap out of the pen (figuratively) before you hit the good stuff.

I prefer to think of it as loam. You go out to an overgrown, weed-ridden yard and start work. But even all the weeds you pull up can become compost that will enrich the soil and make what comes next grow stronger.

And I think, if you're objective, you can look back at the stuff you first wrote and see the improvement. I was horrified when I looked back at my first piece. I had showed people THAT! But once past the initial shock, I realized that seeing how bad it was proved how much better I was now. And, without it, I wouldn't have gotten to the better stuff.

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... I want to be loam....

Couldn't you post on here, where we are full of mad word love, and we could certainly compare or something for you. MMMMM Mad Word Love, it's like a Depeche Mode song or something.....

Sometimes I think its the really good writers who hate their work the most. The bad ones don't know enough to realize just how bad they really are.

I'm currently working on a sequel. One thing I'm sure of--it's either really good or it's not.

lfraser said:

Would that it were so. If it were, I'd be on the bestseller lists next year.

I know that part of it is that I'm writing fantasy right now. I reckon I's too dumb te write that sciffy stuff, and I ain't well enough eddycated te write that lit'rary stuff, so I'm going for something that was supposed to be fun, except that everything I write ends up being on the horror end of things, so it's ending up as horror fantasy.

The horror part I can handle no problem, it's the fantasy language I'm struggling with. When I read what I've written I either collapse in fits of the giggles or tear my hair out. I might try to de-formalise the language and see if things start to roll again.

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Someone once suggested to me, oh, about a year-and-a-half ago, that I stop trying to write so darned well and start writing with the same voice I write my posts with. I found it difficult to do, but when I finally got to the point that I did so, my writing improved tremendously, even insofar as my internal editor was concerned.

If I can improve that much with my own writing, anyone can.

I don't know. I wonder the same thing myself. The more I hear that you shouldn't do this or that in writing, the more confused I become. Welcome to the club.

lfraser said:

I've done a fair bit of writing over the past two years. I enjoy it, but lately I've been feeling more frustration than satisfaction, because I'm unable to tell if I'm improving -- in fact, lately I'm convinced that the more I write the less articulate I become.

Tonight I had an almost irresistible urge to delete everything I've written in the past five months. I'd regret it; I know that. But I don't feel as though I'm getting anywhere. I don't like what I've written. It isn't good enough. I'm not expecting to wirite anything of publishable quality right off the bat, but I can't even imagine asking for critiques on this WIP. I'd be too humilated.

I've always liked writing, and I've been told many times that I write very well. That's why I decided to try my hand at fiction. And I expected to have to work hard at it. I've never had any illusions that it would be easy. But I keep hearing that if I keep at it, I'll improve, yet I don't feel that I have.

Has anyone else felt that they're getting worse as they go on? Is this a common feeling for beginners?

Click to expand...

lfraser said:

But what I also find interesting in all of this is that at work I can barely write a coherent letter now. Mind you, the kind of letters I write at work are snoozeworthy. Just once, I'd love to write a letter like this:

"Dear Sir,

I write in receipt of your letter dated May 23, 2007. You, sir, are a snivelling, whining wretch. What makes you think I have the slightest interest in your problems?

Rest assured that any further correspondence from you will be disposed of forthwith, without being opened.

Should it occur to you to attempt further action, be reminded that I know where you live.

Yrs.

etc.

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Hmmm,

Maybe you could get a job working for PublishAmerica? I hear they get to write letters like that all the time.

Oh, that's right: they're all form. Never mind.

The fact that you think you've gotten worse is a sign of growth. It's unlikely that you've been practicing and practicing and actually gotten worse instead of better. More likely, you've increased your knowledge and experience to the point where you are now able to recognize flaws that you were previously unaware of. Being aware of those flaws is how you will be able to overcome them.

The major growth spurt comes next.

Birol said:

The major growth spurt comes next.

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Ah, this gives me hope...

Birol said:

The fact that you think you've gotten worse is a sign of growth. It's unlikely that you've been practicing and practicing and actually gotten worse instead of better. More likely, you've increased your knowledge and experience to the point where you are now able to recognize flaws that you were previously unaware of. Being aware of those flaws is how you will be able to overcome them.

The major growth spurt comes next.

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Birol, did you make that up? j/k!

I don't like "rules". The thing is, if you are really good at writing a certain way, you can blow the rules away.

The main rule I try to follow is: vary the sentence length, keep the big words to a minimum, and support anything that requires suspended disbelief.

If you want fantasy, try hanging out with really little kids. They just tell you the rules of the game. No 'sense' required.

*scans back up*

Who said anything about rules? We were talking about craft and honing ability and the frustration related to such things, weren't we?