View Full Version : Show Don't Tell Prompt

Lori Basiewicz
08-09-2004, 10:21 PM
Without telling the reader and without using dialogue, write a paragraph or two describing the way your character(s) are feeling.

08-09-2004, 11:16 PM
This is from my WIP:

Ghoulish shadows flitted about him, and Kai felt the gravity of an immense, invisible pit pulling him in. He gasped for air, yet found himself sinking deeper into the hollow. Everything around him started to twirl. He clenched both his fists and sank them into the animalís underbody. He felt a crunch.

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. The dark pit finally swallowed him. He slowly unclenched his fists and let go of the animal.

He let out a wail.

MacAl Stone
08-16-2004, 12:34 PM
Had anyone been nearby, they would have seen the tremor pass through his body just before he dropped his head. He closed his eyes and raised his hands to cover his face. Curled into himself, doubled-over in the chair, he rocked forward and back. His shoulders began to shake but he made no sound. And, of course, no one saw. Mason was alone.

(And where's YOURS, by the way, Lori?) :p

08-17-2004, 01:12 AM
i don't write fiction any more... this is from one of the only two non-non-fiction pieces in my entire 'maia' repertoire, 'Top Dogs and Bottom Feeders':

The swimming pools were easy to find. There was one on just about every piece of property within range of my high-powered glasses. Due to the height of my viewpoint, that looked down on the serene little big-sized village immediately below me, I could also... god help me!... look into them. Had I the strength to leave my spy post, Iím not sure to this day, that I would have, much as I screamed inside to be somewhere, anywhere else. As it was, my legs turned to rubber and my innards to jelly, leaving me incapable of either leaving on foot or remounting the horse. For hour upon hour, I simply sat where Iíd fallen, when my legs wouldnít hold me up from the shock of what I saw, and watched, and watched, and watched.

and, from my 'old life' writings, an excerpt from the triple x-rated 'It's Greek to Me':

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp It was not a hand shake. Her hand was taken and the rest of her followed the instant she looked up and saw the man to whom it was attached. A perfectly pressed black uniform, its jacket sleeves heavily striped in gold braid, with brass buttons competing for attention, and a cap also richly trimmed, simply served as the backdrop for a smile that melted her knees and sea-deep blue eyes that saw into the heart and soul his hand held in a firm grip. That forty-three year old, nice enough looking, but hopelessly virginal spinster gave up the ghost and a beautiful, sensual woman took her place in the space of one "Kali spera, Miss Stanhope! Welcome aboard." &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp

i'm not really sure if this is what you meant... are either of these even close?... if not, maybe you could explain what you're after in a way this elderly broad can 'get'...

hugs, maia

Brother Kevin
08-18-2004, 04:23 AM
There was a roaring in her ears and, for the first time in her life, she experienced tunnel vision. Someone was speaking to her but the words were incomprehensible. Her face was hot! She was staring at the corner of the calculator on desk, her mind a complete blank. Her heart pounded so hard she could hear it in her throat. Removing the ring from her finger she looked up at him, wordlessly commanding his silence.
Seizing his arm, she slammed the ring into his hand.

10-21-2004, 09:14 PM
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN">

<td valign="middle" align="center"><big><big><font
face="Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif"><img
src="http://www.marinosward.com/images/Jackiecar.jpeg" alt=""
width="300" height="300" hspace="20">


10-21-2004, 09:18 PM
What the )(&*() did i just do?

10-21-2004, 09:36 PM
You posted a image link in HTML which apperently didn't work.

10-21-2004, 10:06 PM
I'm aware of what I tried to do; I'm not aware of what I've done. Are you getting a long black space covering all the posts about 5 inches wide with everybody's text pushed to the left of it?

aka eraser
10-21-2004, 11:32 PM
Yep Rich. That's exactly what I'm getting. Never seen the like before.

Way to go. I think you just applied some theory of techno-nanophysics that was probably best left to fester in some crazed, byte-eating, adolescent dweeb's imagination.

I'm scared.

10-21-2004, 11:52 PM
Imagine me getting my hands on some discarded nuclear waste? We'd all be in deep poop.

10-22-2004, 03:38 AM

10-22-2004, 04:17 AM
Other than the dismay of the webmaster, it does have a wierdly pleasing ambiance, No?

10-23-2004, 08:41 AM
Should I edit this, or leave it as an example (of what not to do) for all who follow after? :b

10-23-2004, 08:46 AM
The black is astoundingly gorgeous. I say leave it.

10-23-2004, 10:03 PM
<img border=0 src="http://www.marinosward.com/images/underewood-5.gif" />

aka eraser
10-23-2004, 10:05 PM
Yeah, it's growing on me...OMG!...<rubs eyes>...IS it bigger than it was yesterday?

Might it possibly end up devouring everything to the left of its current position?

Now I'm really scared.

Any women wanting to hold me please form a line to the left. Way to the left.

Guys, a pat on the back will do.

10-23-2004, 11:52 PM
fishing on a moonless night, and you're concerned about why the sky refuses to show the shimmering stars, and yet your hearing is much more acute as you listen for the familiar sound of a bass breaking water to engulf your lure--a Zara Spook, which you've artfully dog-walked where it performed so much like a baitfish that, in comparison, an energetic shad would've looked like a lead sinker.

(sorry folks, I had to get a bit anglerish. I'm too much of a distance from Eraser's place where, had I been able to reach out and touch, the remedy would've been to just give him a few slaps to calm him down.)

aka eraser
10-24-2004, 05:12 AM

Nicely done Rich.

I'm fine now.

There weren't any women lining up anyway....

10-24-2004, 06:36 AM
Considering the words out that Mrs. Eraser is mighty handy with a fillet knife.

10-24-2004, 10:44 AM
to world domination!

10-24-2004, 07:22 PM
<img src="http://www.marinosward.com/images/Jackiecar.jpeg"

"Home, Jeeves."

10-24-2004, 07:39 PM

10-24-2004, 07:40 PM
Maybe I should quit while I'm ahead.

11-06-2004, 11:53 AM
Exhaustion crept over me like fog. It started in the lower back, a twinge. It then snaked up across my shoulders constricting my movements. I ran my hand through my hair, and with a quick twist, cracked my neck. It did not help the pain behind my eyes beat like a tribal drum still. I blinked my eyes and raised my hands to my face. As i smacked my cheeks softly, in a vain attempt to focus, I looked at my computer screen. Alas what the hell did i write? With a snort of disgust i punch the delete key. My eyes are heavy as i shut down , my steps weary as i head to my bed. Slowly i slip under the covers freezing at the soft creak of the bed. Ahh.. hubby snores on, all is good, sleep...sleep...sleep. I snuggle down into the covers ... squish up my pillow... sandman here i come...Aaawww! Hell the scene i was struggling with just popped into my head. With a groan half despair and have tired elation, i raise again to the tune of the taskmaster.


always working on it


03-30-2018, 05:17 PM
Is this what you are looking for? It is in a horse's point of view. I was trying to get to know one of my characters. It's called "The Storm: The Struggle of The stallion".

Thunder rolled and lighting struck. A storm was brewing. A big one. It was headed their way. The stallion pawed and shook his mane. Raised himself on his hind legs and pawed the air.
The boy at his feet lay still. He hadnít moved from the spot.
The stallion landed heavily on the ground. He stomped the ground and hoped to get the boyís attention, but there was no movement from him at all.
His shook his mane again and turned to look at the storm. His eyes scanned the trees. Back and forth he went.
There. He found it. An opening. Though it was surrounded by large trees. His head dropped and he looked at the boy again.
He refused to leave the boy. His boy. It was his job to protect him as the boy had done for him. He walked over and gave the boy a nudge to the back. At first, it wasnít so hard, but the nudges increased in strength and how far they were apart.
He had to get the boy awake.
He had felt something. He looked at his front left hoof and whinnied. The boy had touched his leg. He was awake.
He kneeled by him and waited. Hoping the boy would get his message. He did. He felt as the boy climbed on his back. The pressure as he placed a little too much weight on his sensitive shoulder, but the stallion shook it off. They had to get moving now.
Once the boy was on, the stallion moved as fast as he could without taking a risk that could make the boy fall off. That was something he just couldnít do.
The process was slow. Much too slow, but thatís how it had to be. He had to do whatever it took to get them there. Together and safe.