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ElonnaT
07-28-2004, 05:41 AM
You've received a rejection letter on your latest manuscript submission. Write a letter to the editor rejecting their rejection.

MacAl Stone
07-28-2004, 01:14 PM
Dear Sir or Madam,

Thank you for sending your recent very professional and well-written rejection-slip. I'm afraid, however, it doesn't meet my current needs to sell this story. I am sending it back to you, in spite of your oversight in not providing the pro forma SASE.

I appreciate your taking the time to let me view your piece. It was a good read. I am confident you will soon find an author who will save and treasure it forever.

I look forward to seeing your future rejections, as well--so don't feel discouraged!

Good luck,

Mac

LiamJackson
07-28-2004, 03:37 PM
Dear Sir, Mrs., Ms., small furry mammal;

Had you conducted proper research, you would know I am a VRR (Vanity Rejection Recepient). You must first remit payment in the amount of 100.00 US, before I consider your rejection.

Thank you.

ME

IMAGEBBER
07-28-2004, 04:22 PM
I have completed my review of your email rejection. Unfortunately the content of your email is not compatible with my current state of mind and my current needs - emotional and physical (such as food and shelter.) I regret that I will not be able to accept the rejection at this time. Please send your rejection again and endeavor to add a positive slant and at least a slight bit of creativity.

Yeshanu
07-28-2004, 08:29 PM
Dear Editor (if I may really call you that!),

I am sorry to say that your rejection letter was not up to acceptable standards. Your grasp of grammar is weak. For example, the phrase, "does not meet our needs at this time," should be rewritten to say, "is exactly what our publication needs to sell a million copies."

I am returning your rejection slip, along with the manuscript of my piece that obviously was mistakenly included. Please rewrite your letter to acceptable specifications and return it within one week, along with a cheque made payable to "Ruth Cooke."

Thank you for your time. I am awaiting your prompt reply.

Betty W01
07-29-2004, 02:33 AM
Dear Ms. Editor:

I am sorry to say that your rejection of my recent submission does not meet my current needs for money and fame. I have already received this month's quota of rejections, and cannot possibly accept yours at this time.

Please resubmit the enclosed rejection slip couched as an acceptance, with a check written out to me and paper-clipped to it. Please do not use staples or place your submission to me in a binder.

Thank you and feel free to try again in the future. My needs do change from time to time, and I may be willing to accept your rejection at a later date, although it seems unlikely.

Sincerely,

Empress

maestrowork
07-29-2004, 07:00 AM
Dear Agent,

I receive many rejection slips every day. It is impossible for me to send individual responses.

Wishing you success in your agenting career.

Sincerely,
I, Author

Yeshanu
07-29-2004, 08:23 AM
Ray,

:rofl

MrAngelwithnowings
08-05-2004, 07:33 PM

Cate
08-16-2004, 10:49 AM
Setting: a photocopied piece of paper with . . .


Dear Editor,

Thank you for your recent rejection. Unfortunately we are unable to use it at this time as we have something similar in development.

We wish you good luck in placing your rejection elsewhere.

Best Regards,
The Writer

Cate:grin

Brother Kevin
08-18-2004, 04:27 AM
Dear Sir or Madam,
I appreciate your taking the time to return my manuscript with so many suggested improvements.
I have sincerely tried to view things from your perspective, but I am physically unable to insert my head that far up my......
Keep those cards and letters coming!
Sincerely,
bk

souljoy75
08-18-2004, 06:06 AM
Dear Sir or Ma'am:

Your letter of rejection arrived today. Unfortunately, I must return it to you due to insufficient evidence cited in the letter. If you would like to resubmit it please feel free to modify it and send at a later date. Of course, by that time, I am sure you will have reconsidered and accept my manuscript.

Mary

Kida Adelyn
08-22-2004, 12:52 AM
Kevin :ha that was great!:rofl

triceretops
11-26-2004, 08:03 AM
Dear Editor,

I'm sorry it took 19 months to find your rejection slip. And
oh...another 14 months to read it. I misplaced it last week and just found it yesterday. I did read it today, uh, earlier, and now it's afternoon. Whew, these hangovers...
Now what was your question? Or was it an answer?
Damn my bloody eyes...
Well, I guess you better send it again through the standard channels. My rejection staff has just been changed so you'd better send it to our new department (under construction) and address it to our new sub-staffer who's name is....now what a minute. What was there name? Ok,
I got it, you'll have to send to our V.P. of External Affairs, who'll have to....
Say, can I get back with you on this?

Triceratops.

rhymegirl
11-28-2004, 04:19 AM
Dear Editor,

Thank you for sending me your recent rejection letter. (NOT!) After reading it and re-reading it many times, I have decided to reject it. Please understand I receive many letters such as yours and can't possibly fit them all in my file cabinet.

Please do not let this rejection stop you from submitting similar letters elsewhere. (Although be prepared to get rejected by them, too!) This is strictly business; it is nothing personal. (The hell it isn't!)

I would like to wish you good luck in placing your rejection letter somewhere else. (I won't tell you where!)

Sincerely,

Ima TooGood Toreject

maestrowork
11-29-2004, 04:12 AM
This is the one everyone would want to write:


Dear [Agent's Name]:

Thank for your response with regard to my manuscript entitled The Da Vinci Code. I am sorry that you did not find the story engaging just by looking at the synopsis and first three chapters. I understand that you need to be enthusiastic about a project to effectively represent it.

I am, however, glad to inform you that since I sent you the intial query six months and twenty-three days ago, my manuscript has been picked up by a major publisher, with a huge advance.

Guess I just saved myself 15%.

Good luck in your agenting career.

Sincerely,
I, the Author

Yeshanu
11-30-2004, 12:45 AM
:rollin

Yep, that's the one I'd like to write...

triceretops
12-05-2004, 10:34 AM
Dear first reader in the slush pile,

I'm sorry you found my manuscript unacceptable. It's true that it only took me four months to write. That's because a lot of people tell me that I'm very prolific. Sorry I used a pseudonym, but I just wanted to try my luck outside my regular publishing house. I should have known better.

Sincerely,

Stephen King

Vipersniper
03-14-2005, 11:23 PM
:hat: Dear Madame of Speculative Fiction.

I am in receipt of your rejection to your vegetable named book publisher. Am I to understand you, that unless I write an erotic book with a gay vampire theme nothing of noteworthy intelligence will be accepted by your PVS company. Geez and I thought that being a serial killer of critics was a great idea.

Signed,

One of the many fruits in the fruitcake of morally deranged and sexually under gratified bananas.

Richard
03-14-2005, 11:34 PM
Dear Sir/Madame,

Your rejection wounded me to the core. You can forget about that antidote I promised you.

Yours in spontaneous bowel failure,

The Undersigned

Vipersniper
03-18-2005, 03:18 AM
:box: Dear Madame/Men who chase Madames

Am I to understand that my manuscript does not fit your formula. Since you gave no clue as to what type of novels you were looking for and you cannot pull up the Word Document from WordPerfect is anything other than the genre of a child's mind what you are after.

See Judy write, see publisher say no, Now which way I go?

Perhaps you should throw away the money spent on advertising we pay you and find a computor that will convert the floppy.

However I am happy as bird poop that you allowed my manuscript to fly on over to my next choice on the list.

Tiaga
03-18-2005, 08:45 AM
Dear Agent
Thank you for taking the time to issue your draft response to my query letter.
I'm sorry that you find this genre hard to market at present and that you don't feel significantly enthusiastic to represent my work.
But your in luck. My good friend John Gotti just showed me pictures of your wife shopping and your kids at school and he said that if I forwarded them to you, you may get some of your old enthusiasm back.

Sincerely Sammy the Bull

ps pictures enclosed.

sgtsdaughter
03-18-2005, 09:08 AM
Dear Sir or Madame,

I do not thank you for your kind, well-thought, and generous "pass" on my magnificent manuscript. Due to increased postal guidelines concerning the number of rejections letters that I receive, I do not accept form letters or postcards. All letters must be personally addressed to me, and must not contain any negative statements or phrases saying that I will not be receiving a contract. Please resubmit your letter according to these guidelines.



Sincerely,

The Unrejected Author

writeguy4u
06-23-2005, 01:33 AM
Dear Sir or Madame,

I'm sorry, but we are unable to accept unsolicited rejection letters at this time. Only rejection letters sent through recognized agents can be read.

Thank you,

Author

maddythemad
09-15-2006, 07:47 AM
Dear agent,

Thank you for submitting your rejection to me at this time. However, I am afraid it does not fit with my current ego. Remember that author's egos very considerably, and I am sure you will find one who is willing to accept your rejection.

All the best,
Author

DamaNegra
09-22-2006, 02:00 AM
Dear Agent:

I am pleased to hear back from you so soon, but unfortunately your rejection doesn't meet the formatting standards clearly marked on my web site. Note that I will only take acceptances, so consider resubmitting at a later time with a suitable response.

JoeEkaitis
09-22-2006, 11:41 PM
Joe Ekaitis
555 Elm Street
Yourhometown, CA 99999
909 555 5555
JoeEkaitis @ blahblahblah.com


Ms. Constance Wright
CollarHarpins Children's Books
666 Sellyoursoul Lane
Pit o' Hell, NY 11111

Dear Ms. Wright:

Thank you for your recent rejection of my manuscript Ollie Louya, The Owl Who Joined the Choir.

I am returning the manuscript, as you solicited the complete work in response to my query that specified the 2,700-word length and my request that you consider this for publication as an illustrated storybook and not a traditional picture book. Your handwritten notation on my query states "This sounds like a lot of fun! Please send it!"

I'm certain it was an oversight, but you sent a rejection for a picture book instead of the contract! As a professional courtesy, I'm sending back your rejection so you can use it when you really need it.

Looking forward to signing the contract.

Sincerely,


Joe Ekaitis

persiphone_hellecat
09-23-2006, 03:03 AM
Dear Mr. So Called Editor and Publisher,

In response to your rejection of my book "Hamlet - the Sequel" - so what if everyone is dead at the end of the first one? Havent you ever seen soap operas when people come back to life with amnesia and stuff? Hey, it could happen.

As for your talents as a publisher and editor, quite honestly, I doubt if you would know a good book from a bad one OR a hawk from a handsaw - even if the wind was southerly.

And speaking of wind... blow it out your shorts.

Screw you,

Ann Rice (The one with no E)