triceretops
"I contained the irrevocable, yet persistent dire feeling that my eyes had, without provocation, perused a most contemptuous act of horrific slaughter, being that it wasn't beyond my estimation to admit that the unmovable form lying in the proximity of the guttural grate was terminally deceased, judging by the numerous cylindrical puncture holes infiltrating the corpse."
There are many things wrong with this sentence. Rewrite this sentence using your own style and color. What would an editor like to see here? I know that I see this type of writing more than I'd like to think, almost everywhere, even is some published books. More than grammar or syntax, try for clarity.
Here would be an editor's version of that sentence:
"I could plainly see that it was a corpse, apparently a gun shot victim."
Here's my version with a touch of style.
"I couldn't believe it; it was corpse, a lonely tattered heap shot full of holes."
Just one aspect I didn't like about it: Eyes don't have provocation. People do. What else do you see besides syntax and grammar?
Triceratops
There are many things wrong with this sentence. Rewrite this sentence using your own style and color. What would an editor like to see here? I know that I see this type of writing more than I'd like to think, almost everywhere, even is some published books. More than grammar or syntax, try for clarity.
Here would be an editor's version of that sentence:
"I could plainly see that it was a corpse, apparently a gun shot victim."
Here's my version with a touch of style.
"I couldn't believe it; it was corpse, a lonely tattered heap shot full of holes."
Just one aspect I didn't like about it: Eyes don't have provocation. People do. What else do you see besides syntax and grammar?
Triceratops