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Inky
05-08-2007, 08:02 AM
Hi all,
I write epic fantasy romance. Soulmates. True love.
I'm deeply interested in experiences of 'love at first sight'. Here's mine, so you can get a gist of what I mean:

A mutual friend between my husband and I spent 8 weeks convincing both of us we needed to meet. We finally agreed, simply to make this wretched person leave us alone.
We were married 3 months later. December will be 19 years.

Anyone else out there??? Thanks for your help in this.

Calla Lily
05-08-2007, 03:32 PM
One summer I was in a rep company (same group of actors doing a series of plays). This guy came up after a show to copliment me. I blew him off, because I was talking to someone else (arrogant 25-yr-old-snot that I was). I saw him in the next show, and coplimented him by way of apology. He (much nicer) blew me off. We were in the next show together.

Had one date.

Had another date. He proposed. It felt absolutely right together--like 2 puzzle pieces interlocking.

We'll be married 20 years in Sept.

Sassee
05-08-2007, 06:28 PM
I've experienced lust at first sight, does that count? ;)

But then, I'm more of the cautious type, so I tend to build friendships/relationships slower than other people.

Writer2011
05-08-2007, 06:31 PM
When I met my second wife (of course we weren't married then) I knew right away she was the one-- It was, well love at first sight... I never thought it could happen to me, but it did.

tjwriter
05-08-2007, 06:48 PM
I met my husband when he arrived to pick me and a friend for a party. The minute our eyes met, I knew he would change my life forever. Six years later we married (I had to do things like turn 18 and get into college and stuff), and we have one of the best relationships I know of.

It was odd to know right away, but I did, and we never looked back.

scarletpeaches
05-08-2007, 06:51 PM
I've experienced lust at first sight, does that count? ;)

But then, I'm more of the cautious type, so I tend to build friendships/relationships slower than other people.

Me too. I couldn't fall in love with someone I didn't know as love involves trust for me, and you can't trust someone if you don't know them through spending time with them.

I've 'clicked' with people straight away - mainly in friendships. I can also fancy people straight away, but instant love? Nope. Comes over time.

Love at first sight is usually lust or meeting someone you really, really get on with.

Although having said that, I've always said love is not a feeling, it's a verb - determining to do more for the other person than you do for yourself so if two people with a similar mindset meet and determine, or choose, to love each other, I guess it can happen. Lust gets in the way so often though.

L M Ashton
05-08-2007, 07:44 PM
Fahim and I didn't actually see each other in person until... Well, that's getting ahead.

We met online, were immediately smitten, and within four or five days, were completely head over heels in love. A few weeks later, I gave him pics of me (I was too chicken to do it any sooner). Finally we met in person, two months after meeting online and after him proposing to me a couple of hundred times, had our first kiss, and eight hours later we were married.

It'll be four years in August. We're still very happily married and wildly compatible. :)


The longer version (http://laurieandfahim.laurieashton.com).

Inky
05-08-2007, 11:08 PM
I think love at first sight works two ways: your first love, or the healing love after a disasterous relationship--which leads me to believe it was disasterous because you were with the wrong one. So, with this wordy diatribe I've just keyed, it leads me to my final question/statement: soulmates (I've looked to see if this is a compound word & have seen it both ways..since it has to do with souls bound forever, I like to keep the word as one--symbolic) I think, is a very tangible occurance; hence, love at first sight.

I thank you deeply for sharing something so personal, and mystical. As a romance writer, I've sat back and sighed while reading these, a stupid grin plastered to my face, nodding emphatically that true love is definitely very much out of our hands. When it's meant to be, it will happen; we will walk around the corner, and gasp--'It's you.'
Those two words are like a secret language between the two souls.

Again, ta,
karey

Elektra
05-09-2007, 04:32 AM
I've experienced--not love, I certainly wouldn't have married him; but the potential to love, I think, or that love would be a certainty were we to date--at first sight. There was a guy in one of my classes that just drew me to him. He wasn't particularly attractive, but for some reason I was certain that he was a wonderful person, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. He mesmerized me. We never dated, but after four years, we're still close friends. And I'm still sure that I would fall in love with him, given half the chance.

Monkey
05-09-2007, 06:42 AM
The first time I saw my husband, it was the middle of the night and the only light was a nearby campfire. I couldn't tell how old he was, and while he seemed attractive, I couldn't really see his face that well. He was very tall (6'8) and towered over my tiny (5'1) frame.

My ears rang, and my knees nearly buckled. I thought, "Oh, my god, who *is* this guy? Do I really want to know? 'Cause I think that if I get to know him, it's going to change my life..."

It was bizarre.

So bizarre, in fact, that I couldn't just walk away.

It's now a bit over nine years and three kids later.

So yeah, I believe in love at first sight.

:D

Inky
05-09-2007, 07:01 AM
I've experienced--not love, I certainly wouldn't have married him; but the potential to love, I think, or that love would be a certainty were we to date--at first sight. There was a guy in one of my classes that just drew me to him. He wasn't particularly attractive, but for some reason I was certain that he was a wonderful person, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. He mesmerized me. We never dated, but after four years, we're still close friends. And I'm still sure that I would fall in love with him, given half the chance.

Elektra, would you then perhaps believe that some of us have known one another before--the soul never forgetting; hence, the magnetic 'pull' towards another? I have to wonder if it's why, when we meet someone, in the flash of one second, before the person's had a chance to speak a peep, we are daunted by instant, intense hatred. No matter how wonderful the person may be. An enemy from another life? I think all these things are tangled up into one another.
Or love at first sight.
I saw my son's father when I was 16. I was on a parked bus, he down below my window in his car (he too 16). I knew him. But in my extremely sheltered life, knew he was not someone I had ever met. Yet, I could see myself having conversations with this person. It was peculiar, my head warbling, different scenes playing in my mind that could lead one to believe I'd known this person for a very, very long time. Impossible. We were from two different worlds.
Funny thing is, when we accidentally met later that summer, first thing he said was: I found you. Then he frowned, as if wondering where did that come from. We were so comfortable with one another, and 'old'. Too many details to list here, but those that have experienced this know what I speak of without boring details.
Cruelty of life, he's no longer in mine. Which brings me to the final observation: Do we have more than one soulmate? Have we in fact, lived before, therefore loved many times before, sometimes deeply enough that it spills over into the 'next' life?
Hmmmm. This thread could become intense.
kb

benbradley
05-09-2007, 07:10 AM
Maybe I'm slightly cynical, but I can read this title as "Love at First Spite."

And totally and completely unrelated to that thought, there must be some reason I'm not married...

Inky
05-09-2007, 07:16 AM
The first time I saw my husband, it was the middle of the night and the only light was a nearby campfire. I couldn't tell how old he was, and while he seemed attractive, I couldn't really see his face that well. He was very tall (6'8) and towered over my tiny (5'1) frame.

My ears rang, and my knees nearly buckled. I thought, "Oh, my god, who *is* this guy? Do I really want to know? 'Cause I think that if I get to know him, it's going to change my life..."

It was bizarre.

So bizarre, in fact, that I couldn't just walk away.

It's now a bit over nine years and three kids later.

So yeah, I believe in love at first sight.

:D

I know exactly that feeling of ears ringing, the head feeling warbly, vision a bit off kilter. And not necessarily needing a clear view. It's so hard to put into words, when we meet anyone and experience this weirdness that comes over us. I've finally stood back and had to acknowledge: perhaps there's something to this reincarnation. The soul never forgets.

Evaine
05-09-2007, 03:16 PM
I met my young man over a weekend at a Christmas banquet for our re-enactment group. He'd come up to see if he'd be interested in joining. It was a do-it-yourself banquet, so we found ourselves preparing sprouts together, and talking, and doing more sprouts, and talking....

The friends who hosted the Christmas banquet then invited us both over for New Year - and we ended up in bed together. I have never worked so fast in all my life, but something was telling me that I mustn't let this one get away!

Three years later, we're still blissfully happy.

Elektra
05-09-2007, 10:28 PM
Elektra, would you then perhaps believe that some of us have known one another before--the soul never forgetting; hence, the magnetic 'pull' towards another? I have to wonder if it's why, when we meet someone, in the flash of one second, before the person's had a chance to speak a peep, we are daunted by instant, intense hatred. No matter how wonderful the person may be. An enemy from another life? I think all these things are tangled up into one another.
Or love at first sight.
I saw my son's father when I was 16. I was on a parked bus, he down below my window in his car (he too 16). I knew him. But in my extremely sheltered life, knew he was not someone I had ever met. Yet, I could see myself having conversations with this person. It was peculiar, my head warbling, different scenes playing in my mind that could lead one to believe I'd known this person for a very, very long time. Impossible. We were from two different worlds.
Funny thing is, when we accidentally met later that summer, first thing he said was: I found you. Then he frowned, as if wondering where did that come from. We were so comfortable with one another, and 'old'. Too many details to list here, but those that have experienced this know what I speak of without boring details.
Cruelty of life, he's no longer in mine. Which brings me to the final observation: Do we have more than one soulmate? Have we in fact, lived before, therefore loved many times before, sometimes deeply enough that it spills over into the 'next' life?
Hmmmm. This thread could become intense.
kb

I've wondered about this (past lives) before, especially since I've learned Latin. This sounds crazy, but it feels more like I'm remembering a language I've already known than learning a new one. I felt like a duck who'd spent her whole life in the desert, and finally found a lake, if that makes any sense. It's a feeling I've never had with any of the other languages I've studied. Come to think of it, that rather accurately describes what I felt like meeting the aforementioned guy.

But then again, maybe the whole love-at-first-sight is just a predisposition. We think we're going to find the other person interesting, and so we do.

Inky
05-09-2007, 10:29 PM
Maybe I'm slightly cynical, but I can read this title as "Love at First Spite."

And totally and completely unrelated to that thought, there must be some reason I'm not married...

Okay..THAT got a laugh!

Inky
05-09-2007, 10:33 PM
I've wondered about this (past lives) before, especially since I've learned Latin. This sounds crazy, but it feels more like I'm remembering a language I've already known than learning a new one. I felt like a duck who'd spent her whole life in the desert, and finally found a lake, if that makes any sense. It's a feeling I've never had with any of the other languages I've studied. Come to think of it, that rather accurately describes what I felt like meeting the aforementioned guy.

But then again, maybe the whole love-at-first-sight is just a predisposition. We think we're going to find the other person interesting, and so we do.
No, I totally get what you're saying. There are places that I've just had to see, felt such a strong pull...and when at long last I arrived, I knew I was home. Soul home. Away for too long (centuries?) Some shrug, roll their eyes, but it's an internal experience that is profound. And everything, sights, sounds, scents, major deja vu'...enough to give one the eerie feeling their mind is bending.
I am grateful you shared this.

smallthunder
05-10-2007, 02:19 AM
First of all -- thankyouthankyouthankyou for this thread!

My husband and I have separated/heading for divorce, and although it is "amicable," I'm kicking myself & wondering how I could ever & will I ever again (etcetera etcetera).

So, hearing how people have "clicked" with others ... are still happily involved with their soulmates ... despite (or because of) that first weirdness/illogical attraction ... well, it give a gal hope, it does.

Plus, the comparison with learning certain languages and/or visiting certain foreign places that nonetheless felt like "home" -- that rings true with me, at least as far as Chinese/China is concerned. And the fact that my S2BX* husband, while of Chinese descent, grew from clueless about Chinese culture to vehemently anti-Chinese suggests that my One True Love <sound of swooning> is still out there ...

[*S2BX = soon-to-be-ex]

ideagirl
05-10-2007, 02:34 AM
Do we have more than one soulmate? Have we in fact, lived before, therefore loved many times before, sometimes deeply enough that it spills over into the 'next' life?

Yes, I definitely think we do. In my experience, there are a lot of different kinds of soulmates: soulmate friends, soulmate lovers, soulmate partners--and of those, there are lots and lots of subtypes. Some soulmate lovers are there to change your life--I mean, that's their purpose in your life, and perhaps your purpose in theirs, too--but NOT there to marry you and spend your lives together. And some soulmate lovers are also soulmate partners, there to spent life or a significant chunk of life together.

I've had love at first sight and friendship at first sight, many times. My best friend, who's been my best friend since high school, is a woman I first noticed when I was looking through the window of her fourth-grade classroom; I spotted her instantly and knew we would be friends if we knew each other. The next year I found out her name. Four or five years later, in high school, we finally became friends, and we've been soul sisters for over twenty years now.

And I could go on and on about other types of soulmates I've had (and still have). But... that's a little too personal! :-)

Inky
05-10-2007, 06:58 AM
Yes, I definitely think we do. In my experience, there are a lot of different kinds of soulmates: soulmate friends, soulmate lovers, soulmate partners--and of those, there are lots and lots of subtypes. Some soulmate lovers are there to change your life--I mean, that's their purpose in your life, and perhaps your purpose in theirs, too--but NOT there to marry you and spend your lives together. And some soulmate lovers are also soulmate partners, there to spent life or a significant chunk of life together.

I've had love at first sight and friendship at first sight, many times. My best friend, who's been my best friend since high school, is a woman I first noticed when I was looking through the window of her fourth-grade classroom; I spotted her instantly and knew we would be friends if we knew each other. The next year I found out her name. Four or five years later, in high school, we finally became friends, and we've been soul sisters for over twenty years now.

And I could go on and on about other types of soulmates I've had (and still have). But... that's a little too personal! :-)
OMG! I didn't even THINK about that...*sits heavily, pondering*. You know, put in that context, I now have to say, hmmmm. I have a friend of 34 years. We started off at 7. She hated me. I wasn't girly enough. I hated her. She was too girly. But I always felt such a loss whenever I'd see her outside, or at school. I could 'see' us having conversations, yet knew, now that it was high school, we'd never had more than 2 words to say to one another, and they were words best not posted here. I left home at 16. Bumped into her at 20. Grocery store. Both ended up in the same isle. Without any preamble, she walked up to me, wrote down her phone number and said "I'll be home at 5:30." Um. Okay. We became roommates later that week, and you'd think we'd been long lost best friends...though my young son taught her the error of THAT decision. We're both married, kids, live on opposite sides of the ocean, yet email many times daily. Weird thing is: we have 'twin' symptoms. Everything that's happening to her physically, mentally, and in the world around her is happening to me at the same time. And visa versa. Were we twins in another life, still connected? Who knows. We joke that we must be from the same womb, and the joke's on us. But I wonder if it's simply kindred spirits.

k

Inky
05-10-2007, 07:17 AM
First of all -- thankyouthankyouthankyou for this thread!

My husband and I have separated/heading for divorce, and although it is "amicable," I'm kicking myself & wondering how I could ever & will I ever again (etcetera etcetera).

So, hearing how people have "clicked" with others ... are still happily involved with their soulmates ... despite (or because of) that first weirdness/illogical attraction ... well, it give a gal hope, it does.

Plus, the comparison with learning certain languages and/or visiting certain foreign places that nonetheless felt like "home" -- that rings true with me, at least as far as Chinese/China is concerned. And the fact that my S2BX* husband, while of Chinese descent, grew from clueless about Chinese culture to vehemently anti-Chinese suggests that my One True Love <sound of swooning> is still out there ...

[*S2BX = soon-to-be-ex]

You are always MOST welcome here!!! And...may I suggest a little Alanis Moressette (Jagged Little Pill) to see you through? Fabulous music. She spews woman anger like nobody's business. For more peaceful listening, Loreena McKennitt sings music for the soul.

karey

DamaNegra
05-10-2007, 07:18 AM
Love at first sight? When I met my first boyfriend I knew this was THE guy, even though I'd promised myself I would never like anyone again. We started dating and my feeling proved to be right. We've since broken up, but there's still a profound love that binds us together. I know that even 70 years from now I'll still be able to count on him, and he knows he'll always count on me. It's a beautiful feeling.

ideagirl
05-10-2007, 07:45 AM
Plus, the comparison with learning certain languages and/or visiting certain foreign places that nonetheless felt like "home" -- that rings true with me

Yes, me too! I'd forgotten about that (I mean I wasn't thinking of it as I read this thread), but it's definitely a related phenomenon. I've always had a "thing" for England and France--which was weird, because I'm part Irish and was definitely raised Irish American; my mom was there listening to Irish rebel songs while I was dressing up and pretending to be Queen Elizabeth I. :D
I'm quite sure I had past lives in both England and France.

ideagirl
05-10-2007, 07:56 AM
I have a friend of 34 years. We started off at 7. She hated me. I wasn't girly enough. I hated her. She was too girly. But I always felt such a loss whenever I'd see her outside, or at school. I could 'see' us having conversations.... Weird thing is: we have 'twin' symptoms. Everything that's happening to her physically, mentally, and in the world around her is happening to me at the same time. And visa versa. Were we twins in another life, still connected? Who knows. We joke that we must be from the same womb, and the joke's on us. But I wonder if it's simply kindred spirits.

That's amazing. Question for ya: what's the difference between kindred spirits and soulmates? I would say kindred spirits are just one kind of soulmate. There are lots of kinds; the connections between friend-soulmates, and the strangeness/miraculousness of how they came to be friends, can be just as mysterious and amazing as the ones between lover-soulmates and partner/spouse-soulmates. The stories you and I just shared about how we came to be friends with our best friends are just as odd and miraculous as people's stories about how they met their soulmate spouse or lover. If you told the exact same story you just told about you and your friend, except your friend was a guy and you were lovers or married, people would say "Oh wow, that's so romantic, that's so meant to be!"

I think the reason there are different kinds of soulmates is that the soul is interested in more than just sexual/romantic love. It's interested in all kinds of love--romantic, platonic, sexual, familial--and in all kinds of life-alteringly amazing experiences, or life-affirmingly joyous ones, or transformatively painful and difficult ones (some soulmates, I think, are meant to hurt you in a particular way that you need to be hurt--they're meant to reopen a wound in you that never healed properly, so that it has another chance to heal). Romantic relationships are not the only relationships where your soul can get those kinds of experiences. Certain experiences, certain kinds of love and pain, are specific to friendships. And certain kinds are specific to family relationships, and certain kinds to relationships based on passionate sexual love, and so on. Your soul needs all these things, so you can find soulmates in all kinds of relationships.

Inky
05-12-2007, 12:51 PM
Wow! You've put into words things I've always pondered. I mean, how can you have instant hate for someone, and you've simply glanced them across a crowded room, parkinglot, shopping isle? Oh, sure, we have 'instinct' and 6th sense, and I'm not discounting that, infact, I think that in itself is an uber fascinating topic, but I have to wonder, when this happens (and thank God it's not often) if I've known this person in a past life. Did they harm me, family? Were they someone I just had much confrontation with? Could it be more in depth--country against country type distrust i.e., Highland Clearances? You know, perhaps not personal, but on a grander scale. If you truly delve into the topic of past lives, and that we seemingly travel in 'circles', the same souls coming into contact with one another, (and keep an open mind) this can be so beyond fascinating, the kind of stuff you stay up all hours of the night discussing.

Here in Germany, walking through a small neighborhood being built, I walked by two construction workers. No, not that whoo hoo type like in America, just your everyday workers. Both kneeling. Doing something with pipes and wiring--can you tell I'm not construction savvy? Anyway, I passed by, not really 'seeing' them, kind of they were more like the woodwork, you know? All of the sudden, I had this overwhelming urge to turn around. Too many Hollywood horror flicks, I immediately obeyed.
One of the guys was staring at me. Both of us tilted our heads, as if pondering: Do I know you?
He stood. No, I wasn't afraid..though normally I would be a bit wary, this time..eh eh. He took a few steps towards me, asking something in German, to which I shook my head & said nein dutch. He smiled. 'Ah, English. I asked if I know you, have we met, you look familiar to me, but I do not know any Americans, so I am wrong." He gave me a curt nod, and turned away. Then turned back. "I am sorry. I KNOW I have spoken to you before. I can see this. I have made you laugh." He shook his head as if completely baffled. In the meantime, I'm staring at him, not in a way that one would at some guy that's nuts.....but in a way The Twilight Zone theme should have been playing, because as he spoke it, I had been thinking it: I've seen this man. I have laughed with this man. Impossible.

He apologized again, pointed to his head in the universal sign that he must be crazy, shrugged helplessly, dropped down to continue what he was doing. Just before stepping out of view, as I was walking down hill, I glanced back. He glanced up at the same time.
I couldn't help feeling a profound sense of loss. But, what do you do? Run up to the person: talk to me, let me get to know you, I feel this weird pull towards you.....nah. Then we're labeled as weird. And placed in a rubber room.
And it's like you said, it wasn't a lover kind of interest, but rather like we had once upon a time simply known each other.


k