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View Full Version : "You Write Like a Girl!" Excerpt #3



Bartholomew
04-29-2007, 12:42 PM
She was the prettiest thing I ever laid eyes on, standing there on a dusty road with a sea of golden wheat grass framing the scenery and the horizon just about neck level. She toted beside her a white beat-up suitcase that looked like it had seen a lot of life.

I drove right up to her in my rattling blue Chevy that complimented the flower prints on her lemon chiffon dress. She paid me no mind, staring in the opposite direction with a fuss of wind underneath her dishwater-blonde locks.

I pulled up alongside her and leaned across the passenger seat. “You need a lift?”

She slowly peeled that neck of hers around and stared through me with cold-duck blue eyes. “Why, you going my way?”

“… I’m going wherever the devils roam,” I said with a snicker. “Why don’t you hop on in.”

She stood there silent, examining the metal on my vehicle from the front nose to the tail end. I liked the way her collarbone flexed when she did that.

“You ain’t no serial killer are you?” she said, resting her palm on the car door.

“I’ve been called a lady killer a time or two, I reckon. But I ain’t no murderer,” I chuckled under my breath.

She smiled. I could tell my humor was tickling her fancy. She sensed that I was an all right fella. She hopped right in, lining the air with violets and lavender. She threw her suitcase into the backseat and put her feet up on the dashboard.

“I’m Casey Lynn.” She stretched out her hand.

“Hello there Casey Lynn. What a pretty name for a pretty girl. I’m Charles Andrew Flincher III, but you can call me Charles.”

She chuckled under that there breath. “Okay, Charles.”

I slid on down the highway, dust kicking under the tires making a cloud that trailed us.

“Where ya headed? You from around these parts?”

“Oh Charles, … I’m headed to nowhere and I’m from everywhere.”

I choked out a laugh. “My kind of woman!”

She closed her eyes and titled her head back. I watched the hem of her dress slide down her velvety legs. ...

Julie Worth
04-29-2007, 05:08 PM
With all the snickering and chuckling, I'd guess a guy.

Sohia Rose
04-29-2007, 05:11 PM
My guess is a guy wrote it.

Mel
04-29-2007, 07:06 PM
Going with female.

san_remo_ave
04-29-2007, 07:23 PM
She stood there silent, examining the metal on my vehicle from the front nose to the tail end.

I'm gonna guess a male wrote this.

Chumplet
04-29-2007, 08:26 PM
A guy. He's trying too hard to make us think he's really interested in the dress, but he's more interested in what's under it.

dancingandflying
04-29-2007, 09:46 PM
a dude wrote this. i think.

Thump
04-30-2007, 12:35 AM
I'd say a woman wrote it. Trying too hard to write a charming male I'd say :D

akiwiguy
04-30-2007, 02:54 AM
I liked the way her collarbone flexed when she did that.


Do women have a thing for collarbones too? Perhaps, but given (1) Perhaps they don't (2) Collarbones are are so damned sexy (3) I might be a reasonably typical male in saying that... I'm going to say male.

DeadlyAccurate
04-30-2007, 03:31 AM
Do women have a thing for collarbones too?

Damn straight we do. Or at least, I do.

akiwiguy
04-30-2007, 03:53 AM
Damn straight we do. Or at least, I do.

Damn. I'm sticking with male though.

AnnieColleen
04-30-2007, 06:18 AM
I'd say a woman wrote it. Trying too hard to write a charming male I'd say :D


I'd guess female, too.

Writer2011
04-30-2007, 06:22 AM
I'd have to go with female--don't ask me why.

JJ Cooper
04-30-2007, 06:53 AM
Female.

'dishwater-blonde locks'

Kentuk
04-30-2007, 08:21 AM
You got Tsuki subbing for you? It is whatever she is.

Bartholomew
04-30-2007, 09:54 AM
You got Tsuki subbing for you? It is whatever she is.

"SPEAK NOT HER NAME!" Bart said, half hissing.

Vandal
04-30-2007, 05:44 PM
I'll say female based on the colors and other descriptions.

davids
04-30-2007, 07:35 PM
A guy writing in female

MissAimee
04-30-2007, 07:40 PM
Mmm it's hard to decide.. I say Male

maestrowork
04-30-2007, 07:57 PM
Male. "the flower prints on her lemon chiffon dress" -- no women would write that. ;)

TsukiRyoko
04-30-2007, 09:32 PM
"SPEAK NOT HER NAME!" Bart said, half hissing. Who called for me?

Kentuk
04-30-2007, 10:35 PM
Tsuki Did you write this or have you just shown up to torment Bart?

Monkey
04-30-2007, 10:45 PM
I'm guessing female...

Maybe it's just me, but the thought processes in the passage seem more like how a woman would *think* a guy would think, rather than how he actually would...

And he seems like a slimeball.

TsukiRyoko
04-30-2007, 11:13 PM
Tsuki Did you write this or have you just shown up to torment Bart?
Consciously, it's the latter, but I did have a little more to drink than I should have these past few days, so it might be a bit of both.

Sohia Rose
05-08-2007, 06:05 AM
It's mine!!! :tongue

This is a little exercise I wrote for class a while back. I started a series, but never finished them. Ugh, I AM female if anyone's wondering. And yeh, the guy is a slime ball, but I had a lot of fun "being" him.

AnnieColleen
05-08-2007, 06:06 AM
Hey, I got one! (for a change ;) )

Sohia Rose
05-08-2007, 06:12 AM
I forgot to mention. He's a wannabe cowboy from Arizona, I reckon. It was supposed to be an adventure story. He likes to fight and he loves him some ladies. :)