And now, I bow my head...

...and pray to the Patron Saint of Weddings, and the Almighty Goddess of Photography, and ask that they watch over me tomorrow:

And yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of crappy lighting, I will have faith that you will bestowest upon me unfailing guidance to and from my destination, with five intact and inflated tires (including the spare, of course), and a gas tank that doesn't runneth dry.

Let those whom I photograph forgive me my ill-timed camera flashes, as I will forgive them their rules against flash photography. Let autofocus not fail, let the shutter be not jammed, and let the tripod not clatter distractingly upon the tile and cause me to receive ill looks from the dearly beloved. Have mercy upon this humble taker of pictures, and let not the rain utterly fuck up any chances I have at really nice outdoor group portraits. Let not the bride be bitchy, let not the groom be drunk, and let not in-laws quarrel while in mine frame. Watch over me, and protect me from the evils of droppage, malfunctions, miscalculations, and shitty weather.

Amen.


****

Tomorrow is my first ever legitimate, paid wedding.

I'm probably as nervous as the bride.

SpookyWriter said:

A famous quote from the Happy Hooker.

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LMAO Not paid LIKE THAT. Geez...

Joe270 said:

If this is a catholic wedding, get the groom's shoes the night before and use athletic tape to put 'help' on his left shoe sole and 'me' on his right shoe sole.

That happened at my best friend's wedding. The place was howling.

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It IS a Catholic wedding, but somehow I don't think I'm going to have access to the groom's shoes. LOL

Joe270 said:

Oops, sorry, you're the photographer and I'm sorta stupid. Ignore the above please.

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LOL No worries.

The bride's mom (my client) has a pretty good sense of humor...but I don't think that would go over. Thought it would be funny. LOL

scarletpeaches said:

I hope you don't lose control of your bowels in public again.

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That wasn't me, stupid.

Joe270 said:

Also, pray the photog gods remind you to change the asa settings on the camera when you switch from 100 to 400 asa film.

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Fortunately, I'm going digital.

Chumplet said:

Make sure you change the white balance from outside to inside. And... Oh, don't forget to take pictures of the little ring bearer and flower girls generally being adorable during the reception.

If it's outdoors, backlighting with fill is your friend.

Okay, I'll shut up now.

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Oh, I know what I'm doing...I'm just always afraid of the little stupid unexpected catastrophic shit: like the camera melting in my hands, or the maid of honor exploding in the middle of a perfectly composed wedding party shot.

Not to mention me doing something stupid like...forgetting batteries.

Joe270 said:

I am completly and hopelessly technologically challenged. I will slink away now.

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LOL ASA just has to do with film speeds. 100, 200, 400, etc. Higher number for lower light situations. I usually shoot either 100, 160, or 400.

Digital has ASA settings as well, actually...but it mostly refers to film.

Gotta love photojargon.

scarletpeaches said:

You'd love my dad. He's a photographifier too.

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Yes. We could sit there and swap photojargon and stories about apertures, exposures, shutter speeds, and panning, and you could look at us, completely mystified while thinking about (censored).

scarletpeaches said:

He's been published online and in various magazines, and he spends money on new lenses and shit like that, drooling over various camera gadgets the way I drool over books.

He keeps asking me, "Why do you buy so many books when you can use a library?" But he's not a bookworm, so he doesn't 'get it'. I just say, "For the same reason you buy different flash bulbs and hoozits and thingummyjigs when you don't really need them. It's what you like doing."

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See, I could be like a mediator between you and your dad....I'm a compulsive book buyer AND I have tons and tons and tons of camera gear.

Thank God my husband is understanding...LOL (actually, he's as bad as I am)

scarletpeaches said:

If my dad knew I 'hung out' (even online) with a nutjob like you, he'd disown me faster than you could say 'colostomy bag'.

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LMAO No, I'm a photographer, so that would earn me forgiveness. It's like a secret handshake among shutterbugs..."Wait, you're INSANE! I HATE YOU!" "Look at my camera." "Ohhhhhhh, you're one of US. You're okay, mate!"

Soccer Mom said:

The best pictures from my sister's wedding all involve her wedding cake, in the background of EVERY SINGLE SHOT are my eldest (who was in kindergarten at the time) and the groom's cousin (who was also six) gazing longingly at the cake. It's howlingly funny. Trust me, the good shots will happen.

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Too cute!

The shots I'm not worried about. Just the mechanics of everything working and everyone staying relatively sane. LOL

If not, just roll some marbles onto the dance floor and take pics of the mayhem.

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Hmmmm....*packs some marbles in camera bag, checks to make sure "hold harmless" waiver is airtight...*