The single life...

thethinker42 said:

I'm curious about people's insights to the single life...for those who are single and those no longer single...

What were your greatest fears when it came to pursuing someone you were interested in?

Did you prefer to pursue, or be pursued? Did it ever feel like no one was pursuing YOU, and if so, how did that affect your self-image?

Do you have any regrets with regard to dating? Someone you wish you'd gone after, but didn't -- or someone you went after, but wish you didn't?

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I'm sorry 42, but your post is so stereotypical, I can't even raise a wry smile. I thought you wanted to know about the single life but instead you only seem to want to ask questions about people's efforts to be part of coupledom.

What if single people are happy out being single.

It's like asking married people how are their divorce plans going.

I'm single and I love it.

I'm making absolutely no effort whatsoever to get in a couple.

I thought you wanted to know stuff like, what do you do at Christmas, and how do you find holidays, and do you live by yourself and how do you like that, and do you shower regularly even though there won't be cleanliness inspections, and what would you do if you were sick(as I am now, I'm on crutches).

I have a friend who might take marginal interest in your questions (after a few vodkas) but last time she called around we actually spent the night talking about her mother, who has ms and is steadily finding it harder and harder to manage. Oh we slotted in a quick five minutes about her ex. Sorry, that was all we managed on partnering up. We had other stuff to talk about.

The Lady said:

...do you shower regularly even though there won't be cleanliness inspections...

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I never shower!

I have baths.

scarletpeaches said:

I never shower!

I have baths.

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Ya see, now we're talking.

The biggest regret I have regarding dating is that I wasted two years with this one jerk because I thought it was better than being single again. Not true. I have nothing against men, though - if the right one came along, I'd consider it, but I'm not out looking for him. I have too may other things going on at the moment.

I just realized that probably sounds bitter, but it's not. I'm actually quite happy being single. The only thing that's annoying is the people who don't seem to believe that a woman can be "happily single" and insist on trying to "fix me up" with someone. Uh, I don't need to be "fixed up," 'cause nothing's broke...

The Lady said:

Ya see, now we're talking.

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I could have picked on something serious like what I do at Christmas (well, I've never bothered with it anyway; it's no biggy in my family) but instead, I choose to let everyone think I smell bad.

No, honestly. I do bathe. I'm coming up for my annual scraping-off-of-the-past-year's-mank. On my birthday.

scarletpeaches said:

I could have picked on something serious like what I do at Christmas (well, I've never bothered with it anyway; it's no biggy in my family) but instead, I choose to let everyone think I smell bad.

No, honestly. I do bathe. I'm coming up for my annual scraping-off-of-the-past-year's-mank. On my birthday.

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So, that's your dirt face in your avatar. You look quite luminous as it is. You'll be quite the maiden I'm sure when you're clean.

I'm usually quite scruffy again within a week or two.

scarletpeaches said:

I'm usually quite scruffy again within a week or two.

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Well Scottish scruff is looking pretty refined compared to Irish scruff. Generally the sight of my unkempt self in the mirror is enough to get me to a shower once in the day. That and the whiff

All is forgiven.

The Lady said:

What if single people are happy out being single.

It's like asking married people how are their divorce plans going.

I'm single and I love it.

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I agree...some people are single and love it. I'm one of them...of course, I've been divorced less than a year but I have no immediate plans to look for someone. I like being alone.

That said... sex would still be nice once in a while.

Nah, nevermind.

I was single for a long time and spent most of that stalking...I mean being interested in several women. Nothing worked out with any of them and I eventually decided being single was OK. More than that, it could be fun. I stopped caring about going to social functions by myself and stopped avoiding the question of: "Got a girlfriend?"

A couple of years later, I met my girlfriend. We've been together six years.

thethinker42 said:

I'm curious about people's insights to the single life...for those who are single and those no longer single...

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Alrighty then. Fire away.

Thinker said:

What were your greatest fears when it came to pursuing someone you were interested in?

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I don't pursue much. I prefer to see my love-life as a series of happy accidents.

Thinky said:

Did it ever feel like no one was pursuing YOU

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Sure.

Think said:

how did that affect your self-image?

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Self what?

Think on said:

Do you have any regrets with regard to dating?

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Anyone found answering no will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Thing said:

Someone you wish you'd gone after, but didn't

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Nothing serious. Well, maybe.

Things said:

or someone you went after, but wish you didn't?

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I do have an ex who left a scar. No, not one of those touchy-feely emotional scars, a corkscrew scar. But that's another story.

Things are not what they appear said:

All tangents and spinoffs welcome.

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Well, like everyone else has said: being single isn't always a period of transition on the way to being a couple.
I, for one, like being single. I compare it to the longish-term relationships I've had and see, well, I have the same life, same friends, same amount of sex; just more duvet.

Relationships are great. Single life is great, too. The key is to be happy by yourself, whether you're with someone or not. Once you depend on others to make you happy, you're doomed. I've had three long-term relationships, and I have been single, and I never really deliberately looked for anything. They just fell on my lap, when I didn't expect anything. And I try to enjoy every moment -- I know, this sounds trite and cliched, but that's how I am.

maestrowork said:

They just fell on my lap, when I didn't expect anything.

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Sounds painful.

thethinker42 said:

This probably belongs in the "Interviews and Experts" section, because I'm using it to create a character for a story, but I'm posting it in OP because...well...I am. That, and I figure it could make for some interesting spinoffs and tangents that only belong in OP.

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I was thinking that a white jacket with a red floral pattern would look nice with my new dress.

thethinker42 said:

I'm curious about people's insights to the single life...for those who are single and those no longer single...

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I'm single now. I wasn't single before. I believe Kristie and I have the same 'born again single' day...but I digress. What I like about being single is making my own decisions and running my own life without having to answer to anyone. I really disliked being considered too stupid to even decide what brand of TP to buy. What I liked about not being single was, well the snuggle aspect. I like the way men smell. (Usually)

thethinker42 said:

What were your greatest fears when it came to pursuing someone you were interested in?

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My greatest fear in pursuing someone I was interested in was 'pursuing someone I was interested in'. But maybe I wasn't ready then. Too late now. Hope there'll be a next time

thethinker42 said:

Did you prefer to pursue, or be pursued? Did it ever feel like no one was pursuing YOU, and if so, how did that affect your self-image?

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I think I prefer to be pursued. Men always seem to be flirting with me, either that or they're all nice friendly sorts. It never affected my self image. I have a terrible self image. Well I did. I've been working on it. The new dress helped. Did I tell you it's red?

thethinker42 said:

Do you have any regrets with regard to dating? Someone you wish you'd gone after, but didn't -- or someone you went after, but wish you didn't?

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Oh yes. Yes. There was a nice guy in HS. Not the most attractive, but very nice and very smart. I dated his friend instead becaue the friend was the cutest guy in HS. Lousey lay. The friend went on to be a banker. A very well to do banker. Another guy. College. OMG what a HUNK!!

Now I know his ex-wife. The 'hunk' was 'junk'.

Another real nice guy. Tall, long hair like a rock star. Very very good friend. Dated three times. Then his mother set him up with someone. Then I met my ex. Then he met someone..(after telling me to not marry my ex) Now I have an ex, but he's not going to end his relationship because of his kids, so I guess we'll be friends til we're 95. Friendship might just be the more valuable comodity in the long run. (But why does he have to still be attractive???)

thethinker42 said:

All tangents and spinoffs welcome.

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Spinoffs? Ok. Well...here goes:

Tangent Jacobsen always wanted to be a rock star. But her voice sounded like toads and cats being tortured in a squeeky rusty blender.

But this week on 'Extreme Makeover: American Idol Edition' you'll watch as Tangent makes a 'Deal or no Deal' in an effort to win a million dollars to have her vocal cords replaced so she'll have her chance to be one of a dozen runway models to take the plunge off of 'Survivor' Island and risk becoming 'Lost' while swimming after Simon's yacht while singing 'Stardust'.

Tune in tonite at 9, folks.

Being single isn't always a choice.

At the other end of the age spectrum, I am at a stage in my life where I now have friends and family members who were once part of a happy couple but are now alone due to death.

My sister in law is adjusting to her recent widowhood, but it is hard for her. She had a reasonably happy marriage to Tom for many years - and we all miss him. But although living alone for her has proved to be a freeing experience, she must also cope with a certain amount of guilt over being happy as a single person. She is not dating, nor has she made up her mind about whether or not dating will be a part of her new future.

My friend Carol has been widowed for several years, but has no plans to remarry or even date as she is happy being on her own. She still likes to look at men, but prefers her own household, freedoms and company.

I am unlikely to survive my husband given our relative health situations, but I would probably not consider remarriage if in that situation. For many of us who have experienced a good coupledom, the next best thing is a good singledom.

I actually don't remember being single. After I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years last November, I went off on vacatoin with my family so that time didn't count. Then, as soon as I got back, a friend started hitting on me, telling me he'd liked me for ages but I had a boyfriend. We started dating in January, about one or two weeks after I came back from vacation.

He was the one who pursued me. He invited me to eat at his house, and I, being stupid and innocent, didn't realize what his intentions were until he kissed me. Since I liked him too, that wasn't much of a trouble, and a week later he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and we dated for about a month.

But... um... that didn't quite work out. He's way too liberal and doesn't have the same concept of relationship as some other people. He cheated on me several times. After a while, I was with some friends at a bar. I liked one of them, and since I was drunk I figured I'd kiss him and then tell him it was a mistake and that I was drunk. I kissed him and he didn't push me away or anything, he just returned the kiss. The next day, I broke up with the other guy, and two days later asked this other friend to be my boyfriend. This time, I was the pursuer Both experiences were... interesting, but I haven't been single for more than one month straight since I was 13, sorry

To answer the question: Yes, I like to be pursued. It's the vanity thing. I really, really, really enjoy it when a girl makes the first move. Talk about an ego boost. Yes, I'm a pig.

But I don't play games. There are guys who say "Don't call her back -- make her wait, make her want you." I don't understand that. Mind games are so silly.

Funny you should say that, maestro - I had this conversation with a girlfriend last night who had made the first move with the guy she's seeing. She's so loved up it's sickening!

Anyway...I was always brought up (Scottish, deeply religious background, blah blah) to believe the exact opposite, that if a guy liked you he would make the first move and it could appear 'forward' if a girl did it.

Old-fashioned, yes, but I blame my upbringing.

I'm trying to grow out of it. Let's go out to dinner to discuss it some time.

Damn.

I can't contribute anything to this thread. I would libel myself.

scarletpeaches said:

I'm trying to grow out of it. Let's go out to dinner to discuss it some time.

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Are you asking me out? Don't feed the pig's ego any more than you should.




And no, I don't think a girl is "forward" or "loose" or "slutty" or whatever if she makes the first move. It makes me feel good because, well, girls don't usually make the first move so when they do, you know "you've got it." Again, like I said, it's vanity thing -- plus I'm actually very shy in public, with people I don't know... so it helps if there's something to break the ice first. An ex of mine likes to make the first move, too -- in fact, she made the first move on me as well.

If only you weren't on the other side of the world, Ray...I would barely be able to contain my lusting.

Damn that ocean. Damn it.