Jack sad.

Lantern Jack

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So Rachel invited some of her model and photography friends over and they were posing in skin-tights with tarantulas---real tarantulas---scuttling over their cleavage, when I volunteered, for, like, the 15th time that night, my naked self, for art's sake.

The next thing I knew, I was ass to the wind (or, rather, ass to the mild breeze wafting from the radiator), Trinidad, a giant she-tarantula, skittering around my bare chest.

It was super-hot!

I was striking poses---The Thinker, Spider-man---never-minding, even, her sharp, little toes prickling my skin, even the drool trickling down my back (spiders drool?) Then Heidi, the photog, goes:

God! You're so good at posing and stuff! You're so photogenic! You need to, like, seriously quit your job at Target and start doing this stuff for real! Why don't you?

And, for the first time that night, I got really bashful and introverted, and I said in a small, sad voice:

I'd rather not answer that question.

And now I'm, like, depressed and all. Amuse me, my jesters! Cavort and pratfall for my delight, till I be not sad anymore.
 

poetinahat

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Okay, as soon as I get over my fit of bilious envy, I'll do something funny.

*sheesh*
 

Rolling Thunder

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Sorry, Jack. I'm afraid spiders were the highlight of your day. :D
 

JDCrayne

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The tarantulas are okay; just close your eyes and pretend their eight little feet are the light-fingered caresses of nubile young slave girls... or boys, if you prefer.
 

TsukiRyoko

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I'm willing to trade in quite a few of Tantalicious Iscariot's wood spider babies (well, not babies anymore... They're as big as my thumb!) for the tarantula. They always wanted to be models....
 

A. Hamilton

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Tarantulas?
hmmmmmmm
When are you sharing the photos with US??
 

Lantern Jack

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We actually had an entymologist on hand. They were her tarantulas. Then she started freaking out after the one started drooling on me, because, apparently, they're not supposed to do that. Go fig!

Oh, guess what!

I think I've almost got Rachel talked into letting me go to amateur stripper night with Emily and Heidi! I'm gonna be a stripper! Quick, Maestro, lend me your anti-chafing cellophane! I mean to do some major pole-dancing!

Ha, ha!

I don't need you guys! I can amuse myself. Yup, nothin' like watching The Prisoner, nakee, and eatin' yogurt, while naked pictures of myself prance across the computer screen.

Ah, God bless erotic screen savers:tongue
 

JDCrayne

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I don't need you guys! I can amuse myself. Yup, nothin' like watching The Prisoner, nakee, and eatin' yogurt, while naked pictures of myself prance across the computer screen.

Ah, Jack, dear... it really is preferred practice to have someone else around to share these tender moments with you. The gender doesn't actually matter, but even when you are left with just your trusty five fingers, musing on some other person is generally recommended.
 

Foinah

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Still can't get past the tarantulas....
*shudder*
It's just soooo very wrong on soooooo many levels....

drooling tarantulas. Thanks for the vivid nightmare fodder.
crap.
 

Carrie in PA

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Still can't get past the tarantulas....
*shudder*
It's just soooo very wrong on soooooo many levels....

drooling tarantulas. Thanks for the vivid nightmare fodder.
crap.

I'm just wondering if they also had a vacant expression in their eyes while they were drooling...
 

swvaughn

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Don't be sad, Jack.

I want pictures...

Drooling spiders. My God. What will they think of next?

Pictures! Must see them! Jack not be sad. Jack be famous stripper writer tarantula tamer dude (not woman).

Pictures?
 

Celia Cyanide

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Now if it was snakes, I'd really be turned on.

Heidi has a snake, too! I haven't been able to shoot with it yet. But earlier on we did this horror shoot, and I got covered with chocolate syrup!

I promised Jack that I would try to get him more involved with modeling and acting, since he has so much fun with it, and he does a good job. We'll probably have the tarrantula pics within a couple weeks, and hopefully shoot more in the future.
 

davids

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You could always try being the naked door greeter at Target before you give up your job-it might be an interesting testing ground to find the real meaning of your life!
 

dpaterso

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Were the tarantulas fangless? The drooling could be from the poison sacs. Possibly they were trying to tell you how badly they wanted to bite you to death.

-Derek
 

Bmwhtly

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So Rachel invited some of her model and photography friends over and they were posing in skin-tights with tarantulas---real tarantulas---scuttling over their cleavage, when I volunteered, for, like, the 15th time that night, my naked self, for art's sake.

The next thing I knew, I was ass to the wind (or, rather, ass to the mild breeze wafting from the radiator), Trinidad, a giant she-tarantula, skittering around my bare chest.

It was super-hot!

I was striking poses---The Thinker, Spider-man---never-minding, even, her sharp, little toes prickling my skin, even the drool trickling down my back (spiders drool?) Then Heidi, the photog, goes:

God! You're so good at posing and stuff! You're so photogenic! You need to, like, seriously quit your job at Target and start doing this stuff for real! Why don't you?

And, for the first time that night, I got really bashful and introverted, and I said in a small, sad voice:

I'd rather not answer that question.

And now I'm, like, depressed and all. Amuse me, my jesters! Cavort and pratfall for my delight, till I be not sad anymore.
Wait a moment.
Let me get this straight.

You're watching models pose in skin-tights. Then you pose near-as-makes-no-difference Nude. They tell you look good and should do this for a living.
And that... depresses you?

Is it just me, or does that seem... Wrong?