PDA

View Full Version : How do you feel when you fall in love?



SpiderGal
04-18-2007, 04:12 AM
I have never been in love, so I was having difficulty writing my story that has to do with falling in love. Would you like to share your memories of the times when you fell in love? How did you feel? What changes did you go through? What made you realize you were in love?

Thanks,
Spider

Lyra Jean
04-18-2007, 04:29 AM
I saw this show on Discovery Channel. This scientist was trying to scientifically prove true love. She did it by doing MRI's on people who claim to be in love and comparing the scans to people who are not in love.

Her conclusion: Being in love is causes the same high as being on crack or maybe it was coke.

Okay so maybe that doesn't help you. It's something where you'll know it when it happens.

Silver King
04-18-2007, 04:45 AM
It's hard to explain.

The first thing I remember is a rush of heat that left me light-headed. My heart pulsed at an alarming rate. And this came from just the sight of her. When we were introduced, and she touched my hand, a shock like an electrical current ran up my arm and almost knocked me off my feet.

You can imagine what I went through when we first started dating. It was, quite literally, physically and emotionally torturous to be around her. It may sound strange, but I could hardly stand being near her, yet I could not bear being apart from her.

In any case, we were married and had children and have lived happily ever after. :)

Sean D. Schaffer
04-18-2007, 09:22 AM
I have never been in love, so I was having difficulty writing my story that has to do with falling in love. Would you like to share your memories of the times when you fell in love? How did you feel? What changes did you go through? What made you realize you were in love?

Thanks,
Spider


I fell in love with a woman not long ago. I realized I was in love with her when she stood by me through a difficult time. The changes I went through included wanting to spend more time with this woman, and wanting to do anything I could to please her. I found myself buying Splenda for her so she could have sweetened tea and coffee, because she's diabetic, and going to the hospital with her when she was feeling extremely ill quite recently.

I got to the point I could not imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. She and I have talked about marriage, sex, and other important things concerning our relationship in amazing seriousness. We've taken the whole relationship slowly so we would truly know how we feel about each other. Everything seems to include her in my life now ... even the question whether or not to hang a poster I drew, up on my own bedroom wall.

There's not so much a feeling to the love I've experienced here, as there is a conscious decision to do everything I can for this person. I feel like I would, like my mother used to tell me, lie down and die for her, if the need arose.


That's about the best way I can describe falling in love. I hope this helps, and I wish you the best with your work.

:)

sharra
04-18-2007, 07:23 PM
It's a cross between total euphoria & the most insane mind-torture you can imagine.
Food tastes better; you smile a lot at other people, and the world is just a better place when the other person's around.
Torture because you've made yourself incredibly vulnerable; falling in love means you've given someone else a lot of power over you, and the ability to stamp on your heart & mind with hob-nailed boots if they decide to.

It can be very bitter-sweet; especially if it isn't the first time you've had the experience & you know things might end some day.

Melisande
04-18-2007, 07:50 PM
Falling in love - what a wonderful feeling!

To me it's like being euphoric 24/7. Everything smells better, feels better and tastes better. It's seeing good in everyone. It's feeling beautiful and invinsible. It's the greatest feeling of them all...

scarletpeaches
04-18-2007, 08:01 PM
I learned a new word from a friend last night who's going through this - limerence (http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Limerence). A lot of people call this love, but it isn't. It's the heady in love feeling, which is far, far different to love itself.

'In love' is a feeling, all about how you feel, but love is about what you can do for the other person, not a feeling at all but a verb.

But I've experienced that 'falling' feeling too. All I can think about is the other person; I lose concentration for work and all I want to do is stare at their photo when we're apart and gaze at them adoringly when we're together.

I get a sick feeling in my chest. It hurts to be with them but it hurts even more to be apart. When we're together I'm so light-headed I despair of ever feeling 'normal' again and think, "You couldn't possibly feel as intensely about me as I do about you," and when we're apart I'm just plain miserable and long for them. It's like a drug I guess. You get addicted to the high. And the more time you spend with them the worse/better it gets.

Or am I weird?

Haven't felt like that in quite some time, though. It's the worst feeling in the world, until they do something that hints at feeling a fraction of the passion you do, in return. :)

Guess that's why we talk about 'passion', which actually means 'suffering'.

Cathy C
04-18-2007, 08:07 PM
When describing it in writing, subtle is best. Readers will "get" the tiny things that make the characters realize they're getting hooked on each other. For an example, I used a conversation between two brothers in our October book to show that the hero's brother realized something was up. Again, it was subtle--more an admission of his own life, but the hero got the point. See if this helps:

*************

It wasn’t until he and David were walking to the truck to go home that his brother commented. There was no particular tone attached to the question---he kept his voice carefully neutral. "You’re worried about her, aren’t you?"

Other than his mother, his brother was the one most likely to spot a lie. But an acknowledgment wouldn’t hurt. Adam looked up at the starred sky as he opened the door. They weren’t as bright as down there. It was something he’d noticed when he was hunting the deer. He shrugged. "She’s tough. I’m sure she’s fine."

"It’s a damned slippery slope."

He didn’t comment further, so Adam turned to him after they were both in the cab and buckled up. "What is?"

David started the truck and turned on the headlights. "It was during that three-alarm fire last fall for me." Adam looked at his brother questioningly as they turned out of the parking lot. He’d just opened his mouth to ask, when David continued. "I knew Bonnie was on shift that night, and when I started to hear calls for ambulances—" He paused and stepped harder on the accelerator to bring them up to speed on the road. "I know a bunch of guys at the firehouse . . . hell, I have friends in three firehouses, don’tcha know. But I was only listening for one name on the box when they reported the roof collapsed." He turned his head after they were stopped at the red light and had a small smile on his face. "Her hair still smelled like smoke when I asked her out on a real date the next day. Like I say . . . slippery slope, bro."

Adam couldn’t think of any response, other than, "Fer sure."

********

Falling in love usually happens in increments. You remember to call the person, but forget to call your mother. You find yourself buying the brand of soda to stock in the fridge that you know they like. You growl a little or feel twitchy when someone flirts with them where you can see/hear. It helps to have a third party observe the changes, like, "Why are you buying Pepsi, Bob? You hate Pepsi." Etc., etc.

Does that help any?

jennifer75
04-18-2007, 08:09 PM
It's a cross between total euphoria & the most insane mind-torture you can imagine.
Food tastes better; you smile a lot at other people, and the world is just a better place when the other person's around.


It can be very bitter-sweet; especially if it isn't the first time you've had the experience & you know things might end some day.

DEAD ON.

In the first weeks of "love" you can't accomplish anything. This person is all you do, think of, dream about.

Julie Worth
04-18-2007, 08:44 PM
There's a certain swell-headed stupidity. And, after falling in love many times, a vague sense of impending disaster.

Plot Device
04-18-2007, 10:16 PM
When I'm in love, I think about that person day and night. I talk about him day and night. Being apart is unbearable and I can't wait to see him again.

And when love grows and matures, you reach a point where that person is actualy part of you. And if they ever died, the trauma would be the same as an entire limb getting amputated, maybe even two limbs. Waking up every morning and sadly remembering that you now no longer have that limb, and having to adjust to a new life without it.

johnnysannie
04-18-2007, 11:11 PM
A lot depends on the person and how he or she reacts emotionally and on the age. Falling in love at fifteen or sixteen is not the same as falling in love at a more mature age.

My question is why on earth would anyone want to write about something - in this case falling in love - that they have no personal experience with?

WildScribe
04-18-2007, 11:16 PM
A lot depends on the person and how he or she reacts emotionally and on the age. Falling in love at fifteen or sixteen is not the same as falling in love at a more mature age.

My question is why on earth would anyone want to write about something - in this case falling in love - that they have no personal experience with?

I fell in love with my husband when I was 16, thank you, and we are happily married 5 years later.

Anyway, it was like being swept away. I was NOT looking for a relationship, but I got giddy and just plain HAPPY around him all the time. I realized I was in love when I realized that I cared what happened to him as much as or more than I cared about what happened to me.

He describes love as a choice and an action. I've never understood that, but I guess I don't have to ;)

scarletpeaches
04-18-2007, 11:17 PM
I don't have any personal experience of committing murder but I've still written about it.

Same with being a vampire, growing up with siblings, driving a car, swimming or having a baby.

scarletpeaches
04-18-2007, 11:18 PM
He describes love as a choice and an action. I've never understood that, but I guess I don't have to ;)

I would agree with that actually. Love is a choice and an action; in love is a feeling.

WildScribe
04-18-2007, 11:20 PM
I would agree with that actually. Love is a choice and an action; in love is a feeling.

Maybe you can explain it to me... he says he weighed the risks and benefits of dating me, and chose to love me. I was like "huh?"

But it all worked out! :)

scarletpeaches
04-18-2007, 11:26 PM
Well, for me, love is a verb. It's what you do for another person, you choose to make them happy, or choose to try to at least! ;) You choose to spend time with them. You choose to get to know them. And yes, you choose to date them. These are the sorts of things that don't 'just happen'.

But with 'in love' or crushing on someone, or that earlier thing I mentioned, limerence...those are all feelings, things you can't help. What's up to you is whether you act on them or not.

When I fancy someone, I can't help it. What I DO have control over is whether I do anything about it or not.

So really we're talking about the difference between in love and love. Feelings and actions. You, and the other person.

WildScribe
04-18-2007, 11:29 PM
It makes sense! Amazing! I knew it would make sense if only a woman said it! ;)

scarletpeaches
04-19-2007, 12:14 AM
:D I knew I'd say something wise one day if I waited long enough.

jennifer75
04-19-2007, 01:03 AM
Maybe you can explain it to me... he says he weighed the risks and benefits of dating me, and chose to love me. I was like "huh?"

But it all worked out! :)


Gosh, are you sure :P

Melanie Nilles
04-19-2007, 01:28 AM
A few people have said it pretty well, but here's what I remember...

My husband and I met on the internet. I knew I'd like him as a person, but we were just looking for friends with mutual interests. When I met him, however, I felt that something was right. I always describe it as a feeling of completeness. You never know you're missing a part of yourself until you meet it.

After that, I wanted to be with him and the more I was, the more I wanted to be with him, until no matter what I thought about, he was always on my mind and I couldn't get enough of just being close. He used to describe me as a cat, because when he would read, I'd lay down watching TV with my head on a pillow in his lap. (Now we have a cat and she always takes his lap :D )

As far as the feelings go, you just go nuts when you're apart and everything is just better. After seven years since we first met, we've settled into being each other's closest friend. The love is still there but the infatuation is gone. We've reached that comfortable stage, I guess you could say.

WildScribe
04-19-2007, 02:06 AM
Gosh, are you sure :P

Sure it worked out?

I'm positive. :D

johnnysannie
04-19-2007, 03:21 AM
I fell in love with my husband when I was 16, thank you, and we are happily married 5 years later.

Anyway, it was like being swept away. I was NOT looking for a relationship, but I got giddy and just plain HAPPY around him all the time. I realized I was in love when I realized that I cared what happened to him as much as or more than I cared about what happened to me.

He describes love as a choice and an action. I've never understood that, but I guess I don't have to ;)



My post was intended for the poster who began the thread - Spidergal - who said that she had never been in love. I thought that would be apparent but apparently ;) not.

And congrats for falling in love at a young age and making it work but as we age, our outlook changes and for those not so fortunate to fall in love young, falling in love when older is an entirely different experience. Personally, I thank God that I'm NOT married to my "first love"!

Silver King
04-19-2007, 04:16 AM
The love is still there but the infatuation is gone.
I've heard this said many times from older couples. For some reason which I can't explain, after nearly twenty-five years, my desire rages to the point that it surprises us both, far greater than when we first met; at other times, hers does as well.

I look at it as a hold-over from the original fire that consumed us. All of the other love-related aspects of our lives have been satisfied, yet our need for one another continues to flourish and expand as we grow older.

Cath
04-19-2007, 04:38 AM
Well, my experience doesn't quite tally with most of the others I've read here. Yes, there's the initial attraction, the passion etc. But the love bit -- the bit that really makes it special for me is something a little different.

I can only describe it by asking you to think of a time when you've been away from home for a while -- maybe on vacation or a business trip -- and you come home, open the door, step inside and sigh. It's that feeling of comfort, of satisfaction, of being someplace safe, somewhere that's yours and yours alone.

That's what it's like for me. :)

pink lily
04-19-2007, 06:43 AM
Ah, falling in love... I swoon, I obsess, I delight in the other person's presence. (I'll use opposite-gender pronouns to make this easier...) I can see no wrong in my love, I am thrilled by him and by everything he does. Every joke is funny, every caress is sheer pleasure. I can't think of anything or anyone else. He's beautiful, brilliant, spectacular, and I want to be with him forever. I want the very best for him, I want him to be happy and fulfilled. I need him and desire him. I long for him when he's gone, and I can't contain my excitement when he's near. I lust for him, I ache for him, I want to do naughty things with him, and I want to feel his hands on me. I want to feel his breath on my neck, and I want him to make me moan and sweat.

I've been married for over 13 years, and if my husband saw this post, we would both die laughing, then he'd tell me that if I really felt that way, I could mop the kitchen floor for once. Then we'd both crack up hysterically and go back to watching TV.

I remember when he and I first fell in love, and I was confronted with the choice of either giving up my wild lifestyle or losing him. I couldn't bear the thought of being without him; I was entranced by the idea, the promise, the hope, of being with him forever. I finally had a future, a purpose, a partner. I was afraid that if I lost him, I would never feel the heady glow of love again. As our love matured, the "omg omg this is awesome" headrush subsided, but what I have now is the contentment and reassurance of a lifelong commitment.

Oh, and also, mopping floors. FOREVER.

Melanie Nilles
04-19-2007, 07:35 AM
I've heard this said many times from older couples. For some reason which I can't explain, after nearly twenty-five years, my desire rages to the point that it surprises us both, far greater than when we first met; at other times, hers does as well.

I look at it as a hold-over from the original fire that consumed us. All of the other love-related aspects of our lives have been satisfied, yet our need for one another continues to flourish and expand as we grow older.

Congratulations on 25 years!

In one month it'll be just five years for us and we're just in our early-mid 30's. So, we did marry later, but I'm glad I was picky and waited on him. My only nitpick is that he won't keep himself in any shape but flabby--he's a programmer so he sits at a computer all day--otherwise he's a great person.

As far as physical desire...oh, hell, I'll just say it--sexual desire...As far as that aspect goes, it comes and goes, but right now I'm not even three months postpartum and completely determined not to get pregnant again. (I wanted this last baby, but the pregnancy was NOT FUN.) This last was hell. Once that part is fixed, I'll have no problem with desire. But boy, can the thought of another uncomfortable pregnancy turn that off!

PastMidnight
04-19-2007, 11:56 AM
Well, my experience doesn't quite tally with most of the others I've read here. Yes, there's the initial attraction, the passion etc. But the love bit -- the bit that really makes it special for me is something a little different.

I can only describe it by asking you to think of a time when you've been away from home for a while -- maybe on vacation or a business trip -- and you come home, open the door, step inside and sigh. It's that feeling of comfort, of satisfaction, of being someplace safe, somewhere that's yours and yours alone.

That's what it's like for me. :)


I really like this description. I've felt the 'falling in love' feeling many times--the palpitations, the constant thinking about the other person, the giddiness, etc. When I met the person I married, it felt different somehow. I think that Cath described it well.

JimmyB27
04-20-2007, 06:28 PM
How do you feel when you fall in love?


I think, next timeit happens, my major thought will be 'Oh no, not again.'

Evaine
04-20-2007, 07:16 PM
I'm still floating from a weekend away with my beloved.
We sat in a cafe overlooking the harbour and sipped iced coffee.
We wandered round the Naval Dockyards and looked at the historic ships - he got terribly excited about the way cannon were moved around the deck on rails. I pushed my nose up against the glass for the longbow display.
He treated me to a Chinese meal.
Just being with him made me feel happy. We both smiled, and giggled, a lot. We found things that interested us and showed them to the other person, hoping that they would be interested too.
I also lusted after his body (and I'm not normally a touchy-feely sort of person).
Describing the feeling is pretty much impossible, though. You really have to know already, and recognise it.

Paul S Cilwa
04-20-2007, 09:48 PM
The first time I fell in love was after I'd been married several years and had two babies. I liked my wife but, never having been in love, I thought that was all there was to it. All those love songs on the radio? Hyperbole.

Of course, I also didn't know (or hadn't admitted) I was gay.

I was in the Navy, and a guy in my A-School after boot camp, and I, started hanging out. He was very, very masculine (which was not an image I had of myself), with a deep voice and a smile I couldn't tear my eyes away from. I kept monitoring myself, to be sure I didn't stare so much it would seem creepy.

He was an amoral sociopath (I now realize) and I easily dropped all my ethical inhibitions to let him hide a stolen motorcycle on my back porch.

If he was late to class, I spent the whole class wondering where he was and if he was all right, instead of paying attention to the instructor.

I had to live on base; my wife and children lived a few miles away. There was nothing "going on" between my friend and I, I just wanted to be with him constantly--something that had never happened with my wife. In fact, when she and I were first married, I couldn't get away on my own often enough. But David was different. I could be content just watching him read, or eat, or watch TV. Yes, it bothered me a little that he didn't seem as interested in me as I was in him. But, I figured, he was straight and apparently this was what I had been putting off my whole life.

Then, one night when we were driving a trailer full of furniture to another town for a friend, we found ourselves spending the night at an overbooked, small-town motel...with one bedroom, with one bed.

It was like the galaxy exploded within me.

And, of course, that was the last I saw of him. He was transferred, never wrote, never called. I called him a few times, but nothing ever came of it.

Eventually I got over him.

On our 22nd anniversary, my wife and I divorced amicably. The kids were grown and I was finally free to live the life I was meant to live. (Not that I would trade our four grown children for anything.) I've been in love twice since, the last time to my current husband. And it was great, especially since Michael never steals motorcycles. But I do have to say, that first time was the most intense.

Paul S Cilwa
04-20-2007, 09:54 PM
(I wanted this last baby, but the pregnancy was NOT FUN.) This last was hell. Once that part is fixed, I'll have no problem with desire. But boy, can the thought of another uncomfortable pregnancy turn that off!
I hope you've let your husband know that's the issue. Most men are going to assume it's him, somehow. And if the pregancy was hard on you, it was probably pretty tough on him as well...and now your attention is so focused on the little one (congratulations!)...and he's likely to be feeling left out as it is.

randomsome1
04-21-2007, 08:55 AM
I've done the crazy-frantic-hormonal deal before and never had it work out well.

I've been with my fiance for more than five years now and honestly, initially, was worried that I didn't feel silly-giddy-freaking out over him. I was comfortable. But like someone above said, it was more like coming home . . . only for me, along the lines of waking up, looking at him, and saying to myself, "Y'know, I think I could spend the rest of my life with this guy." Not panic and need, but comfort and trust.

truelyana
04-22-2007, 04:02 AM
Out Of Touch,Paralysed,Enfactuated,Brainwashed

TrainofThought
04-22-2007, 08:48 PM
Memories: Having to concentrate on breathing, finding my voice and agonizing over why I am cursed with foolish aches.

Changes: I did things I never thought or wanted to do just to make him happy, which in turn made me happy.

Realization: He told me I love deeply and he felt my passion and pain. I didn’t need to bury the 'true' me since I was willing to give myself emotionally and sexually to him.

CBeasy
04-23-2007, 07:31 AM
Nervous. Only women I care about intimidate me. I can address any amount of people, whether it be one or one hundred, with confidence, even if I have no idea what I'm talking about. People and talking are what I'm good at. Somehow, women I care about can take away every ounce of smooth charm I possess. My ex knew I was about to purpose to her several hours before I actually did, because I was clumsy, tongue tied, and anxious all evening. She knew the only person who could do that to me was her.

SpiderGal
05-07-2007, 09:08 PM
I saw this show on Discovery Channel. This scientist was trying to scientifically prove true love. She did it by doing MRI's on people who claim to be in love and comparing the scans to people who are not in love.

Her conclusion: Being in love is causes the same high as being on crack or maybe it was coke.

Okay so maybe that doesn't help you. It's something where you'll know it when it happens.

Actually, it helps a lot. And I know which scientist you are talking about. Helen Fisher, right?

SpiderGal
05-07-2007, 09:14 PM
I liked everybody's response. Thank you so much for contributing.

I am a neurobiology freak. I have read a lot of literature re: science of love over the last few days. I, now, have a good understanding of how this darn love thing happens.

I think Scarlet makes a good point. Fancying anyone, to be true, is involuntary - something we don't have control over. But, yes, we do have control over the choice of committing or not committing to someone.


And, interestingly, every time you get attracted to someone doesn't mean they are right for you.

I'll post more about my insights later on another thread.

WishWords
05-09-2007, 12:27 AM
Irrational. You do things that make you smack yourself in the forehead later.