Why do people marry?

Sohia Rose

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On Sundays, I don’t usually have much to do so my mind starts wandering, asking myself––then my beloved husband gets caught in the crosshairs––philosophical questions.

My wedding anniversary is next month, so I started thinking: “Why do people marry?”––other than the obvious: “Because I love him/her.” But why make your companionship a permanent situation? Why the whole spiel of a ritual wedding, a contract, where all of your family members recognize this person whom will now be a part of your life.

So I asked my husband: “Babe, why did you marry? Why did you choose me?” Of course, the obvious came out, he said, “Because I love you. ‘Cause I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Why make it official?” I probed further.

“Because people get lonely.”

“Can’t you just surround yourself with friends? That would cure loneliness, wouldn’t it?... Can’t you share with your buddies the same you share with me?”

“Yeh, but it’s not the same. You think I can talk to them the way I talk to you?”

“I don’t know. You tell me––so why marriage? Why the need for a permanent companion?”

“Hell, I don’t know. So people can have someone sitting in their living room!”

We both laughed. Yet I don’t think he really knew the answer to the question. I’m sure the question is answerable. Is it? I personally don’t know the answer. Do you?
 

Siddow

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It's tradition. We marry because society tells us that we're supposed to.
 

robeiae

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Tradition, sure.

And it's a tradition because marriage has proved to be beneficial--for the most part--to society across time, in terms of development. Marriage is a means of property control, protection (financial and otherwise--for spouse and child), social cohesion, as well as control in general.

Of course, some might argue that these benefits are becoming less and less necessary in the 21[SUP]st[/SUP] century...
 

WildScribe

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We made a commitment to spend forever with one another because we felt (and still feel) like two halves of one whole. He makes me a better person, and claims that I do the same for him. And I LOVE spending time with him.

We went through the ceremony for legal and family reasons, and to ask our families to officially support our relationship.
 

aruna

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Yep. Marriage is highly over rated.
Yes, it's highly overrated for those who think it's highly overrated. They definitely should not marry.

For some of us, though, marriage is very special, and the fact that we cannot explain why in words - despite being writers - only proves how special it is. There are no words for the best things in life!
 

writerterri

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Would you rather your children call you his wife or his girlfriend?


It's a holy union as far as I'm concerned. You are considered one now that you are married even in the eyes of the law. I feel that's more dignified than being boyfriend and girlfriend the rest of your lives. But that just me.


I think most men prefer to have a wife. They feel more secure in knowing that she is only his. I know people think they can be commited without a piece of paper but again I'll always go back to it being a holy union before God. The origination of marriage anyway. But man will screw that up too. :D
 

Jersey Chick

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OK - I've been thinking about this...

I married my husband because he is my best friend, he makes me laugh harder than anyone I have ever met, and because I couldn't imagine not waking up next to him every morning. My life would be very, very dull otherwise.

corny, but true.

But the party and the presents were really nice, too! ;)
 

RumpleTumbler

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I didn't have a family growing up.

I think somewhere subconsciously I must have believed that when I was married it would produce a family.

I didn't realize that I would be considered the enemy by my wifes family because I wasn't the sperm supplier for their evil grandchildren. I didn't realize that I would be considered the enemy by the evil step-children I inherited because I wasn't their sorry ass daddy. I further didn't realize that when my wife turned into the sorriest human being I have ever known my not accepting this would make me her enemy as well.

I was very naive.
 

Sohia Rose

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Humph. My husband came up with, “Because people need people. You know, like wolves travel in packs.” Okay. That’s how my husband is describing our union. :tongue

We go about our day. We write. Some of you play with your kids (which brought up another point in our conversation: Why do people have kids? My husband said so people can have something to do!).

I was happy being single for a number of years then I got lonely. But I wasn’t thinking marriage, even though a guy I was dating had proposed to me and I said no. That is, until I met my husband. I take comfort in the fact that someone is there for me no matter what, when I’m not at my best, when I’m washed up, a bygone.

I still don’t know if that explains the concept of marriage, though. Okay, commitment. But looking at it from another perspective, do you need a contract to be committed? Does the mere fact that a contract is in place means that you don’t trust the other person?
 

WildScribe

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I had just broken up with an abusive ass when I met my husband. I DID NOT want to date anyone, but I fell for him anyway. We went through 2 years of struggles (I was 16 and he was 20 when we met) before we were able to REALLY BE together. And it was all worth it. I knew within a month of dating him (yes, back when I was 16) that I could happily be married to him. I was right.

As for the contract, we called each other husband and wife before we were married legally. It was never a trust thing for us. The contract (and there is no prenup or anything) was for legality's sake, and so that we wouldn't have to sleep on opposite ends of the living room whenever we visited family members (on his side, anyway). His mother had kittens every time he called me his wife in her hearing until it was "legal". Hehee.
 

writerterri

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I didn't have a family growing up.

I think somewhere subconsciously I must have believed that when I was married it would produce a family.

I didn't realize that I would be considered the enemy by my wifes family because I wasn't the sperm supplier for their evil grandchildren. I didn't realize that I would be considered the enemy by the evil step-children I inherited because I wasn't their sorry ass daddy. I further didn't realize that when my wife turned into the sorriest human being I have ever known my not accepting this would make me her enemy as well.

I was very naive.

Naive indeed.

Instead of I do, you should have said, I'll get back to you and run far away. Some people have no business being married, yes?
 
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Kate Thornton

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We married because we were afraid of losing track of each other through the years if we didn't, and that would be a sad regret forever.

After 29 years of marriage, I can truthfully say I am glad every single day that we married.
 

alisarish

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One has to draw lines to ensure smooth running of any system, be it sports, commercial organizations, government, or any other system for that matter, marriage is such a line that drastically changes the roles of those who marry and creates a new relationship. The tradition of marriage also ensures standarization across regions. If people are allowed to do what they like then there would be complete chaos everywhere. We must draw lines. In an affair, you split if you believe its no more compatible, but in a marriage you sacrifice, or you should sacrifice for the sake of that relationship and children, if any, and it pays in the long run. Its a good tradition.
 

thethinker42

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I'll be honest: there were financial reasons. My husband is military. Getting married meant higher pay for him, a housing allowance, and free health care for me.

It also meant that when he transfers, the Navy pays for BOTH of us to move. Also things like hospital visitation if one of us is hospitalized, and various other legal advantages.

We were planning to marry anyway...we wanted to, can't really explain why...but the financial advantages and transfer stuff encouraged us to move the date up by almost 2 years.

But...we did want to. :) We're both hopeless romantics with each other, and really wanted to get married.
 

CaroGirl

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Psychologically, humans are monogamous creatures. We seek the protection that a mate provides, and there is inherent strength in a family unit. Infidelity, polygamy, polyandry, etc. are fraught with psychological pitfalls that cause breakdowns in relationships and nuclear families. Marriage is the promise of insurance; it represents lifelong safety and security, and who isn't up for a little of that?

And, damn it, I love the bastard.
 

Pomegranate

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I married my husband because he is my best friend, he makes me laugh harder than anyone I have ever met, and because I couldn't imagine not waking up next to him every morning. My life would be very, very dull otherwise.

That suits me too! 12 years later, we're still laughing. I think thats a good thing. We also married to have the public and legal recognition that we have chosen to be family. I read this at my wedding:

Why Marry At All?

Why mar what has grown up between the cracks
and flourished like a weed
that discovers itself to bear rugged
spikes of magneta blossoms in August,
ironweed sturdy and bold,
a perennial that endures winters to persist?
Why register with the state?

Why enlist in the legions of the respectable?
Why risk the whole apparatus of roles
and rules, of laws and liabilities?
Why license our bed at the foot
like our Datsun truck: will the mileage improve?

Why encumber our love with patriarchal
word stones, with the old armor
of husband and the corset stays
and the chains of wife? Marriage
meant buying a breeding womb
and sole claim to enforced sexual service.

Marriage has built boxes in which women
have burst their hearts sooner
than those walls; boxes of private
slow murder and the fading of the bloom
in the blood; boxes in which secret
bruises appear like toadstools in the morning.

But we cannot invent a language
of new grunts. We start where we find
ourselves, at this time and place.

Which is always the crossing of roads
that began beyond the earth's curve
but whose destination we can now alter.

This is a public saying to all our friends
that we want to stay together. We want
to share our lives. We mean to pledge
ourselves through times of broken stone
and seasons of rose and ripe plum;
we have found out, we know, we want to continue.

-- Marge Piercy
 
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