Beta reader wanted for script

Are any of you guys into reading movie scripts? Or should I just stick with the Screenwriting forum for that request?

I have a finished (and I do mean "finished") script from the genre of dramatic comedy with a bit of fantasy element covertly hidden in it. I think it's original, it's way way cool, I have already registered it with the WGA. I am seriously intent upon submitting it to an agent. But it's just too long for any agent to consider as a feature-length (maybe a mini-series, but those are a lot tougher to sell) and I need advice on how I can shorten it.

Any beta readers here who wanna tackle a movie script?

RainbowDragon said:

How many pages is it?

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In Final Draft its over 250 pages.

Hey, RanbowDragon, I Just saw your "location" and it says you're from the American Southwest. This script TAKES PLACE in the American Southwest.

That's like .......... wow.

Are you willing to read it?

KCpotatohead said:

HI

I would be interested in reading it and could offer my opinions but I am still fairly new to all of this myself. If you want PM me or email it to me.
[email protected]
Kev.

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Hey Potatohead I'd appreciate that.

For anyone who's not real savvy on how to read a screenplay, here's an essay from my own blog:

http://sandwichboardroom.blogspot.com/2007/04/script-reading-for-dummies.html

and an entry from Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dramatic_structure


Hopefully if I haven't insulted anyone's intelligence by posting those, they can be of help to someone.

I'll send you a link to my script.

--PD

lastlight said:

Plot.

Sure I'll read it! As you can see I'm working on three (doesn't mean I'm an expert), but 250 pgs. does seem a bit long. I'll defanitely look over it and critique it.

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Thanks, Ed. And congrats on your own work!

I'll send you a link in a PM.

lastlight said:

Do you like a truthful critic or a sappy one?

-Ed Faris.

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I like truthful yet nice (no nasty and snide remarks from the teacher i red ink, please).

Try dividing your critique into three (no!) FOUR sections:

1) The nit-picky and needed crappy nonsense about spelling, grammar, punctuation, and proper Hollwyood formatting. I'm a terrible speller, and I also make bad typos. And as for formatting, I admit I cheated a few margins (I know you can get in trouble for that, but I did it anyway.)

2) The equally nit-picky and needed and yet not-so-crappy stuff of plot, character motivation, common sense facts from real life --or (in other words) OVERALL BELIEVABILITY!!!! Such as: "Ummmmmmm .... while I don't own any firearms, I'm pretty sure that a semi-automatic gun does NOT use a revolving chamber, nor does it even have a hammer that needs to be cocked," and "Hanging someone from the ceiling by their arms will usualy induce death by suffocation in 6 hours or less. So I don't think he could have hung there for three whole days and still survived." (BTW, none of this stuff happens in my script. )

And did my sheriff make the right decision to NOT assign a body guard? Do you BELIEVE the sheriff was stupid enough to not assign a body guard? Or did your ability to suspend disbelief get tossed out the window at that point?

3) Craft. Is my dialogue good? Is my setting good? Is there forward momentum to the plot? Is it even remotely comprehensible to read?


4) Here's the part that's important to any writer: the emotional impact the story holds for you, the sense that it's not only a very GOOD story, it's also a very ORIGINAL story, not one you've seen before. This is the part of your critique where you MUST be honest. If the story's no good, then all the spell-checks and fact-checks won't mean anything. If the story is been-there-done-that, if it's uninspiring, if it doesn't make you laugh and cry and in any way move you, then I need to scrap it and push on to the next idea. And if you see a PIECE of anything at all that's worthwhile in it, like maybe I have HALF a story, and I need to scrape off the extraneous crap and focus on the diamond buried beneath all the superflous nonsens, then show me the one piece of originality and sincerity in this thing than can be salvaged, and I'll re-work it from there.

Thanks again

--PD

Right now I have two people who are reading the whole script, and a third reading just the first ten pages.

One scriptwriter web-friend of mine said I should try "the power of three." Which means always have THREE people read the script. And then have all three give their input and compare their input.

Can I have a third full-script person volunteer before midnight tonight???

Please??

dpaterso said:

A pal once asked me to read his short story, I said sure, why not? So he sent me his 55,000-word short story...

I am strangely reluctant to read a script that's 250+ pages. (I applaud the brave souls who volunteered to read the entire script!)

Normally I'd be willing to read anyone's first act, since any style problems that appear there tend to be repeated throughout the script... but the first act of a 250-pager, whew, too much.

How 'bout letting me look at the first 30 pages? If you hook me, I'll ask for more.

-Derek

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PM me your e-mail address and I'll send you the first 30.

small axe said:

Sometimes it takes a fresh pair of eyes.

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That's exactly what I'm looking for.

First bit of feedback came back today from one of you fine folks:

Wow, wow, wow wowowowowowowowowowow... and wow...This is incredible almost. I'm only on page 97 ... and it is truly amazing.

And from the same person:

I can't hardly put it down. Very, very, very well written.

If this is the kind of feedback I'm gonna get, then I'm stoked! This is exciting!

Yes, there were some negative criticisms from this same person also (too many characters, an unexplanable shift in someone's accent). But the overall jazz from this reviewer is that the story is good.

Meanwhile I have been shortening it (not by much, just by a few hairs here and there). But the task of shortening it is no longer daunting me like it was last week. I have a new courage to start hacking away at it and making it a more manageable (and sellable) length.



Any other takers????




::EDIT::

I won't ever publish ANY NAMES of any of my readers, or indicate gender, occupation, age, or anything else to reveal who is who.

Okay, some more feedback:

Take a deep breath! Writing quality is pretty good, close to excellent in many places. I wouldn't be surprised if you told me that you have major writing credits. I'm not asking -- I'm just telling you how your pages read.

Truth to tell I was hoping I could suggest an easy way to shrink your pages but it's just not that simple, you're not a particularly wordy writer and your style is already pretty succinct. The story arc (from what I've seen) doesn't invite easy breakdown and restructuring.

So, let's at least get down to the trivial stuff.

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Again, very encouraging. This was the opening line of an e-mail from this reviewer. And the full text of that e-mail tallied up to 4.3 pages in a Microsoft Word document. So this person had a LOT to say. And I ate up every word of it. Thank you!!

And the answer is "No," I have never published a thing in my life or sold a single script in my life. But feedback like this makes me mad I didn't enter this feild as soon as I graduated college. But hopefully I can correct that error in vocational choice. Soon.

As for the rest of that 4.3 pages, it's all very helpful. A few coments from this reviewer made me think "WHAT???" so either she/he skimmed badly over a critical plot point, or else I just messed up big time in trying to convey that plot point. Either way, this reveiwer was very very very nice in tone, and helpful in a lot of things, and it made me go back --not in shame or anger but in eagerness--to my script to try and rework things.

One very valid point was brought up and it made me laugh at myself:

This reviewer pointed out that my very first introduction of my female leading character unintentionally made the reader think I was introducing a MALE character. And it was a full six pages later that the correct gender of that character was clarified via dialogue. My mistake! I chose to name my chacater a guy name (I named her Percy), and when I originally introduced her in an earlier draft, it was in a very flowery paragraph describing how pretty she was, what she was wearing, and how my male lead (also the main protagonist) was utterly smitten with her, etc. But with each new draft, I kept paring it back and cutting it down and that flowery paragraph got .... de-flowered. So almost nothing was left except "From the floor, he looks up and spies PERCY, 29, laughing beside Mrs. Joyce. He stands to get back on stage and sneaks one last look at her." My reviewer thought "sneaks one last look at her" meant one last look at Mrs. Joyce (a 72-year-old lady in a wheel chair!). My bad. I've already re-written that paragraph to clarify Percy's gender. (And a big "Thank you!" to my reviewer!)

This is great stuff. Keep it coming, guys.

Oh--and one more thing--I have successfully shortened the script down so that Act 1 ends around Page 60 now. Just four days ago, Act 1 ended at Page 80. So progress is being made. If I can JUST get Act 1 to end around Page 40 I think I'll be home free at that ponit.