For the last time: I...AM...NOT...A...WOMAN!!!

Lantern Jack · Apr 13, 2007

And the next one who mistakes me for one, I'm going Captain Clobber on their keister!

I started working at Target on January 3rd. To date, I have been:

called a dyke 7 times

ma'amed 357 times

young lady-ed 256 times

miss-ed 323 times

honeyed 125 times

little missed 15 times

called a woman 95 times

called a girl 47 times

asked for tampon advice 3 times

asked perfume advice 15 times

asked moisturizer advice 7 times

asked my opinion of female apparel 27 times

And the thing that really twists my testicles...I...have..testicles!

I'M A FREAKIN' DUDE!

I have an Adam's apple! I have stubble! I have testosterones! I pick my bodily orifices in public! My...my...nipples are tiny!

I was in the break room when I discovered, to my utter dismay, half my co-workers think I'm a lady!

Oh, the humanity! Oh, the womanity!

Joe270 · Apr 14, 2007

Get a haircut, dude.

And, by the way, the tampon thing doesn't go away. Gets worse after you get married. And sometimes you have to carry her purse, too. Normally that occurs when massive biker gorrillas show up just as you turn away from her . . . no amount of 'splainin' will do, either.

On the up side, women seem to like this ridicule.

dclary · Apr 14, 2007

I'm sorry, Ma'am. What?

T Knight · Apr 14, 2007

So I guess a dates out the question then?

Lantern Jack said:
And the next one who mistakes me for one, I'm going Captain Clobber on their keister!

I started working at Target on January 3rd. To date, I have been:

called a dyke 7 times

ma'amed 357 times

young lady-ed 256 times

miss-ed 323 times

honeyed 125 times

little missed 15 times

called a woman 95 times

called a girl 47 times

asked for tampon advice 3 times

asked perfume advice 15 times

asked moisturizer advice 7 times

asked my opinion of female apparel 27 times

And the thing that really twists my testicles...I...have..testicles!

I'M A FREAKIN' DUDE!

I have an Adam's apple! I have stubble! I have testosterones! I pick my bodily orifices in public! My...my...nipples are tiny!

I was in the break room when I discovered, to my utter dismay, half my co-workers think I'm a lady!

Oh, the humanity! Oh, the womanity!

robeiae · Apr 14, 2007

How do we know this is really you and not Celia, again? I'm pretty sure she's not a dude. But then, this could all still be part of some massive and elaborate hoax, aimed at making me doubt my sanity...

No, it's not paranoia. Shut-up.

dpaterso · Apr 14, 2007

Lantern Jack said:
And the next one who mistakes me for one, I'm going Captain Clobber on their keister!

Please post pictures when that happens. It's always fun to see someone being bitch-slapped.

-Derek

tourdeforce · Apr 14, 2007

Misogyny is an ugly thing, Lantern Jack.

Regardless of the fact that you are a man, your desire to not be identified as a woman reeks of an irrational prejudice against the feminine sex.

In fact, your need to assert your male gender potential borders on hate speech.

.

Carrie in PA · Apr 14, 2007

Geez, somebody's got PMS.

thethinker42 · Apr 14, 2007

They must've thought you were smart. An honest mistake, really.

Lantern Jack · Apr 14, 2007

Joe270 said:
Get a haircut, dude.

And, by the way, the tampon thing doesn't go away. Gets worse after you get married. And sometimes you have to carry her purse, too. Normally that occurs when massive biker gorrillas show up just as you turn away from her . . . no amount of 'splainin' will do, either.

On the up side, women seem to like this ridicule.

I did get a haircut. Celia gave me one. And no, not the Celia side of me. The real Celia. But it doesn't matter. Long, short, I must face the fact: my testosteroneousness will never be recognized. I'm doomed to dwell in the dim twilight of shemaledom for all time.

And by the way, I got a scanner now. As soon as I polish off the pictures on my disposables, and someone tells me how to post pics off your computer, I shall be posting many a snap, with both Celia and I in it, together, proving, unquestionably, we are twain, not one.

Chumplet · Apr 14, 2007

I await with bated breath.
Half the kids in my son's high school think he's a chick.

CatSlave · Apr 14, 2007

They hate you because you're beautiful.

Susie · Apr 14, 2007

Well, I'm sure glad you know you're a man, LJ. It's great you don't have to go on Jerry Springer and say, "I'm a tranvestite."

Bartholomew · Apr 14, 2007

Man, the chick that started this thread is so hot.

whistlelock · Apr 14, 2007

Put on some muscle mass.

whistlelock · Apr 14, 2007

And stop wearing skirts that really bring out your eyes.

That'll probably help more than anything else.

Thump · Apr 14, 2007

Dude... in your place, I'd be celebrating! People think you're part of the better half of Humanity even though you totally don't deserve it since you have dangly bits! What an honor!

Also, I'm a little offended by your need to firmly assert your masculinity

It's not an insult to be thought to be a woman you know?

zahra · Apr 14, 2007

Oh, stop whining. I'm a woman and I've never been called 'little miss'.
I feel short-changed. There's a bloke at my workplace who calls me 'mate', though I've told him time and again I prefer the term 'honeykitten'.

Godfather · Apr 14, 2007

i hope i never have to assert that i am, in fact, male.

(and i especially hope never to have to assert that i am, in fact, female)

tourdeforce · Apr 14, 2007

So, LJ, if you were to ever be in a position to arrest Mel Gibson, he would, in fact, be more likely than not to call you "sugar tits"?

.

Luke flees the scene · Apr 14, 2007

I'm guessing you have long hair? I used to and I got called girl, fag, ect. thousands of times everyday. You've just gotta ignore them.

Godfather · Apr 14, 2007

you know what's great tattered? having long hair and calling short-haired people hippies. it gives the same liberating feeling as walking around naked when you have the house to yourself.

Luke flees the scene · Apr 14, 2007

True enough. =D

writerterri · Apr 14, 2007

Excuse me but what isle are the feminine napkins on?

robeiae · Apr 14, 2007

Flying or non-flying?

For the last time: I...AM...NOT...A...WOMAN!!!

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