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Annie O
04-06-2007, 09:06 PM
Okay, this game could be real fun, but everyone has to participate to make it happen.

You know how you have to read between the lines when it comes to real estate descriptions? Well this writing exercise is all about that. AW has a house to sell and we're going to do our darndest to sell it. The house is old with a lot of imperfections but we are going to spice the description up to make it sound beautiful. We won't lie but we'll use our power of words to make it sound like an abode fit for a queen.

I'll start by describing a part of the house honestly and the next participant will spice it up using 'real estate speak'. Then they will choose another part of the house to describe honestly which will lead onto the next participant....and so on. Hey, you may discover a hidden talent for realty writing and decide to pursue your life-long corporate writing dream. ;)

Okay, ready?


The old, elm staircase has woodworm.

Steven Howard
04-06-2007, 09:44 PM
The old, elm staircase has woodworm.

Original hardwood fixtures with old-world charm.


Next:

The tiny kitchen was last redecorated in the early 1970s: brown and orange floor tiles and avocado green countertops.

Festus
04-06-2007, 10:15 PM
The kitchen has charming period decor.

There are many things that need to be repaired.

janetbellinger
04-06-2007, 10:16 PM
Fabulous retro art kitchen to die for.

Next:

Leaky basement

janetbellinger
04-06-2007, 10:17 PM
not fast enough. Use Festus's post instead.

Festus
04-06-2007, 10:42 PM
Naw, use Janet's. It is more specific and her kitchen description has more "oomp!"

Annie O
04-06-2007, 11:19 PM
There are many things that need to be repaired.

Classic, antique fixtures and fittings. A wonderful restoration project.



Bats in the attic.

dancingandflying
04-07-2007, 01:02 AM
be part of a spectacular ecosystem that brings nature to the home.

leaky roof.

Chumplet
04-07-2007, 02:11 AM
A Handyman's dream.



One bedroom with half bath.

Annie O
04-07-2007, 04:17 AM
An outstanding bijou property.


Is situated close to a major road.

Silver King
04-07-2007, 04:33 AM
Is situated close to a major road.
Centrally located, with easy access to shopping.

The landscape is a jungle where animals of unknown origin howl through the night, their yellow eyes visible through the dense undergrowth.

kdnxdr
04-07-2007, 05:53 AM
Located a little outside the city with a rural feel. Commune with nature.

Small backyard.

arrowqueen
04-08-2007, 12:54 AM
'Easy-to-maintain garden.'

Dry rot.

janetbellinger
04-08-2007, 02:46 AM
'handyman's dream.'

dirty house

Silver King
04-08-2007, 02:51 AM
A little elbow grease is all this gem needs to shine like a diamond.

Termite infested.

janetbellinger
04-08-2007, 02:56 AM
'Ecologically soud. Surrounded by wildlife.'

Ancient, dangerous wiring.

Writer???
04-08-2007, 05:02 AM
Hope I'm not being inappropriate here. I thought you might like to see your ad all together.

HOUSE FOR SALE:
Original hardwood fixtures with old-world charm.
The kitchen has charming period decor. Fabulous retro art kitchen to die for.
Classic, antique fixtures and fittings. A wonderful restoration project.
be part of a spectacular ecosystem that brings nature to the home.
A Handyman's dream.
An outstanding bijou property.
Centrally located, with easy access to shopping.
Located a little outside the city with a rural feel. Commune with nature.
'Easy-to-maintain garden.'
'handyman's dream.'
A little elbow grease is all this gem needs to shine like a diamond.
'Ecologically soud. Surrounded by wildlife.'

(Ancient, dangerous wiring.)

You simply can't overextend this wiring/SAVE on high electric bills!

Melisande
04-08-2007, 08:05 AM
Writer???
You didn't give a true statement

Annie O
04-08-2007, 10:12 PM
Okay, as Writer??? didn't give us an honest description, I'll get the ball rolling again by adding one:

The house is built on an old burial ground.

Festus
04-08-2007, 10:23 PM
Situated on an historical site.

Haunted.

Silver King
04-08-2007, 10:50 PM
The home's rich heritage can be felt in every room.

Rats the size of Cocker Spaniels roam throughout the place.

eldragon
04-08-2007, 11:09 PM
Room for all your furry friends.



The floors slope in all directions.

Pthom
04-09-2007, 01:08 AM
Eclectic architectural style.


Neighbor to the north has a collection of derelict motor homes--Neighbor to the south keeps rotweillers, trains them as attack dogs.

Cath
04-09-2007, 01:23 AM
Rustic outlook. Unique anti-burglar devices in locality.

Previous owner enjoyed throwing things. Heavy things. Sometimes right through doors and windows.

Silver King
04-09-2007, 01:31 AM
During nice days, bright sunshine floods the rooms.

There's a lien on the property.

Festus
04-09-2007, 02:13 AM
Creative financing plans available.

Previous owner committed suicide in home.

eldragon
04-09-2007, 02:51 AM
a place you'll never want to leave..............



Horrible factory odors in the air.

PattiTheWicked
04-09-2007, 03:19 AM
The mantel provides a lovely showcase for your scented candles.

There's a giant, gaping hole in the front porch.

eldragon
04-09-2007, 02:57 PM
The view from your front porch offers angles from above and below.........



There's no insulation - you'll freeze your butt in winter and burn up in summer.

aruna
04-09-2007, 03:25 PM
original plank walls and quaint glass windows providing natural ventilation and sunlight

missing floorboards in all rooms

Seery
04-09-2007, 03:53 PM
unique opportinities for underfloor heating additions

blocked drains

poetinahat
04-09-2007, 03:56 PM
indoor pools

Owners moving because of nosy neighbours with binoculars

aruna
04-09-2007, 03:56 PM
unique opportinities for underfloor heating additions

blocked drains


You children will enjoy the interior paddling-pool

Lead in ancient plumbing led to death by poisoning of previous owner

aruna
04-09-2007, 03:56 PM
Ooops! poet and I had the same idea but he was quicker.

aruna
04-09-2007, 03:59 PM
Friendly, accessible neighbours



Lead in ancient plumbing led to death by poisoning of previous owner

Cath
04-09-2007, 04:23 PM
Original features.

Decor is from the 60's - psychedelic patterns and all. Mostly in green.

aruna
04-09-2007, 04:46 PM
Creative, nostalgic decorations provide a bright aspect to every room.

Approved plans for a chemical factory nearby has led to sudden drop of property value - only worth 25% of asking price.

eldragon
04-09-2007, 11:29 PM
"Up and coming neighborhood, an investor's dream!"


The last family was murdered in their sleep. The intruder was never found, and the doors were all locked from the inside. It was only after neighbors reported a horrible smell, that the people were found.

Pat~
04-10-2007, 01:47 AM
A house with a lingering sense of history.

Foundation cracks you could drive a truck through.

Silver King
04-10-2007, 01:47 AM
The home's history is but a small part of its overall charm.

Located in the worst neighborhood in the city, where ladies of the night entertain patrons in the vacant house and drug deals are made from the front porch at all hours of the day and night.

Silver King
04-10-2007, 01:49 AM
Oops, Pat beat me to it. That's what I get for proofreading my post a dozen times. :)

Pat~
04-10-2007, 02:14 AM
Foundation cracks you could drive a truck through.

Hurry, this one will move fast!



Located in the worst neighborhood in the city, where ladies of the night entertain patrons in the vacant house and drug deals are made from the front porch at all hours of the day and night.

In the heart of the city's entertainment district.


New one:

The house has 5 bedrooms and 1 bathroom.

eldragon
04-10-2007, 02:44 AM
Perfect for a close-knit family!


The house has a bad case of black mold.

janetbellinger
04-10-2007, 03:23 AM
Natural accents add to the decor.

rickety staircase

Silver King
04-10-2007, 03:31 AM
The floors are joined by a stairway to Heaven.

All of the major appliances need to be replaced.

Festus
04-10-2007, 05:29 AM
Perfect opportunity for the upgrades of your choice.

Runway of local airport in direct line with the house.

eldragon
04-10-2007, 05:34 AM
Easy access to International gateways.


House has been on the market for three years, without a bite.

janetbellinger
04-10-2007, 05:46 AM
Motivated seller.

ten years worth of dead flies and fly dirt piled up inside the window sills

poetinahat
04-10-2007, 07:23 AM
Unspoiled rustic feel in a chemical-free environment

Attic full of asbestos

kdnxdr
04-10-2007, 08:37 AM
Perfect for the do-it-your-selfer with opportunities for innovative plans.


radon seeping into the house

aruna
04-10-2007, 12:58 PM
You'll be all that nearer to Heaven!

Previous owner had the habit of urinating on the carpets - smells like it too.

eldragon
04-10-2007, 04:50 PM
"So cozy, you'll think you're at Grandma's house!"


No central AC or heat.

Steven Howard
04-10-2007, 08:55 PM
No central AC or heat.

Low utility bills.



About a quarter of the square footage is an unpermitted addition that's not up to code.

Pat~
04-10-2007, 09:08 PM
All the work's been done!


The property has a serious septic tank leak.

Festus
04-10-2007, 09:33 PM
Natural garden fertilizer readily available

Meth lab found in attic

janetbellinger
04-10-2007, 10:09 PM
Room for you to start your own business

the area will be the next Love Canal

Steven Howard
04-11-2007, 02:03 AM
the area will be the next Love Canal

You may not get another chance to purchase a home in this exclusive neighborhood for years to come.



Let's see, what hasn't been done yet?

House is currently on fire.

Pat~
04-11-2007, 02:07 AM
Hot real estate--hurry, this one will go fast!!


Home is trashed by previous renters.

Silver King
04-11-2007, 02:32 AM
The home has a quaint, lived-in feel about it you'll find nowhere else.

The previous owner, with no building experience, added the second level, which is one screw short of collapsing.

Melisande
04-11-2007, 03:34 AM
The previous owner, with no building experience, added the second level, which is one screw short of collapsing.

Artists will appreciate the skylight.

There is a rats nest in the basement.

Pat~
04-11-2007, 03:45 AM
A great family home.


Every room is painted a different color of the rainbow.

arrowqueen
04-12-2007, 01:37 AM
An artist's dream.

Nearby river floods house every winter.

dancingandflying
04-12-2007, 01:54 AM
enough water for the family to be taking baths all at once!

hobo living under the stairs.
:D d and f.

Silver King
04-12-2007, 03:30 AM
A security guard patrols the premises 24/7 at no extra cost.

A sinkhole swallowed the home and now it lays twelve feet under ground.

dancingandflying
04-12-2007, 07:20 AM
wonderful isolation.

the previous owner was an old cat lady and her and her cats' dead bodies lie around the house.
:D d and f.

aruna
04-12-2007, 09:19 AM
This is an aninal lover's dream.

Previous owner fiddled witht he plumbing, and now sewage and waste-water runs through the water pipes.

poetinahat
04-12-2007, 09:35 AM
Mineral water... on tap!

Interior walls are paper-thin -- you can hear everything in the next room.

aruna
04-12-2007, 09:59 AM
Ideal for fans of audio porn.

Outside latrines.

P.H.Delarran
04-12-2007, 10:56 AM
You'll always feel close to nature here.


Next door, there's a Frat house, and they throw loud parties everynight.

poetinahat
04-12-2007, 11:46 AM
Trendy, cosmopolitan neighborhood - near the action!

Neighbor lets dogs run loose; they bark and chase passersby.

arrowqueen
04-13-2007, 01:50 AM
Free security system.

Garden is overgrown with poisonous plants.

dancingandflying
04-13-2007, 07:52 AM
thriving garden.

toilets don't flush.

P.H.Delarran
04-13-2007, 08:27 AM
Water-saving features.


Door-knobs stick and sometimes don't work at all.

dancingandflying
04-13-2007, 08:53 AM
great privacy.

crack dealers on your street.

Pthom
04-13-2007, 11:58 AM
Convenient to commerce.

Shower floods when toilet is flushed.

dancingandflying
04-13-2007, 10:22 PM
your little kids will have fun in the pool.

guns being shot in the middle of the night.

Pat~
04-15-2007, 11:02 AM
Neighborhood experiencing explosive growth.


Fence is falling down.

janetbellinger
04-15-2007, 04:57 PM
Rustic unspoiled charm.



Brick has been spraypainted in psychadelic colours with 1960s ic peace symbols and slogans.

dancingandflying
04-16-2007, 12:29 AM
beautiful retro design.

graffitied driveway.

Annie O
04-16-2007, 07:07 PM
A personal design touch.

Last occupants were abducted by aliens whilst in their beds.

Silver King
04-16-2007, 07:31 PM
The residence will leave you feeling out of this world.

A Peeping Tom with a high powered telescope lives next door. :e2shower:

aruna
04-16-2007, 07:40 PM
Friendly neihgbours.

An axe murderer once lived here and buried his victims under the foundations

Pagey's_Girl
04-16-2007, 07:45 PM
Fascinating historical location...

There are several platoons of army ants bivouacking under the deck...

arrowqueen
04-17-2007, 12:36 AM
Nature-lover's paradise.

Built across earthquake fault-line.

janetbellinger
04-17-2007, 02:14 AM
Never a dull moment.

Dirt bikers use the property to race on in the middle of the night.

Cath
04-17-2007, 03:20 AM
Vibrant neighborhood

The previous owner has left his collection of rusty spare car parts all over the garden.

threedogpeople
04-17-2007, 11:25 PM
Owner is an avant guard metal artist and many pieces remain with the property.


Ceilings are only 6 1/2 feet high.

Pat~
04-19-2007, 09:45 AM
Good home for young family.


House is on a 4-way stop; drivers pitch trash and beer bottles onto property.

P.H.Delarran
04-19-2007, 09:48 AM
A neighborhood where everyone pitches in.


Frequent fly-overs by police helicopters searching for criminals.

TsukiRyoko
04-19-2007, 10:01 AM
A neighborhood where everyone pitches in.


Frequent fly-overs by police helicopters searching for criminals.
A home so heavenly that you could almost swear you're be watched from above.

The ceiling's about to fall in.

Pat~
04-19-2007, 10:06 AM
Handyman's dream.


Back yard view is of a 50-foot water tower.

P.H.Delarran
04-19-2007, 10:25 AM
Great views of a vital architectural structure.


The phone sysem in the area is ancient-still uses a party line!

janetbellinger
04-19-2007, 10:59 AM
This place will bring back fond memories of the past. Antique hunter's dream.


Dirt basement.

MajorDrums
04-19-2007, 11:51 AM
Rustic space, perfectly suitable for flexible finishings.

Low water pressure.

Pat~
04-19-2007, 12:17 PM
Efficient water conservation features.

House is overrun with roaches.

janetbellinger
04-19-2007, 04:02 PM
Property abounds with game. A veritable wild feast for supper every night.

No indoor plumbing

Annie O
04-20-2007, 11:29 AM
Environmentally friendly home.

Alligators at the bottom of the garden.

threedogpeople
04-20-2007, 11:49 AM
Watch protected species in your own backyard.



Water supply contaminated with fecal coliform bacteria.

janetbellinger
04-20-2007, 06:50 PM
Strengthen your immune system.

200 year old parrot, who does not go in a cage and is not housetrained goes with the place

arrowqueen
04-23-2007, 01:00 AM
Genuine antique free with house!

House built over portal to Hell.

janetbellinger
04-23-2007, 01:53 AM
This place is absolutely other worldly.


Discount City strip mall to be constructed next door.

Silver King
04-23-2007, 03:13 AM
Conveniently located within walking distance of a sprawling shopping mall.

A meteorite flattened the place and created a crater the size of the Grand Canyon.

janetbellinger
04-23-2007, 06:31 AM
You'll love life in the beautiful valley.

Aliens kidnapped the previous owners. taking them to the space ship for the famous bodily tests. It's likely they'll return again.

threedogpeople
04-24-2007, 03:18 AM
Drop-in location, perfect for your foreign visitors.


During the last earthquake, the house moved 6 inches off its foundation.

janetbellinger
04-24-2007, 04:11 AM
You'll be floating on air when you buy this gem.

Pig farm across the road.

threedogpeople
04-27-2007, 11:20 AM
Rural neighborhood with ready access to organic products.


Roof composed of plastic sheeting, dirt and oyster shells.

(true of our fixer upper!)