What do you do when you don't feel supported?

So sorry to hear that. My husband is very supportive and offers helpful critique (although I sometimes have to explain to him why something is grammatically correct even if we don't speak that way).

You know you can always come here for support.

Ack, sorry! I think we all just need to learn to deal with that sort of thing. My husband is very supportive, but the rest of my family doesn't have the slightest bit of interest (sad, considering my mother used to be an artist and my dad writes for a hobby). If I POD'd one of my novels, I couldn't even get glowing reviews from mom - she's never asked to read any of them.

It sounds like you have support elsewhere though, so take heart. Not everybody can be everything for us. At least so I tell myself when my husband yet again "forgets" to pick up the crap he leaves all over the house.

I show my DH the horror stuff I write, too, but I think it disturbs him to know that his sweet wife wrote it... but he still asks to see it. *shrug*

Get things understood from the giddyap. My wife has yet to read a word I've written--before or after they're published. If she wanted to she'd ask. The first folks who see my stuff are from the pubs I submit to. You want validation? Work it out with you're own attitude.

If you find somebody with a good reading mind, and especially somebody with an objective mind, rely on that person's judgement. If not, let the editors decide.

Rich said:

Get things understood from the giddyap. My wife has yet to read a word I've written--before or after they're published. If she wanted to she'd ask.

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That's how I feel as well. No one in my family has ever asked to read what I've written, rarely even when I've offered it. It's disappointing, but I've come not to expect otherwise.

If you find somebody with a good reading mind, and especially somebody with an objective mind, rely on that person's judgement. If not, let the editors decide.

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I agree. Finding a good reader/critiquer can be extremely helpful, but no reader is any good if you're not happy with your own work. Just keep trying to break into the market. Your audience will be there!

Gah, I know the feeling.

I haven't even told my wife that I'm writing again. I write horror and fantasy (of course because that's what I read), and lately just horror because I have a fix for it right now.

My wife can't stand horror of any kind. If she thought I was writing some of these, I can't say how she'd react.

Sad thing is, I'd love for her to be my grammer beta because she is a teacher, and lives for that kind of thing. I dunno, if I publish a short story or something, I might let her in on my dark secret, but until I can prove I'm somewhat decent, I'll keep it to myself and use forums like these for help and support.

Don't show him. Accept for a fact that what you do will not interest him, and any support he tries to show you will be faked. I'm not being sarcastic, this is what I go through too.

You basically have to turn inward for support. It sucks, but it's about the only survival technique that's worked at this point.

Marilyn Braun said:

I asked my husband to read the article before I submitted and he just never got around to it (or possibly didn't want to get around to it). I really could have used some encouragement from him but I don't feel as though I'm getting any or will ever get any.

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What are you doing with my husband? SO! That's where he goes all day. Honestly, he will never read my work. He said he'd see the movie made from my book. I gave up.

Parkinsonsd- I'd take faked support any day.

C.bronco said:

Parkinsonsd- I'd take faked support any day.

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Naw, you would know, and you feel like he's just placating you. It does more to minimize your self esteem than no support.

No husband=no problems!
Anyone figured jealousy into the equation yet?

This opinion might end up being shite, but excitement can invoke curiousity; if you're thoroughly enjoying what you're writing and sharing your work with a good reader/critiquer(s), eventually your husband may say, "Hey, what is she up to?" But even if he still ends up not being as excited as you want him to be, that's still not something he should be responsible for, methinks...that comes from within. Self satisfaction in knowing you are working on your dream!

Just out of curiosity (and don't take this the wrong way) would you rather your hubby read your work and tell you he liked it when he didn't? Seriously. My wife is the first person to read anything I write, and while she usually tells me she likes it, she almost always has something to say about "Well, this is kinda hokey," or "This didn't make sense." She's hard on me because I've told her numerous times that she, being my wife, is going to be biased about the work.

My wife is an avid reader, and she knows what she likes in a book. If it didn't work for her, I try to figure out if it's something I don't want to change or if she's right. More often than not she is right, and I find a way to fix the problem.

Marilyn Braun said:

What I'd like is some encouragement from him.

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Hi Marilyn. I obviously don't know what kind of guy your husband is, but do you think he'd be receptive if you flat-out told him (nicely and sincerely of course) that that's what you'd like from him? My hubby is very receptive to this kind of thing. He likes it that I feel comfortable enough to ask for what I need/want directly.

Maybe if you tell your husband that you're looking for verbal support and cheering-on (of you personally, not necessarily your writing itself), and tell him how much he'll please you if he offers that, maybe he'll do it. Just a thought, feel free to ignore it if it's not of any help to you. I certainly don't mean to be or even sound presumptuous or anything, I'm just sharing what works for me in the hopes that it might help you too. Take it at face value and chuck it if it does you no good.

And I echo the sentiment that we're here at AW to support each other. We're always here for you.

Marilyn Braun said:

After much procrastination, I've just submitted an article to a newspaper and a query to another. I don't really expect too much but, if anything, at least I'm trying.

I asked my husband to read the article before I submitted and he just never got around to it (or possibly didn't want to get around to it). I really could have used some encouragement from him but I don't feel as though I'm getting any or will ever get any.

When he read a draft of it, he didn't seem even remotely impressed, and he said he didn't see the point in the article. Other people get and enjoy my articles, so it was very demoralizing to hear it from him. Maybe, by wanting him to read the revised version (which I just submitted today) I'm just a sucker for punishment.

How do you deal with it when you don't feel supported by the people you really need and would expect to support you?

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I'm not married, but my mother HATES that I changed my major in college from Biology/Pre-Med to English. She hasn't read any of my manuscripts, and reminds me weekly that she thinks I'm waisitng my talents. She keeps pushing for me to go to law school. I've learned to ignore it. It hurts, but I have to be me.

I also asked my best friend to read my manuscript, and she never did. She kept giving me excuses about never having enough time. Then after I got a response from an agent about the beginning being really slow, I confronted her, and she finally admitted that she didn't read it because she couldn't get into it. I was hurt, but both situations have helped me learn not to rely on their support. Now, when I need an honest critique, I'll paste it on one of these boards.

The people in our personal lives may be too close to us to give us what we need, but be encouraged anyway. You just have to have faith in your own work. I hope this helps.
DD

Support

I suppose support is important, but I'd never think of needing or asking for support from my wife where my writing is concerned. What's she got to do with it?

Is this, maybe, a gender thing? I know there are exceptions to everything, but it seems to me that most women think support is having your spouse read your work and cheer you on, while most men think support is when your spouse doesn't gripe at you for spending too much time writing.

Yep.

My husband fully supports my decision to write, but he's never really read anything I've written. I can't remember asking or expecting or wanting him to. He views it as my profession. He'll ask, "How was your day?" and I'll give him a update about my latest project.

My mom is very supportive of my writing, she hates everything else I do but she's all for the art. She's strange and crazy.

Anyway, my husband is supportive. He'll listen to me talk about my writing but he won't actully read it. He might pick up a print out and skim it for a bit but activily search it out to read it, not going to happen. I don't know why that is.

Cheer up! We're all here for you!

Jamesaritchie said:

I suppose support is important, but I'd never think of needing or asking for support from my wife where my writing is concerned. What's she got to do with it?

Is this, maybe, a gender thing? I know there are exceptions to everything, but it seems to me that most women think support is having your spouse read your work and cheer you on, while most men think support is when your spouse doesn't gripe at you for spending too much time writing.

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Actully I kinda agree with the not griping and leaving me alone to do what I have to do. Its my world, he doesn't really understand it. He knows when I get a rejection I'm sad and thats about the extent of his knowladge.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Repeat procedure, as many times as necessary.

I been doing it a very long time. Hasn't helped, but hasn't killed me yet, either.

caw

My dear, you have us. This is where I come to lean on friends. My father encourged me to write. He was killed tragically before he ever got to read my books and short stories that saw print. My mother didn't give a shat about my writing. My sister is 52-years old and can't read.

Today, I have one roomate that is indifferent. But my landlord, who is also my roomate, is totally drawn to the process and is rooting me along all the way--even discussing plot points and making suggestions.

Other than that, there are some truly wonderful people here who furnish deep and meaningful comments to me in emails and pms.

Honey, take what you can get. But always remember that you are not alone here.

Tri