Wrenches, Curve Balls, and Writing

I compartmentalize so much of it - I can only deal with so many crises at one time, so some must wait their turn. I could sit in stunned disbelief and throat-catching agony, completely immoblized by grief and horror if I let myself. But I don't. The smaller agonies recieve my full attention for a while. But the larger ones must wait.

I would say perhaps the same way our characters do....like the old Italian "gentleman" in Catch-22, who decides to just roll with the punches. Personally, I find writing a great therapy for personal upheaval, and the latter is how I got started down this path of torture and entertainment a few years ago to begin with.

Whew, that is one long first sentence you have there! lol
Things happen. There is nothing you can do but live your life. Actually, my mother dying is the reason why I got divorced and decided to do what *I* want to do with this life of mine- you never know when it can end, so you can to live for today.
Also, getting my book published is slightly becoming an obssession. Once I am published, I could die a happy woman. Sounds pathetic, but it is true. It is one of the only things I care about in this life.

Birol said:

How do you deal with the upheaval or the chaos in order to stay focused and moving forward on your writing?

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I don't.

Consistency in my writing routine makes everything else easier to deal with. So I put that first and everything else falls into place.

I had a personal injury/illness occur that caused pain if I sat at the computer for too long. (Basically, anything I did caused pain.) My life became an all-consuming quest to minimize that pain. I did almost no writing for three years because of it. Should have used notebooks more then, but my head wasn't in it either. It was just focused on the pain. Everything else, I can find a way to deal.

I was just thinking about this. I can't seem to concentrate on writing if I have something distracting me such a health problem or an emotional issue. If I'm looking for avoidance, then I would be able to write. That's not how I usually deal with issues though. If something is going on in my life, more than likely my focus will be on that and not on anything else. But, with that, I see that I'm going to have to learn how to deal with these life issues because a.) I'm getting older and will probably have those health issues to deal with and b.) my family will not be around forever; death is inevitable.

It does seem to affect me. Between this kid-having business, my sister staying with us for a while, work, money, etc. I am completely failing to write.

Although the interesting thing I noted earlier this morning, looking over the few bits that I have written...all of my writing in the past six weeks has been done out of the home. Either at the bookstore, before and after it opened or closed, or done on a voice recorder as I took a walk somewhere. Even then, it's tenuous at best.

Well I can say death of family members puts me right off writing. I don't even try, I just wait until it's dulling enough so that I can spend contemplative time without tearing up. In my experience, that's been around a month - no writing in there.

As for emotional pain - I was severely distracted just recently and found I couldn't write much more than a few posts here. I thought I could use writing to distract me from the thoughts, but it was the other way around. So I didn't fight it, and now it's over and done and I'm writing again.

I think this is definitely one of those your-mileage-may-vary subjects.

And YMMV not just from someone else's experiences, but even among your own.

I have had personal upheavals from the death of a parent to the abrupt and critical accident or illness of other family members; most I was able to work through. In, fact, I tended to disappear into my work for long stretches. It helped me to have something "else" to focus on and, even more, something I could control.

I've also had upheavals both major and minor through which I could NOT work. Just couldn't focus.

One thing I have learned over the years is that having certain "writing rituals" helps in the tough times. Whether it's a "between this hour and this hour, I will write," or "I can only check email after I've written five pages," or "I only play this particular music when I work," rituals can, for some people, help focus the mind and flick the writing switch in your head.

Another thing I've learned is that when life beats you up and stops the writing for a while, the worst thing you can do is beat up on yourself as well.

We are creatures of mood and imagination, and our environment affects us.

That's just our reality.

You just get on with it. Simple.

scarletpeaches said:

You just get on with it. Simple.

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Really? Cool. I'll just do that then.

It really isn't always that simple, I'm afraid. And I'm speaking as one who does indeed have deadlines to meet.

I'm a cold woman.

Birol said:

If you're under contract, those who are waiting for you to produce won't, can't, accept that response. If your bills are dependent on your writing income, you can't allow yourself this response either.

What then?

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I've pretty much been continually under contract for a couple decades now, and what I've discovered is that most editors, by and large, are decent people. If you're up-front with them and let them know there's been a tragedy or other upheaval in your life, most will do their utmost to accomodate you.

That said, building a career takes time and effort, and the brutal truth is that there will probably be a trade-off if you can't work for any length of time.

I know. I've paid my own bills during those two decades, and anything that prevented me from writing posed a real financial hardship.

Which is why I always advise new writers, especially those who plan to make this their income-earning career, to please, for God's sake, get some money in the bank -- or rental properties, or something else that will bring in money.

Because writing, often for reasons completely beyond your control, is an unstable career at best -- at least until you "make it" and don't have to worry so much about the money end of things.

Well no, not really. But let's assume someone has deadlines, and they need the income. Talking about how they feel about what they write doesn't get the assignment written. You just have to work through whatever you're feeling and deal with it later - running on empty, if you will. Compartmentalise your life. There's no other way to do it, if your profession demands your brain and your private life demands your heart.

ETA: The no, not really was an add on to my previous post, not CheshireCat's.

Tragic happenings and emotional upsets don't prevent me from going to, and doing, my day-job. I might be a wreck, and not pleasant to be standing next to, but I do go to work and do my job.

I'm just lucky in that writing, at the moment, isn't my job.

Life

I darned near died a month back. Coma, hospital stay, the works. This means I'm not writing as much or as fast as I planned, but I'm still writing almost everyday. (But not tomorrow.)

Most things that do not concern nearly dying do not slow my writing. Usually just the opposite. Problems, trials, relatives (Dead or otherwise.), children, all make we want to write more.

Problems and trials are a reason to write, for me. While writing, I can think of something besides problems and trials.

Relatives also seem a poor excuse not to write. I can care for them, mourn them, listen to them, etc. more than enough without sacrificing writing time.

Children are a responsibility I take care of largely by writing, and by example. Showing up to do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, no excuses, is one of the best examples I can set. And I'm sure not going to leave much of a legacy by letting anything stop me from writing.

It is a matter of just get on with it. It isn't always simple, and it's seldom easy, but it always comes down to one choice. . .you write, or you don't write.

I have a pretty simple rule. If it would not stop me from showing up at my day job, then it should not stop me from showing to write, either.

scarletpeaches said:

I'm a cold woman.

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A realist anyway. And you're not wrong.

Like I said, there will be career and financial trade-offs if your writing stalls for any appreciable length of time (depending on deadlines; some of us have no more than a month or two of wiggle room to spare).

You may have a book pulled from a prime spot in the schedule (though if anybody knows just what "prime" spot is best, please do share; from what I've seen over the years, there is no good/better/best place on any publisher's schedule), for instance, or your publisher may view you as less dependable, less able to meet deadlines vital to their plans.

But for most of us (most writers I've known, at least) sometimes life just gets in the way, and no matter how hard you try, how desperate you are, you can't write.

How that affects your career just depends on where you are, who you're writing for, how long the dry spell lasts -- and a dozen other things.

YMMV. In fact, it certainly will.

I've had a lot of chronic pain in my adult life, and it's hard to write through that. I sympathize with anyone who's had health trouble, and I wish them the courage to find a way to continue anyway. I've found that the pain is double if it keeps me from writing.

Once, when I was afraid my marriage was drifting apart, I couldn't write at first, I was so depressed. But I incorporated that feeling into the novel, giving my MC an estranged wife. I hadn't meant for her to appear in the book, but she did, and once she was there, I had an outlet for some of the things that were bothering me, and I wrote like blazes, finishing my rough draft a few months later.

I haven't had a death to deal with, so I don't know how I'd react. But I hope I'd show up to work, maybe after a decent interval.

Birol said:

I understand how physical pain can take you out of the game, Namatu. Do you think you would have behaved similarly if you had been experiencing emotional pain?

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Probably. There are times when you can turn to writing to distract you from real life, and there are times when real life just won't get out of the way and let the people in your head speak. If those people had really been demanding a voice, I probably would have pulled out a notebook. My brain was only focused on one thing though and that was figuring out what was going on with me. When I could, that's what I was researching and thinking about. I could still make it to work, but there were times when it was all I could do to make it back home again.

For the little crises, I usually work through them - and somehow incorporate them into whatever it is I'm writing. It's not a conscious thing, but it always finds its way in there.

As for the major ones - I basically take whatever time I need. Sometimes you feel like writing, sometimes you don't. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it) I don't have to rely on writing income to live - gives me a little leeway.

Either way, I come back because it's therapeutic for me, even if it's something no one will ever see.