Serious advice needed on teen and weight

Speaking as someone who's likewise naturally skinny, it can be as unhealthy to try and force weight gain as it can to try and force yourself into being skinny.

I have no useful advice. That does sound like the typical old ladies (no matter their age, they're old ladies) you get at church gatherings.

I realize it's not hugely helpful, but I think your daughter needs to worry less about trying to gain weight (because there will be someone waiting there to tear her down too) and more about just being at home with herself. No easy thing when you're fifteen, I'm told, but trying to adapt to fit what others want is a good way to go to pieces.

Oh, no. Kimmi, that's just awful. People can be so cruel -- it blows my mind sometimes. Why would they do that?!

If your daughter's doctor has said she's healthy, she really doesn't need to gain weight, and she shouldn't try. Do you think she would benefit from therapy, maybe talking to a school guidance counselor or an outside psychiatrist? Seriously, it would be better for her to learn how to deal with the jerks, instead of making herself unhealthy to fit in.

*hugs for your daughter* Poor girl. At least when she gets out of high school, she'll be able to see how shallow and ridiculous these people are. It's hell while she's still in school, though.

Good luck. You're an awesome mom!

Poor thing. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. She'll likely stay willowy, but she's probably just going through a hormonal/growth phase that overemphasizes her thinness. I was all joints and ribs when I was sixteen. You may suggest a protein shake a day. If she's athletic, it can only help - psychologically, if not physically. That's what body builders do to put on bulk. And one a day shouldn't hurt her, as long as she gets enough fiber.

Other than that, the only thing I say is keep doing what you're doing - crying with her, not dismissing her discomfort, reminding her that she's healthy and that her body is going through a lot right now and that she will reach a point where a) it settles down and b) what all those f***wits have to say will not matter nearly as much.

I don't have any real advice either. I know they used to make football players eat some kind of protein stuff to make them gain weight; however, if she's actually eating a balanced diet now, I'd be leary of trying to change it.

And, with a 16-year old, it's always going to "be something" . . . either too heavy, too tall, too short, too many pimples, breasts too small, etc. If the two of you can just make it the next two years, probably most of the problem with disappear on its own.

By the way, as a tall guy myself, I always liked the tall girls. (Of course, guess who I always ended up dating . . . yep, some girl who was 5'-2"

I'm sorry about that. People can really suck sometimes. I used to be really skinny too, but it was only cuase I didn't eat hardly anything, and I would always get made fun of cause I was basically as skinny as a twig.

Just tell her to hang in there. All of the people who made fun of her will get theirs someday. Everything comes full circle.

In my experience, people who are...let's say it..."FAT" tend to pick on people who are the correct weight for their height and age to make themselves feel better.

Actually, there is a certain class of people who routinely use vicious language to cut down people they perceive as 'better' than them. These people are ignorant, rude, and so full of themselves that they don't realize that they are just another 'floater' in the septic tanks they call their 'lives'

Hug your daughter and tell her she is perfect. And remind her that she doesnot want to wind up like those hateful excuses for women who opened their cess-traps inthe first place.

Write an article about what happened and submit it to the local paper. Oh, and tell the pastor. Sometimes they'll listen and make pointed and uncomfortable references during the next sermon.

HUG!

That's hard, especially with as prevalent as anorexia is these days; no doubt people suspect her of it behind her back.

The only advice I can give is to watch the episode of the Simpsons wherein Homer needs to become morbidly obese in order to work from home. If she follows his regimen, she'll be a plump ol' plumper in no time

kimmi 57 said:

Are there any weight gain products out there or any home remedies...This child really wants to gain weight?

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If she wants to throw on a few pounds without having to eat majorly gross stuff, pasta carbs are the way to go. Try: cappellini tossed with red bell pepper pesto sauce, or linguini in a lite Toscana sauce, or spaghetti Bolognese, or penne tossed with pesto, or tortellini in a creamy garlic shrimp...dammit. Now I'm hungry.

I'm sorry this is bothering her, and you. She'll likely fill out on her own now that she's stopped growing upwards, but if this is really, really bothering her ask her doctor or pharmacist about a product called Sustical. (not sure if I spelled that right. it's phonetic, though.) It's a high-calorie, high nutrition shake that comes in a can like Slim-fast, and I was forced to drink it when I got down to 100lbs at age 25. I didn't have an eating disorder, just a very unhealthy lifestyle.

I don't think it would hurt -- they sure are tasty -- but if she's naturally thin, I really doubt it's going to bulk her up anyway.

And even if it does, as has been pointed out, then people will tell her how fat she is and why doesn't she ever exercise instead of eating all day long?

There's no winning at fifteen.

(unless you're me; I did pretty good.)

Milkshakes are good. They always cheer me up. =)

And yes, I am feeling alot better. The only reason I stayed home from school today was cause I don't wanna give whatever I have to my girlfriend or anyone else.

i think its a mistake to gain weight when youre healthy.

in a couple years, she'll naturally grow into her body.

taking protein shakes, and eating a lot more is just going to screw up her metabolism for a loooong time.

i wouldnt recommend that.

Kimmi, when I was her age - at 5'8" - I weighed 95 lbs. Yeah skinny! Flat as a board and rail-like.

But time evens out everything. I spent my young adulthood at a comfortable slimness and middle age getting a few curves. (That was fun!) Now I battle my weight - hormones & age make your body change.

Your beautiful daughter's weight will change too - as it does for all of us. She should enjoy her excellent health at every stage of life, taking pleasure in her slimness now.

Shame on those who make her feel bad. I am carrying a few extra pounds but have nothing but sincere pleasure in seeing all the beautiful young people out there, including your daughter.

Hugs to her and you and shame on those who say rude things. Now where's that chicken?

Another thought, since how she's feeling has a lot to do with how others perceive her: teach her how to dress so that her slenderness isn't so apparently. Maybe somewhat bulky clothes, trousers rather than tight jeans, layers; that sort of thing.

My best friend isn't "skinny" but she sometimes complains about not being able to "maintain her weight". She just has that kind of metabolism.

Kimmi, just wanted to tell you that I think you are a great mom. At 15, I couldn't talk to my mom about anything. Your daughter is coming to you for advise, not to her friends. That is awesome! Just let her know you will always be there for her no matter what, and you will help her with whatever you can. People that know and love her don't really care how skinny she is. People that are jealous will always find fault with her weight, hair, or they will make up something. She has to do what makes her feel good about herself. If she tries to change herself just to please other people, she will lose herself in the process.

i really really do not miss that age at all.

Just tell your daughter to either ignore her tornenters, tell them to get a life or in the case of schoolmates, report it to the principal, if they won't stop. In the meantime, you can assure her that she is beautiful just as she is, and that it isn't looks that are important anyway. It is what is inside. When I was a teenager, I was also considered skinny, and I drank nutritional supplements which did absolutely no good. I also ate mounds of food which also had no effect. I used to wear looser clothing, so to hide my skinniness. Other than that, just try acknwledge how your daughter feels, and encourage her to find true friends who will be supportive of her, rather than taunt her.

A question. How much do you think her height has to do with this? When you're a teen anything that makes you different can seem like the end of the world.

She sounds like a Vogue model. But . . . if she doesn't feel good about it, then that doesn't matter.

I'd say leave her be. Kate Moss over Mama Cass. I know of no health issues that come from being thin and plenty that come from being overweight. Think of her husband down the road as well. I was married to a woman for 12 years who looked like a hippopotamus standing on its back legs. The rolls of blubber were a thing to behold and not in a good way. She has started her cycle again, lose weight, hook a man and then get fat as hell again. I'm all for slogans like "thin is in" etc. Oddly enough the only people who seem to be interested in me are fat and ugly. This wasn't the same when I was younger. I must exude some secret cow pheromone or something now.

Bravo said:

i think its a mistake to gain weight when youre healthy.

in a couple years, she'll naturally grow into her body.

taking protein shakes, and eating a lot more is just going to screw up her metabolism for a loooong time.

i wouldnt recommend that.

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I totally agree with Bravo (*gasp*) I was 15 and grew 6 inches in one Summer, shooting me up to 5'10" but still at my weight that was healthy for 5'4". I was miserable that year in 10th grade, everyone made fun of me because of my height and the fact that I was really thin made it all the more noticeable. On the upside, mid way through the year, one of the hottest senior footballers asked me out. One of the "popular" girls said to me in front of an entire class:

Her: Are you dating so-and-so?

Me: Um, why?

Her: Well, you're far too ugly to deserve a guy like that.

Teenagers are jerks! It doesn't matter how you look, thin, fat, short, tall, if there's something different about you, they're going to pick on that. Don't worry, she'll get hers when she's modeling for Vogue and making millions on her next contract. If she needs to talk to someone who's been there, tell her to email me. You're a great mom, Kimmi.

I'm against forcing or "suggesting" she eat particular foods or trying to help her gain weight, but I would suggest buying her a copy of "Beyond the 120 Year Diet : How to Double Your Vital Years" by Roy Walford:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1568581572/?tag=absolutewritedm-20
I first read the earlier edition "The 120 Year Diet" about 15 years ago, and still haven't stuck to it well at all (I've been somewhat overweight ever since college), though I'd sure like to. I was on the mailing lists at http://crsociety.org for a while (I still get too much email), I've been lurking in the health-and-fitness thread and have wanted to discuss it there.

If she follows that, she'll have the life and health to do hospital visits to and attend the funerals of everyone she knows, starting with those fried-chicken-eating church ladies.

Hey,

I've dealt with this before, when I was sixteen I was 5'6" and around 100 pounds so basically wind blew me over! One summer though I decided I had had enough of it and gained about 15 pounds in four months and look a lot better.

If you wanted I'd love to talk to your daughter about it...? I have a degree in Physical Education and have worked as a personal trainer for the last 3 years so I like to think I know a thing or two about gaining weight healthfully. There are definitely things she can do with her diet that will help promote a healthy weight gain. I do agree that just forcing her to fill herself with junk food or the like is not a good idea. You want to instill good habits that will last for a lifetime.

I'll send you a PM though with a bit more...

~Shannon

benbradley said:

I'm against forcing or "suggesting" she eat particular foods or trying to help her gain weight, but I would suggest buying her a copy of "Beyond the 120 Year Diet : How to Double Your Vital Years" by Roy Walford:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1568581572/?tag=absolutewritedm-20
I first read the earlier edition "The 120 Year Diet" about 15 years ago, and still haven't stuck to it well at all (I've been somewhat overweight ever since college), though I'd sure like to. I was on the mailing lists at http://crsociety.org for a while (I still get too much email), I've been lurking in the health-and-fitness thread and have wanted to discuss it there.

If she follows that, she'll have the life and health to do hospital visits to and attend the funerals of everyone she knows, starting with those fried-chicken-eating church ladies.

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Roy is dead. I'm not sure that makes for a good advertisement.

I'm so sorry that she has to go through this. I have had the same problem all my life. People have always made comments about my weight; my family, friends, acquaintances...one friend, it turned out was jealous of the way I looked. I often wonder if that was the case with many of my 'critiquers'. I'm nearly 40 and have begun to put weight on (in the wrong places might I add) but I still get people making comments. I find it incredibly rude - I would never say to a larger person that they are fat, why do they think that it is okay to belittle my physique? Your daughter needs to be told she is beautiful (which I'm sure you already do) and that people come in all shapes and sizes. If she is very active she is likely to stay slim as she ages; she may remain this way until she reaches her thirties. As long as she is eating three balanced meals a day, she is healthy!