Let's hear it, y'all. The ones that really made you most angry, annoyed or just weep for Hollywood's craptacularness. Here's a group of mine, as briefly as I could do it (which isn't easy for me). Anyone else? Would love to see the ones you hate the most, or just take a whack at the stuff I've thrown up here:
1. Bamboozled -- Normally I like Spike Lee, but this is such an offensive mess, a disaster of the highest order, that I wanted to break the television afterwards. From the muddy cinematography, to the Damon Wayans-channels-Dr.-Evil-lead-performance, to the ham-fisted message, it's all just awful.
2. Vanilla Sky -- I've never wanted to kick Tom Cruise's ass so much, and that's saying something. What a ghastly train-wreck of a movie this is. A good way to know you've seen a truly terrible piece of crap is when the movie ends, and your first reaction is to stand up and say, "F*CK YOU!"
3. Young Guns -- This may seem like I'm picking on the low-hanging fruit here, but I only include it because for some strange reason, I did enjoy the second Young Guns movie, which had an air of stupidity and playfulness that this dreary turd did not. Emilio Estevez was never more annoying than this, and it's one of the few movies where I've been offended by the violence, and I can usually watch damned near anything.
4. Nurse Betty -- An absolute mess.
5. The Break-Up -- I spent the entire movie waiting for these people to break up for good, just so the movie would be over.
6. Tomb Raider - Again, I know we're going after low-hanging fruit here, but it exemplifies to me just about every way to screw up an action movie these days (for the prototype of a good one, see the Bourne movies). Looks as if it was edited in a food processor, boring, simplistic and uninteresting plot, lame villains, and a lead actress more interested in strutting than actually acting.
7. Swordfish -- See Tomb Raider, but instead of Angelina strutting, it's John Travolta. It's idiotic, kind of misogynistic, and the plot is intentionally indecipherable, and you just know one of those idiotic "twists" is coming at the end that's completely pointless. It's the kind of movie for those who thought "The Rock" was too subtle. (and I like "The Rock," the movie, that is, not the wrestler-turned-actor who is the son of Rocky Johnson). Before you get after me and say it's "just a popcorn movie," I'll say this - a popcorn movie has standards to live up to also. It may be popcorn, but it's stale popcorn that's also unfortunately gotten moist because your grandmother's been sticking her fingers into it after not sufficiently wiping her hands when stuffing it into her mouth.
8. Judge Dredd -- I had to put a Stallone film on here. This is as good as any other, frankly.
9. Wild Wild West -- I think Roger Ebert had the best line about this movie: "When you're making a Western, and your two heroes, at the very end, ride off into the sunset on a giant mechanical spider, something has gone wrong with your movie."
10. Star Wars - Episode I - The Phantom Menace - It's dreck. Absolute dreck. And a major disappointment for a Star Wars geek like myself. Every so often I'll see bits of it again, and wonder, "Just what in the hell was he thinking?"
1. Bamboozled -- Normally I like Spike Lee, but this is such an offensive mess, a disaster of the highest order, that I wanted to break the television afterwards. From the muddy cinematography, to the Damon Wayans-channels-Dr.-Evil-lead-performance, to the ham-fisted message, it's all just awful.
2. Vanilla Sky -- I've never wanted to kick Tom Cruise's ass so much, and that's saying something. What a ghastly train-wreck of a movie this is. A good way to know you've seen a truly terrible piece of crap is when the movie ends, and your first reaction is to stand up and say, "F*CK YOU!"
3. Young Guns -- This may seem like I'm picking on the low-hanging fruit here, but I only include it because for some strange reason, I did enjoy the second Young Guns movie, which had an air of stupidity and playfulness that this dreary turd did not. Emilio Estevez was never more annoying than this, and it's one of the few movies where I've been offended by the violence, and I can usually watch damned near anything.
4. Nurse Betty -- An absolute mess.
5. The Break-Up -- I spent the entire movie waiting for these people to break up for good, just so the movie would be over.
6. Tomb Raider - Again, I know we're going after low-hanging fruit here, but it exemplifies to me just about every way to screw up an action movie these days (for the prototype of a good one, see the Bourne movies). Looks as if it was edited in a food processor, boring, simplistic and uninteresting plot, lame villains, and a lead actress more interested in strutting than actually acting.
7. Swordfish -- See Tomb Raider, but instead of Angelina strutting, it's John Travolta. It's idiotic, kind of misogynistic, and the plot is intentionally indecipherable, and you just know one of those idiotic "twists" is coming at the end that's completely pointless. It's the kind of movie for those who thought "The Rock" was too subtle. (and I like "The Rock," the movie, that is, not the wrestler-turned-actor who is the son of Rocky Johnson). Before you get after me and say it's "just a popcorn movie," I'll say this - a popcorn movie has standards to live up to also. It may be popcorn, but it's stale popcorn that's also unfortunately gotten moist because your grandmother's been sticking her fingers into it after not sufficiently wiping her hands when stuffing it into her mouth.
8. Judge Dredd -- I had to put a Stallone film on here. This is as good as any other, frankly.
9. Wild Wild West -- I think Roger Ebert had the best line about this movie: "When you're making a Western, and your two heroes, at the very end, ride off into the sunset on a giant mechanical spider, something has gone wrong with your movie."
10. Star Wars - Episode I - The Phantom Menace - It's dreck. Absolute dreck. And a major disappointment for a Star Wars geek like myself. Every so often I'll see bits of it again, and wonder, "Just what in the hell was he thinking?"