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View Full Version : I miss Him



moblues
03-10-2007, 10:24 AM
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moblues
03-11-2007, 12:30 PM
all right it sucks.

Martin Hall-Kenny
03-11-2007, 03:22 PM
No it doesn't.

Serena Casey
03-12-2007, 08:22 PM
No, it definitely doesn't. I liked it. I don't know if you're looking for feedback, but a couple impressions I had were that there were a couple phrases that maybe could be "de-cliched" just a bit, like "broad shoulders" and "cry alone at night."

Then after "they live so far away" it seems funny to say "I miss him" rather than "them," so maybe it could just be "he lives so far away"? Or even rephrased in a less common way.

If you weren't looking for input, forgive me, and I'll shut up now! :) I'm no expert; I haven't even finished a whole song yet. But I do like it, and I can identify with the feelings.

moblues
03-12-2007, 10:16 PM
No, it definitely doesn't. I liked it. I don't know if you're looking for feedback, but a couple impressions I had were that there were a couple phrases that maybe could be "de-cliched" just a bit, like "broad shoulders" and "cry alone at night."

Then after "they live so far away" it seems funny to say "I miss him" rather than "them," so maybe it could just be "he lives so far away"? Or even rephrased in a less common way.

If you weren't looking for input, forgive me, and I'll shut up now! :) I'm no expert; I haven't even finished a whole song yet. But I do like it, and I can identify with the feelings.


My mother and I had a very strained relationship. After I was adopted, my father had to hold two jobs to support us (I have a brother five years older--also adopted). My mother blamed me for my father never being home and always working. It was an extremely abusive relationship. I had ulcers at nine years old, (not common) and moved into a boarding house while in my senior year in high school. My wife can't believe I still talk to her.

So, yes. I miss him. And while only about thirty miles away from us, they do live very far away. Just a teasing metaphor. And the broad shoulders? One of my earliest memories is of my dad racing around the house with me on his shoulders before he put me to bed and leaving for his second job.




Mike