There's an animal stuck in the vents

We've been hearing scratching and clawing around in the attic for the past few days and just blew it off, convinced that it was a bird or a rodent seeking a winter home (I thought it was a ghost and offered to bless the vaccuum and send the thing to Oreck heaven). Today the scratching started up again and my sister screamed somehting about a little claw poking out from the vents. I went to look, and either a pigeon, a rat, or a opossum is stuck in the heating vents (can't tell which one, and frankly I don't care) and the heat is on- it's been there for 2 days at least. Naturally the minute I saw the claw, I went over to get my hamster's water feeder (shoved it through the vents for the little animal) and got a screwdriver and got to work trying to get it out.

But no, we can't rescue the bloody animal because my mother is a crazy bitch. "It's too dark. Let's wait until tomorrow" What? You mean this little critter has to spend ANOTHER 12 hours walking through dry scorching air while he pokes his little claws through the vents trying to get out? "Well, it's just... dust will get everywhere, and I'm tired, and I don't want to do it." No problem I'll do it, I'll clean up after the dust and the grime and save the little animal and everything. No work on your part, go to sleep. "Well, what if you get hurt? Or bitten?" Ok, nice game face, but you couldn't give less of a damn any other given day. Let me get the animal out, and if it bites me, I call 911 and say, "Hey, it's me, guess who might have rabies? My address is XXX, I'll be waiting on the porch" and the little animal will still be in a nice cool place with plenty of water and food. Everyone wins, right?

Mom still keeps protesting and protesting, and I can barely think because there's a poor hurt trapped little animal right above me poking his claw out of the vents and I can't do a damn thing about it without getting the screwdriver ripped out of my hands.

What do you think, should I stab her?

Poor little pigeon/rat/opossum/thing.... Has to walk over smooth hot metal and it can't get out because the metal has no traction and the opening is vertical and it's hungry and thirsty and it's probably burnt and sad and lonely and crying in its little animal cries because it thinks it's going to die......

scarletpeaches said:

I don't like my mother either, but still think that's a strong reaction!

(You were talking about stabbing the animal, weren't you? 'Cause I was being sarcastic. But if you want to stab anyone's mother, do mine).

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Well, it's either letting mother live and letting the little tortured animal die, or stabbing Mom and freeing the animal. The latter is definately my favorite so far (not just because it's my crazy mother, but because I value animals WAY more than humans. While I have no problems beating the crap out of someone, I cry really hard if an animal even looks upset, so this situation is killing me)

Stab the animal?! It's been through enough! If i get it out and it's burned so badly that it's just going to die soon anyway, I might have to stab it (no one should burn that long. That's just mean- even meaner than killing the critter yourself) but I'll feel bad.....

Need me to stab your mother? I'll do it for a cigarette, no questions asked.

scarletpeaches said:

Or lock your mother in the attic and raise the animal as one of your own.

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...Hey, that's not a bad idea.... Not onyl will the wood spiders have something to eat, but mother will get to feel the agony of being locked away at the mercy of humans.... Now I only need to find a chain and wrestle her big butt down to the ground and haul her up to the attic. Gee, I hope I don't throw my back out....

I'll keep the little animal and give it treats every day and a comfy bed and wipe the foam from its mouth....

Akuma said:

It's heartbreaking, I understand that, but from an evolutionary standpoint, this animal's probably been through worse.
I doubt that makes you feel better, but chances are it will be ok in the morning.

If it isn't, I'm sorry, Tsuki. And you will have the total right to send me nasty PMs and scream at me if I am wrong.

Point is, life is cruel like that, especially to a kind soul like yours and I hope for the best.

And if you do, by chance, commit some rebellious rescue operation in the dead of night...I'm rootin' for you.

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I know that the animal has probably been through a good bit of hell and back, but this is preventable , and that is what's most upsetting.

As for the rebellious rescue operation, as soon as Mom passes out (slipped her some chamomile tea- cops took the industrial sleeping pills off me ) I'm going to ninja my way through the house, hook myself on to the ceiling with miniature harpoons, take a blanket to the ceiling tiles, and kick it in (it'll be silent thanks to the blanket), then I'm going to weasel my way into the furnace, find the animal, then escape. If all goes well, I'll be in Canada by morning.

Or I could, you know, just unscrew the vent cover.... Either one's effective....

I've saved many animals in my day. We have a lot of floods here, and after each one, rats are EVERYWHERE. PErsonally, I like it because rats are smart and you can teach them stuff and they're cool to play with. No one else feels the same way.

Every time there's a flood, I end up saving 10-15 rats and animals, but there's still a few that get caught in the traps.

At least if they're eaten alive, it's natural and their own fault for not running fast enough. I don't feel that bad if an animal dies naturally. But if it dies at the hands of man, I just....

Akuma said:

Remind me to never seriously piss you off.

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Yeah, that'd probably be a good idea...

Akuma said:

In my perspective, the poor guy in the vents could have had worse.

I come from a family with a dad who's (if subconsciously, sometimes) cruel to animals.

I remember when one of my sister's parakeets (it's name was Starshine or something) got sick and my dad simply didn't want to pay to have it helped.

As opposed to the poor guy suffering in the vents, the parakeet had a quick end, though it was nonetheless traumatizing.

My dad told my sister and I to follow him into the garage. He had put the parakeet in a brown lunch bag. Then, in an act of unending mercy, he put the little guy out of his misery. By slamming the bag on the bare concrete of the garage floor. Repeatedly.

Needless to say, my sister started screaming and she fled when he held out the bag with a grin, asking if she wanted to look.

Now that I think about it, his cruelty probably wasn't so subconscious.

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Sadly, I can relate to the parakeet story. An acquiantance of mine decided it would be funny to smash a baby bird to death using this same method. He rose the bag over his head and right as he went to throw it, I kicked him in the chest, beat at him blindly until I could smell the blood, then took the little bird home with me and spoiled it. Poor little bird .

Akuma said:

Anyways, I think that that story should have made you feel worse than better, but I'm just trying to give you some comparison here.

At least that critter in the vents has hope, be it in the morning or in you.

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Actually, it kind of cheered me up. I don't know why....

Kentuk said:

Turn the heat off and station yourself in front of the theromstat. Your mother will hand you the screwdriver before she puts a sweater on.

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The heat's already off (soon to be turned on again for the 50th time), but I didn't think about blocking it! I can crack a few windows, open the doors, etc etc. Oh man, she's gonna be pissed

Akuma said:

Hey, Ryoko, status report.

Everything go all right?

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Yup, I had to open every one of the vents in the house (well, I didn't HAVE to, but...) put a bunch of food and water at each one of them, and waited. I got a BIG surprise.

Turns out there was a pigeon AND a small family of rats in the vents. Mom flipped I gave them the opportunity to escape, but only the pigeon left. Now I have a little family of rats

WildScribe said:

ROTFLOL

Wow... And she's letting you keep them?

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She doesn't know I kept them

Unique said:

Hey, that's great. Now will you come down here and get the birds out of my bathroom exhaust vent?

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There's more than one?! OH MY GOD! I need to be there! Give them food and water and let me find my ninja suit and I'll be there in 10.

Soccer Mom said:

Tsuki's Critter Rescue? My little girl is so enterprising. ::sniffs:: Now if she would just marry a doctor so she never had to work......

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Well I would marry a doctor, but they always say stuff like, "That leather suit is smashing your lungs and will lead to heart problems," or, "Don't take so many painkillers- you'll suffer hallucination!" No, really, you think? You don't think that MAYBE that's why I'm taking them? "Liver damage!"

And all the doctors you try to hook me up with either have an armpit licking fetish or don't like it when I stab them with vaccination needles. Sheesh!

Soccer Mom said:

What about that nice boy, Hubert? His extra eyebrow was sort of charming.

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I don't mind the extra eyebrows, but I DO mind the fact that he won't let me spike them! I say, "Gee Hubert, ever think of dying those thinks this color?" *points to hair* "Oh gosh no! I'll look like I have a crayon on my forehead!" Then he cries like a baby when I try to pin him down and torture him and stuff. Not my kinda man.