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So... what do you think of punishing your kids? As in "you can't go out with your friends for a month". Does it work? Is it stupid?
Punishing your kids
- Thread starter DamaNegra
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I mean, whatever form of punishment works for Child A might be water off a duck's back for Child B.
For instance, my friends at school hated being sent to their rooms. I, on the other hand, loved it as that was where all my books were.
For instance, my friends at school hated being sent to their rooms. I, on the other hand, loved it as that was where all my books were.
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The author (I think it's Kevin Leman, but I can't recall) of Making Kids Mind without Losing Yours talks about using logical consequences as discipline instead of "punishment." For example, if you hit your sister with a toy, you lose that toy for an hour. Or, if you don't do your homework, you can't watch a television show you like until your work is done. It sounds like the same thing as punishment in a lot of cases, but the focus is on cause and effect, like what your children will eventually experience after leaving home, instead of them doing something bad and you zapping them for it. Instead of a war between them and you, it's their choice between doing the smart thing and doing the thing that leads to unpleasant consequences. We'll see how that goes when my kids get old enough to know what the heck I'm saying to them...
Yeah, I was gonna say I prefer the word 'discipline' but figured that would make me sound like some sort of bondage freak.
I don't like the word discipline, partly because I imagine it as a euphemism for spanking or whipping, and also because of the book "Dare To Discipline" (there's a copy around here somewhere, but I haven't read it - just Dobson's reputation is enough to make me cringe) But whatever you call it...
I can say that two things are important: consistency, and not punishing out of anger (that is, punishing a child BECAUSE YOU are angry).
I can say that two things are important: consistency, and not punishing out of anger (that is, punishing a child BECAUSE YOU are angry).
I'm a little disappointed with this thread, Dama. I mean, I thought it was going to be a 'how to' guide. But, whatever...
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Really? Because I associate punishment with spanking or whipping, but I've grown to think of discipline as something that's built. Based on the definitions below, the one in bold is the one I think of most.
But to answer Dama's question, it really depends on each child, though I suspect most kids would think they would fall over dead if you took their cell phone away.
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((Dama)), I hate "punishing" my teen. If she's unhappy I am unhappy. But she has to have limits, bounderies. I let her know the rules long ago, so she accepts her groundings, just part of life, growing up.
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Scarlet's right, it depends on the kid.
More accurately, it depends on what the kid did.
'Cause if you set fire to my books, you can let the word "friends" just fall out of your vocabulary.
More accurately, it depends on what the kid did.
'Cause if you set fire to my books, you can let the word "friends" just fall out of your vocabulary.
In this house, it'll be a pavlovian response. "Touching Pete's books/writing/work = Indentured Servitude"
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What did you do, Dama? Am I going to have to call your parents, again
Me?? Nothing! It's just that since they're hauling me off to Monterrey against my will, I've been trying to make the most out of the time I have left with my friends and boyfriend, meaning that I lose track of time (who cares about time anyway? I was not born to be constantly checking a watch (that always says it's 18:98 'cause it's broken)) and arrive home at least 2 hours after I said I would.
The problem now is that my mom got seriously angry last night and told me that if I did it again, she'd punish me. I said: "Okay, you're punishing me. What do you plan to accomplish with that?" And she kind of got angrier because she obviously doesn't have an answer for that. She hates when I outsmart her, which prompts her to act all irrational. In fact, the other day she was about to punish me and I said: "do you really think that punishing me is going to make me less distracted?" ('cause it's true, the main problem here is that I'm absent-minded, which is not going to be cured by spending time locked up in my room). That saved me last time, but mom's getting fed up with not finding an answer.
Which is totally unfair, 'cause all my life I've been the best daughter I could, always respecting house rules and curfews and even passing out great opportunities because I knew my parents wouldn't agree and stuff like that. It's not like I'm doing drugs in my bathroom or anything, it's just that I want to spend more time with my friends, 'cause next summer it's going to be bye bye.
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I knew that already. But please! There are limits! If I was venturing into... I don't know, Tepito or something (that place has a seriously bad reputation for kidnappings, drugs, and everything else), she has a reason to be worried. But I was in a McDonald's in the 'nice' part of the city and a friend drove me home. How is that something to worry about? We didn't even move from the McDonald's, we weren't doing anything potentially dangerous except maybe fooling around with a loose chair (and it was a friend who fell down, not me). She just doesn't understand that yes, she can be worried about me, but there are limits too.
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Ohh ((Dama)) you just mirrored my daughter's words to a tee. Try to remember your Mom is one the good guys --on your side.
hugs kimmi
My oldest was the same way alway losing track of time and what ever watch he had he broke. I solved that by having him tell who ever he was with what time he was due home and to call the instant he realized he was going to be late. That way he had a back up and I knew what was going on and didn’t worry. He usually was with the same kids and told everyone he had to leave by 9, some was usually remembered. For me the calling was the most important because I was born worrying.
It actually work well.
Tela
It actually work well.
Tela
