- Joined
- Apr 20, 2006
- Messages
- 1,461
- Reaction score
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for my book that went down with Capri Publishing last year. It's an e-publisher out of Texas called Books for a Buck. He really read my manuscript and offered some suggested re-write. The letter was great.
"Thanks for sending me Sword of the Dajjal for consideration. I liked this story a lot and think you do a nice job with the military stuff--your writing reminds me a lot of David Weber's.
I have a couple of concerns that I'd like to share with you. If you're willing to work with me on these, I think we can move forward toward a publication contract.
1. I think your story would be stronger if you could make each side's position a bit more sympathetic. The Islamic Republic characters probably have great reasons to feel they have been oppressed and wronged by the House of Saud, so let them feel their righteous anger (especially Iman Husayn. I think you've got the scenes there--just a bit more looking at the character's motivation. Similarly, Amin is close to being a sympathetic character but needs just a little more personal motivation to make him compelling. (we don't have to make them heroes, just help the reader understand why they think they're doing the right thing).
2. I don't have a problem with the Hegemony being a bunch of racist nazis, but again, you have to recognize that they're the heroes of their own stories. So, why do they think what they're doing is right?
3. I had a real problem with the plan to destroy the Hegemony destroyer on its way back to the Hegemony for reinforcements. War hadn't been declared, and as far as the reader knew, the Hegemony hadn't really been doing anything illegal--in this case. So, what ethical right did the alliance have to destroy their ship? I know they didn't destroy it, but they planned to. Certainly it risks all-out war between the Hegemony and the Alliance.
4. It seemed to me that there were a few too many coincidences. What were the odds for example, that, on an entire planet, the marines would be dropped on the indigenous population exactly where they insurgents were hiding?
5. I don't mind having the marines call soldiers for the Islamic Republic something derogatory--it's certainly what marines do. I do have a problem with 'ragheads.' First, their allies were probably ragheads, too. And second, it hits too close to current stereotypes and hatred. I know you've got a lot of parallels with contemporary politics here, but stirring up ethnic prejudices is not the way to move forward, in my opinion.
Anyway, what I'd like you to do is give your story a quick read-through and let me know if you (a) agree with my thoughts; and (b) are willing to make these changes. If so, let me know and I'm ready to move forward with an agreement to publish.
I'd certainly understand if you disagreed with these suggestions and wanted to pursue other publication options. If this is the case, please let me know this as well. I hope, though that you'll take them as constructive.
Regardless of your choice, I think you have a strong story here and I wish you the very best of luck with its publication.
Rob Preece
Publisher, www.BooksForABuck.com "
I wish they had more distribution for their print copies, but they seem to do a brisk business in downloads from their site and the other e-pub distributors.
"Thanks for sending me Sword of the Dajjal for consideration. I liked this story a lot and think you do a nice job with the military stuff--your writing reminds me a lot of David Weber's.
I have a couple of concerns that I'd like to share with you. If you're willing to work with me on these, I think we can move forward toward a publication contract.
1. I think your story would be stronger if you could make each side's position a bit more sympathetic. The Islamic Republic characters probably have great reasons to feel they have been oppressed and wronged by the House of Saud, so let them feel their righteous anger (especially Iman Husayn. I think you've got the scenes there--just a bit more looking at the character's motivation. Similarly, Amin is close to being a sympathetic character but needs just a little more personal motivation to make him compelling. (we don't have to make them heroes, just help the reader understand why they think they're doing the right thing).
2. I don't have a problem with the Hegemony being a bunch of racist nazis, but again, you have to recognize that they're the heroes of their own stories. So, why do they think what they're doing is right?
3. I had a real problem with the plan to destroy the Hegemony destroyer on its way back to the Hegemony for reinforcements. War hadn't been declared, and as far as the reader knew, the Hegemony hadn't really been doing anything illegal--in this case. So, what ethical right did the alliance have to destroy their ship? I know they didn't destroy it, but they planned to. Certainly it risks all-out war between the Hegemony and the Alliance.
4. It seemed to me that there were a few too many coincidences. What were the odds for example, that, on an entire planet, the marines would be dropped on the indigenous population exactly where they insurgents were hiding?
5. I don't mind having the marines call soldiers for the Islamic Republic something derogatory--it's certainly what marines do. I do have a problem with 'ragheads.' First, their allies were probably ragheads, too. And second, it hits too close to current stereotypes and hatred. I know you've got a lot of parallels with contemporary politics here, but stirring up ethnic prejudices is not the way to move forward, in my opinion.
Anyway, what I'd like you to do is give your story a quick read-through and let me know if you (a) agree with my thoughts; and (b) are willing to make these changes. If so, let me know and I'm ready to move forward with an agreement to publish.
I'd certainly understand if you disagreed with these suggestions and wanted to pursue other publication options. If this is the case, please let me know this as well. I hope, though that you'll take them as constructive.
Regardless of your choice, I think you have a strong story here and I wish you the very best of luck with its publication.
Rob Preece
Publisher, www.BooksForABuck.com "
I wish they had more distribution for their print copies, but they seem to do a brisk business in downloads from their site and the other e-pub distributors.
