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Vanessa99
01-11-2004, 05:07 AM
Heres a chorus to one Im working on:

Awake and dreaming as we make our way through the world
Were all chasing rainbows
Oh, Chasing Rainbows
Were we fools to believe?
Was I fool to think I loved you?
Were you a fool to think you loved me?
Dreamers grasping something
That isnít even there
Chasing a Rainbow
In this pretending that we care

rtilryarms
01-11-2004, 08:49 AM
Sure it does. I wish we had a way for sharing tunes along with the lyrics for more in depth critique. Oh well.

RT

kippin
05-29-2004, 08:30 AM
It has potential, though the last line is the only one that rhymes and it kinds sticks out a bit. Although, set to music, that might not be an issue. I agree with RT, it would be nice to share the tune as well!

shaynexus
01-07-2005, 08:25 AM
I don't hear your music, but here's a take with a cautionary theme. I started tinkering with it when the critic above said the rhyme of there--care was a bother. Sorry if I'm being intrusive.



Awake and dreaming as we make our way through the world
We're all chasing rainbows,
Yes, chasing Rainbows.
Were we fools to believe
That I loved you,
That you loved me,
Dreamers grasping at things
That werenít even real,
Just chasing Rainbows
While pretending that we cared?

Fartin Mowler
01-14-2005, 02:49 AM
I kept thinking of "The rainbow connection" sung by Kermit the frog