Need Input on song (Live Lie Die)

I write this a few days ago. I am looking for others input to see how they interpret the lyrics. Any help would be great. Thanks to all who read.

Live Lie Die
by Blue Gypsie

Take a bite of the forbidden fruit
Blackened apple's seven hole prof
Take a bite
Listen to the serpent's truth

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Shake the hand
Of the skeleton
Those brittle hands
Are firmer than a man's

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Quoth the words from Edgar A P
For they are our reality
"Is everything we see or seem
But a dream within a dream"

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Our bones are white...
But they are yellow in the pale moon light
We can't decide...
If we die will we fall or will we fly?

Were falling, were falling, were falling
were falling away from you

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

So, take this knife...
With it, you can cut away your lies
End your life...
For tomorrow all we ever do is try

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Were falling, were falling, were falling
Were falling away from you

Cool

I'm no expert on lyrics, I just know what I like. But, I thought this was pretty cool and very intense. The only part I found questionable was the part:

"So, take this knife...
With it, you can cut away your lies
End your life...
For tomorrow all we ever do is try."

To me the song starts to fall deeper into despair, right before that part you get a nearly good feeling, then the end your life cuts away from the light or good feeling that would have came out there, for me. Which made the "For tomorrow part all we ever do is try," seemed sad, almost like they know it isn't going to get any better. I like sad songs, but at the same time I personally like seeing something that projects something positive somewhere deep within the lyrics.

I think you have something here, no doubt. I hope you get it how you want it! There is fire within the lyrics, I hope you make something of it.




Renee

Re: Cool

Hi, BG,

I really like your lyrics. It's a rap song? Sounds like it would be. The only thing was you wrote were falling and did you mean we're falling?

Much good luck with it, Susie