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[SIZE=+0][SIZE=+0]I run a once-a-month crit group at a local church. We're gentle, a little goofy, and very encouraging to each other. We seem to attract people who've never, ever showed their stuff to anyone but their dog. The kind of people who need to hear "That's a good start" and a few directional suggestions or they'll scurry back into their dens and never write another word again.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
So last month a mother/daughter team showed up--the mother had had a piece in the op-ed section of the paper, and the daughter had a poem pubbed last year in the Sat. Eve. Post. They were severe, and the rest of us made a point of being nice to everyone--lead by example, you know?
[SIZE=+0][SIZE=+0][/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+0][SIZE=+0]They showed up again last night. I was surprised--they'd given plenty of nonverbal cues that we were too amateur for them. They spent 40 minutes--40!--tearing apart one woman's latest picture book poem. Nit-picking, carping, pretty much telling her "do it THIS way; your way is wrong." I ended that session and then the mother brought this article she wants to submit to Guideposts (if you've never read it, everything in it is heartwarming). It was about her son's battle with CF, and it used actual doctors' names, hospitals, etc. etc. I told her at the end that she'd have to get written release from these people or their families--and from all the hospitals--if the article got published. She said she didn't! (Trust me, she'll need the releases. She was quite uncomplimentary.) Then she said she needed to cut 100 words, and when we gave her suggestions, she argued with every single one! Said it was all necessary, that this is what people said, and on and on. The daughter brought a poem, but when another member offered to read his really short piece for the church bulletin, right after the mother's piece, she huffed and put hers away, later claiming she'd brought nothing.
When the rest of us were getting critiqued, the mother would lean across the narrow table to her daughter and whisper comments and actually roll her eyes occasionally!
One member brought a poem. Same thing, only slightly toned down, because apparently they liked her work. Then, alas, it was my turn. I certainly fared no better. Good think I have rhinocerous hide--I've been told I'm going to fry in hell for my fiction.
There was a new girl--maybe 19-- who said she'd never, ever showed her work to anyone before. Thank goodness she didn't bring anything last night!
I sent the following email to the group late last night:
"The spirit of our group is one of encouragement. We're here to help each other with our craft, pointing out details to clarify and technical ways to improve. We strive to critique each other the way we'd all like to be critiqued. This means, obviously, no harsh words, no cutting remarks, no sarcasm. The easiest way to crush a writer--at any level, from beginning to experienced--is to rip apart their work and thus by inference their talent and vision.
"Wehas never done this and WILL NEVER do this. Our purpose is to show Jesus to the world--and first to each other--through our words.
"Jesus corrected His friends with love--can we do any less?"
Then I sent a separate email to the mother/daughter reiterating our "kindness" way of doing things. And. BTW, I'd made the "sandwich method" speech at the start of both meetings they came to. Then I said that other groups feel that tearing work apart and severe criticism might be the "only way" to make writers improve, but this is NOT our way. I said they were welcome to come back if they join in the spirit of the group, but if they prefer the other method, then we're not a good fit for them.
IOW, a PC way of saying "don't come back." But how could I say "don't come back" when in the previous sentence I point out how we do things with kindness?
I'm still depressed. writer's group used to be fun. I'm going to work hard to make it that way again. I'll send another email before the next meeting repeating "our way of doing things."[/SIZE][/SIZE]
Allow me a moment of opinionated opinion: ENCOURAGEMENT WORKS. Unless you're Miss Snark, harshness is counterproductive. And if you can't take it, don't dish it out.
Thus endeth the "how to work within a crit group" lesson.
So last month a mother/daughter team showed up--the mother had had a piece in the op-ed section of the paper, and the daughter had a poem pubbed last year in the Sat. Eve. Post. They were severe, and the rest of us made a point of being nice to everyone--lead by example, you know?
[SIZE=+0][SIZE=+0][/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+0][SIZE=+0]They showed up again last night. I was surprised--they'd given plenty of nonverbal cues that we were too amateur for them. They spent 40 minutes--40!--tearing apart one woman's latest picture book poem. Nit-picking, carping, pretty much telling her "do it THIS way; your way is wrong." I ended that session and then the mother brought this article she wants to submit to Guideposts (if you've never read it, everything in it is heartwarming). It was about her son's battle with CF, and it used actual doctors' names, hospitals, etc. etc. I told her at the end that she'd have to get written release from these people or their families--and from all the hospitals--if the article got published. She said she didn't! (Trust me, she'll need the releases. She was quite uncomplimentary.) Then she said she needed to cut 100 words, and when we gave her suggestions, she argued with every single one! Said it was all necessary, that this is what people said, and on and on. The daughter brought a poem, but when another member offered to read his really short piece for the church bulletin, right after the mother's piece, she huffed and put hers away, later claiming she'd brought nothing.
When the rest of us were getting critiqued, the mother would lean across the narrow table to her daughter and whisper comments and actually roll her eyes occasionally!
One member brought a poem. Same thing, only slightly toned down, because apparently they liked her work. Then, alas, it was my turn. I certainly fared no better. Good think I have rhinocerous hide--I've been told I'm going to fry in hell for my fiction.
There was a new girl--maybe 19-- who said she'd never, ever showed her work to anyone before. Thank goodness she didn't bring anything last night!
I sent the following email to the group late last night:
"The spirit of our group is one of encouragement. We're here to help each other with our craft, pointing out details to clarify and technical ways to improve. We strive to critique each other the way we'd all like to be critiqued. This means, obviously, no harsh words, no cutting remarks, no sarcasm. The easiest way to crush a writer--at any level, from beginning to experienced--is to rip apart their work and thus by inference their talent and vision.
"Wehas never done this and WILL NEVER do this. Our purpose is to show Jesus to the world--and first to each other--through our words.
"Jesus corrected His friends with love--can we do any less?"
Then I sent a separate email to the mother/daughter reiterating our "kindness" way of doing things. And. BTW, I'd made the "sandwich method" speech at the start of both meetings they came to. Then I said that other groups feel that tearing work apart and severe criticism might be the "only way" to make writers improve, but this is NOT our way. I said they were welcome to come back if they join in the spirit of the group, but if they prefer the other method, then we're not a good fit for them.
IOW, a PC way of saying "don't come back." But how could I say "don't come back" when in the previous sentence I point out how we do things with kindness?
I'm still depressed. writer's group used to be fun. I'm going to work hard to make it that way again. I'll send another email before the next meeting repeating "our way of doing things."[/SIZE][/SIZE]
Allow me a moment of opinionated opinion: ENCOURAGEMENT WORKS. Unless you're Miss Snark, harshness is counterproductive. And if you can't take it, don't dish it out.
Thus endeth the "how to work within a crit group" lesson.
Hopefully the next time they come to a critique session, they'll have renewed attitudes! 
)
One of which said maybe 5 sentences all evening, and one who kept apologizing in advance for her ss, until I threatened to slap her. 
