i know this thread sounds a little 'high concept' (no pun intended), but hear me out: guys, if you're like me, valentine's day is one of those 'occasions' where no matter what you do you'll screw it up. the idea is to minimize the damage (particularly if you're poor and over-worked and can't afford that dumb rock she's been hinting at). maybe it's just my lack of skillz at making quality v-day cards (then again, i do have a propensity to make cards you need a yardstick to measure) that forces me into buying them. (also be sure to actually read the cards you buy. don't be like me and just assume it's a nice card.)
and if you're like me (sorry if you are, at least in this respect), you really aren't into the whole valentine's day mumbo-jumbo and see it as yet another path towards bankruptcy, pissing away money between birthdays, sweetest days, anniversaries, x-mas, whatever, and therefore your enthusiasm isn't at its peak despite the possibility of having some fun *if you don't screw it all up*.
anyway, so you've got your card and it's okay, kinda sappy, hardly the way you'd express yourself (which is probably the best reason for buying a card in the first place), and you're about four bucks poorer as a result (not to mention rather be seen flipping through porn mags rather than valentine's day cards. trust me when i say you don't want to buy good quality porn at the same place you get your valentine's day card. that only *seems* like a good idea).
before signing your name, you've got to put something down first. having little to no motivation save to put something down that won't get you in trouble (which is kind of like the same motivation for cleaning your toilet), wanting something more than 'love you always' kind of nonsense (not realizing that this is probably the best thing you could say, it's just something a lot of us guys feel is too 'weak'), you think, 'hm, what says i love her *and* sounds cool?'
and movie phrases immediately pop to mind. they're popular, expressive, takes little thought, and is something you think she might get a kick out of. maybe.
however, in my experience, there are a number of movie phrases that should *not* go above your name... and here is a short list of a few of those:
1~ schwing!
love,
biff (i'll drop the 'love, biff' part from here on out)
2~ we go together, Laurie. I don't know why, maybe like guns and ammunition go together
3~ with all my heart, i still love the man i killed
4~ i see dead people
5~ just panties -- what else do i need?
6~ I have a very pessimistic view of life. You should know this about me if we're gonna go out. You know, I - I feel that life is - is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. Those are the two categories, you know. The - the horrible would be like, um, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else. That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life - you should be thankful that you're miserable because you're very lucky to be miserable
7~ open the pod bay doors, HAL
8~ i suppose you know you have a wonderful body. i'd like to do it in clay
9~ I was a better man with you, as a woman, than I ever was with a woman, as a man. Know what I mean? I just gotta learn to do it without the dress
10~ i feel the need, the need for speed!
11~ it's not the years, honey, it's the mileage
12~ do i make you horny?
13~ you want the truth? you can't handle the truth!
14~ when you have to shoot, shoot... don't talk
15~ as far back as i can remember, i always wanted to be a gangster
16~ look, dave, i can see you're really upset by this
17~ go ahead, make my day
18~ i'll be back
19~ fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!
20~ can i borrow your underpants for ten minutes?
21~ use the force, luke
22~ show me the money!
23~ i am spartacus
24~ i love the smell of napalm in the morning... smells like... victory
25~ i'm the king of the world!
26~ i wish i knew how to quit you
27~ Well, I believe in the soul, the c--k, the p---y, the small of a woman's back, the hangin' curveball, high fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent crap...I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days
28~ Gort! Klaatu barada nikto
29~ I am not an animal! I am a human being
30~ a thing worth having is worth cheating for
31~ food fight!
32~ Well, if you get a good break, you'll be out of Tehachapi in 20 years and you can come back to me then. I hope they don't hang you, precious, by that sweet neck...Yes, angel, I'm gonna send you over. The chances are you'll get off with life. That means if you're a good girl, you'll be out in 20 years. I'll be waiting for you. If they hang you, I'll always remember you
33~ we're on a mission from God
34~ yo, adrian!
35~ your general appearance is not distasteful
36~ Your mother's in here with us, Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it
37~ Look, you shoot off a guy's head with his pants down, believe me, Texas is not the place you want to get caught
38~ where does he get all those wonderful toys?
39~ I'll take my chance against the law. You'll take yours against the sea
and lastly in this 'short' list:
40~ You give me powders, pills, baths, injections, enemas - when all I need is love
and if you're like me (sorry if you are, at least in this respect), you really aren't into the whole valentine's day mumbo-jumbo and see it as yet another path towards bankruptcy, pissing away money between birthdays, sweetest days, anniversaries, x-mas, whatever, and therefore your enthusiasm isn't at its peak despite the possibility of having some fun *if you don't screw it all up*.
anyway, so you've got your card and it's okay, kinda sappy, hardly the way you'd express yourself (which is probably the best reason for buying a card in the first place), and you're about four bucks poorer as a result (not to mention rather be seen flipping through porn mags rather than valentine's day cards. trust me when i say you don't want to buy good quality porn at the same place you get your valentine's day card. that only *seems* like a good idea).
before signing your name, you've got to put something down first. having little to no motivation save to put something down that won't get you in trouble (which is kind of like the same motivation for cleaning your toilet), wanting something more than 'love you always' kind of nonsense (not realizing that this is probably the best thing you could say, it's just something a lot of us guys feel is too 'weak'), you think, 'hm, what says i love her *and* sounds cool?'
and movie phrases immediately pop to mind. they're popular, expressive, takes little thought, and is something you think she might get a kick out of. maybe.
however, in my experience, there are a number of movie phrases that should *not* go above your name... and here is a short list of a few of those:
1~ schwing!
love,
biff (i'll drop the 'love, biff' part from here on out)
2~ we go together, Laurie. I don't know why, maybe like guns and ammunition go together
3~ with all my heart, i still love the man i killed
4~ i see dead people
5~ just panties -- what else do i need?
6~ I have a very pessimistic view of life. You should know this about me if we're gonna go out. You know, I - I feel that life is - is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. Those are the two categories, you know. The - the horrible would be like, um, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else. That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life - you should be thankful that you're miserable because you're very lucky to be miserable
7~ open the pod bay doors, HAL
8~ i suppose you know you have a wonderful body. i'd like to do it in clay
9~ I was a better man with you, as a woman, than I ever was with a woman, as a man. Know what I mean? I just gotta learn to do it without the dress
10~ i feel the need, the need for speed!
11~ it's not the years, honey, it's the mileage
12~ do i make you horny?
13~ you want the truth? you can't handle the truth!
14~ when you have to shoot, shoot... don't talk
15~ as far back as i can remember, i always wanted to be a gangster
16~ look, dave, i can see you're really upset by this
17~ go ahead, make my day
18~ i'll be back
19~ fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!
20~ can i borrow your underpants for ten minutes?
21~ use the force, luke
22~ show me the money!
23~ i am spartacus
24~ i love the smell of napalm in the morning... smells like... victory
25~ i'm the king of the world!
26~ i wish i knew how to quit you
27~ Well, I believe in the soul, the c--k, the p---y, the small of a woman's back, the hangin' curveball, high fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent crap...I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days
28~ Gort! Klaatu barada nikto
29~ I am not an animal! I am a human being
30~ a thing worth having is worth cheating for
31~ food fight!
32~ Well, if you get a good break, you'll be out of Tehachapi in 20 years and you can come back to me then. I hope they don't hang you, precious, by that sweet neck...Yes, angel, I'm gonna send you over. The chances are you'll get off with life. That means if you're a good girl, you'll be out in 20 years. I'll be waiting for you. If they hang you, I'll always remember you
33~ we're on a mission from God
34~ yo, adrian!
35~ your general appearance is not distasteful
36~ Your mother's in here with us, Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it
37~ Look, you shoot off a guy's head with his pants down, believe me, Texas is not the place you want to get caught
38~ where does he get all those wonderful toys?
39~ I'll take my chance against the law. You'll take yours against the sea
and lastly in this 'short' list:
40~ You give me powders, pills, baths, injections, enemas - when all I need is love
