Question about dating for my WIP

Take a lovely walk somewhere after dinner (a park, a seashore, the entertainment district downtown, even the mall, etc.). Gives them time to talk, get to know each other, maybe even be a little romantic. The could also go into some kind of store and have a little good-natured fun (she could try on a silly outfit), or browse for their favorite books in a bookstore.

Works for me. ;-)

Depends a little on what each expects to happen. Dinner, a museum visit, a stroll through the shopping district, coffee and desert afterward - all are good ways to talk and get to know each other.

There's also the back seat of a '84 Audi . . .

Uh, never mind.

Southern_girl29 said:

But, shouldn't they do something afterward?

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I could think of one thing...

Ok ok, in all seriousness...

When I was dating, we'd get dinner and then go shoot pool, maybe go bowling, or check out shops in the area, wherever we happened to be. Most of my dates, though, we spent soooooooo long talking over dinner, that we didnt go anywhere afterwards. Well...depending on how the date went...heheheh

I got married at 32. Our first date, we went for italian food, then took a walk to a local suspension footbridge (neighborhood landmark). On other early dates we went to the tidepools, the movies, took my dog to the dog park, browsed used bookstores, and "played tourist" at some of the landmarks in town. We dated for a couple of months before he saw the inside of my apartment or I saw the inside of his.

On one of our first dates, my sweetie planned a picnic in a park. He bought all the food at a gourmet deli, bought a picnic basket with the works, and even bought a new shirt and shorts! It was a nice quiet place to talk. I was really impressed!

Southern_girl29 said:

I don't want my character to be a prude, but I don't want readers to think she's easy either. What's a good length of time to be dating before having sex? Fourth or fifth date?

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Probably a little sooner. By 30, people have "been around the block" a time or two (or 25). They will probably decide fairly quickly if it's headed that way or not.

If you can put 'em in a hotel somewhere . . . even sooner. ;-)

alleycat said:

Probably a little sooner. By 30, people have "been around the block" a time or two (or 25). They will probably decide fairly quickly if it's headed that way or not.

If you can put 'em in a hotel somewhere . . . even sooner. ;-)

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I think it depends on the character. If someone has been burned by being intimate too quickly in the past, having been around the block might also make them slower to get physical, rather than faster.

I don't think 4-5 dates is unreasonable.

Ahh dating... Of course, I still feel like a 'kid' at 25, even though I'm engaged, but I agree that dinner and a walk somewhere nice is a pretty standard date. If you wanted your characters to mix it up a bit, they could always take a class on something or other, (like a one-time gourmet cooking class) or go to one of those paint-your-own-pottery places. If you just try searching yahoo for 'interesting date ideas' or check one of those dating sites, you can probably get a nice list of dates that are non-cliched.

and I've always heard the 'three date' rule, though that's definitely part urban legend and part ridiculous social stereotype. I say 4th or 5th date works well.

Good luck with the WIP!

I can't imagine having sex with someone I've only met four or five times. o.o Though, I'm young yet. But still, wow, that's barely knowing someone. I can't trust someone in that short a time.

Good thinking, Tallymark. Especially since no birth control method is 100% effective.

Southern_girl29 said:

Well, the love interest has been married before, but his wife was killed a few years before. It makes him more wary of intimacy (and actually a little overprotective of the heroine, which is going to drive her nuts), but my female character is about six months out of a long relationship and craves intimacy. That's going to cause quite a bit of conflict, I believe.

This WIP is going to be a romantic suspense, if that makes any difference.

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If you mean she's craving sexual intimacy, then she'd probably go for it in the first hot and heavy scene. Not that I'd know anything about that.....

I'd say something like the cinema. That way, you're together but there's no pressure to make conversation. You can just get used to each other's company. (And you're in the dark, heh heh).

Bowling's another good one. Cheap, simple, effective. Maybe dinner on a second or third date, when you know the conversation will 'flow', as you're comfortable with one another.

Southern_girl29 said:

I don't want my character to be a prude, but I don't want readers to think she's easy either. What's a good length of time to be dating before having sex? Fourth or fifth date?

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She won't be prude if she waits (until she is married) to have sex. Then again, this is just one Christian's opinion.

Length of time before sleeping together varies according to each person's morality or preference or alcohol level.

I'm no virgin, but having done a lot of personal growth, I've become more confident about voicing my opinions - and saying no. No matter how much I want to say yes.

My idea of a good first date is a couple of quiet drinks in a bar, so they can talk, then a nice dinner somewhere. Well that's I always preferred.

As for the sleeping together thing, I think if it's a purely physical attraction, it would happen obviously a lot quicker. But if they're interested in each other's minds and feelings, maybe it would take longer. They might be keen to get to know each other first? (Does that make me sound like someone's Mother? - sorry if it does!)

If they start off having dinner and talking and want to go on somewhere. I find relocating to a standard high-street pub with an eclectic jukebox and comfy chairs works quite well.
(At least, it's never let me down)

For a well planned first date where the chemistry may need some assistance, eating is good, but followed by something active that can spur the conversation. Pool and bowling were mentioned, but I can't come up with anything else. In your 30s, a few drinks are never out of the question. Comedy show (nothing too blue)? Saucy puppet show?

And the dinner and a movie date should really be movie then dinner in most cases - gives you something to talk about besides the standard personal info.

I've have too many first dates that could have gone better. The ones with no plan were fueled by nervous conversation followed by alcohol, and that blurred things a little.

scarletpeaches said:

I'd say something like the cinema. That way, you're together but there's no pressure to make conversation. You can just get used to each other's company.

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Interesting.

I always said NO to a movie on the first date. I told my various boyfriends that if I wanted to spend 2 hours in the dark watching a movie and not talking, I can do that with my cats. I wasn't going to waste my time with someone I couldn't carry on a conversation with.

Then again, I met the vast majority of my boyfriends and such online, so we'd spent a fair amount of time chatting, e-mailing, and talking on the phone by the time we actually met, so at least we had a few jumping-off points for conversation by then. Most of them anyway...some I met sooner than others. (I started chatting with a guy one Sunday, met him on Tuesday, went on our first weekend vacation together the following weekend, got engaged 4 months later, married 5 months after that, and we're still going strong. LOL Go figure!)

I wasn't married until I was 34 and did plenty of dating. As a sporting chick a lot of these dates were soft-dates. That is meeting someone to go running or bike riding with, play squash or even meet in a pub for a few rounds of pool.

Very rarely would a bloke come up and ask outright "would you like to go out on a date." Blokes are too scared of rejection for that. They would more likely (in my experience) call you around 6pm and say something like "I'm hungry and heard that that new Muse Resturant is pretty good, want to come check it out with me?" (Living as an Expat since 1994 I have dated plenty of nationalities, this if my experience with men from Aust, UK, USA, SA etc).

lady_esther said:

She won't be prude if she waits (until she is married) to have sex. Then again, this is just one Christian's opinion.

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If she ever actually got married... personally I like sex, and would certainly have no interest in risking marrying someone I had never had sex with. I wouldn't even marry someone I hadn't first lived with. But I'm Australian and you know what they say about us Aussie girls...