View Full Version : Things I can do, things I cannot

02-03-2007, 01:03 AM
I'll state something I can't do. Someone who can do what I could not, posts next, stating what/how with a brief description as desired. That poster in turn states what they cannot do, and so on....

poster 1: I cannot pluck my eyebrows in the dark.
poster 2: I can, can't you tell?

But, I cannot prune a rosebush..
poster 3: I can, and my garden is beautiful.

I do not know how to tie a fly
poster 4: I was last year's Fly-Tying Champion
But, I can't...(blah blah blah)

Okay here goes.

I cannot drive a motorcycle.

02-03-2007, 01:10 AM
I can, and I had one in college--a really cool one, so that made me really cool too.

But I cannot verbally tell a joke.

02-03-2007, 01:46 AM
I can tell lots of jokes, they usually begin "knock knock..."
I cannot start a lawnmower. (pathetic)

Silver King
02-03-2007, 01:53 AM
I can start a lawnmower with ease, and then my wife does all the cutting.

I cannot travel without a primal fear of never returning home.

02-03-2007, 01:57 AM
I love to travel, and coming home is often the most interesting part of the journey.

I cannot tolerate Rum.

02-03-2007, 02:09 AM
I love rum, put it in my coke all the time :D

But I've never been able to swallow lutefisk.

Silver King
02-03-2007, 03:49 AM
I can imagine what lutefisk must taste like, which is all the more reason you shouldn't swallow lye-soaked fish.

I cannot deliberately hurt someone I love.

02-03-2007, 03:59 AM
I can if it helps them and if I am sure something must be said or done-an intervention comes to mind

I cannot resist riches

02-04-2007, 08:27 AM
I can because I've never been rich.

I cannot play poker.

02-04-2007, 08:30 AM
I can play poker and often participate in a neighborhood game.

I cannot play a musical instrument.

02-04-2007, 11:06 AM
I have played the violin since I was ten.

I can't sing.

02-04-2007, 11:11 AM
I can sing well enough for children to hear lullabies and be comforted by them.

I cannot make nice flower arrangements--they always look like I stuck a bunch of weeds into a vase, no matter how many times I take 'em out and put 'em back in.

02-04-2007, 11:27 AM
I can and do arrange flowers all day at work.

But I can't stand the smell of potpourri.

02-04-2007, 11:48 AM
My nose doesn't work - I hardly smell a thing - so bring on that potpourri!

I can't fill in that tax report thing though.

02-05-2007, 10:42 AM
I've always loved doing my taxes. Even easier with software. (maybe it's those high refunds-shrug)

I can't for the life of me calculate a simple interest rate on a long-term loan.

02-05-2007, 10:49 AM
Oh, it's a simple [1/(1-r)]n, or something. And always round in your favor!

I can't, however, figure out where I want to be in five years.

02-05-2007, 12:57 PM
Oh I can. In five years, I want to be a well-respected playwright living happily right where I am now with 1 husband, 2 kids and lots of ducks!

But I can't make a cheese and dip and biscuits platter that looks anywhere near edible!

02-05-2007, 06:15 PM
I have my own secret recipe for crab dip that'll knock your socks off! Whenever I fix it for guests, they can't seem to get enough.

But I get an "F" in the art of small talk.

02-05-2007, 07:41 PM
I'm good with small talk -- I've found that if you allow people to chat about themselves, they'll happily lead the conversation.

However, I can't for the life of me change a flat tire.

02-05-2007, 08:07 PM
I've changed many flat tires, even on the side of busy highways. I'm quit good at them, actually :)

Thing is, I've never once bungee jumped.

02-05-2007, 10:06 PM
I've never bungee jumped either, but if someone drugged me, hooked me up, and pushed me off the bridge, I'm sure I could do it.

I can't, however, resist my cat's sad look when she's begging for a treat.

02-10-2007, 10:50 AM
I can resist any animal's begging because I'm an alpha bitch and it's MINE!

Plus, they probably don't like it anyway....

I can't do a somersault.

02-10-2007, 11:25 AM
I can do a somersault (or at least I could when I was 8).

I can't cook to save myself.

02-10-2007, 11:34 AM
I love to cook. My specialty is, believe it or not- leftovers.

I can't do a bank shot while playing pool.

02-23-2007, 03:03 AM
I can do bank shots -- I call them miracle shots, but I can manage them. Sometimes.

But I can't resist my male cat's meows and demands for affection.

02-23-2007, 03:33 AM
I can resist his demands for affection. I just tell him "not tonight dear" - oh sorry, that's my husband, not my cat!

I cannot tell lies to people.

02-23-2007, 04:41 AM
I perfected the art of spin in the corporate world.

I can not make chicken and dumplings, from scratch, for more than two people at a time.

02-23-2007, 10:29 AM
Ohhh, I have the perfect pot for those. And this is one food that works best done simple, thank goodness for good ole' Bisquick.
Warning, they're fattening!

I cannot, however, make a decent omelette. They seem to fall apart or fly all over the kitchen.

02-23-2007, 10:35 AM
I can make an omelet, even have a good pan to use for cooking them but...

I cannot eat eggs without getting sick. :Shrug:

02-23-2007, 10:57 AM
Oh I can, I have to be held back when eggs are offered, especially boiled or deviled. Yummm.

I cannot stand the smell of Mums.

02-23-2007, 11:03 AM
I was runner-up in the Mum smelling contest

I can't put my socks on with my teeth.

Sean D. Schaffer
02-23-2007, 11:18 AM
I can put my socks on with my teeth. A little difficult to do and not so tasty as I would like, but I can do it.

I cannot, however breathe through my tear ducts.

02-24-2007, 03:58 AM
Well, I have a MOVIE where someone breathes through their tear ducts! (Men in Black) And I can and do watch it all the time.

What I can't do is keep any part of my house tidy for more than a day.

02-24-2007, 04:18 AM
I can keep part of my house tidy for more than a day (but only if it's a day when the kids are not home!)

I can't do cryptic crosswords.

02-24-2007, 04:23 AM
I love and do Cryptic crosswords every weekend!

I cannot sing any song in key.

Sean D. Schaffer
02-24-2007, 04:29 AM
I love and do Cryptic crosswords every weekend!

I cannot sing any song in key.

I can sing almost every song in key... as long as I'm singing along!

I cannot, however, stay seated in any place for more than ten minutes.

02-24-2007, 04:53 AM
I can stay seated in one place for longer than ten minutes,

But I can not touch my toes.


02-24-2007, 07:53 AM
I can touch my toes.

I cannot, however, eat with chopsticks.

02-24-2007, 10:02 AM
Oh, I can eat with chopsticks. In fact, I now prefer to eat all Oriental cuisines with chopsticks...the food tastes better that way than with a fork.

But I can't surf.

02-24-2007, 12:47 PM
I can surf...the internet!

But, I cannot dismantle an Atomic Bomb (U2 reference, yey).

Sean D. Schaffer
02-24-2007, 12:56 PM
I can surf...the internet!

But, I cannot dismantle an Atomic Bomb (U2 reference, yey).

I can dismantle an Atomic Bomb... in my worst nightmares!

But, I cannot drink tea through my nose.

02-24-2007, 10:12 PM
I drank tea thru my nose this morning,(accidentally) then spit it all over the car and myself.

I cannot enter a crowded elevator without nearly hyperventilating.

Ad Astra
02-24-2007, 10:35 PM
I can enter a crowded elevator without hyperventilating...if it's crowded with ice cream.

I cannot get good grades.

Sean D. Schaffer
02-24-2007, 11:15 PM
I can get good grades. Of milk, cheese and yogurt. Mmm, yummy!

But I cannot stand answering the phone and getting a recording telling me to call a telemarketing company back.

Ad Astra
02-25-2007, 01:37 AM
I can stand it, I simply hang up before I can scrutinize what they're saying. :D

But I can't stand people who touch me when I don't want them to.

03-04-2007, 12:04 PM
I can stand it when people touch me when I don't want them to, because it's character building.

But I can't eat mushrooms.

hermit authoress
03-04-2007, 06:03 PM
Mmmm...I LOVE fungus mushrooms. My favorite is freshly fried in butter or dipped in flour and deep fried. Is it time to eat yet?

I can't ...er... um.... There's got to be something I can't--

I can't multitask.

03-04-2007, 08:25 PM
Oh I can, I'm more productive and prefer having more than one activity going at the same time.

But I can't understand the concept of voice traveling over a telephone wire or music being captured on a disc.

Anya Smith
03-04-2007, 08:32 PM
Oh, I can see all kinds of communication waves, because I'm a telepath...

But I cannot understand what the frogs are saying in the morning.

03-04-2007, 08:57 PM
Oh, that's easy. They are saying, "BUD-WEI-SERR!"

Oh, come on! Yes, those commercials were dumb, but they were at least a little creative at the time...right? *ahem*

I can listen to what the frogs are saying in the morning, but not the apples. Weird.

03-05-2007, 10:32 PM
The apples are saying, "Eat me." What else?

I have two teenagers and a twenty year old son, and I can't keep the refrigerator full for more than five minutes.

03-05-2007, 10:43 PM
I can. I recently found a twenty-year-old bottle of Bartles & Jaymes digging through the back of it.

What I can't do, however, is keep the house neat.

03-05-2007, 11:45 PM
I can. Have you tried getting a waste disposal company to park one of those big garbage bins right underneath the window of your teens' rooms?

However, I can't manage to get the dishes done.

03-06-2007, 02:52 AM
I can. Dishwashers are the best invention ever.

I can't get around to cleaning the inside of the oven.

05-03-2007, 12:10 PM
I can, all I have to do is take out the metal racks, lock the oven and turn it to "self clean cycle".

I can't remember what day it is about half the time.

05-03-2007, 05:26 PM
I can, my work revolves around constant email communication.

But I can't seem to remember to put the garbage out on time.

05-05-2007, 04:05 PM
I can remember to put the garbage out on time, but only if I tie a rotten banana peel around my finger to remind me.

I can't eat beets without gagging.

05-05-2007, 04:52 PM
I can eat beets with a side of Yoda,
but I can't handle a spider dangling from it's web...*shudder--gag reflex*

Backward Masking
05-05-2007, 09:20 PM
I can certainly handle a spider dangling from a web, but I require the aid of somebody who isn't arachnophobia.

I can't speak Russian.

05-05-2007, 09:24 PM
Dunno about speaking Russian, but I can drink Russian.
I cannot, however, climb a ladder. I become Mel Brooks--High Anxiety!

05-05-2007, 11:57 PM
I can climb a ladder provided that it leads to an enchanting princess with long golden hair; if the ladder leads to roof repair, count me out.

I can't (and won't) skydive.

Backward Masking
05-06-2007, 12:31 AM
I can skydive. I just need a shove in the right direction.

I can't juggle knives.

05-06-2007, 12:35 AM
I can if they are dull.

I just can't seem to squeeze past the veggies at the local mart without making snide remarks.

05-06-2007, 01:12 AM
I can squeeze past the veggies in complete silence, on my way to the Ding Dongs,
I cannot go in the attic without visions of my head being lopped off by a swinging hook--courtesy of an old movie: White Christmas...

05-06-2007, 08:00 AM
I can enter the attic fearlessly, because I've never seen White Christmas.

I cannot keep a cell phone for longer than 90 days without breaking it.

05-06-2007, 08:09 AM
I can usually make cell phones last two years

but I can't seem to surf through all the new AW posts without one of the pages coming up as a no match search error.

05-06-2007, 09:17 AM
No problem, I just back out of it and try it again!

However, I cannot be around gardenias without medical intravention.

05-06-2007, 09:18 AM
I can be around gardenia's without medical attention

But I cannot grow flowers very well

05-06-2007, 09:23 AM
I can grow flowers very well because of my green thumb

I just can't stand past the second step on a ladder.

05-07-2007, 09:20 PM
A step ladder isn't as scary as a real ladder, so I can do that.
I cannot get to any location beyond my street without crayon directions & lots of pret-ty pret-ty pictures.

Backward Masking
05-08-2007, 03:35 AM
Fortunately, I can make my way around without the aid of a map drawn in crayon. I've graduated to using maps drawn with a pen.

I can't seem to acquire a taste for wine.

05-08-2007, 07:48 AM
Ah, living in Germany, I have mastered wine how to serve and taste.
I can't get a handle on the second book in this series I've begun writing.

05-08-2007, 03:52 PM
I can get a handle on my second book.

I just can't get the handle to move.

05-10-2007, 01:48 AM
I've moved three times in the last year.

I can't get my puppy to stop piddling the floor.

05-10-2007, 01:52 AM

I cannot seem to do any work today.

05-10-2007, 05:33 AM
I can, lots--but it doesn't pay anything.

I can't get anyone to go live with me in a nudist resort. :(

05-10-2007, 08:54 AM
Oh I could get someone to live with me there, a blind person!

I can't remember the name of my kindergarten teacher.

05-10-2007, 09:07 AM
My kindergarten teacher's name was Mrs. Brown. Mean old hag.

I cannot stop clicking "New Posts" and get down to writing!

05-10-2007, 09:25 AM
I can, I'm stuck puzzling over the Order to Chaos game, I've written lists and lists :D

I can't get to bed before Midnight.

Backward Masking
05-10-2007, 09:30 AM
I can get to bed before midnight, I simply choose not to.

I can't seem to budget myself as effectively as I'd like to.

05-10-2007, 09:32 AM
I can budget myself just fine, it's getting the rest of the family on board that's tricky.
I can't go away on vacation often enough.

05-10-2007, 02:10 PM
I'm retired, I'm on perpetual vacation.

I can't buy a new truck on my retirement pay.

05-10-2007, 11:46 PM
What's retirement? I just bought a brand new 1947 Ford pickup--for $4.95. It's about 2 inches long, made in Taiwan--said Matchbook on the box.

I can't drive my new truck--hell, can't even get into it.

05-11-2007, 01:09 AM
I can drive my new toy truck.

I can't squeeze out of it.

05-11-2007, 01:27 AM
My dog can squeeze out a toy truck once he swallows it.

I can't bring myself to pick it up after.

05-13-2007, 09:38 AM
I have cats; hence, I can pick up...er...left overs,
I can't look at puked up hairballs

05-13-2007, 09:45 AM
I can look at puked up hairballs... but i wouldn't want to. lol

I can't eat tartar sauce

05-13-2007, 09:54 AM
I can, I eat tartar sauce on fried fish quite often.

I cannot sneeze once -- it has to be twice.

05-13-2007, 04:15 PM
I can sneeze once.

I cannot eat rye bread without hiccuping.

05-13-2007, 05:16 PM
I can live on rye bread as a main course
I can't find anyone who knows how to cook cow's tongue

05-13-2007, 06:00 PM
I can cook cow's tongue, you boil it and slice it thin.

I just can't eat it after.

05-13-2007, 06:57 PM
When I was a kid my mom got it into her head that she *had* to cook tongue and she did and I learned at an early age that it is indeed edible, like a tender roast beef, though I haven't eaten it never again ever.

I can't make everyone happy.

05-13-2007, 06:58 PM
I can eat almost everything.

I can't eat and write at the same time.

05-13-2007, 07:09 PM
I can-but for some reason, my keyboard is sticky!

I can't drink tea with sugar in it, gags me!

05-14-2007, 03:38 PM
I can drink tea with sugar in it.

I can't read tea leaves.

05-15-2007, 11:11 PM
I can take my tea leaves to a Lebonese friend of mine to read,
I cannot make time for my treadmil.

05-16-2007, 12:03 AM
I can make time for my treadmill, though my pet hamsters do not always co-operate.

I cannot make out what the hell is happening with time, because it always seems to be speeding up.

05-16-2007, 07:33 AM
I can steal back time by getting up 2 hours before dawn,
I cannot can not seem to breakaway from assuming everything's a compoundword.

05-16-2007, 08:49 AM
I have no trou ble with com pounds and oft en find my self sep a rat ing syl la bles.
(ok, that was annoying, huh? )

I can't remember jokes.

05-16-2007, 09:10 AM
Oh, I can remember jokes (loved the syllableseperations bytheway),
I cannot cannot cannot tell ANY clean ones.

05-16-2007, 10:38 AM
Clean ones? No problem-my audience is done cleaned out by the time I finish stumbling through a joke!

I can't stand being licked by a dog.

05-16-2007, 11:11 AM
But I don't mind a ruff cow's tongue.

I don't mind taking a shower with my bird, but...

05-16-2007, 11:27 AM
I can handle Tweeter getting wet
I can't function in humidity.

05-16-2007, 03:43 PM
I can function in humidity, so long as I'm watching it on the weather channel at a resort in the Arizona desert.

I cannot tolerate being rained on.

05-16-2007, 03:52 PM
I can lift my face into the rain; it cleanses a lonely soul,
I cannot help feeling I was born in the wrong century.

05-16-2007, 04:19 PM
I was born in the right century.

I was just born into the body of the wrong species. Woof!

05-16-2007, 04:31 PM
I can handle a were-woof
I cannot tear my eyes away from the gruesome changing under the full moon

05-16-2007, 05:06 PM
I can handle whatever gruesome changes happen during a full moon, although I have to shave my palms regularly duriod that period.

I can't eat raw tomatoes without retching.

05-16-2007, 05:15 PM
I can eat tomotoes right off the vine
I CANNOT look at those....eeeeeek...thick...green....tomatoe worms..need a dog to sick 'em!

05-16-2007, 05:20 PM
I can not only bear to look at thick green tomatoe worms, I don't mind smashing them up and spreading them on my toast. Yum!

I can't cope when I have a computer glitch.

05-16-2007, 05:47 PM
I can vomit all over Woof's...er...toast
I cannot allow gunk covered toast to be served without tea..despicable!

05-16-2007, 10:08 PM
I'm pretty easy. I can take my gunk covered toast with or without tea.

What I cannot do is start my morning without a nice cold glass of freshly squeezed orangutan juice.

05-16-2007, 10:45 PM
but it takes me till noon to get enough squeezed!

I'm sorry I cannot take a snake kissinig me but

05-16-2007, 10:46 PM
I can and like snake kisses
I can't abide when they spit

05-16-2007, 11:56 PM
I not only can abide spitting snakes, but on occasion I can be a pretty good one-eyed spitting snake myself. ;)

I can't stand the sight of blood.

05-17-2007, 12:02 AM
Oh, it doesn't bother me as long as it's not my own.

I love to fly but I can't get past the second step on a ladder

05-17-2007, 12:12 AM
Getting past the second step on a ladder is a breeze; trying to fly and remain airborne from that point is a bit problematic.

I cannot walk under a ladder out of superstition.

05-17-2007, 12:35 AM
I can, because I am not superstitious.

I can't multi-task.

05-17-2007, 07:37 AM
I can multi-task if I have a list
I cannot manage my time

05-17-2007, 07:57 AM
I can manage my time wonderfully, when I'm getting paid.

I can't remember the names of most of my kids' friends.

05-17-2007, 08:10 AM
I can by classifying them under the ABC's.

But I can't stand the morans I work with

05-17-2007, 09:20 AM
I can abide morans, they understand to leave first thing in the morning,
I cannot make my eyeballs function without a triple espresso

Annie O
05-17-2007, 09:48 AM
I can with a lovely hot cup of tea.
I can't speak Japanese.

05-17-2007, 10:12 AM
I can listen/love Japanese music--Buck Tick
I can't make out what they're saying

05-17-2007, 04:41 PM
I can understand Japanese only when I eat sushi.

I can't and will never eat that vile Scottish sheep's bladder dish, Haggis.

05-17-2007, 04:56 PM
I can bag a Haggis--the stuffed animal kind, but it's a Scottish thing,
I cannot imagine Woof in a foyn kilt; nor refrain from clubbing his snout with rolled paper if'n he thinks ta' make one bloody comment aboot a mahn in a kilt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ye've been warned, buggar!

05-18-2007, 12:26 AM
Let me tell ye, me wee lass, that I can bear a kilt only if it's hangin from the loins of another fella. Besides it gets devil cold in them nether regions come winter.

I can't write dialect speech as well as I would like to.

05-18-2007, 07:15 AM
Aye, I can read yer' dialect just foyn, laddie,
I cannot keep a dry eye when I watch a piper play, 'tis as if he knows the tune of mi' lonely soul.

07-27-2007, 11:02 AM
I can keep my eyes dry-but can't close my windows. (our neighbor plays-it's wonderful!)

I can't ever remember to return a DVD rental on time.

07-30-2007, 08:25 PM
I always remember to return rentals, cars, movies, lovers, what have you.
I can't type any faster than a three year old.

07-31-2007, 05:34 AM
I can type much faster than a three year old, but I don't use traditional typing structure.
But I can't start my lawnmower by myself.

07-31-2007, 05:40 AM
What does a three year old can type?

07-31-2007, 06:00 AM
I can start the lawnmower by myself (trick is having a good lawnmower)
But I can't bring myself to look in that leftover container way at the back of the fridge...

Just Mike
07-31-2007, 07:43 AM
I have no problem looking in the container; determining the taxonomy of the contents is an intellectual puzzle akin to sudoku.

I can't drive.

07-31-2007, 06:01 PM
I can drive, quite well & quite fast in my little hot rod Paseo.

I can't leave a taget store without my purse being $75 lighter.

08-01-2007, 02:27 AM
I can leave a Target store without spending a dime.
I can't eat a burrito while driving in rush hour traffic.

08-01-2007, 06:18 AM
I could do that, steak- no beans please.

I can't find my way around in an unknown place unless I know which way is North.

08-01-2007, 08:04 PM
Living down south and all, I can find North by the temperature alone.
I can't climb down a mountain after I have climbed up it. (And apparently I can't end sentences without prepositions)