BS your way through

Backward Masking

Why so serious?
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 6, 2007
Messages
666
Reaction score
284
Location
Springfield, MO
Mermaids were made extinct thanks to the efforts of a Mr. Matthew McConaughey and a lack of interest in [mermaid] conservation.


Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
 

Backward Masking

Why so serious?
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 6, 2007
Messages
666
Reaction score
284
Location
Springfield, MO
Sadly, Waldo died of a massive drug overdose back in 98'. He will be remembered for his wily escapades involving time travel, hiding and his charity work for the Hide-n-Seek Association of America. He was 43.


If a tree fell in the woods and nobody was around to hear it, would it make a sound?
 

Rainy Night

INFJ
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 31, 2005
Messages
1,376
Reaction score
81
Location
Stuck in Dell Hell
Website
www.rainynightproductions.com
No the tree doesn’t make a sound. As the tree falls it creates a wave, the wave is detected by your ears and your ears turn the wave into an electrical signal that is interpreted by your brain as sound. There is no sound except the sounds that you create in your head.

Why did I buy a Dell laptop?
 

infinitus_kaze

Brutally honest...to a fault
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 11, 2007
Messages
166
Reaction score
3
Location
Cheyenne, WY
Website
michaelocheskey.com
You see, Pluto isn't a planet anymore because of Disney's influence. It seems that Pluto, the dog, felt insignificant when compared to the PLANET PLUTO, so in his anger he went to the board of representatives who immediately sent out bribes of one million dollars to every astrologist in the world and they responded by immediately downsizing Pluto. Now Pluto, the dog, is able to live out the rest of his life in peace having had his inferiority complex dealt with in such an orderly fashion.

How do singers and instrumentalists get inside compact disks?
 

McDuff

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 31, 2007
Messages
635
Reaction score
93
Location
UK
They don't, idiot. The compact disc contains the information detailing every nuance of the sound and vocal. The singers and instrumentalists are in the CD players. They're mostly Latvians, which is why the country has experienced such a lot of economic growth since 1989.


Why not just hollow out the cats?
 

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
There are already enough hollow cats in the world. What we don't need is another feline wearing a Gucci flea collar.

Who are God's parents?
 

Parkinsonsd

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 19, 2006
Messages
525
Reaction score
326
That primarily depends on which god. In Greek and Roman Mythology, Zeus or Jupiter claimed he was the father of all gods, however the paternity tests did not entirely bear that out, and Zeus himself is considered the offspring of certain beings called Titans who themselves were created the second after the Big Bang when the Universe began to contract or tighten, hence the word "Titan".

In Christian religious sects, Jesus Christ is generally accepted as the son of God although he adamantly refused to undergo DNA testing and hence his claims are rightfully subject to skepticism. God himself also refused to be tested to see if there was any link between him and either the Norse or Greek Gods. Instead he claims to be the beginning, the end and everything in between. Again though, without conclusive DNA testing, his claims should be treated with skepticism.

Buddha was not available for comment.



What happened to eight tracks?
 
Last edited:

Uncarved

I aim to misbehave
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 12, 2005
Messages
1,848
Reaction score
512
Location
Georgia
Eight tracks gave way when techy-types discovered that you could fit more than 8 tracks on a cassette. Cassettes gave way when the same techy-types discovered that you could fit more on a CD. They are now is Tech Heaven, a place where old D&D players go when they die.



Exactly how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood??
 

Backward Masking

Why so serious?
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 6, 2007
Messages
666
Reaction score
284
Location
Springfield, MO
Unfortunately woodchucks can't chuck wood. Due to their diminutive size and a general lack of good wood chucking hands, they can only dream about chucking wood.


Why are secret undergound volcano lairs not as practical as say your average oil tanker converted to conceal a secret submarine pen?
 

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
Though spacious, well-ventilated, and atmospheric with all kinds of shadows, vapor and smoke, (and, according to some--great places to make out) secret underground volcano lairs pose somewhat of a risk because of the 2,000 degree F molten lava which has a tendency to vaporize humans within seconds, and do serious damage to concealed submarines, be they of the sandwich or naval variety.

Why do donuts have a hole in the middle of them?
 

Parkinsonsd

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 19, 2006
Messages
525
Reaction score
326
Because the quantum physics and sub atomic construction required to place a donut hole on the outside was too damn much for the poor guy who had to make the donuts every morning.



Can you kill people with asparagus pee?
 

Backward Masking

Why so serious?
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 6, 2007
Messages
666
Reaction score
284
Location
Springfield, MO
With utmost care and precision you could kill a hundred men with a piece of lint. An asparagus pee has the killing capacity of a hundred pounds of lint. It's a bloody WMD. You do the math.


Why were there snakes on a plane, but not on a train or in the rain?
 
Last edited:

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
As everyone knows, snakes are very fussy about getting a good night's sleep and for this reason they never travel by train, even if it is cheaper than air travel (snakes are extravagant spenders). The constant clackety-clack and rattling of the wheels simply gets on their nerves and prevents them from napping (you'd think that a rattle snake would not be rattled in this fashion, but they are notoriously jealous of anything else that makes a rattling sound). Some snakes do go out in the rain, but only those who can afford (and have the audacity to wear) expensive snakeskin raincoats.


Why do ideas seem to come out of thin air, but never thick air?
 

CBeasy

I'm back baby!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 14, 2006
Messages
566
Reaction score
424
Location
Altamonte Springs, FL
Website
facebook.com
This is because of a scientific law known as "Idea Condensation". Ideas are naturally light, so they rise into the higher levels of the atmosphere. There, they float around, collecting ambient fact and hair-brained particles in the air. As the idea collects the particles it's mass increases. Eventually, it becomes too heavy for the thick air to hold aloft, it falls to the Earth. This is known as "Falling out of thin air"

Why does a stork bring babies when a pelican is obviously better suited to the task?
 

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
A stork is more adept at carrying babies in a blanket or diapers because of its long scissors-like beak. Some storks, like the eminent obstetrician, Dr. Jonathan Stork are famous for having delivered babies as well as performing complicated caesarian operations. Up until 1927, pelicans were the bird of choice for baby deliveries, but when it was discovered that a baby was attacked by a small barracuda also travelling in the same pelican beak pouch, pelicans were banned from the practice, and had their medical licenses revoked.


Why are male peacocks more attractive than female peacocks?
 

Parkinsonsd

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 19, 2006
Messages
525
Reaction score
326
The peacock is one of those rare hermaphroditic reptiliphibean, and not actually a bird. Sexual reproduction is done through a photosynthetic reaction from the semipermeable ocular semitymphesis membrane and the lympesius gland, where spermatoform DNA carrier cells are transported through the membrane of the pseudo mascular peacock to the gland of the pseudo femiliar peahen, and consequent egg implantation, fertilzation and reproduction.


If you burp, sneeze and fart at the same time, will you implode?
 

Ol' Fashioned Girl

Hand? What hand?
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
May 31, 2005
Messages
15,640
Reaction score
6,849
Location
Last Star on the Right
Website
www.jenniferdahl.com
No, no, no. You'll simply wink out of existence. The vacuum caused by the simultaneous expulsion of all three bodily emissions creates a localized 'black hole', from which no more matter can escape. You disappear.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? And how about 'scissors'?
 

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
'Bra' of course, is an abbreviation of brassieres, which is plural. In cases of male transvestites who have been known to wear that article of clothing, it is sometimes referred to as a 'bro'. The explanation for 'panties' on the other hand, is far more complicated. According to one theory, it was originally planned to name that undergarment 'panty', but when it was discovered that a 'panty' also meant "a person or animal who pants excessively" it was deemed more prudent to go with 'panties'.

Why are humans the only mammals that walk upright on two legs?
 
Last edited:

Rainy Night

INFJ
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 31, 2005
Messages
1,376
Reaction score
81
Location
Stuck in Dell Hell
Website
www.rainynightproductions.com
Because we as humans are basically show-off’s. It’s stupid really, you know? It’s like my father always used to tell me, “work smarter, not harder” ... well the 4-legged’s certainly have that figured out, here we humans spend our time walking around on two legs saying, “hey look at me, look what I can do” when the 4-legged’s say, “hey, I’ve got four appendages why not use them all, spread out the workload, be a little more efficient.” In the meantime we humans keep running around on two legs feeling all superior just because we can balance our bodies upright while constantly complaining about our aching feet and sore backs. Join the animal kingdom I say, start walking on all fours!!!

What’s in a Krabby patty?
 
Last edited:

Woof

Outward Hound
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
19,947
Reaction score
1,783
Location
Dogpatch
The main ingredient is crab, but if it's not thoroughly cooked it will jump out of the patty and start dancing on your kitchen table. This is what SpongeBob SquarePants eats, right? I wouldn't trust anything eaten by a sponge. Sponges are supposed to soak up water and that's it. Anything else they ingest is gross, if you ask me.

How can a wine, a martini or any other beverage be dry when it's already wet?
 

Monkey

Is me.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 12, 2007
Messages
9,119
Reaction score
1,881
Location
Texas, usually
For the same reason that a certain kind of humor is referred to as "dry". You take it in, expecting one thing, and wind up with something entirely different. And it leaves your mouth feeling funny.

Why's it an insult to be called a "Pansy"? They're pretty flowers, right?
 

Backward Masking

Why so serious?
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Apr 6, 2007
Messages
666
Reaction score
284
Location
Springfield, MO
Pretty flowers are the gathering spot for bee's. Now, we know that bee's are generally bad news. They sting people. Now being called a "pansy" is considered an insult because it does bring about images of pretty flowers and their hostile associates, the bee. Somebody goes out and calls someone a pansy, it's almost like they're really saying, "I hope a bee stings you in the eye because you're an observant bastard." Kind of hits below the belt.


Why do people insist on watching god-awful movies?