Torn between two words

Grinnineddies · Jan 25, 2007

Hi all, this is my first post; however, I've been reading these forums for some time.
I've had my novel done for almost a year, and all of a sudden my opening line is causing me some anquish. In the following sentence, should the words "in" be replaced with "for?" "In" sounds right to me, but I'm now wondering if "for" is the correct word:

[FONT=&quot]"Charles Vindbraum had not tasted alcohol in over thirty years, hadn’t the desire for a sip in nearly twenty..."

What do you think? Thanks for all the great posts![/FONT]

jennifer75 · Jan 25, 2007

Grinnineddies said:
[FONT=&quot]"Charles Vindbraum had not tasted alcohol FOR over thirty years, hadn’t the desire for a sip IN nearly twenty..."

What do you think? Thanks for all the great posts![/FONT]

That's what I think anyways.

alleycat · Jan 25, 2007

I think what jennifer75 posted is correct (or better). If the word "over" is removed, then "in" sounds better in the first occurance, but once the word "over" is added it seemed like "for" is the correct word to use. "For over" vs. "in over".

I'm not an expert however. Maybe one of the real grammar gurus will come along and explain which is correct (or whether both are).

lfraser · Jan 25, 2007

Grinnineddies said:
[FONT=&quot]"Charles Vindbraum had not tasted alcohol in over thirty years, hadn’t the desire for a sip in nearly twenty..." What do you think? Thanks for all the great posts![/FONT]

It's tough to say without knowing the tone of the story. Sometimes what's grammatically correct just doesn't sound right.

"For" sounds better to me, as suggested above.

Is there a reason you used "had not" in the first part of the sentence, and the contraction "hadn't" in the second part?

"Charles Vindbraum hadn't tasted alcohol for over thirty years, hadn't had the desire for twenty." Just my take on it ,for what it's worth.

Judg · Jan 25, 2007

For emphasizes duration more and is used more often with the past. In directs us to a point in time, and is used more often with the future. She'll be here in fifteen minutes.

I think for is probably the better choice here. I can't even imagine a positive sentence in the past tense using in. She has been waiting for (not in) fifteen minutes. This makes me suspect that in is not entirely at home in the past tense and that might make its usage in this context a little iffy. Having said that, it's still done very frequently and it didn't register in my mind as a mistake when I first read your sentence. I'm still not willing to say it's a mistake. I am willing to say that it's definitely correct with the word for.

When I taught ESL, I would just teach my students to use for with the past, in with the future. Of course, that was rather over-simplified, but they weren't advanced students and it wasn't the right context to play with all the possible nuances. As a rule of thumb, it's pretty good.

Silver King · Jan 25, 2007

Grinnineddies said:
[FONT=&quot]"Charles Vindbraum had not tasted alcohol in over thirty years, hadn’t the desire for a sip in nearly twenty..."[/FONT]

Charles was the life of the party. Not only had he not tasted alcohol in over thirty years, but his desire for even a sip of the evil brew had been quenched nearly twenty years earlier.

For a good time, call Charles and his sister, Charlotte. :e2drunk:

Grinnineddies · Jan 25, 2007

Thanks to everyone for the advice. "For" being used in past tense, "In" used for future tense makes sense to me. I think I'll go with "for" as that seems to be the consensus.

"Is there a reason you used "had not" in the first part of the sentence, and the contraction "hadn't" in the second part?"

lfraser - now that you bring that up, I don't recall why I chose to do it, if I even did it on purpose. I'm guessing I thought it sounded better at the time, but I like your example of using "hadn't" both times.

The overall mood is foreboding. Charles is a nearly retired man about to close up his hardware store and put a shotgun to his stomach. He's nervous, on edge, but doesn't know why, at least on a conscious level. We learn later in the story that he's been brainwashed.

Thanks to all of you, I think I know what to do. Rock on.

kristie911 · Jan 25, 2007

Oops, I just replied to this in the Novels Forum. And I don't feel like repeating myself...mostly because I think I said the same thing Jennifer did!

Great minds think alike...

Torn between two words

Grinnineddies

jennifer75

SupahStah!

alleycat

Still around

lfraser

Bored and Frantic

Judg

DISENCHANTED coming soon

Silver King

Megalops Erectus

Grinnineddies

kristie911

Happy to be here