Fear

Maybe you could start by listing the reasons you are afraid. It's easier to overcome a fear once you shine some light on it. If you're comfortable post them here, maybe others have had the same fear and figured out a way to step beyond it.

It's a fear many of us face, writerdog. The only way to deal with it is to stick the envelope in the post-box and wait for the reply.

Understanding exactly what you're afraid of is a good start - is it that your work isn't good enough? or that someone will reject it?

Funnily enough, I'm not afraid of the rejection. I am (well not so much anymore) afraid of acceptance! My reason for that was, if the piece were accepted, I would start freaking out about what people thought about what I wrote. Would they think I was stupid? etc. that doesn't happen much anymore though. It sounds silly I know, but that is the complete truth. Just wanted to share my fear with ya.

writerdog said:

They would be rejecting my book, not me. I guess I do not know if I can handle it.

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You're right - it's your book they'd be rejecting - NOT YOU! Always remember that.

A rejection isn't the end of the world. If one person doesn't like it, you just send it out to someone else and start working on something better. And the more you collect, the easier it gets. Honestly.

Arisa81 said:

I am (well not so much anymore) afraid of acceptance!

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Can't help you with that one.

writerdog said:

I think it is the rejection. Mom keeps telling me not to worry. They would be rejecting my book, not me. I guess I do not know if I can handle it. I have never had what people refer to as that second skin.

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As John Cale sang, "Fear is man's best friend." Not sure what that has to do here, but there you are.

I know exactly how you feel. I've felt that way for years. It's why I've not much to show for my writing career. Fear has cost me many valuable years of my writer's life.

Don't let the same thing happen to you. Submit. The worst that can happen is you get a rejection. So what? That's their loss and is no reflection on you as a person. You send it out again. And again. And while you're at it, you send out another story. And another. The more stories you have going out the better your chance for acceptance.

The only way to get accepted is by submitting.

Don't let fear win.

Writerdog - I do understand, but sometimes you can't develop another skin unless you open yourself up to rejection. You'll then realize that you can survive it, and next time it's not so difficult.

It's not uncommon. I wrote about that a while ago. We have fear of failure (what if they think I stink?), fear of success, and everything in between. We fear that we'll be discovered as frauds.

But do ask yourself this question: What's the worst thing that could happen if you do send them out? You get rejected -- they do say you stink. So? You're still not published, just like you are now. So what's the difference?

The difference would be: You get to improve by doing it. You now have the bragging right to say "I DID IT" instead of sitting on your hands like many others. Many people talk about doing something and they never do. Do you want to be one of them?

And how do you know if your writing is up to standard if you NEVER send them out? There are worse things than someone not liking your writing: never knowing one way or another.

Print it out. Put it in an envelop. Address it. Put a stamp on it. And send it out.

Then forget about it.

And keep writing.

writerdog said:

I think there's something wrong with me. I am afraid to send my books out for publication. How can I cope with this?

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No, you are well inside the bell curve. Congratulations, you're normal.

How do you overcome it? Depends on how you relate to fear. Do you just push through fear, like jumping out of an airplane skydiving? You might ask yourself if avoiding rejection is worth giving that up whatever reason you wrote the book in the first place. Or you might look at the process as a trial by fire that will make you stronger in the end. Just submitting in the face of your fear, whether you get published or not, means you overcame your fear and became a stronger person for it. Or you might note that this fear is completely normal for authors and therefore you should continue on to the next thing that's completely normal for authors and submit.

Or, maybe you can invoke Nike and "Just submit it" with no mental gymnastics.

Whatever works for you, pick that one. and then no matter how it turns out, submit your work.

maestrowork said:

But do ask yourself this question: What's the worst thing that could happen if you do send them out

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The end of the Universe as we know it.

It might not be connected with sending out the manuscript, but it could happen, anyway.

caw

**Yes, Yes, And Yes**

You are so right-on! I am afraid of both failure and success. But now, I don't let that stop me.

At first, I was afraid to send out my book because it is so personal. It is a memoir--so I felt it was me. But you know, it isn't me. It's my story--written by me--but it's not me. And some people will like it and some won't. And as a rule I've gotten very nice rejection letters!!! I know that sounds strange, but most aren't form letters. They say they think I write well, it's a good story, just too big for them right now.

I try and send out 2 queries for every rejection I get--haha--and that keeps my hat in the ring.

As for success, I think I used to be afraid of all the legal stuff--but now I know I can get advise and if needed, hire an attorney.

GO FOR IT!!! I'm still researching Self-pub--whilst sending out queries galore.

Let's hope it a publishing year for everyone on this thread. Hear! Hear!

maestrowork said:

There are worse things than someone not liking your writing: never knowing one way or another.

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Everyone not liking it is another.

I'm in somewhat the same place right now, but at the other end of the chain. For me, the block against submitting isn't based on the as-yet unknown, but on the known. On a loooooong stretch of nothing but rejections, for a whole bunch of things. The futility of it all has got me pretty down. I wrote a 2500-word therapeutic essay about it just a couple of nights ago. Nobody will want to read that, either.

caw

Are you sure that of the 6 billion people in the world, no one will like it?

In this case, what you need is a good set of beta readers. Do you know any good writer groups in your area?

The first time I got rejected it stung, sure. But like everyone has said, it's the book, not you. They don't know you. And there are many reasons why they might reject it, some that have nothing to do with your writing ability. Their list is full, they may have taken a similar book recently, the particular editor prefers books somewhat different than yours, and so on.

One thing is certain, you'll never get accepted if you don't send it out.

I'm currently applying to grad schools; just sent out the last of the applications. And sending them out is terrifying, because I'm absolutely positive I won't get in, or at least, that I won't get in with enough funds to actually attend.

But, if I don't apply at all, then I definately won't get in.

So, the worst that can happen is that they say no and I don't go to grad school, and my fate is the same as if I had not applied at all, except that I know I'd better up my scores and beef up my resume and my application before I try applying again some other year. The best that can happen is they say yes.

I'm done beating you over the head with the analogy now. But still, really, there's no negatives at all to applying, except a little slap to the ego, which is something you just have to take into perspective--most people hear no the first time around. Which means you make it better for next time. The positives for applying are infinate.

Now, I've got the opposite problem, in that I'll revise for ever and ever, certain that it's not ready yet, and so never get around to submitting (which is why I guess its a good thing those applications had deadlines XD ).

I understand that fear, I too was afraid and I guess that is because I might be irrationally thinking that I am a failure at other things, pretty much everything else but writing so that if I couldn't write my way out of a paper bag and was not able to get published that would be bad, and that would reflect on me. I know I am not a failure or anything, I am just saying it feels like it sometimes. I have to believe my writing is worth something because of all that has happened in my life.

I mean as much as an accident can disrupt a person's life this accident I had at 19 left me permanently disabled physically and emotionally it was hard to come back from the PSTD (If you don't know what that means it's for Post Stress Trauma Disorder and you get it from events like that) and get to where I could drive efficiently again. At first I wasn't able to, but I got over it. That is how I got over this fear to submit.

Taking it in baby steps. First is finishing numerous stories, having multiple ones to think about and writing more all the time. Then comes SENDING one out...Sending it out with a SASE and a prayer for it to sell. It probably won't, but at least you get over the hurdle of having your first rejection slip, a piece of paper, a letter, probably form letter, stating they liked it but no thanks. That doesn't hurt at all, it's not physical unless you really did send out with postal SASE and heard back that way.

I got my first rejection in email and it didn't hurt at all. Now three months into looking for an agent I am getting things back finally, so I can even say I got my first rejection now with personal comments. I was so pleased, my first one with a personal touch, I was so excited. I always am but I tell myself it's the big "R" before I open emails with my query line in the subject. Hang in there Writerdog, if you keep writing and send out things via querying you are going to find the right fit for your work. Hope something I posted helps someone else.

Another fear that was mentioned is the one we dream about, getting it sold and making more to sell and so on, and so on. I am still unsure of how to deal with success but I am going to do the best I can and hope for good results. What more can we do except to keep writing more inventive stories to entertain and share a vision with our readers.

I waited forever to send out my first ms and when it was rejected, even though I expected it, I was still terribly hurt. I've always taken rejection in any form as utter failure as a person so I don't have that thick skin yet either. However, I've gotten a few more rejections and learned that what I did before wasn't right so I'm working on it again. Just accept that if you get a rejection the sun will still come up tomorrow and you can go on to something new.

Good luck.

I wish I could help you Writerdog, but I'm right there with you. I work as a freelance writer, part-time - a steady gig that I enjoy very much. But I've never queried in the traditional sense, so naturally I've never been rejected in the traditional sense.

I was sharing that with a friend of mine and she said, "But you have to know, they aren't going to call you up and ask you to send them something."

In my mind, I thought, "Well, maybe they will." That's how much I don't want to do it the traditional way.

But then again, I do have moments where I feel very secure in myself and a rejection wouldn't kill me. If I only had a finished query and a stamp at those moments....

ltd.

We all have fears. One of the better ways to get over your fears is to face them. So send out your manuscript. The worst that can happen is one publisher rejects it, in which case you just send it to another.

badducky said:

In this case, what you need is a good set of beta readers. Do you know any good writer groups in your area?

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Been through several of those. On-line groups, too, including this site. Everybody seems to like the stuff I've presented, by and large. Hasn't helped a dambit. I think people being requested to read stuff feel like they have to approve of it, regardless of its inherent crapitude. The people who really count, editors/agents, are uniform in their view of its worthlessness.

Of the six billion, half are illiterate, half of the literate half don't read English, half of those who do don't read, period, and most of the remainder want to read about Britney Spears's latest divorce. The remaining six dozen or so have passed judgment, and found everything wanting.

caw