Why I'm the next American Idol

PeeDee

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The reason that I'm the next American Idol, and everything, is that....you know, my voice just like unique? ANd it's not like anything that's out there rihgt now? ANd I really feel that last season, Chris Daughtrey opened a lot of doors for guys like me. I mean, I don't shave as much as he does, but I totally feel like we connected.

And It means a lot to me because my life hasn't been easy. I was born on a small barge in the Bayou swamps of Louisana, and then when my parents were both killed in a freak accident (head on collision with the bearded lady) I was raised by peas, and it wasn't easy. And then I discovered Baby Jesus and I was persecuted for my religious beliefs, as well as being born a poor black child, although my pappy told me I was white on my twenty-second birthday.

And....I'm sorry....I just get so emotional because I want this so bad. I've....I'm sorry....I've just always....wanted to sing and be a diva.....

And my boss told me that I have, like, a really great voice and he says that he loves it when I sing around the office, especially when I bend over cause he says my voice gets deeper and I totally love singing when everyone thinks I'm great because it's like, you know, it's like my singing is, like giving back, you know? Like I've endured all these hardships and like kept believing in Baby Jesus even when NASCAR didn't always pray to him before they started their race, I'm like Dale Earnheart, you know, I'm just...I'm there. I'm doing it. I'm unique.

Plus, I totally quit my job to come down here because I know I'm sooooooooo great a singer and there is no way anyone can refuse me. And even though I was born a poor black child raised by peas and became white shortly after being persecuted for my religious beliefs while supporting our troops in Iraq with my stars and stripes underwear, and I sing American songs like Toby Keith cause Toby Keith just understands these things sooooooo well and he just know s what's going on why I bet he's over there right now looking for those, those, whatever they ares, the people we're like looking for and stuff.

Okay. I'm going to go audition! Baby Jesus be with me!

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OMIGODTHEYSAIDICAN'TSING!!! THEY ARE SOOOOOOOO CRUEL AND THEY TOLD ME I WASN'T GOING TO BE A STAR AND NOW I WANT TO DIE I AM SO SAD BABY JESUS HAS LET ME DOWN I WANT TO GO HOME AND LISTEN TO ANGRY MUSIC OMIGODMYLIFEISOVER.
 

MidnightMuse

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Don't blame Baby Jesus, PeeDee. It's the fault of the peas who raised you.

Can you sew? You could always try out for Project Runway: Bayou Fashion.
 

giftedrhonda

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LOLOLOL that is EXACTLY how it was...
 

PeeDee

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I should point out that I am happily awaiting Seattle tonight, and I'm apparently an American Idol junkie this year, which I am not proud of.

....that said, I sat in horror watching the show last night thinking "My God! They're just like new writers!" as they broke down in tears because someone rejected them. I have to admit, that made it a bit chilling.

Also, I have had it up to here *points* with People Having Angst. Seriously. Shut up. Denis Leary wants a word with you.
 

giftedrhonda

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LOLOLOL PeeDee, you're seriously one of my fav people on here. Thanks for making this forum such a great place.
 

PeeDee

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September skies said:
now that you mentioned it....your avatar does look a little like Clay Akin -- how can they turn you away??? And with a voice like yours?

omigod I KNOW and Simon was soooooo mean to me and he doesn't even REALIZE, he doesn't even KNOW what it's like, HE'S not up here quitting his day job to try out for this competition and, and, and.....*cries*

*counts to five*

*stops crying*

I'm trying not to cry but this si sooooooo hard and my life is over now.

I have nothing left but my friends. And my thermos. And this ping-pong paddle. And this chair. ANd my lamp. And this book.....

Toby Keith probably hates me now! OMIGOD!
 

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God, am I glad I don't watch that show. Now I know why Pete's so damn weird..odd..strange..crazy..impetuous..goofy..bizarre..nutty..psychotic..unique.
 

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I know!!! I left my job splitting peas at the soup factory because my grandmother says I sound better than Rudy Vallee when she watches me sing in the shower.

That Simon doesn't know crap about the music industry, because he has that horrible accent and hates me. He hates me! He said it! He said "The entire geological region east of Tokyo and west of my mansion in Devonshire stinks to high heaven because of me!"

And that Paula! When's the last time she put out a video that didn't involve a horny cat or Keanu Reeves?

I'm gonna show them! I'm gonna be famous! FAMOUS! YOU HEAR ME YOU BLEEPing BLEEP BLEEPer BLEEPaBLEEPs?
 

tlblack

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Yahoo posted an article yesterday about the show. They are going to add voting for the Idol's final show song. The one they will record. The article also said that Seattle is the worst and funniest of the tryout episodes.

Hey Pete, maybe your audition needed that throaty cowardly lion rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr thing that one girl did last night saying how unique it was that she was the only person who had ever done that. (something like that)
 

maestrowork

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I SO TOTALLY would have won the damn Idol thing if they weren't such ageists. Talent and fame know no age -- these people are evil bigots. Down with the Great Americanism!

And there's nothing wrong with my cowboy outfit! Nothing.
 

CaroGirl

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Now I feel like watching The Jerk again, for the millionth time. Idol last night was a scream. How can people be so delusional? Do they not have any friends?
 

PeeDee

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tlblack said:
Hey Pete, maybe your audition needed that throaty cowardly lion rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr thing that one girl did last night saying how unique it was that she was the only person who had ever done that. (something like that)

What WAS that? It was like listening to a fat cat, in heat, with a hairball.

If she's on these forums, please assume I'm kidding. Otherwise, be assured that I'm not.

A trend was that the ones who failed (and generally sucked) were sad because they wanted to be famous, not because they wanted to make music. I thought that was rather telling.
 

PeeDee

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SIMON: Crap. Crappiest crap that ever crapped on the planet crap.
RANDY: Yo, dog, I wasn't feeling it, bro, you know? It just didn't do it for me, dog. Yo.
PAULA: I felt it was unique and special. Quasar.
SPECIAL GUEST JUDGE KEITH RICHARDS: Whoa, man, duide, it was like, with the camels, and the shrimp millennium hand and then with the cigarettes I was all like F***ING F*** you HAHAHAAHAHAHA and true story...."
 

Serena Casey

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I've been an AI junkie since the second season, but I find the audition shows painful for all the above-mentioned reasons. I still watch them religiously. 'Cause that's ALL I need...
 

tlblack

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PeeDee said:
What WAS that? It was like listening to a fat cat, in heat, with a hairball.

I think that about sums it up lol. That was just weird. Maybe if she'd had some sticks to twirl and juggle while she was rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr'ing it would have been bett.... er... never mind. That was bad enough without any "help" from props.
 

PeeDee

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Me mam and my sister watched it dutifully for four years, and every year they told me what I was missing out on and how much I needed to watch it. I didn't. I had things to do.

Fifth year (last year), I watched it with my wife and was hooked. I watched all through last season (I declined to vote; she did that) and now I'm watching this year.

I went to my mom and sister last year and said "Wow, you're right! This is great! I"m totally hooked!"

And my mom said, "Oh, we lost interest. We're not watching anymore."

*sigh*
 

CaroGirl

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Simon: Why are you here?
Contestant Sam Crap-hole: I'm gonna be the next American Idol.
Simon: You really think you have a shot at this?
Mr. Crap-hole: Good a shot as any, I guess.
Simon: What confidence. Off you go, then.

Sam Crap-hole opens his mouth and the sound of a cow being inseminated by a vet with cold hands emerges.

Randy: Whoa, okay, enough, Dog!
Simon: That was absolutely terrible.
Sam: Really? Can I sing something else?
All judges: NO!
Sam: Is there anything I can do to improve?
Simon: Never sing again as long as you live. Goodbye.
Sam: Are you sure?
 

kristie911

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PeeDee said:
Fifth year (last year), I watched it with my wife and was hooked.

I'd never watched it either until last year and got really into the show (yes, I even voted from time to time). Last night was great...my favorite part is the beginning, so I can watch all the losers trying to sing.

I can't sing a note, I know I can't sing. I'm okay with that. Why don't these people realize they can't sing?
 

giftedrhonda

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I wrote an entry in my blog about when I auditioned a couple of years ago. It was hilarious, and I totally knew I wouldn't get through, but I HAD to try for the experience. :D
 

PeeDee

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If I went, I would turn it into a horrible Borat sort of thing. And I would use my offensive Man-Song-VOice, which drives my wife out of the house in .000002 seconds, flat.