The Unreasonable Paranoia Thread.

Jaycinth · Jan 16, 2007

Just because you don't think they are after you doesn't mean that they are not after you.

Shhhhh:
BillyThrilly is spying on me. Right now he is in the lobby of my building, dressed in the flowered canvas jumpsuit that the plant company people wear. But I know it is him because he is wearing a rubber ‘Hillary Clinton’ mask and the plants are fake.

He is intercepting my cell phone calls and using a satellite uplink to piggy back reactionist photos of the ‘Coors Twins’ to his operatives in ‘that country I can’t mention here’.

I know he is doing this because Dclary is disguised as a squirrel , and he is sitting in the tree outside my window and every time I take the aluminum foil off of my cell phone to make a call, he vanishes, and I know he is giving this information to Billy, who is acting like he is tending the plants, but in reality is using this lull to communicate with his minders.

robeiae · Jan 16, 2007

Umm, Jay...I think you're being a lit--LOOK OUT! BEHIND YOU! AHHHHHHH!

robeiae · Jan 16, 2007

No, wait.

It's just William in a body stocking.

writerterri · Jan 16, 2007

Amongst all the "life" things that are slamming me lately and the fact that I suffer from wicked PMS, Yesterday I got a letter on the door of my appartment that stated our rent was going up 100.00 a month. I just sat here numb and the trears started to flow. My husband asked me when my period was due and told me I read the letter wrong. If we don't renew our lease our rent will go from a month to month at a hundred hike.

Silly me.

I'm going to the doctors tomorrow for some mood stablizers. Need anything?

Shadow_Ferret · Jan 16, 2007

My paranoia. I will never be published. My writing sucks. My WIP sucks. My imagination sucks. What chance do I have against the millions of brilliant writers out there?

Wait. Is that paranoia or simple self-pity?

If it's self-pity, please, nevermind. My pity sucks.

Haggis · Jan 16, 2007

True paranoia is never unreasonable.

WildScribe · Jan 16, 2007

I'm suddenly feeling paranoid, too. I called to make a prenatal appointment, and they told me that they need to do a pregnancy test at the hospital first. Now I am nervous about what it will say. What if I'm really not pregnant! What if I got a false positive? What if I read it wrong? (It was digital... it literally said "PREGNANT")

I am freaking out. Of course I'm pregnant. I'm gaining weight, my boobs are bigger, and I'm, like, three weeks late for my period. So why the hell am I still freaking out about peeing in a cup? I want a sonogram! NOW!!! (I'm seriously afraid to tell my family that I'm pregnant until I've seen that heartbeat for myself!

)

ETA: Any of you ladies want to make me feel better?

Jaycinth · Jan 16, 2007

I think someone is thinking about me and they are using microwaves and the internet to beam messages into my head to make me think that someone is thinking about me.

...I think it's Rob......

Del · Jan 16, 2007

Here is a thread that I know I'll fit in. I'm not actually paranoid, insecure more likely but this is weird enough that I'll fit. Right? I mean you are serious, aren't you? This IS a paranoid thread isn't it? You aren't joking are you!? Tell me it is real! TELL ME THIS ISN'T JUST SOME KIND OF CRUEL JOKE! I HAVE TO KNOW...I can't take this. You guys are MEAN!

Shadow_Ferret · Jan 16, 2007

WildScribe said:
I am freaking out. Of course I'm pregnant.

I do have one suggestion, if the doctors give, or suggest you get, a copy of "What to Expect When you Are Expecting" don't hesitate, just take my word for it... THROW THAT THING OUT!

I had to hide our copy from my wife because she was a bundle of nerves reading all the negative things that could possibly happen.

Shadow_Ferret · Jan 16, 2007

Delarege said:
Here is a thread that I know I'll fit in. I'm not actually paranoid, insecure more likely but this is weird enough that I'll fit. Right? I mean you are serious, aren't you? This IS a paranoid thread isn't it? You aren't joking are you!? Tell me it is real! TELL ME THIS ISN'T JUST SOME KIND OF CRUEL JOKE! I HAVE TO KNOW...I can't take this. You guys are MEAN!

Everyone is staring at you.

William Haskins · Jan 16, 2007

[SIZE=-1]“A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.” William S. Burroughs[/SIZE]

MidnightMuse · Jan 16, 2007

Between this horror flick and my surround sound - I can't help thinking there's something in this house with me, besides the cats.

Del · Jan 16, 2007

Haggis said:
True paranoia is never unreasonable.

No you have taken the title out of context. The paranoia is reasonable, it is the thread which is not.

Jaycinth · Jan 16, 2007

Delarege said:
No you have taken the title out of context. The paranoia is reasonable, it is the thread which is not.

you are plotting with haggis to steal my nair

Del · Jan 16, 2007

We have a ghost dog. It follows the kid. It growls at the cats. The cats growl back and yesterday, while all the cats slept soundly in the room with me, my skeptical wife heard it in the laundry room, scratching to go out.

You might think paranoia results from having a ghost dog in the house but actually it is that we cannot tell if it has crapped on the carpet or not.

"Don't step there!"

"Why not?"

"I don't know. It is just a feeling."

Del · Jan 16, 2007

Jaycinth said:
you are plotting with haggis to steal my nair

Relax, I use a razor. Those creams seem silly to me.

MidnightMuse · Jan 16, 2007

Someone lives under my house - we call him Wilbur.

WildScribe · Jan 16, 2007

Shadow_Ferret said:
I do have one suggestion, if the doctors give, or suggest you get, a copy of "What to Expect When you Are Expecting" don't hesitate, just take my word for it... THROW THAT THING OUT!

I had to hide our copy from my wife because she was a bundle of nerves reading all the negative things that could possibly happen.

My cousin gave it to me a couple of years ago, and I read it. Will probably not re-read, though

Rolling Thunder · Jan 16, 2007

I used to own a pair a noids. Then I lost one, which leaves me just annoyed.

Carrie in PA · Jan 16, 2007

WildScribe said:
I'm suddenly feeling paranoid, too. I called to make a prenatal appointment, and they told me that they need to do a pregnancy test at the hospital first. Now I am nervous about what it will say. What if I'm really not pregnant! What if I got a false positive? What if I read it wrong? (It was digital... it literally said "PREGNANT")

I am freaking out. Of course I'm pregnant. I'm gaining weight, my boobs are bigger, and I'm, like, three weeks late for my period. So why the hell am I still freaking out about peeing in a cup? I want a sonogram! NOW!!! (I'm seriously afraid to tell my family that I'm pregnant until I've seen that heartbeat for myself! )

ETA: Any of you ladies want to make me feel better?

It's aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall about the insurance. Everything has to go through the proper channels, blah blah blah *insert more inane insurancy bullshit*

Er, anyway.

False positives are very, very, very rare. False negatives are far more likely, but also rare. So don't worry, it's standard proceedure.

Bmwhtly · Jan 16, 2007

I'm only paranoid because they're out to get me.

No seriously.

Seriously.

The women in my office talk about me, I know it. They think I don't know, but I've read too many George Smiley novels; my tradecraft is better than theirs

WildScribe · Jan 16, 2007

Carrie in PA said:
It's aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall about the insurance. Everything has to go through the proper channels, blah blah blah *insert more inane insurancy bullshit*

Er, anyway.

False positives are very, very, very rare. False negatives are far more likely, but also rare. So don't worry, it's standard proceedure.

Thanks. I'm reminded of my husband being nervous about proposing even though he KNEW I'd say yes. Same thing. I know the answer, but I'll still feel better after I've actually heard it for myself, right?

Del · Jan 16, 2007

C-Section!

Yup. Laser Beams and bikini cuts.

POP! Yup, Laser was too hot. Smoke billowed. Doc said "Oops!"

Oops? This can't be good.

24 hours labor. C-section anyway. Nurse nearly tossed the kid at me. I wasn't ready. Heck I didn't want it. It scared the bajeebas out of me.

The whole thing was like a Bill Murray movie.

Is ya paranoid yet?

Don't be 'cause when that little kid looked into my eyes with his baby blue wonderment and innocence, it was all worth it. I was awe stuck. I so remember it.

It almost makes the police visits, firetrucks and chasing him around the house worth it.

Susie · Jan 16, 2007

If someone were spying on me, I'd think I was in my mid-20's. lol.

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