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Rivana
01-15-2007, 02:37 AM
Oh wow, am I nervous. Ok, here's the deal, I sing and write lyrics, but I don't own a piano and I don't know guitar chords (which doesn't really matter since I don't have one anyway), but I still love doing songs. I'm actually thinking of finding a musician somewhere who'd be interested in doing collabs. It sucks to just have songs and nothing to do with them y'know. Anyway, I finally decided to put up a song here (my latest). I did an a capella of it on one of my videos on youtube.com here>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8p6zss2u5fY If anyone wants to take a look, please tell me what you think? Specifically does it sound like a rip-off of some other song you've heard? I know you too must have this problem all of the time -with so many songs in the world, how on Earth do you avoid having yours being too similar to another? You don't even have to have heard the tune before -simple mathematics say that the combinations of notes are running out, so... Yeah, if you want to listen... 'K, as those people who have read my posts before know -if I'm tired I babble. Now I'm tired and worried and thus I babble. Sorry 'bout that, where was I -yes, lyrics, right. Here you go and thanks for looking.
/Tessa

Stay

Afraid I wonít be
of much assistance.
Itís been one of those
days you know.
Afraid I wonít make for
a good shoulder
to cry on today.
Just isnít in the cards.

But would you still hold my hand
till the pain has passed?
I just need someone there,
while itís burning.
Could you stay close beside
and yet far enough away?
Iím asking you to stay,
so would you?

Iím not really good
at this talking
Ďbout people and friends;
not my scene.
I may not have the strength
to keep up our
chatter tonight.
Youíll have to do your part.

But would you still hold my hand
till the pain has passed?
I just need someone there,
while itís burning.
Could you stay close beside
and yet far enough away?
Iím asking you to stay,
so would you?

Have you noticed the change
in the weather?
Itís warmer than it
was last year.
Itís just like I told you,
do you remember?
A blue winter day,
that should have been so cold.

Itís time for my meds,
whereís the water?
Donít worry my friend,
Iím all right.
You know it would take much
to make me falter.
This isnít the day
when I go away.

But would you still hold my hand
till the pain has passed?
I just need someone there,
while itís burning.
Could you stay close beside
and yet far enough away?
Iím asking you to stay,
so would you?


(Make my day)

mooncars
01-15-2007, 04:13 AM
Whacha nervous about? We're here to help, not hurt ya! I think you did a fine job, Tessa. One little point...and it's a small one. The part about medication.....I'd rather see you write something else. It's too easy an out. Don't escape, make the problem run like hell in fear! Turn the tables. Take a hatchet to your enemies' car, skin a cat and make gloves then choke a radish. Doesn't matter. Just create a way of showing an interesting angle of dealing with whatever the problem is.

Otherwise.....good job and well done.

Rock on,
Rick

moblues
01-15-2007, 04:22 AM
You have a lovely voice, Tessa. I meant this on many levels--not just vocals. Beautiful.

Thank you.





Mike

DreamWorks
01-15-2007, 04:36 AM
yes, rock on, Tessa! thank you for posting :)

Rivana
01-15-2007, 05:01 AM
Thanks guys, I'm breathing a bit easier now when I didn't die from someone listening to that recording... Anyway...

mooncars<< I see your point, but I'm not sure what I could substitute with that wouldn't mess up the rest.
Maybe 'it's time for the kill' instead of 'it's time for my meds'?

mike<<<Thanks, ^o^ you're a dear as always and you're very welcome.

dreamworks<<< :D Thank you, now I feel like doing it all over again tomorrow, and of course you're welcome.

Martin Hall-Kenny
01-25-2007, 06:18 PM
I'm not setting out to disagree but....
This song is actually VERY powerful.I did some group and solo work with those going through quite difficult emotional issues and also some who had tried to deal with those issues by using drugs. Rivana has captured much of the surge of emotion and, in many cases, hoplessness whilst STILL giving the recipient of the song the hope that things can be resolved.
"Would you still hold my hand till the pain has passed...." WHAT A LINE!!!
As soon as I can, I'm gonna zoom over a take a listen rather than just reading the words.
Hej do Rivana

davids
01-25-2007, 07:25 PM
So Tessa now you have broken your barrier-you know I have really no idea about so called contemporary music-are you practicing the voice stuff-at any rate well sung-straight uncomplicated strong words sung in a deceptivley sweet voice-nice contrapunctal stuff if you get my drift. So-no more scared if it is alright I might-just go outside of yourself and do what's gotta be done-figure it out Tess-YOU CAN DO IT-s'nuff from me-luv-Dave

Martin Hall-Kenny
01-25-2007, 07:41 PM
LISTEN to the Rock Lobster! (Old B52 song)

moblues
01-28-2007, 06:18 AM
LISTEN to the Rock Lobster! (Old B52 song)
I don't get the connection. I guess I'm just an old coot. ;)




Mike

Martin Hall-Kenny
01-29-2007, 08:47 PM
Look at David's avatar....

moblues
01-30-2007, 01:07 AM
Doh! Slaps forehead.

Again, very lovely, Rivana.

davids
01-30-2007, 01:08 AM
See what you get for not checkin' out the old AVATARDIC AVATAR!?!?

J.J.Hamilton
01-31-2007, 10:23 AM
nice voice, Tessa.

The lyrics are good, but I think you could do without a few words here and there to make it flow easier. I wasn't sure about the rhythm at first, but I think I was able to get the idea.

I was almost depressed until the chorus where you found some hope by asking for help from an unknown bystander or friend.

I'm busy in getting my own musical career going, but I think I can help with collaboration if you're interested. I have some access to recording music so maybe I can put something to your melody and lyrics. But please excuse me if I take a while to get going or to respond. I don't come on much.

thanks again for sharing