Being Pretentious

I went to a book signing and tried to act like an author... with a PA book.

My mom made me business cards that say
"Cynthia Bronco
Poet"

Blew $150 on dinner for two as if it was no big deal. We lived on chili over macaroni for the next two weeks.

I had the title 'District Manager', put on my business card when, at the time I was the manager of one (1) little printing store in the....
'District'...of Columbia.
....(but it made me feel good)

You should hear my speaking voice. I don't think there could be anything much more affected than that!

It was in Nevada, mid-1990s. I was very young (this is my only excuse). A few of us were driving through a desert stretch and we stopped at a rest stop. There was a guy in uniform there (Park ranger? Cop? Not sure). We started talking and he mentioned that he liked the outdoors. I wanted to impress him, so I talked about how outdoorsy we are in Canada. There was a small pause in the conversation, and I looked up and saw a huge animal some distance off (behind a fence). I asked my fellow flirter what sort of animal that was. I went on about how interesting the nature in the US is. He looked at me sort of funny and said “You mean that bull over there?” I still get teased about that.

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Ah, yes. Reminds me of the time I had a play opening in LA with reviewers coming and a huge opening night gala. I was gushing on a public message board to friends that I finally felt like a real playwright. Then someone anonymously pointed out that I was misspelling playwright.

Luckily, I now have the ability laugh at myself for that.

Every time I post here I'm pretending to be a real writer.

I told Warren Buffet that he was getting on my nerves and if he didn't watch out, I'd buy his sorry butt.

I'm not usually about pretention but I do remember one time I was in a supermarket with a friend buying groceries. He picked up these kiddy fromage frais yoghurt things that came in little foil packets. He wasn't sure how many you got so I peered at the label and said, "Ah, yes. There, six pouches (which I pronounced poo-shays, believing it to be some Frenchy way of saying packets.) Nah. It's just plain out pow-chez. What a nobhead.

Ah, Rob's reminded me. I did try to start a fight with Steven Seagal. But he was far away. I used to work in a famous mall, and he visited once. I saw him on an escalator with a couple of other people, going up and away from me.
"Hey Seagal, yeah, I bet I can take you. Why don't you come back down here? Yeah, that's what I thought!"

I had braces when I was a kid and got my plastic surgeon on speed dial now that I ain't.

jbal said:

Ah, Rob's reminded me. I did try to start a fight with Steven Seagal. But he was far away. I used to work in a famous mall, and he visited once. I saw him on an escalator with a couple of other people, going up and away from me.
"Hey Seagal, yeah, I bet I can take you. Why don't you come back down here? Yeah, that's what I thought!"

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Very wise, Jon. He might have thrust a combat knife into your skull and pushed your head through a radar monitor like he did to Tommy Lee Jones in Under Siege.

maestrowork said:

What are the most pretentious things you've ever done?

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Well, I posted in a thread once that I couldn't think of a time when I was pretentious...

....does that count?

I joined a writers group and made my user name...writerterri.

jbal said:

Every time I post here I'm pretending to be a real writer.

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Me too.

Too many to choose.

I live in California . . . What can I say?

I allowed a free verse poet to live and remain free in the wild.

That may have been a moment of weakness, though, I'm unsure.

If I meet famous people, I pretend not to know who they are.

Every chance I get, I brag about being friends with the gal who wrote that Celine Dion book.

Sometimes, I tell people my real name just to hear them say "Wow! I loved The Stand!"

I feel a little guilty sometimes. So I go lie down on my money-bed until I feel better.

I tell people I once slept with Madeleine Albright. Picked her up in a Denny's.