Disturbing behavior...

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SpookyWriter

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I write horror, suspense, and thrillers so I naturally have this tendency to dig deep inside for disturbing behavior that I can use in my works. I've written prose of extreme horror, death by means most people would cringe, and suspense that would be marked too realism for most.

But all this disturbing behavior of my characters are not me. I don't stalk women, nor do I pray on the innocent -- depraved behavior that drives my antagonistic characters. I'm a nice guy by my nature, so it pains me sometimes to exploit these feelings for my work. I love my writing, to a point I get excited by the dismal failings of humans when suffering, and yet I am troubled that these same thoughts that make my work believable are able to surface so easily.

I've seen dead prostitutes, murdered people, the scabs of humanity that walks silently while taking life without remorse, as I've seen and experienced so much pain in my time here. Now I draw upon these emotions for my work and it distrubs me sometimes.

How do people manage to remain sane when writing about insanity, chaos, death, or any form of humility at the hands of an antagonistic character?

I'm at a loss within myself to be the nice guy and the same man who will gladly open a wound to see my own suffering as a writer.

Any thoughts about the anguish of writing a genre that is so disturbing that it also affects your mental health?

P.S. I am writing a short story now about a young man who drags a dead uncle into Walmart (generic store) to cash the uncle's social security check. So, I must feel and think as this boy which bothers me a little.

Spooky
 

giftedrhonda

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The fact that you can distance yourself from the character you're writing about should give you hope. You are NOT that person. You just are able to clearly analyze and depict that person.

Take comfort in that.
 

Kate Thornton

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I too write as scum sometimes. And as men, women, children, vampires, aliens and sometimes (rarely) as myself.

I write about death, horror, destruction, despair, and sushi.

But I am not what I write - I am a prism. Light comes through me and is reflected out differently. Yes, I have to get inside the head of my latest serial murderer. But I am an actor on paper - I'm not really that sociopath who can calmly dismember a victim and feel the crunch of bone.

Or am I?

Spooky, nice rotten food for thought here.
 

Jaycinth

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Spookey.
Kinda makes you feel like a criminal 'profiler' doesn't it.

It is for that reason I don't post any of the horror I've written. I don't want people here to think of me like that.

But we know you are a nice person.
One has to dig around in chaos before one can find a dancing star.

HUGS!!!
 

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I believe you should go for it, in all of its gory detail, if it is your intent to show a real side of human nature that we cannot pretend away. WE ARE indeed your most hideous characters, unless we make the conscious choice at every moment not to be.
 

SpookyWriter

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Kate Thornton said:
I too write as scum sometimes. And as men, women, children, vampires, aliens and sometimes (rarely) as myself.

I write about death, horror, destruction, despair, and sushi.

But I am not what I write - I am a prism. Light comes through me and is reflected out differently. Yes, I have to get inside the head of my latest serial murderer. But I am an actor on paper - I'm not really that sociopath who can calmly dismember a victim and feel the crunch of bone.

Or am I?

Spooky, nice rotten food for thought here.
But don't you feel the same lust as a sexual predator? How can it be possible to distinguish the two personalities and make the work believable? I have characters who have no qualms about inflicting pain on their victims or who can steal the last cent for an elderly woman for their own personal gain. Don't these persona's become more real to the reader when they can sympathize with the victim?

I've struggled for years with characters who are so horrible that I sometimes get too personal with them. Does that make sense? When I write about a certain person (antagonist), I almost feel the same emotions as they do. I get so deep within the character that I almost become that person. Sometimes I'm disturbed beyond belief that I could even imagine doing such harm to another human, but it's all just fiction. Right?
 

giftedrhonda

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Ohhhhhh good point.

Can you consider the writer as a persona, as well? So if the writer has that lust in him, that's not you...is it? I mean, you're not going to go out and brutally murder people just so you can experience it, are you?

Do you fantasize about doing that to real people, or just to your characters?

Are you able to separate reality from fiction?

If so, I think you're quite ok. :D
 

Kate Thornton

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It's all just fiction - but no matter how depraved, it is part of the possibility of human experience and we as writers do need to feel it in order to write it authentically. You are right about the lust part, but even if I feel these things to write about them, I know it isn't really me - it's just part of my connection to the Human Experience.
 

inanna

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It's a gift to be able to examine these things and present it to others in a way that has meaning - not everyone has the mettle to do it without flinching away (and not everyone can read about it, either). But horrors exist, and the potential for it lives in all of us whether we like to acknowledge that or not. Denying these things doesn't make them go away. Some say it gives them more power. Writers write about the human condition. This is one aspect of it, albeit extreme.

But if you can do it, and also know that these things aren't who you are or how you want to be in the world, then you have something to offer, IMO - an important piece of the storytelling mosaic (I'm starting to get corny here, I know :) ). Take a good look at your characters, so we can get a look at ourselves. Just don't forget to step back once in a while and take a break. Balance is key :)
 

SpookyWriter

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Kate Thornton said:
It's all just fiction - but no matter how depraved, it is part of the possibility of human experience and we as writers do need to feel it in order to write it authentically. You are right about the lust part, but even if I feel these things to write about them, I know it isn't really me - it's just part of my connection to the Human Experience.
Ah, that's my point. My first novel was difficult to write because of the lust I felt by the depraved acts of Jimmy. He's not real. But I've been told many times his character is so believable. Oh my, did I? No, I didn't and yet how is it possible to separate fiction from our subconscious sometimes?
 

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Excerpt:

The man cocked his head slightly to the side and blood drooled from his mouth onto the listless body. Then the giant hands stripped away the woman's blouse.

She tried to wiggle free but he held her in place by the neck.

The large man whipped out a small tube from his jacket pocket. He briefly inspected it under the light. Then he stabbed it into her chest and pushed. At first there was some resistance, but he shoved his palm against the tube until only a few inches remained visible.

With a deep throaty growl, he placed his lips over one end and grunted as he sucked. A steady stream of blood flowed into his mouth. Each frightened beat of her heart pumped more of her life through the narrow opening.

The woman gave a faint shrill and began to jerk, her body writhing from the sudden loss of blood and shock before she died.
 

giftedrhonda

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EW! hahaha yeah, that's gross.

Would you try that? Have you found the urge to do that?
 

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SpookyWriter said:
But don't you feel the same lust as a sexual predator? How can it be possible to distinguish the two personalities and make the work believable? I have characters who have no qualms about inflicting pain on their victims or who can steal the last cent for an elderly woman for their own personal gain. Don't these persona's become more real to the reader when they can sympathize with the victim?

I've struggled for years with characters who are so horrible that I sometimes get too personal with them. Does that make sense? When I write about a certain person (antagonist), I almost feel the same emotions as they do. I get so deep within the character that I almost become that person. Sometimes I'm disturbed beyond belief that I could even imagine doing such harm to another human, but it's all just fiction. Right?

I'd love to reassure you, Spooky, but it's my own personal opinion that the reason we can imagine doing such harm is because we ARE capable of doing such harm. It can be a very unsettling experience to come to terms with this...coming to terms with my own 'depravity' was a big factor in my getting pretty depressed awhile back. I'd found great security in My Morality--the belief that "I" would never do such and so (because I knew better, because I had higher standards, etc., etc.). Of course, that all presumed that I would always be in control, my mental functioning would always be clear, healthy, and logical, etc. And that presumption was, for me, a house built on sand. I now know that "but for the grace of God there go I"--concerning any human behavior.

Just my 2 cents...
 
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Kate Thornton

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Wow Spooky, that was effective writing! Made me want to wiggle and cringe and vomit.

But it's not everything you are - you are so much more than your visceral understandings.

Yes, I believe these things become a small part of us, and must, if we are to write with an authentic voice - but not the big part, not the part we truly are.

PS - You inspired my whole blog today, Spooky! Thanks!
 

SpookyWriter

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giftedrhonda said:
EW! hahaha yeah, that's gross.

Would you try that? Have you found the urge to do that?
No, I as a rational human have never thought to try or do such a thing. But my antagonist isn't so understanding. That's the problem I face sometimes when I need a scene that is effective and keeps the reader entertained. I don't just bring about gore or horror without a purpose. I needed, in this case, to show how depraved the antagonist is toward his victim.

So my thoughts for this novel always teetered on the edge. There were days when I felt differently about family and friends. I was edgy.

Which reminds me, Mac mentioned this to me a few weeks ago when I was in the middle of another short story. See, I was taking (unknowingly) this attitude of my antagonist into my real world and it was obvious to at least one person.
 

SpookyWriter

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Kate Thornton said:
Wow Spooky, that was effective writing! Made me want to wiggle and cringe and vomit.

But it's not everything you are - you are so much more than your visceral understandings.

Yes, I believe these things become a small part of us, and must, if we are to write with an authentic voice - but not the big part, not the part we truly are.

PS - You inspired my whole blog today, Spooky! Thanks!
You're welcome. While you're at it, just remind me that I can return home to the world of sanity any time I desire. Yes?
 

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It can't be any w orse than the movie Weekend with Bernie which was about a man who died and his weekend guests dragged him around and propped him up pretending he was alive. The movie was hilarious so I wouldn't worry about your motives.
 

SpookyWriter

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janetbellinger said:
It can't be any w orse than the movie Weekend with Bernie which was about a man who died and his weekend guests dragged him around and propped him up pretending he was alive. The movie was hilarious so I wouldn't worry about your motives.
Delaney was hungry. He opened the fridge for the third time in as many minutes. The chest was empty, as usual. He slammed the door. "What will I do for food tonight?" He didn't want to take more from Uncle Bob, but he didn't feel as though he had a choice. He was hungry again.

The first day wasn't so bad. He propped Uncle Bob on the sofa and drank orange soda all afternoon. He had food in the fridge and nothing to do until the check arrived next week. The time would go by quickly enough, just so long as his uncle cooperated.

---
Different theme entirely. Do you eat Uncle Bob or steal his government check? Hmmm...what would you do if you got hungry enough?

Spooky
 

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Wow, Spooky, that sounds like something I would write. :D

I also feel what my characters feel when I write. When my heroine is stabbing a man in the chest, slowly moving the knife back and fourth, and actually laughs at the sound the blood makes as it sprays from the wound, I feel the same twisted joy she does. There are several places where I graphically describe the protagonists killing those who have wronged them. These are some of my favorite scenes to write because I get to share in the rush and satisfaction my heroine feels.

Anyone who doesn't believe some part of them is capable of doing horrible, twisted things is lying to themselves. The only thing that separates 'good' people from 'evil' people is whether we choose to indulge those twisted fantasies in real life.

IMO, the very fact that you're disturbed by these images and feelings probably means you're a good person who would never actually act on them. :)

I've actually become a nicer, calmer person since I started writing. Now when real people piss me off, I go and graphically kill a few fictional characters, instead of screaming at the real people.

P.S. Spooky, I would love to read some more of your work. Do you have anything published? Maybe want an extra beta reader? :D
 

SpookyWriter

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Hope To The Horizon said:
P.S. Spooky, I would love to read some more of your work. Do you have anything published? Maybe want an extra beta reader? :D
Kind of disturbing sometimes how we can extrapolate real life into fiction. I know what you're saying. Believe me.

I don't publish. I am working toward the goal of my icon Van Gogh. But I do have a few things in SYW which might interest you. Check the short called "No sex for me, please." or a few other examples.

Now back to my story. Errr...I need to wipe the flies off uncle's dead ass before they breee...me some nice noodles for my soup.
 

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Any thoughts about the anguish of writing a genre that is so disturbing that it also affects your mental health?

Don't?

I'm near finished on a rewrite of a science fiction novel that is brutal. Suicide bombers, war crimes, killing on massive scales and killing told from up close and personal accounts. Sometimes I get an unsettled feeling when I'm finished writing for the day, but I try to make a point to leave it at the keyboard. Walk it off. Get out of my head.

If writing is affecting your mental health, don't write. Or don't write what you were writing. Or figure out something you can do after that gets you out of that space and make sure you do it every time you walk away from the keyboard.

I remember seeing someone on TV explaining how they used to train actors by telling them "If you need to feel sad for a scene, think of something sad that happened in your life, and then tap into that." But the person was explaining that what happened is actors would think of something like their uncle dying or something and use it to trigger sadness for some scene. And they'd do this over and over, and then at some point, they'd think of their uncle dying and they didn't feel anything at all. Now, the instruction is something along the lines of become open to your emotions and tap into them directly, dont' use some personal event to get into them.

It may be that you're getting into the emotions of your characters from too personal of an approach or something. Don't know for sure. Even if you're not, it sort of points to the idea that this can be an emotionally challenging job. Be safe.
 

SpookyWriter

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greglondon said:
It may be that you're getting into the emotions of your characters from too personal of an approach or something. Don't know for sure. Even if you're not, it sort of points to the idea that this can be an emotionally challenging job. Be safe.
Greg, good ideas and thoughts for writing scenes that can hurt you emotionally. I agree with you.

But I have this short story that requires me to dwell much deeper into the character's state of mind than I would like...and so I too must go (where you've gone) there to discover what will happen and why.

The truth about Uncle Bob is a story I'm writing about a young man who is trapped inside a trailer home with his dead uncle and can't leave because he has no home, no money, and is wanted by the police for a minor crime. He needs to wait until the next government check comes so he can use the money for bus fare to another town. But what does he do in the mean time? He has no food, no money, and can't get a job while he's on the run.

I need to get inside his head "Delaney" and how he feels about being trapped. How does he cope with running out of food? How does he cope with the stench of a dead uncle? Can anyone write a story like this without some insight? Where does this come from? Hmmm...

See, it's the story that hurts to write. I need to go where it is not possible for other people to understand unless they've been in a similar situation.

Poor people with little hope might understand. I, myself, am overwhelmed by the desperation of my protagonist.

Did John Steinbeck not also suffer some turmoil when he wrote the Grapes of Wrath? Isn't this part of understanding our character

Spooky
 

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I've never had any trouble leaving disturbing and worrying people or scenes at the keyboard when I walk away. I can be writing a scene (in fact, I did write this scene) of small babies with sharp teeth eating two police officers alive. And when my wife asks me what I want to watch on TV, I cheerfully say I don't have a preference but I'll watch what she watches, and then I look down and go back to typing this grisly scene.

But for me, the emotion sits on the page and not in my head.

The most I ever get is occasionally I'll write something late at night that'll freak me out.
 

SpookyWriter

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PeeDee said:
I've never had any trouble leaving disturbing and worrying people or scenes at the keyboard when I walk away. I can be writing a scene (in fact, I did write this scene) of small babies with sharp teeth eating two police officers alive. And when my wife asks me what I want to watch on TV, I cheerfully say I don't have a preference but I'll watch what she watches, and then I look down and go back to typing this grisly scene.

But for me, the emotion sits on the page and not in my head.

The most I ever get is occasionally I'll write something late at night that'll freak me out.
But is that really something disturbing or just imagination gone wild? How deep will you go to discover a dark story? Would you ever dream or think of sticking an ice pick into someones skull because you (character) believed they were sent to spy on you? Deep dark and lonely isn't always the same as sci-fi or fantasy. Horror writers, like Poe, live on the edge of insanity because we sometimes can't differentate realities. Is this a bad thing?
 
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SpookyWriter

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PeeDee said:
I've never had any trouble leaving disturbing and worrying people or scenes at the keyboard when I walk away. I can be writing a scene (in fact, I did write this scene) of small babies with sharp teeth eating two police officers alive. And when my wife asks me what I want to watch on TV, I cheerfully say I don't have a preference but I'll watch what she watches, and then I look down and go back to typing this grisly scene.

But for me, the emotion sits on the page and not in my head.

The most I ever get is occasionally I'll write something late at night that'll freak me out.
But is that really something disturbing or just imagination gone wild? How deep will you go to discover a dark story? Would you ever dream or think of sticking an ice pick into someones skull because you (character) believed they were sent to spy on you? Deep dark and lonely isn't always the same as sci-fi or fantasy. Horror writers, like Poe, live on the edge of insanity because we sometimes can't differentate realities. Is this a bad thing?
 
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