Hi everyone.
I hope I am posting at the right place! If not please move me or tell me where to go lol
I am posting here regarding my ideas for a humorous book I am writing.
I would be grateful to get some constructive critisicm and feedback/opinions. I am not particularly looking for replies by people who are into putting other people down in order to temporarily feel better about themselves, because their comments would be aiming towards supporting their needs and not mine lol
Here's the thing:
My cat has a webpage and part of this page is his blog. (I write it as if I am him obviously.)
My cat blogs about all things that are human and thus incomprehensible to him. His readers are other "cats" and also cat owners. (It's on Myspace, for some reason there are many crazy people just like me on there, pretending to be our pets).
My cat, to the apparent delight of some of his readers has also taken it upon him to be the first cat historian. He is quite the anglophile too. Everyone loved his blog on the "Basic Royal Family of the United Kingdom'. They also loved his simpler blog where he was trying to understand himself and to explain to his fellow cat readers what a baby shower is.
That whole cat writing thing and how people were enjoying it, gave me the idea to write a book along the same lines.
This is where it started getting complicated of course.
Before I talk about the book, I want to say that I read an article somewhere where the writer was commenting on the editorial department of the New Yorker. Apparently the lady who sends out the evident merit emails on behalf of Shouts and Murmurs was saying that "some stupid people even send us stuff that "supposedly their pets have written".
"Uh-oh", I thought, "cat writers must be a no-no in the land of professional writing'. Then again, maybe that's because many people write different stories where the cats are supposed to talk like babies or to talk like pirates etc
My cat's style is basically that of someone which is not human himself trying to comprehend and to learn british history and also all things human. I could have an E.T. as the main character, or I could have the native of an imaginary land being involved in the same connundrums. Maybe this way it would be more marketable for some reason.
Anyway, as I started writing the book, I became unsure of it's theme. It started as "Highlights of British History as told by a cat". There were two versions that I could write.
One was just the distorted/funny version of actual history. I soon realised though, that unless the reader was quite well informed in British History, it would just come across as a funny text, while not getting more than half the jokes.
Thus my second idea was to include the correct version of what happened after the funny version. That changed the book from humorous to humorous/educational. It made it harder to write too, as I found myself researching for hours every day in order to not make a fool of myself with historical inaccuracies. The longer it took to write a few pages the more I started wondering whether it was even sellable. I am still trying to make my mind up and that is why I would appreciate some constructive critisicm. I am unsure of what age of readers I could target. It could be a children's book, or it could be a book enjoyed by people who like reading humor, and also it could be enjoyed by anglophiles and/or by people with an interest in history. I can write both the humorous and humorous/actual versions.
At some point, I also thought of two other versions along the same lines.
One was my cat trying to understand and explain all things english to his readers (tea and crumpets - which is a text on tea and trumpets as my cat had once more completely misunderstood, the royal family, speaker's corner in Hyde Park, the Old Bailey, Ascot, the Henley Regatta etc).
The other version is my cat trying to understand all things human and in most cases universal, such as baby showers, the need for fashionable clothes, going to the movies, vacations, sticking to annoying jobs because of the good pay, marriage, divorce etc This one is a bit like indirect social commentary.
Last but not least, I have thought of approaching the two local papers with the suggestion that my cat has a weekly column where he talks about one of the above described subjects. At the same time I can be writing the book.
All these questions that I have inside my head, carefully protected by the padding of the tea cozy, are the reason why I posted looking for a mentor, and why I am posting this thread.
I am ending this post with my cat's version of the " basic British royal family", without including the correct version. I have it written but I don't think there is a need to include it here.
PS Apologies if I am using the quotes incorrectly in places, I reformatted my drive and I seem to have picked the wrong keyboard setting as sometimes the quotes/brackets appear as german umlaut's or in sets of 4 or not at all. Thank you for your time!
The Basic British Royal Family
Today I thought I'd talk a little about the Royal family of the United Kingdom, the Isles, the Whales and Scotland the Brave.
Here's all I can remember from what my mom has told me:
First we have the Queen Elizabeth second, her name is Your Smajesty. They call her the second because she has a twin sister or brother, but we never see the twin because it is not Queen. Her job as queen is to hold a purse, and to stand a lot while wearing gloves and hats, as many as possible. The more hats and gloves she wears the more important the occasion is.
On the day of her coronation she wore 56 gloves and 29 hats, plus the crown and she was holding the royal golden umbrella too, because it rains so much in England, it even rains indoors these days due to global warming!
Actually, I wonder what she has in her purse, because as she is a queen she can't have cash, or credit cards, and she can't have a hankie because it's not queenlike to wipe your nose, at least not during a parade with horses and plummaged hats and all that royal decorum and “stiff upper chin up your lip” stuff that they say over there.
Your Smajesty is married to corgies and she has a pet husband. He is Greek, but like all royalty he is German. They call him Dr Phil. He is the Dukes of Edinburgh-pronnounced Edin-boro.
The Smajesty and the Dukes have some kids and some children etc, like the Prince of Whales and Dolphins, and his name is Prince Charles. He is the one who was married to Princess Diana and she is the one who liked to shop at Harrods so much, and who liked to be alive, but now she is not alive and so I guess she can't make monthly payments on her Harrods card so her account is probably closed, so she can't shop there anymore.
Prince Charles and Lady Diana had two kids together, who are dolphins- they weren’t blessed with any whales. Their names are Dolphin William and Dolphin Harry. They live on dry land but they go out swimming a lot. Following Lady Diana’s death and unfortunate cancellation of her Harrods card, Prince Charles got remarried. His new wive’s name is Camilla Parker and Bowles and she could be a corner, I am not sure though. Charles likes to wear a kilt and to walk up and down on the countryside holding a stick, or he plays polo or he talks on TV sometimes but rarely.
Then there is also a guy called HRH and he is Andrew, the duke of New York and legend has it that he is a white rapper. With a name such as Duke Andrew HRH I guess he must be. He used to be married to that woman who is now always losing weight for Weight Watchers and drinks all the Ocean Spray cranberry juice so she can stay regular, because with all the dieting she gets constipated. Before she started dieting and drinking ocean’s spray she had two daughters with the Duke, and they are Medium-duchess Beatrice and Mini-dutchess Eugenie.
Then there is Your Smajesty's third son, Andrew's little brother, which I bet he taunted when they were small, by telling him things such as "no, you can't have royal tea and crumpets today because I told mom you lost her casual everyday crown and in fact I hid it, and you will never find it".
His name, poor fellow, is Edward. At that point in history the royal family had run out of Dukes so they made him an Earl which is a semi-Duke. They had run out of Sussex’s and Essex’s also that day thus he is Earl, the semi-Duke of Wessex. He has a wife and her name is Sophie Rhys-Jones-Wessex. She is a semi Duchess, but in other European countries she and her husband count as double Earls. In a nutshell, a double Earl is a single Duke-but not in the UK because they have the Euro there now.
Then there is also the Princess Royal, which is Your Smajesty's daughter, her name is Anne and she looooooooves horses, and then there are some cousins, and they are all called HRH or TRH, so they must be rappers too.
And this concludes the details on the basic royal family, not to mention everybody's favorite, the dead Queen Mom. When she was the alive Queen Mom she always used to wave regally or simply and to smile and to choke on fishbones and to have hip flasks or hip replacements-I forget which.
I hope I am posting at the right place! If not please move me or tell me where to go lol
I am posting here regarding my ideas for a humorous book I am writing.
I would be grateful to get some constructive critisicm and feedback/opinions. I am not particularly looking for replies by people who are into putting other people down in order to temporarily feel better about themselves, because their comments would be aiming towards supporting their needs and not mine lol
Here's the thing:
My cat has a webpage and part of this page is his blog. (I write it as if I am him obviously.)
My cat blogs about all things that are human and thus incomprehensible to him. His readers are other "cats" and also cat owners. (It's on Myspace, for some reason there are many crazy people just like me on there, pretending to be our pets).
My cat, to the apparent delight of some of his readers has also taken it upon him to be the first cat historian. He is quite the anglophile too. Everyone loved his blog on the "Basic Royal Family of the United Kingdom'. They also loved his simpler blog where he was trying to understand himself and to explain to his fellow cat readers what a baby shower is.
That whole cat writing thing and how people were enjoying it, gave me the idea to write a book along the same lines.
This is where it started getting complicated of course.
Before I talk about the book, I want to say that I read an article somewhere where the writer was commenting on the editorial department of the New Yorker. Apparently the lady who sends out the evident merit emails on behalf of Shouts and Murmurs was saying that "some stupid people even send us stuff that "supposedly their pets have written".
"Uh-oh", I thought, "cat writers must be a no-no in the land of professional writing'. Then again, maybe that's because many people write different stories where the cats are supposed to talk like babies or to talk like pirates etc
My cat's style is basically that of someone which is not human himself trying to comprehend and to learn british history and also all things human. I could have an E.T. as the main character, or I could have the native of an imaginary land being involved in the same connundrums. Maybe this way it would be more marketable for some reason.
Anyway, as I started writing the book, I became unsure of it's theme. It started as "Highlights of British History as told by a cat". There were two versions that I could write.
One was just the distorted/funny version of actual history. I soon realised though, that unless the reader was quite well informed in British History, it would just come across as a funny text, while not getting more than half the jokes.
Thus my second idea was to include the correct version of what happened after the funny version. That changed the book from humorous to humorous/educational. It made it harder to write too, as I found myself researching for hours every day in order to not make a fool of myself with historical inaccuracies. The longer it took to write a few pages the more I started wondering whether it was even sellable. I am still trying to make my mind up and that is why I would appreciate some constructive critisicm. I am unsure of what age of readers I could target. It could be a children's book, or it could be a book enjoyed by people who like reading humor, and also it could be enjoyed by anglophiles and/or by people with an interest in history. I can write both the humorous and humorous/actual versions.
At some point, I also thought of two other versions along the same lines.
One was my cat trying to understand and explain all things english to his readers (tea and crumpets - which is a text on tea and trumpets as my cat had once more completely misunderstood, the royal family, speaker's corner in Hyde Park, the Old Bailey, Ascot, the Henley Regatta etc).
The other version is my cat trying to understand all things human and in most cases universal, such as baby showers, the need for fashionable clothes, going to the movies, vacations, sticking to annoying jobs because of the good pay, marriage, divorce etc This one is a bit like indirect social commentary.
Last but not least, I have thought of approaching the two local papers with the suggestion that my cat has a weekly column where he talks about one of the above described subjects. At the same time I can be writing the book.
All these questions that I have inside my head, carefully protected by the padding of the tea cozy, are the reason why I posted looking for a mentor, and why I am posting this thread.
I am ending this post with my cat's version of the " basic British royal family", without including the correct version. I have it written but I don't think there is a need to include it here.
PS Apologies if I am using the quotes incorrectly in places, I reformatted my drive and I seem to have picked the wrong keyboard setting as sometimes the quotes/brackets appear as german umlaut's or in sets of 4 or not at all. Thank you for your time!
The Basic British Royal Family
Today I thought I'd talk a little about the Royal family of the United Kingdom, the Isles, the Whales and Scotland the Brave.
Here's all I can remember from what my mom has told me:
First we have the Queen Elizabeth second, her name is Your Smajesty. They call her the second because she has a twin sister or brother, but we never see the twin because it is not Queen. Her job as queen is to hold a purse, and to stand a lot while wearing gloves and hats, as many as possible. The more hats and gloves she wears the more important the occasion is.
On the day of her coronation she wore 56 gloves and 29 hats, plus the crown and she was holding the royal golden umbrella too, because it rains so much in England, it even rains indoors these days due to global warming!
Actually, I wonder what she has in her purse, because as she is a queen she can't have cash, or credit cards, and she can't have a hankie because it's not queenlike to wipe your nose, at least not during a parade with horses and plummaged hats and all that royal decorum and “stiff upper chin up your lip” stuff that they say over there.
Your Smajesty is married to corgies and she has a pet husband. He is Greek, but like all royalty he is German. They call him Dr Phil. He is the Dukes of Edinburgh-pronnounced Edin-boro.
The Smajesty and the Dukes have some kids and some children etc, like the Prince of Whales and Dolphins, and his name is Prince Charles. He is the one who was married to Princess Diana and she is the one who liked to shop at Harrods so much, and who liked to be alive, but now she is not alive and so I guess she can't make monthly payments on her Harrods card so her account is probably closed, so she can't shop there anymore.
Prince Charles and Lady Diana had two kids together, who are dolphins- they weren’t blessed with any whales. Their names are Dolphin William and Dolphin Harry. They live on dry land but they go out swimming a lot. Following Lady Diana’s death and unfortunate cancellation of her Harrods card, Prince Charles got remarried. His new wive’s name is Camilla Parker and Bowles and she could be a corner, I am not sure though. Charles likes to wear a kilt and to walk up and down on the countryside holding a stick, or he plays polo or he talks on TV sometimes but rarely.
Then there is also a guy called HRH and he is Andrew, the duke of New York and legend has it that he is a white rapper. With a name such as Duke Andrew HRH I guess he must be. He used to be married to that woman who is now always losing weight for Weight Watchers and drinks all the Ocean Spray cranberry juice so she can stay regular, because with all the dieting she gets constipated. Before she started dieting and drinking ocean’s spray she had two daughters with the Duke, and they are Medium-duchess Beatrice and Mini-dutchess Eugenie.
Then there is Your Smajesty's third son, Andrew's little brother, which I bet he taunted when they were small, by telling him things such as "no, you can't have royal tea and crumpets today because I told mom you lost her casual everyday crown and in fact I hid it, and you will never find it".
His name, poor fellow, is Edward. At that point in history the royal family had run out of Dukes so they made him an Earl which is a semi-Duke. They had run out of Sussex’s and Essex’s also that day thus he is Earl, the semi-Duke of Wessex. He has a wife and her name is Sophie Rhys-Jones-Wessex. She is a semi Duchess, but in other European countries she and her husband count as double Earls. In a nutshell, a double Earl is a single Duke-but not in the UK because they have the Euro there now.
Then there is also the Princess Royal, which is Your Smajesty's daughter, her name is Anne and she looooooooves horses, and then there are some cousins, and they are all called HRH or TRH, so they must be rappers too.
And this concludes the details on the basic royal family, not to mention everybody's favorite, the dead Queen Mom. When she was the alive Queen Mom she always used to wave regally or simply and to smile and to choke on fishbones and to have hip flasks or hip replacements-I forget which.
