Lunch Thief

Ex-lax brownies.

A few squirts of eye drops in your drink (not sure if it actually works but movies keep using this trick as a laxative).

An exploding dye pack like the ones banks use.

Very carefully.

i'm reminded of the two word review for the album "shark sandwich" in "this is spinal tap":

shit sandwich.

Curl up bamboo into tiny balls and hide it throughout the lunch.

Once swallowed, the bamboo will begin to uncurl, causing exruciating pain or worse for the nefarious lunch thief.

I believe this was an old trick the Japanese used on our POW's back in WWII.

William Haskins said:

i'm reminded of the two word review for the album "shark sandwich" in "this is spinal tap":

shit sandwich.

Click to expand...

Also known as a Haskins special.

i've alerted the mods to your post.

William Haskins said:

i've alerted the mods to your post.

Click to expand...

I'll let you know when I'm warned.

there will be no warning. only swift justice.

The two of you need to settle down.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anyhing at all.

If you could get your hands on some Salmonella or better yet Shigella cultures, that might do the trick. So tiny, so innocuous, so vengeful.

While vengance can be satisfying, it might be simpler if you buy a couple of freezeable lunch ice packs and keep your lunch in your desk, or barring that buy a metal lunch box with a lock, to keep in the fridge. If someone doesn't care about the sanctity of another's lunch (whether they steal it or not), you may not want to keep it out in the open where just anyone can handle/inspect it - cause you just never know where those hands have been.

PS I have had this happen and the culprit turned out to be one of the teens employed in the evening who never had enough to eat at home. After discussing it with the full time adult staffers, we didn't confront him but rather bought a couple of boxes of Ramen noodles and kept it in the kitchen with a note for people to help themselves. We never had a problem after that.

Disclaimer: NOT A RECOMMENDATION

I've featured this very dilemma in my current murder mystery. Food is poisoned knowing the intended victim will steal it and eat it. :d

As you were....

I freaking hate, hate, hate when people steal your lunch at work. The place I work now is the first place I've ever worked where food in the refrigerator is safe, and that's only because there's under 10 people using it. Eye drops definitely work wonders. You don't even have to put them in a drink, a couple of drops in a sandwich is equally effective. You don't want to use rotten food or anything that might be detectable prior to the thief eating it.

I have read more than once about the said thief suing AND WINNING when poisoned or otherwise culinarily revenged upon. I remember specifically someone putting formaldehyde in her water bottle, and being charged with attempted murder.

I would, instead, Whistle, place one of those sonic alarm devices in your lunch, so that when it's opened, you'll know exactly who or where (hell, everyone should). Find the loser, and point him out to management. I'm sure yours isn't the only lunch being stolen. This'll get him fired without you committing a crime.

Have you reported the problem to human resources?

I am sure that theft of personal property is against company policy and grounds for termination.

A responsible HR person will do an investigation. It is in the company's best interest to find out who is stealing because if they are taking your lunch they are probably stealing from the company, too. Even if HR can't catch the person, the gossip and fall-out from HR getting involved should work to make the thief afraid enough to stop.

If HR dismisses your complaint as trivial, try saying "this has happened so much that I feel like this is becoming a hostile work environment".

I think that colorless odorless fiber can be added to anything including sauce in the nice meatball sub you brought for lunch.

MWUHAHAHAHAHA

JESTER

Start a rumor that he has some horrible disease. That should make him stop...

threedogpeople said:

Have you reported the problem to human resources?

Click to expand...

I'm the HR person this was reported to lo these many years ago. We had a lunch thief who was particular, too: s/he'd take a bite to see if it was acceptable and if it wasn't, s/he'd put it back!

We never caught the thief... unfortunately, this was before hidden cameras. What we did do, however, was lace some lunches with laxitives on random days and watch the bathroom. A knowing smile made the lunch problem go away.

tourdeforce said:

The two of you need to settle down.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anyhing at all.

Click to expand...

He started it!

William Haskins said:

there will be no warning. only swift justice.

Click to expand...

What? You're going to come do my dishes?


Otay!