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PeeDee
12-28-2006, 07:49 PM
Someone.....hold me.....tell me I'm still beautiful.....

(See? See???) (http://evileditor.blogspot.com/2006/12/face-lift-252.html)

I am beautiful. No matter what he says! Words can't bring me down! Me an' Alan Moore are delicate flowers...!

That said, if anyone wouldn't mind, care to read his comments on my query letter (my query letter itself, if you haven't) and see what you think?

I shortened it on advice from you wonderful people, he suggests I lengthen it. I think that I'll listen to the both of you and find that nice and comfy middle ground.

*mumbles* Somehow.

Can't I just friggin' write to the editor and say "Hi! Look, I'm really crapper at these query letters, so here's who I am, here's what my book's about. Kay? And if you are interested, here's my e-mail and phone number. Ta!"

*mumblegrumble*

Little Red Barn
12-28-2006, 08:02 PM
For me the original worked w/ just a few exceptions...
The 1st paragraph...punch it up some more to draw him(editor) in.
Instead of telling editor you like the people he represents, do your homework and actually point to one..give.



my lil ole' 2 cents

Birol
12-28-2006, 08:10 PM
Do you have the link for the query letter you posted here?

Little Red Barn
12-28-2006, 08:35 PM
Do you have the link for the query letter you posted here?

Birol, I clicked on see see in Pee dees post...to look at it.

Birol
12-28-2006, 08:46 PM
That takes me to the Evil Editor blog and the cover letter that he revised and submitted, not the cover letter he posted on AW. I wanted to compare the two.

rugcat
12-28-2006, 09:00 PM
I don’t think EE is necessarily the final arbiter on all matters query.

Remember, a query isn’t a stand alone work; it’s designed to accurately portray your ms and convince the agent that your work is worth considering. I think your query does that. No query letter is going to be 100% successful (I have no stats to back this up) nor should it be. When I was sending queries, I got a few responses which said, well, it doesn’t look like my sort of thing. I didn’t consider that a rejection; I thought of it as saving both of us some time and effort. I think an agent who specifically reps the kind of book you’ve written will say, hmm, might be worth a look.

And a query one agent loves will be a query that leaves another cold - much like the ms, I suspect.

Carrie in PA
12-28-2006, 09:00 PM
I think this is the thread (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=48636).

rugcat
12-28-2006, 09:03 PM
Lori - here's the original thread, if it helps.http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=48636

MidnightMuse
12-28-2006, 09:07 PM
You're still beautiful. :)

sealy
12-28-2006, 09:07 PM
Is actually a chick.

Seal

PeeDee
12-28-2006, 09:10 PM
That's the thread all right.

The generic "I like the people you represent" paragraph was just there as filler. It's a generic query letter. When I submitted it to one editor, I chopped that part out anyway, because no one likes a kiss-ass.

I know Evil Editor's not the final say...but he did make a good point, and he does it amusingly, which I enjoy. I wish I'd thought of spelling Dimitri's name the way he did, because I love the god/mythology connection. Ah well. Not changing it now.

I think I'm going to try using my original query letter as a guide, but I'm going to work with my new query and build it up from there. Maybe. I don't know. Garrrrumble.

What bugs me is, my hook line is built around the fire and the Faerie rescuing him from it. I think it's a good hook. The thing is, I don't want to explain why the fire occurs or anything, because that's largely irrelevant to the rest of the story, and it would be confusing to explain, and to no avail. Which means I should probably take it out. Except...it's my hook.

PeeDee
12-28-2006, 09:11 PM
Is actually a chick.

Seal

Is not. Really? Seriously?

(is it you? Is that it? AH-hah!)

Birol
12-28-2006, 09:13 PM
Thanks Carrie and rugrat.

Pete, you're still beautiful.

sealy
12-28-2006, 09:13 PM
Seal ain't no chick.

Seal

Birol
12-28-2006, 09:15 PM
What bugs me is, my hook line is built around the fire and the Faerie rescuing him from it. I think it's a good hook. The thing is, I don't want to explain why the fire occurs or anything, because that's largely irrelevant to the rest of the story, and it would be confusing to explain, and to no avail. Which means I should probably take it out. Except...it's my hook.

If the hook's not working... Kill your darlings.

maestrowork
12-28-2006, 09:31 PM
As much as I love you, Mr. Still Beautiful, I do agree that parts of your query was a generic:



He doesn't understand why something like this should fall to him, but it does and he's the only one who can stop the unfolding chaos.


This adds nothing to your query and is as vague as it can be.

And IMHO, the following paragraph can go -- it's vague, and it falls into the "telling the agent/editor why the book is great" category:



FROM GRAY MISTS, RETURNED is an urban-fantasy novel, complete at 100,000 words. It's about how the world changes around us, sometimes despite our best efforts. It's about doing the right thing, even when it's the hardest possible thing you can do. It's about change, and loss, and it's about finding your place. It is also, I hope, just a good story.


And the "I hope" contradicts yourself. Is it, or is it not, a good story? If you're not sure yourself, then you can't convince the editor.

But, yes, Mr. PeeDee, you're still beautiful to me. ;)

smiley10000
12-28-2006, 09:49 PM
The Crapometer has been really helpful for me in learning how to write a hook.

If I understand what Miss Snark has said so far, she would say leave the fire out as it's just set-up/backstory. You need to get to the conflict.

What makes me interested in your story is struggle between the faerie and the Gram guy you mentioned in the original query. One wants the mists open, the other wants the mists shut and they are going to fight over Demitri until they get what they want--or as I'm hoping happens in the end, Demitri gets away from them both and does what he pleases. Start with Demitiri the ordinary guy that is caught in a tug of war between two antagonists and you may be able to pump some energy into the hook.

Is the story funny? Judging by your posts here at AW, I assume it is. Instead of saying the creatures are "wreaking havoc" which is vague, maybe you want to give a funny example like: "And to make matters worse, Demitri is left explaining to the cops what a unicorn is doing on main street and trying to keep a centaur from destroying Macy's in search of clothes in his size."

Good luck with this...
I wonder if the reason I am procrastinating on the editing bit is because I am not looking forward to this part of the game either...
:Hug2:10000

PeeDee
12-28-2006, 10:18 PM
Is the story funny? Judging by your posts here at AW, I assume it is. Instead of saying the creatures are "wreaking havoc" which is vague, maybe you want to give a funny example like: "And to make matters worse, Demitri is left explaining to the cops what a unicorn is doing on main street and trying to keep a centaur from destroying Macy's in search of clothes in his size."


.....That would be fun. It has some funny moments (a lot of them in dialogue; I think I fall into the Joss Whedon category there) but nothing so cool as that. On AW and in real life, I tend to be more amusing than the fiction I write... :)

Ray, you're right, it is rather generic, mumblegrumble. I guess I did that, because I was worried I'd be the writer going, "Yes, well, you understand that at this point, our hero loves Barbara, but Barbara doesn't know, and anyway she loves Rachael which no one knows, but this is backstory, now the scene we're in is Rachael meeting Lucy who loves Mike who loves Barbara, and......" if you see what I mean. So I tried to strip it down. Obviously too far.

And smilley, you're right, that I should focus on the tug-of-war between the Faerie and Garem. Birol nailed me to the wall with what I say all the time: kill my darlings. I think that the house-on-fire scene is a good opening hook for the book, but maybe less so for the query letter.

Hm. Hm. Hm. I have a query letter to re-write, don't I? :)

(Or, I could decide that obviously, Evil Editor personally hates me and my novel personally, just like the whole publishing industry, which is out to get me, just like all of you, you conspirators, and obviously I'm the only one who sees the truth. There must be something to that viewpoint, it comes up a lot. I wonder if it's fun after all....)

Stew21
12-28-2006, 10:32 PM
Pete, I think you've gotten great advice here, and I know you will figure out how to get the query written! Now go do it. Don't take what EE said personally, consider it constructive crit. And yes, you are still beautiful,
However, your avatar...not so much.

PeeDee
12-28-2006, 10:34 PM
You.....dont' think my avatar's pretty........? :(

http://www.omalaco.hpg.ig.com.br/alan_moore.jpg

Now I just have to take everything personally!

:D

Stew21
12-28-2006, 10:45 PM
He's scary. If he came into my house I would scream like mad, grab a ball bat and call 911...but it is no reflection on how beautiful you are, dear.

Birol
12-28-2006, 11:05 PM
PeeDee, what about something like this? (I hope you don't mind. I needed a warm-up exercise.)


When a Faerie saves Demitri Chabon from a house fire that kills his wife, his problems are only beginning. Enslaved by the Faerie's magic, he is compelled to use a long dormant power in his blood to help her destroy the Gray Mists which separate the modern world from Haven, the realm where magic and its creatures were long ago imprisoned.

The results are disastrous.

Trolls, Dragons, Gargoyles, Centaurs, and all other manner of legendary creatures are stranded in modern-day Minnesota and free to exact revenge for their long exile while the newly released magic destroys our world as it attempts to remake it for its own needs.

Abandoned by Faerie and on the verge of death, Demitri is once again rescued. This time by the grim Garem Tock, who nurses Demitri back to health in exchange for Demitri's promise to help restore the Gray Mists he helped destroy.

As the situation in the modern world of man worsens, Demitri is confronted on all sides by beings he believed only existed in myth and fairy tales. He slowly begins to realize that no creature is completely good or evil. As those who would restore the Gray Mists and those who would destroy them for good hunt him, he also realizes that the power in his blood is his to control and the decision to imprison hundreds of innocent creatures or allow the world to by destroyed by magic, is his, and his alone, to make.

Stew21
12-28-2006, 11:08 PM
Lori! That is fantastic.

PeeDee
12-28-2006, 11:13 PM
Lori, I'll sire you sons if you want. I mean, I'll even get the surgery to make it possible an', an', an' everything.

That's brilliant. You just summarized my book much, much (muchmuchmuch) better than I did. I'll have to comfort myself by writing some good fiction or something later this afternoon. :)

Birol
12-28-2006, 11:26 PM
Er, you have to have surgery to sire sons? Um, that's okay. Really. I have no desire to be a mother. And I just helped watch my 3 3/4 year old nephew Tuesday afternoon and evening, so I've had confirmation of that. It was like having a little, talking tornado inside the house. I'm much more suited to being an aunt than a mom-type person.

Seriously, I'm of the firm belief that synopses and query summaries are best written by someone else, not the writer who spent untold hours creating a 100K novel. We're too close to our own work to be able to do it effectively. I'll have the same problem. Hopefully soon.

PeeDee
12-28-2006, 11:29 PM
1)Er, you have to have surgery to sire sons? Um, that's okay. Really. I have no desire to be a mother. And I just helped watch my 3 3/4 year old nephew Tuesday afternoon and evening, so I've had confirmation of that. It was like having a little, talking tornado inside the house.

2)Seriously, I'm of the firm belief that synopses and query summaries are best written by someone else, not the writer who spent untold hours creating a 100K novel. We're too close to our own work to be able to do it effectively.


1)*cough* I meant, 'cause I'm a guy, I can't physically produce sons. Er. As such.

Evil Editor has ruined my ability to produce a clear sentence and witty joke, with his personal hate of me and my beloved work! The conspiracy thickens!

2) Well, now I think you're right.There's probably a major money business venture in this somewhere... :)

Stacia Kane
12-28-2006, 11:35 PM
He's scary. If he came into my house I would scream like mad, grab a ball bat and call 911...but it is no reflection on how beautiful you are, dear.


If he came to my house I would probably pass out from worshipping.

You say potato...

PeeDee
12-28-2006, 11:40 PM
If he came to my house, I would offer him tea, some Russian tea cakes, and a comfy chair. And then, we would have a conversation where I would say just enough to keep him talking, and I would listen happily, while in my head a list goes on and on of things he casually mentions that I have to go look up later, because I don't know what he means.

I would scared to interview him. The man is astoundingly smart. Also, extremely nice.

Stew21
12-28-2006, 11:42 PM
obviously I don't know who this brilliant man is. (so I apologize to the fans in the room) Perhaps if he knocked on the door politely and introduced himself instead of showing up unannounced at 3 AM I wouldn't be so inclined to be upset. :)

PeeDee
12-28-2006, 11:47 PM
If he shows up at 3am, it's because he's just in from England and he's probably jet-lagged and didn't mean to. Send him my way. Else I drink all this tea by myself.

And stare at Lori's version of my query letter and try to figure out "how to I write a fresh query, based on this, which is good, without actually just copying and pasting her query letter."

The solution is.....more tea!

*starts on a second pot*

(incidentally, I'm not sure this post actually went to the AW Roundtable, and should perhaps have been living in the SYW query section. If it's a problem here, feel free to move it elsewhere.)

Carrie in PA
12-28-2006, 11:48 PM
And stare at Lori's version of my query letter and try to figure out "how to I write a fresh query, based on this, which is good, without actually just copying and pasting her query letter."


Just rearrange all the punctuation. :D

PeeDee
12-28-2006, 11:49 PM
"Adverbs! We need adverbs!" he throated, haughtily.

Stew21
12-28-2006, 11:50 PM
Just rearrange all the punctuation
and then change a couple of verbs to synonyms of those words. :)

Carrie in PA
12-28-2006, 11:51 PM
and then change a couple of verbs to synonyms of those words. :)

Exactly!!

Let me find that link for the online thesaurus...

Birol
12-29-2006, 12:19 AM
It was a gift, Pete. It's yours to use as you will. And, if you'd like it removed from this thread, just say so and it will be done. (If I'm not around, PM a supermod or Mac. This post will let them know I have no problems with it disappearing.)

PeeDee
12-29-2006, 12:30 AM
I told Carrie that I should just copy and paste it, and then at the bottom put "I'm Pete Tzinski, and I approve this query."

:)

Thank you, Lori. I'll buy you a tropical island with the huge book advance.

(Because book advances are huge.)

(Right?)

(RIGHT!?)

Birol
12-29-2006, 12:33 AM
A couple of tweaks in case you do decide to use it:

1) In the third paragraph, the phrase "our world" is used. Throughout the rest of the summary, the second person pronoun is carefully avoided.

2) In the first line of the last paragraph, the phrase "modern world of man" is a bit redundant. I'd suggest either "modern world" or "world of man" or something similar.


Pete, I don't know if you've ever posted excerpts in SYW or not. I've never read any portion of your manuscript. My version is based entirely on the two query letters you provided to me, but mainly on the one that was posted in SYW. So, if this works, it's because all of the elements were available in your original versions. The only thing I know about your story is what was included in your queries. Nothing else. I justed moved a few of the bits and bobs around and cut a few phrases. Really.

Stew21
12-29-2006, 12:44 AM
Lori, I really do agree that we are sometimes too close to our work to provide that kind of synopsis. Using the information from his query and rearranging it is a fine example what fresh eyes can accomplish.

(I love learning new stuff here, and this is a good one! If I write two queries for a book and give them to someone else to "kill my darlings" tkae the information and put it in a different order, I'm sure it would be a better query just based on facts and distance from the MS. Thanks for the idea.)

Rolling Thunder
12-29-2006, 12:55 AM
This is true. I sent Miss Snark two hooks and though I thought at least one would get by, neither did. Having to condense all those pages into something so short is a humbling experience.

I've sent out only one query so far and had that rejected as well. Still, not much else to do but rework it to make it better and resend.

Of course, I could send both to EE and see if his opinion differs. So much of an agents decision is subjective so it's possible a different viewpoint would be enlightening.

PeeDee
12-29-2006, 01:01 AM
Pete, I don't know if you've ever posted excerpts in SYW or not. I've never read any portion of your manuscript. My version is based entirely on the two query letters you provided to me, but mainly on the one that was posted in SYW. So, if this works, it's because all of the elements were available in your original versions. The only thing I know about your story is what was included in your queries. Nothing else. I justed moved a few of the bits and bobs around and cut a few phrases. Really.

I haven't posted any excerpts in the SYW section that were majorly related to the story of the novel, as related in the query (yours, or mine). I think my problem is, I have too much of my own story in my own head for my own damn good, whereas you're looking at it just from my query letters.

It's very interesting, and it's got me thinking. Like Trish, I think this is a fascinating learning experience.

Rolling Thunder
12-29-2006, 01:08 AM
I haven't posted any excerpts in the SYW section that were majorly related to the story of the novel, as related in the query (yours, or mine). I think my problem is, I have too much of my own story in my own head for my own damn good, whereas you're looking at it just from my query letters.

It's very interesting, and it's got me thinking. Like Trish, I think this is a fascinating learning experience.

Which brings up an interesting thing MS wrote. Check out her comments on her blog for HH Com #519 about query letters/pages.

PeeDee
12-29-2006, 01:18 AM
That was my theory. I wanted to send a query letter that just said "Look, just read the five damn pages I sent along, okay?" My writing stands up just dandy on its own, but (sans Lori) my query letter sits in the corner and widdles itself.

This is now the first one of these things Miss Snark has done which I've read. I haven't read any of her Crapometer this time around.

Birol
12-29-2006, 01:23 AM
Ah, but that's the thing. A query letter needs to be like a commercial. It has to make the agent or editor want to read those five pages. The best ones are like the commercials shown during the Superbowl. You may not know what they're selling, but they've definitely caught your attention. The worst are like the ads shown on the public access channel; you don't really notice them and just have it on to use the muzak as white noise.

Rolling Thunder
12-29-2006, 01:24 AM
I can't remember where I saw it, but there was another thread where the issue of sending pages with a query --even if the agent doesn't ask for them-- is a good thing.

I can't remember what the final consensus was though, if it really was a good or bad thing to do.

Birol
12-29-2006, 01:27 AM
I'm not commenting on the sending the pages. I personally think sending them isn't such a bad thing. But you still have to make the editor or agent want to read them.

James D. Macdonald
12-29-2006, 01:50 AM
Rather than:


Abandoned by Faerie and on the verge of death, Demitri is once again rescued. This time by the grim Garem Tock, who nurses Demitri back to health in exchange for Demitri's promise to help restore the Gray Mists he helped destroy.

Try:


Abandoned by Faerie and on the verge of death, Demitri is rescued by the grim Garem Tock. Garim nurses him back to health in exchange for the promise to help restore the Gray Mists Demitri himself helped destroy.

PeeDee
12-29-2006, 02:26 AM
Thus clarifying that it was Demitri who destroyed the Gray Mists, and not anyone else?

Yeah, I know the query letter is like a commercial. And I'm not going to suddenly start spouting that I think it's a broken method and I shouldn't have to do query letters. Not at all. It works wonderfully. When I'm slushpiling, I enjoy cover letters on the story because a lot of the times, if it's just a well written couple of lines, it puts me in the author's corner when I go into the short story. I don't always stay there, but I like it.

I'm just saying that I personally think query letters are the pits....

maestrowork
12-29-2006, 04:04 AM
Lori! That is fantastic.

What Lori wrote was exactly the kind of queries (maybe she will let you use it or you can take that as a starting point) you need -- it has enough specifics but not too detailed; it has all the key plot elements; and it's interesting.

It's true that sometimes we're too close to our own work to do synopsis. I know I had a hard time writing mine: I had over 15 drafts. But I have no problems writing synopsis for the movies I review.

inanna
12-29-2006, 05:24 AM
Seriously, I'm of the firm belief that synopses and query summaries are best written by someone else, not the writer who spent untold hours creating a 100K novel. We're too close to our own work to be able to do it effectively.

I'm thinking a good, freelance query-writer could really clean up. I know I'd hire 'em.

PeeDee
12-29-2006, 05:26 AM
I'm thinking a good, freelance query-writer could really clean up. I know I'd hire 'em.

I'd hire 'em, but I wouldn't envy them.

maestrowork
12-29-2006, 05:39 AM
$50 a piece. Line forms on the right.

No guarantee.

PeeDee
12-29-2006, 05:43 AM
$50 a piece. Line forms on the right.

No guarantee.

WRITER: This isn't even about my novel!

RAY: Sorry. No guarantee. Move along.

WRITER: My character isn't named Ishmael, damn it!

RAY: Look, you got what you got. You want to make trouble?

WRITER: YEAH!

RAY: Bruno?

BRUNO: i maek holes in teef.

WRITER: I'm.....gonna go.

C.bronco
12-29-2006, 05:56 AM
Shake it off, man. Get a hold of yourself! You'll be OKAY. Something about it reminds me, just slightly, of the Stephen R. Donaldlson's "White Gold Wielder" thing, but different. It sounds interesting to me, and I think EE could find humorous remarks about a query for "As I Lay Dying" or "A Farewell to Arms."
Take a deep breath and find your power animal. Slide.

PeeDee
12-29-2006, 05:58 AM
Shake it off, man. Get a hold of yourself! You'll be OKAY. Something about it reminds me, just slightly, of the Stephen R. Donaldlson's "White Gold Wielder" thing, but different. It sounds interesting to me, and I think EE could find humorous remarks about a query for "As I Lay Dying" or "A Farewell to Arms."
Take a deep breath and find your power animal. Slide.

Erm, I hope I didn't actually sound, anywhere in there, like I was actually upset by anything he said. I was hardly hapless, I did send it to him voluntarily after all, and I think that mostly what he said were True Things.

Those bits where I said he personally hated me and my writing was just me poking fun at certain people who don't take fun very well.

It'll take a little more than EE giving useful (snarky) advice to ruffle any feathers here. Actually, quite a lot more. :)

Edited to add: You know, I have eight or nine different Stephen Donaldson books around the house -- one of them first edition, signed -- and I haven't gotten more than fifty pages into the first book of the first chronicles of Thomas Covenant.

C.bronco
12-29-2006, 06:01 AM
Don't worry, I'm certain you are a lumberjack at heart. It's tough when our babies are put up for criticism, and I am my usual exhuberant self.

Rolling Thunder
12-29-2006, 07:07 AM
It'll take a little more than EE giving useful (snarky) advice to ruffle any feathers here. Actually, quite a lot more. :)


Inept poet.




























:D

PeeDee
12-29-2006, 07:09 AM
Oh please.

At least I didn't have to make up words.

Like ThAT'S going to bother me.

And I used different types of poetry.

I mean, NAME calling?

And I didn't have the cliched "Mister Grinch" picture.

Silly.

I WANT TO DIE.

Rolling Thunder
12-29-2006, 07:22 AM
Hey, stop PMing me with love messages.

Freak.

batgirl
12-29-2006, 09:50 AM
Hey, PeeDee, I've been EEviscerated twice and have my third head on the chopping-block just waiting. I feel your pain, man.
Actually, I'm kinda busy feeling my own pain, but I have yours pencilled in for early March.
-Barbara (not that I've actually written those three books, like all the way through or anything)

limitedtimeauthor
12-29-2006, 10:42 AM
Oh, PeeDee. Of course you're beautiful. We all know you can write. You probably just got stage fright. At least that's what happens to me when I'm writing for someone else. I freeze. I get stuck. I can't think of words I've known since I was three years old. My transitions suck - hugely. I don't know what my problem is, but if I have time to let it sit for a day, I can take that vile piece of refuse and whip it right into shape!

You can do it! :D

ltd.

C.bronco
12-30-2006, 02:13 AM
Erm, I hope I didn't actually sound, anywhere in there, like I was actually upset by anything he said. I was hardly hapless, I did send it to him voluntarily after all, and I think that mostly what he said were True Things.

Those bits where I said he personally hated me and my writing was just me poking fun at certain people who don't take fun very well.

It'll take a little more than EE giving useful (snarky) advice to ruffle any feathers here. Actually, quite a lot more. :)

Edited to add: You know, I have eight or nine different Stephen Donaldson books around the house -- one of them first edition, signed -- and I haven't gotten more than fifty pages into the first book of the first chronicles of Thomas Covenant.

Now, that is cool. If I remember right, the first one is "Lord Foul's Bane." I think it reminded me of it just because of the circumstances Thomas Covenant had when entering The Land.

PeeDee
12-30-2006, 02:29 AM
I enjoyed the bits before he entered The Land. I thought it was great. Then, as it got more and more into the fantasy world, I started to lose interest. I keep meaning to go back and try ti again.

PeeDee
12-30-2006, 02:37 AM
Oh, PeeDee. Of course you're beautiful. We all know you can write. You probably just got stage fright. At least that's what happens to me when I'm writing for someone else. I freeze. I get stuck. I can't think of words I've known since I was three years old. My transitions suck - hugely. I don't know what my problem is, but if I have time to let it sit for a day, I can take that vile piece of refuse and whip it right into shape!

You can do it! :D

ltd.

I don't know. That might be it. Normally, I love writing for an audience. I mean, I twice did the Harlan Ellison thing where I sat in a bookstore window and wrote a story and taped it up, a page at a time, based on a title that a shopper gave me. I use deadlines (like when I was banned from here for awhile) as a way to show off and get my writing done. I like writing for a crowd.

Then again, when it comes to things I Don't Want To Write, I tend to write in cold blood and enjoy it not at all. It tends not to come out much fun.

limitedtimeauthor
12-30-2006, 08:21 AM
But you moved to a bigger pond...:D

ltd.

Shades of Humanity
12-31-2006, 02:36 AM
When a Faerie saves Demitri Chabon from a house fire that kills his wife, his problems are only beginning. Enslaved by the Faerie's magic, he is compelled to use a long dormant power in his blood to help her destroy the Gray Mists which separate the modern world from Haven, the realm where magic and its creatures were long ago imprisoned.

The results are disastrous.

Trolls, Dragons, Gargoyles, Centaurs, and all other manner of legendary creatures are stranded in modern-day Minnesota and free to exact revenge for their long exile while the newly released magic destroys our world as it attempts to remake it for its own needs.

Abandoned by Faerie and on the verge of death, Demitri is once again rescued. This time by the grim Garem Tock, who nurses Demitri back to health in exchange for Demitri's promise to help restore the Gray Mists he helped destroy.

As the situation in the modern world of man worsens, Demitri is confronted on all sides by beings he believed only existed in myth and fairy tales. He slowly begins to realize that no creature is completely good or evil. As those who would restore the Gray Mists and those who would destroy them for good hunt him, he also realizes that the power in his blood is his to control and the decision to imprison hundreds of innocent creatures or allow the world to by destroyed by magic, is his, and his alone, to make.

I'd definitely buy this book based on this blurb.

PeeDee
12-31-2006, 05:18 AM
I'd definitely buy this book based on this blurb.


Sweet! And you work for Eos, correct?

:D

Chumplet
12-31-2006, 07:17 AM
I ran three queries through EE's little mill. One of them was about a parent dealing with a sick child. He said he had a hard time poking fun at that one.

It did spark quite a few comments, though. Several commentors came on line and said they'd never read a book like that, and he jumped into the thread and defended my book.

I think I have a small crush.

PeeDee
12-31-2006, 07:25 AM
I ran three queries through EE's little mill. One of them was about a parent dealing with a sick child. He said he had a hard time poking fun at that one.

It did spark quite a few comments, though. Several commentors came on line and said they'd never read a book like that, and he jumped into the thread and defended my book.

I think I have a small crush.

Hey, I remember that query letter. I enjoyed it, and his commentary quite a bit.

Chumplet
12-31-2006, 07:33 AM
If you remembered it, it's worth continuing with it.

PeeDee
12-31-2006, 07:51 AM
I recall that it wasn't necessarily my "thing," but if 'd been reading the back of the book, I would have flipped it open and seen if it caught me up. So yeah, keep on. :)

icerose
12-31-2006, 10:05 PM
I don't know if that is part of your book or not, but I would suggest a stronger motive for him restoring the grey mists, faeries are fabled to have the abilities to bring the dead back to life and in full health. What if the faery promised to restore his wife to him along with his health? I don't think he would have any desire to live without his wife especially knowing what the grey mists would bring.

So when it's over the faery summons her burnt corpse and leaves him with her dead body, okay gruesome but it would be enough for me to want to destroy the mists all over again. Screw the earth, this would be personal.

PeeDee
12-31-2006, 10:13 PM
I don't know if that is part of your book or not, but I would suggest a stronger motive for him restoring the grey mists, faeries are fabled to have the abilities to bring the dead back to life and in full health. What if the faery promised to restore his wife to him along with his health? I don't think he would have any desire to live without his wife especially knowing what the grey mists would bring.

So when it's over the faery summons her burnt corpse and leaves him with her dead body, okay gruesome but it would be enough for me to want to destroy the mists all over again. Screw the earth, this would be personal.

:D

It's not in the query letter, but something similar is in the book.