Okay everybody, let's get out those funnybones for another exercise. Write a humorous letter from you to Santa.
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Dear Santa,
I was going to do my usual pandering and ask how Rudolph is doing and kiss your great big white butt. But instead, this year I'm dropping the charade -- I haven't been a good boy this year. I hereby appeal my Naughty List status based on the following extenuating circumstances.
We both know I entered the Channel 5 Weather-Watch Kids picture drawing and my crayoned tornado made it on the morning news in place of some other kid's drawing. But kids these days always draw the sun in the upper right corner, and I thought the viewers needed a change.
I will admit that I blatantly ignored the "Remove cup when 2/3 full" sign on the coffee machine at 7-11 and poured coffee all over the counter on seven separate occasions this year. It just never seems like it's going to fill the cup all the way, and I'm too hardcore to follow instructions. I claim technical difficulties on this one.
I honestly had no idea that my backyard sprinkler would hit the jogger path behind my house. Well, not the first time. After that, I left it on to cool those poor people cool in the hot sun. It is common knowledge that people who jog on purpose are mentally ill, and I feel obligated to help them.
The cat I shot with a BB gun totally had it coming. He came into my house, beat up my cat, broke some glasses, and then taunted me within my accuracy range.
At first glance, it appears that my habit of honking at other motorists is a reflection of road rage mania. But I actually care about each and every one of those people -- I'm just doing my part to help people understand their errors. I'm sure they appreciated the feedback to correct their future driving efforts.
For a better perspective, just look at all the things I haven't done bad this year. This year I didn't call any cops "Officer Sweetiepants" didn't harass any male police officers, I didn't find and beat the guy who did a hit-and-run on my new truck, and I didn't hit any squirrels with a golf club. Oh, and I also didn't throw my neighbor's trash bags on his roof when he left them on my side of the yard, even after I warned him that's where they were headed. I am fairly certain that I did not run with scissors. Don't forget to factor those things in.
What happened to the Good Old Days, when we could do whatever we wanted and still end up with Christmas morning loot? Do you remember when I claimed to have been pushed into a storm gutter by the bully across the street and the police came out to arrest him? I got a Nintendo that year!!! Cha-ching! It’s like you weren’t even watching! I surely deserve some sweet consumer electronics this year.
Based on these circumstances, I appeal to your better senses to change my Naughty List status to Good Boy.
Get 'er done,
Riddler
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Dear Santa,
I was going to do my usual pandering and ask how Rudolph is doing and kiss your great big white butt. But instead, this year I'm dropping the charade -- I haven't been a good boy this year. I hereby appeal my Naughty List status based on the following extenuating circumstances.
We both know I entered the Channel 5 Weather-Watch Kids picture drawing and my crayoned tornado made it on the morning news in place of some other kid's drawing. But kids these days always draw the sun in the upper right corner, and I thought the viewers needed a change.
I will admit that I blatantly ignored the "Remove cup when 2/3 full" sign on the coffee machine at 7-11 and poured coffee all over the counter on seven separate occasions this year. It just never seems like it's going to fill the cup all the way, and I'm too hardcore to follow instructions. I claim technical difficulties on this one.
I honestly had no idea that my backyard sprinkler would hit the jogger path behind my house. Well, not the first time. After that, I left it on to cool those poor people cool in the hot sun. It is common knowledge that people who jog on purpose are mentally ill, and I feel obligated to help them.
The cat I shot with a BB gun totally had it coming. He came into my house, beat up my cat, broke some glasses, and then taunted me within my accuracy range.
At first glance, it appears that my habit of honking at other motorists is a reflection of road rage mania. But I actually care about each and every one of those people -- I'm just doing my part to help people understand their errors. I'm sure they appreciated the feedback to correct their future driving efforts.
For a better perspective, just look at all the things I haven't done bad this year. This year I didn't call any cops "Officer Sweetiepants" didn't harass any male police officers, I didn't find and beat the guy who did a hit-and-run on my new truck, and I didn't hit any squirrels with a golf club. Oh, and I also didn't throw my neighbor's trash bags on his roof when he left them on my side of the yard, even after I warned him that's where they were headed. I am fairly certain that I did not run with scissors. Don't forget to factor those things in.
What happened to the Good Old Days, when we could do whatever we wanted and still end up with Christmas morning loot? Do you remember when I claimed to have been pushed into a storm gutter by the bully across the street and the police came out to arrest him? I got a Nintendo that year!!! Cha-ching! It’s like you weren’t even watching! I surely deserve some sweet consumer electronics this year.
Based on these circumstances, I appeal to your better senses to change my Naughty List status to Good Boy.
Get 'er done,
Riddler
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