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DreamWorks
12-15-2006, 02:40 AM
Thanx to everyone for the helpful suggestions!

WildScribe
12-15-2006, 02:51 AM
I like this one. Right on!

DreamWorks
12-15-2006, 04:58 AM
Thanks alot! Wildscribe, do you have any clue what it's about? Is it not confusing, disjointed, and hard to follow? I'm only asking because I don't really know what its about myself!

jbal
12-15-2006, 05:31 AM
Best I've seen from you, DW.

DreamWorks
12-15-2006, 06:05 AM
Yaaay! Thanks jbal. Your opinion means alot to me. I am dying to put something up online so I can link you to it and then you can see more of a complete picture. My promises on that account have been empty so far I know. Reason is I am too much of a perfectionist, I don't think I will ever be happy with a recording I make myself of one of my songs. But I really want you to hear this one - it's actually quite retro (dare I say it - I was thinking ABBA) so I will try and figure out how to do it. If I go to the place where you put your songs and just follow the links will I be ok?

Scarlett_156
12-15-2006, 06:08 AM
This is really good. You seem to be having a breakthrough, and I'm happy for you! :)

jbal
12-15-2006, 06:24 AM
probably.

DreamWorks
12-15-2006, 08:11 AM
Thanks Scarlett, if thats true, its all thanks to the board... the board is my saviour. I just hope you're not playing devil's advocate and saying the sky is gray when it's blue on this post! only kidding, i love your new quote it's the funniest i've read so far...

moblues
12-15-2006, 08:37 AM
Hi DW. Been away for what seems like ages. I like this. You're getting there.

Ahem ... don't get comfortable. There is much more to do, but you have really improved. Good job.




Mike

DreamWorks
12-15-2006, 03:06 PM
Ahem ... don't get comfortable. There is much more to do, but you have really improved. Good job.



thanks moblues - do you find this song disjointed/ hard to follow? Lacking in clear theme?
I am not getting comfortable!! I will never be comfortable until I can churn out good songs as easily as I do bad ones, which I'm sure will be never...

moblues
12-16-2006, 09:32 AM
thanks moblues - do you find this song disjointed/ hard to follow? Lacking in clear theme?
I am not getting comfortable!! I will never be comfortable until I can churn out good songs as easily as I do bad ones, which I'm sure will be never...

It flows nicely. Good attention to meter. Very nice--this is very important in most cases. I say most cases because a change in time can afford differences in syllable count.

The only thing that is an issue to me is the visual structure. Break things down symmetrically. Look at the few things that I have posted here. While they may not be brilliant by any means (not much ever is by anyone, BTW, so take heart). This is textbook form from my era.

I think you're doing a great job of learning while evolving at the same time.




Mike