God, Im so stressed, depressed, anxious. I think its about writing. I really really want to make it as a novelist and it just depresses me to know that the chances of this happening are so slim.
What if I dont make it? What if I never figure out how to make it? It really upsets me. I just cant wait for the day that I get up and my career is writing the fiction that I choose to write.
Until then, here I am- stressed, depressed, upset about where I am in life. I wish to be in a different position. I wish I could learn to be happy without wanting to succeed in this extremely competitive difficult field. I mean, why couldnt I just be happy as an attorney or something? I could be an attorney. I have no doubts about that. But I doubt my ability to succeed in getting something published. I wish I could take a pill, feel happy. I just want to take some extacy and forget all of this, but its not like I could forget for very long.
Why cant this be like everything else? You have a set path, you stick to it- you take your courses, get your grades, get your internships, get the jobs? Writing fiction is like walking a tightrope in the dark.
I just wish I had a reason to believe that I am good at this and that my interest in fiction writing is worth pursuing seriously. You know? If I have to walk the tightrope in the dark, can't I have a little flashlight?
What if I dont make it? What if I never figure out how to make it? It really upsets me. I just cant wait for the day that I get up and my career is writing the fiction that I choose to write.
Until then, here I am- stressed, depressed, upset about where I am in life. I wish to be in a different position. I wish I could learn to be happy without wanting to succeed in this extremely competitive difficult field. I mean, why couldnt I just be happy as an attorney or something? I could be an attorney. I have no doubts about that. But I doubt my ability to succeed in getting something published. I wish I could take a pill, feel happy. I just want to take some extacy and forget all of this, but its not like I could forget for very long.
Why cant this be like everything else? You have a set path, you stick to it- you take your courses, get your grades, get your internships, get the jobs? Writing fiction is like walking a tightrope in the dark.
I just wish I had a reason to believe that I am good at this and that my interest in fiction writing is worth pursuing seriously. You know? If I have to walk the tightrope in the dark, can't I have a little flashlight?