I wrote a script recently and want to submit it to agents, but first I want to know what others think of it. Any comments would be greatly appreciated. The script is at www.simplyscripts.com/scr...rnity.html
Thank you.
Thank you.
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Re: hi, cy!
Paging cygore 81, paging cygore81... we have some good news for you, so I hope you're still visiting this board. E-mail me at [email protected] ASAP.
Paging cygore 81, paging cygore81... we have some good news for you, so I hope you're still visiting this board. E-mail me at [email protected] ASAP.
Re: hi, cy!
Haven't read through all of it, but it's not bad so far. Just get rid of most of the parenthetical directions please You should be able to explain the feelings through some action in most cases. I'll have to take a better read one of these days when I have more time, this week has been busy ramping up before the film industry shuts down for the summer.
Haven't read through all of it, but it's not bad so far. Just get rid of most of the parenthetical directions please
You should be able to explain the feelings through some action in most cases. I'll have to take a better read one of these days when I have more time, this week has been busy ramping up before the film industry shuts down for the summer.Re: hi, cy!
By the way, love2code, I don't think I officially rolled out the welcome mat for you. Welcome! I've been enjoying your posts... other than the one about not trusting sites that are done entirely in FrontPage. I happen to think mine's pretty good and darn trustworthy! But, that aside, glad to have you here!
By the way, love2code, I don't think I officially rolled out the welcome mat for you. Welcome! I've been enjoying your posts... other than the one about not trusting sites that are done entirely in FrontPage.
I happen to think mine's pretty good and darn trustworthy! But, that aside, glad to have you here!Re: hi, cy!
hehehe.. ty... well I never said not to trust FP sites, and I did say I used FP but take out the tags but usually use Interdev for most of my needs. As for trusting sites, if they've been established and build a following it's a different issue. Also there are always (ALWAYS!) exceptions to any rule Now go take out your meta tags with reference to FP ... hehehe.
Did you do the menu image yourself?... looks good, as for the top 1/2 of your front page I might have to redo it for you It should look closer to your Features portion, that looks professional.
hehehe.. ty... well I never said not to trust FP sites, and I did say I used FP but take out the tags but usually use Interdev for most of my needs. As for trusting sites, if they've been established and build a following it's a different issue. Also there are always (ALWAYS!) exceptions to any rule
Now go take out your meta tags with reference to FP ... hehehe.Did you do the menu image yourself?... looks good, as for the top 1/2 of your front page I might have to redo it for you
It should look closer to your Features portion, that looks professional.Re: hi, cy!
Steven SITS STILL for a moment, calming down, and then RUBS
HIS EYES and GETS OUT OF BED with his STUFFED ANIMAL, a puppy
named DIRTDEVIL.
STEVEN
(to mom)
I'm up!
Steven walks to the door, holding Dirtdevil in one hand and
scratching his head with the other. Steven is a boy,
fourteen years old, with an average build but is hunched over
as always. He is around average size relatively, but isn't
quite strong.
On his DESK is...a BOTTLE OF PILLS, the words "social
anxiety" and "depression" on the label, among others. Also
on the desk is a REPORT CARD, littered with "F"s and "D"s.
All the teachers' comments read the same: Steven is a very
intelligent boy...has the ability...is not turning in
work...spends all day writing in notebook...
==============================================
What exactly do you capitalize, that will be my biggest enemy. Using this text as an example, movements in the first paragraph are capitalized, but they are not in the second paragraph. Which one is wrong? What about inanimate objects such as desks? I just leave those lowercased personally.
On a side note, don't put in too many actions that would restrict the potential actor. If the actor is doing a scene where he wakes up, wouldn't rubbing his eyes come natural?
Steven SITS STILL for a moment, calming down, and then RUBS
HIS EYES and GETS OUT OF BED with his STUFFED ANIMAL, a puppy
named DIRTDEVIL.
STEVEN
(to mom)
I'm up!
Steven walks to the door, holding Dirtdevil in one hand and
scratching his head with the other. Steven is a boy,
fourteen years old, with an average build but is hunched over
as always. He is around average size relatively, but isn't
quite strong.
On his DESK is...a BOTTLE OF PILLS, the words "social
anxiety" and "depression" on the label, among others. Also
on the desk is a REPORT CARD, littered with "F"s and "D"s.
All the teachers' comments read the same: Steven is a very
intelligent boy...has the ability...is not turning in
work...spends all day writing in notebook...
==============================================
What exactly do you capitalize, that will be my biggest enemy. Using this text as an example, movements in the first paragraph are capitalized, but they are not in the second paragraph. Which one is wrong? What about inanimate objects such as desks? I just leave those lowercased personally.
On a side note, don't put in too many actions that would restrict the potential actor. If the actor is doing a scene where he wakes up, wouldn't rubbing his eyes come natural?
this is an old post, sabbry... but...
...if the writer is still around, here's my first take on the work:
you're a victim of the newbie curse i call, 'overcapping'... you cap so many words you think are important, that the only ones that REALLY ARE get lost in the mess...
only character names on first intro, key word of sound effects and in some cases, wording on signs that are to seen on screen get all-caps in the direction element... NOTHING ELSE!...
if you're emulating screenplays by well-known writers who may do this, what you're missing is that they are either writer/directors who direct their own work, or are idiosyncratic writers who can get away with anything, because they are the 900 pound gorillas who bring in the big bucks...
to agents and prodcos, you are a nobody... you are an unsold, unagented, unproduced nothing... and, as such, have to hew to the newbie rules 'n regs, if you want your work to make the first cut by the mailroom clerk...
there's much more i could say about this work, but i can't go into detail on posts... if you want a critique, you can email me at: [email protected]
love and hugs, maia
...if the writer is still around, here's my first take on the work:
you're a victim of the newbie curse i call, 'overcapping'... you cap so many words you think are important, that the only ones that REALLY ARE get lost in the mess...
only character names on first intro, key word of sound effects and in some cases, wording on signs that are to seen on screen get all-caps in the direction element... NOTHING ELSE!...
if you're emulating screenplays by well-known writers who may do this, what you're missing is that they are either writer/directors who direct their own work, or are idiosyncratic writers who can get away with anything, because they are the 900 pound gorillas who bring in the big bucks...
to agents and prodcos, you are a nobody... you are an unsold, unagented, unproduced nothing... and, as such, have to hew to the newbie rules 'n regs, if you want your work to make the first cut by the mailroom clerk...
there's much more i could say about this work, but i can't go into detail on posts... if you want a critique, you can email me at: [email protected]
love and hugs, maia
your screenplay
I'll be honest, I didn't read your whole sript but in the beginning it sounded as though your main character was either completely and totally socialy inept which doesn't make for a good character or under the age of ten years old but I really like how descriptive you are. I can tell you have a genuine passion for your script, so other than speach patterns your'e doing very well.
I'll be honest, I didn't read your whole sript but in the beginning it sounded as though your main character was either completely and totally socialy inept which doesn't make for a good character or under the age of ten years old but I really like how descriptive you are. I can tell you have a genuine passion for your script, so other than speach patterns your'e doing very well.
FORMATTING
Hello, "Script":
You don't need an agent, yet; you need a screenwriting book. You've broken many formatting rules. You could have a good story, but no one would read past the first two pages.
Try "The Screenwriter's Bible" by David Trottier. It's excellent.
Hello, "Script":
You don't need an agent, yet; you need a screenwriting book. You've broken many formatting rules. You could have a good story, but no one would read past the first two pages.
Try "The Screenwriter's Bible" by David Trottier. It's excellent.
Books
Out of all the screenwriting books I have read, I have found the best to be The Screenwriter's Bible as mentioned above, and How Not to Write a Screenplay. Both are very good reads.
I am currently reading the Screenwriter's Workbook, but so far I am not a fan of Syd Field. I know he is well known, but I just find myself having to be forced to read.
Out of all the screenwriting books I have read, I have found the best to be The Screenwriter's Bible as mentioned above, and How Not to Write a Screenplay. Both are very good reads.
I am currently reading the Screenwriter's Workbook, but so far I am not a fan of Syd Field. I know he is well known, but I just find myself having to be forced to read.
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