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View Full Version : IM NOT FUNNY WITHOUT YOU



DreamWorks
12-04-2006, 05:02 PM
[SIZE=2]This one is more of a satirical anti love song - and not as high a priority as my other song BETTER LEAVE YOU. if you have to choose, that one is more important. but if you have read both feel free to mention either in passing as you crit one to save yourself time. Thank you :)


I'm not funny without you
Just whiny - no climax.
Without you my jokes
become like what my nan cracks

I miss your good humour
And I've heard a rumour
You feel sick without me
or is it a tumor? Haha

Without you I'm smelly
I've got a potbelly
Well whatdyou expect
All I do is watch telly

Without your love I've nothing to give
Oh yeah, and also - no reason to live
I gaze as my last days pour down the sieve
If you don't forgive me...
I swear you'll soon outlive me

I so wish you hadn't blocked me on skype
I know that for you all my lines are just tripe
You're busy finding someone more like "your type"
Well soon you'll find out - people are hype

Oh how I wish you'd pick up the phone
I'm desperate for a whine and a moan
God it's so boring being alone
Guess I'll have another empty ice cream cone

I know the reason you're not picking up
you're sorry you left but ashamed to own up
Well let me say this - start acting grownup
And technically speaking we never broke up

Oh, please take me back
Give me just one more crack
Come on cut me some slack
We'll make up in the sack [RepeatX2]

mooncars
12-04-2006, 07:05 PM
DW;
I laughed. I laughed again. Funny stuff. I've never heard a song with the word 'potbelly' in it. Good job.

Rick

DreamWorks
12-05-2006, 01:06 AM
yay! thnx alot :) dont have a tune for this one yet... wasn't sure if i should bother... don't know even what kind of style it would be in. suggestions welcome

moblues
12-07-2006, 03:56 AM
I liked this, DW. I've never ventured to this section before. Lemme look around a bit.



Mike

jbal
12-07-2006, 06:28 AM
I like this one the best out of the ones you've posted. More original certainly. Ends well too. Tomorrow I should be able to post a link to a few of my songs, after which you probably won't want my advice any more. heh heh.

DreamWorks
12-08-2006, 05:30 AM
Jbal I listened to your songs and I still want your advice! Just to let you know I think you're real talented
The sound quality and background music is just great... but anyways thanks for the crit keep'em coming. if you have any specific questions about any of your songs ask. Oh and you never told me who your all time fav musicians are

WildScribe
12-08-2006, 05:53 AM
I'm not funny without you
Just whiny - no climax.
Without you my jokes
become like what my nan cracks (become lame little wisecracks) <--I had trouble understanding what you were talking about at first

I miss your good humour
And I've heard a rumour
You feel sick without me
or is it a tumor? Haha <----this line doesn't work for me....

Without you I'm smelly
I've got a potbelly
Well what'd you expect
All I do is watch telly

Without your love I've nothing to give
Oh yeah, and also - no reason to live
I gaze as my last days pour down the sieve
If you don't forgive me...
I swear you'll soon outlive me

I so wish you hadn't blocked me on skype
I know that for you all my lines are just tripe
You're busy finding someone more like "your type"
Well soon you'll find out - people are hype

Oh how I wish you'd pick up the phone
I'm desperate for a whine and a moan
God it's so boring being alone
Guess I'll have another empty ice cream cone

I know the reason you're not picking up
you're sorry you left but ashamed to own up
Well let me say this - start acting grownup
And technically speaking we never broke up

Oh, please take me back
Give me just one more crack
Come on cut me some slack
We'll make up in the sack [RepeatX2]

Very funny. Well done.

DreamWorks
12-08-2006, 06:00 AM
Thank you WildScribe! And since you are a poet I will dedicate my next posting which will be a more poetic song to you...

jbal
12-08-2006, 06:16 AM
Jbal I listened to your songs and I still want your advice! Just to let you know I think you're real talented
The sound quality and background music is just great... but anyways thanks for the crit keep'em coming. if you have any specific questions about any of your songs ask. Oh and you never told me who your all time fav musicians are
It changes every week. Last few years, maybe Government Mule, Tori Amos, Beck more than anyone maybe, the Beatles, the Roots, Busta Rhymes, Miles Davis, Bob Marley, GWAR, you name it.

WildScribe
12-08-2006, 06:23 AM
Thank you WildScribe! And since you are a poet I will dedicate my next posting which will be a more poetic song to you...

Welcome, darlin'... glad to help, honestly.