This reminds me of something by the Gin Blossoms, who are IMO the masters of this sort of song.
"At 29 you'd think I'd know better, livin' like a kid
But when my lies may seem less than clever is when I fall for it"
or
"The last horizons I can see are filled with bars and factories...I'll drink enough of anything to make this world/girl/myself look new again..."
or
"Gin mills, rainfall, what do you remember if at all? Only pieces of the night."
Cool stuff, right?
That's what this one reminded me of, and when I got home yesterday I had to go listen to some Gin Blossoms.
I like this one a lot better than the other one from yesterday, and I still have to loiok at the one you posted today. I looked over it, it looked good, so I'll check it out later.
Again, my only qualms here are that it seems forced to rhyme, which really isn't necessary, and that there's nothing here I can personally relate to. Nothing that puts me in that frame of mind in other words. Someone listening to this needs to hear something that sounds like themselves or that they can at least say "I've been there...", and this doesn't seem specific enough to grab people that way. I hear songs on the radio all the time that could be about anything and say nothing and it irks me. But hey, it sells records I guess. Not that this song is like that, but for me at least a little detail could make this more accessible. Hope this helps.