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Tish Davidson
12-03-2006, 04:33 AM
Inspired by the thread in Novels "S doesn't get it."

Top Ten Reasons Why Wannabees Stay Wannabees

10. Why would I want to read novels when I write them?

9. I finished my novel last night, now where do I send it?

8. My storys so grate It don’t matter if i can spell and punchuate. Its the edators job to fix that stuff up.

7. I know 350,000 words is a little long for a first novel, but you don’t understand. In my genre long novels sell.

6. It’s all luck anyway, so I’m going to query every agent in Jeff Herman’s book.

5. Query, what’s a query?

4. What do you mean you want snail mail submissions? I only use e-mail.

3. I’ll print my manuscript on hot pink paper and deliver it with a stripper who jumps out of a cake, then they’ll know how creative I am.

2. You requested the first 25 pages, so I’m sending you chapters 8 and 10 because they are the best .

1. I e-mailed this agent 3 days ago and she hasn’t answered, so I’m going to call her and see what the hold-up is.

jbal
12-03-2006, 04:38 AM
Ouch. I'm guilty of #3, though slightly different.

ChaosTitan
12-03-2006, 04:43 AM
:ROFL:

KiwiChick
12-03-2006, 05:22 AM
I have this fabulous idea for a novel that would also make an amazing movie. I don't want to tell you what it is because I don't want anyone to steal my ideas, but if you contact me we can write up a contract: You write the book and we'll split the millions in profits 50-50.

Carrie in PA
12-03-2006, 06:19 AM
C thinks that is REALLY funny!!!! :ROFL:

Rolling Thunder
12-03-2006, 06:24 AM
Poor Carrie. Third person over the edge.......

Carrie in PA
12-03-2006, 06:26 AM
Poor Carrie. Third person over the edge.......

Does that mean that C is over the edge in 3rd person, or she's the third person to go over the edge? She wasn't sure when she read your post. :roll:

scarletpeaches
12-03-2006, 06:41 AM
SP has a headache.:(

Linda Adams
12-03-2006, 06:45 AM
There's a member of my critique group who's guilty of #10/

Cat Scratch
12-03-2006, 08:34 AM
#11. Thanks for your feedback, but I it's great just the way it is, and in fact I'll spend several minutes disputing every comment you've made, even though I was the one who requested your feedback in the first place.

TwentyFour
12-03-2006, 10:07 AM
#12 I will send out queries to everyone I can think of, even if they don't say they accept my genre. Then, when I get my first acceptance, I'll accept it right away and become an instant bestselling author just like Stephen King!

Bartholomew
12-03-2006, 10:18 AM
Bart is guilty of #3.

I actually parachuted nude and delivered the MS. myself. Boy, that was an interesting day in jail.

aghast
12-03-2006, 10:20 AM
an agent just rejected the ms so i am going to spend the next month a, eating to drown my depression and b, to change everything in the ms i can resubmit to the same agent again

Scarlett_156
12-03-2006, 10:21 AM
buh...?

aghast
12-03-2006, 10:24 AM
i make up names of non existing publications to make my credentials sound impressive including first prizes in college writing contests

Silver King
12-03-2006, 10:30 AM
Ever notice how some folks talk about, "The book I'm gonna write some day?"

I used to wonder when that day would come, and then just tossed their assertions onto the same pile as Kingdom Come.

aghast
12-03-2006, 10:50 AM
my mc wont appear and the story doesnt kick off until page 140 and nothing really happens until then but you get to know the characters very well by page 139 and anyone who says i should change that is a wannabe

writerterri
12-03-2006, 10:50 AM
I wannabe a righter!

Silver King
12-03-2006, 11:19 AM
anyone who says i should change that is a wannabe
Damn right. F 'em.

aghast
12-03-2006, 08:37 PM
my book is timely but its not easy for a new author to be recognized for her talent so i am eager to work with a publisher who appreciates my talent even if i have to pay them $4000 so i can see my book in print in less than two months, not to mention the sales people have been really nice to me and guarantee that my book will be a best seller!

Maryn
12-03-2006, 08:52 PM
Stupid agents just don't recognize my awesome genius. They just don't get me. The fault lies with them--and the publishers just like them.

Maryn, who knows both sour grapes and super ego on sight

William Haskins
12-03-2006, 08:58 PM
actually, most (if not all) of the issues listed here can be rememdied through maturity, education and diligence.

the only constant in why wannabees stay wannabees is that their writing just isn't good enough.

aghast
12-03-2006, 09:29 PM
the only constant in why wannabees stay wannabees is that their writing just isn't good enough.

but wouldnt you say that can also be remedied - to an extent of course no one can make a great writer out of a bad writer - through maturity education and diligence as well?

WildScribe
12-03-2006, 09:35 PM
#11. Thanks for your feedback, but I it's great just the way it is, and in fact I'll spend several minutes disputing every comment you've made, even though I was the one who requested your feedback in the first place.

I belonged to a critique group where one woman was guilty of this CONSTANTLY. She got on my nerves so much that I stopped going. :ROFL:

William Haskins
12-03-2006, 09:45 PM
but wouldnt you say that can also be remedied - to an extent of course no one can make a great writer out of a bad writer - through maturity education and diligence as well?

talent can be refined through practice. it can't be invented out of thin air.

writerterri
12-03-2006, 10:10 PM
actually, most (if not all) of the issues listed here can be rememdied through maturity, education and diligence.

the only constant in why wannabees stay wannabees is that their writing just isn't good enough.

Gosh, I feel better.

SpookyWriter
12-03-2006, 10:12 PM
talent can be refined through practice. it can't be invented out of thin air.Are these two statements mutually exclusive?

William Haskins
12-03-2006, 10:13 PM
well, as much as we might like to pat ourselves on the back for knowing proper manuscript format, the query process and proper follow-up etiquette, the truth is that any editor worth his or her salt would much sooner contract for a masterpiece written on a paper towel than drivel submitted with immaculate attention to detail.

William Haskins
12-03-2006, 10:14 PM
Are these two statements mutually exclusive?

they rely on at least a kernel of pre-existing talent. barring that, everything else is moot.

SpookyWriter
12-03-2006, 10:15 PM
they rely on at least a kernel of pre-existing talent. barring that, everything else is moot.Thank you for the clarification, sir.

writerterri
12-03-2006, 10:18 PM
well, as much as we might like to pat ourselves on the back for knowing proper manuscript format, the query process and proper follow-up etiquette, the truth is that any editor worth his or her salt would much sooner contract for a masterpiece written on a paper towel than drivel submitted with immaculate attention to detail.


wise old grass hopper. :D

Freckles
12-03-2006, 10:21 PM
Ouch. I'm guilty of #3, though slightly different.

Let me guess...you use polka-dot paper?? ;)

jbal
12-03-2006, 10:30 PM
Paper towels, actually.
No, I figured hey, I write ad copy for the store all the time and I do sales so if I'm trying to sell a story, I should use the same tactics, right? So for the last few short story submissions I sent out (about two weeks ago) I filled the cover letters with all kinds of amped-up marketing language. The old ones sjust sounded to me like I was expecting to be rejected. The best I can remember:
"As a leading publisher of short horror fiction, I'm sure you know how important it is to stay on top of the best and brightest of today's up and coming talent. Now is your chance to publish...blah blah, description of story...Act now and take advantage of this opportunity to connect with the cutting edge of modern fiction."etc. This isn't exactly it, but it's in the ballpark. I figure I'm either a genius or an idiot, more likely the latter. I wasn't going to say anything about it here until I got a response.

Tish Davidson
12-04-2006, 03:30 AM
actually, most (if not all) of the issues listed here can be rememdied through maturity, education and diligence.

the only constant in why wannabees stay wannabees is that their writing just isn't good enough.


But maturity, education and diligence imply the ability to learn from mistakes.

A mistake? Moi? Hy-ya! (been watching too much Miss Piggy I guess)

Tish Davidson
12-04-2006, 03:31 AM
well, as much as we might like to pat ourselves on the back for knowing proper manuscript format, the query process and proper follow-up etiquette, the truth is that any editor worth his or her salt would much sooner contract for a masterpiece written on a paper towel than drivel submitted with immaculate attention to detail.

This assumes that they will even bother to read the paper towel