Stupid things non-writers say

Silver King said:

My sister called recently and said, "I need a favor." She went on to ask if I'd write an essay for a local contest she wanted to enter. A radio station was giving away a free boob job to the winner.

She was practically begging. "Come on. Please? I know you can write something snappy, and I might just win."

I asked why she would consider such a thing. She said, "I'm getting old. If you could see how saggy my boobs are, you wouldn't ask. All I need is a little lift."

I told her no, and I haven't heard from her since.

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Pure comedy!

KCathy said:

They also keep asking what I'll do with "the money when" I sell it. First, it's "IF," not when...

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I like it when my friends ask me that question. It shows they have more faith in me than I do!

scarletpeaches said:

It shows they have more faith in me than I do!

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Hmm, good point. Next time I'll say, "Buy you a Porsche, of course!"

I've already spent my first royalties cheque. Cause of course, it'll cover a Testarossa and a holiday in Italy...

lady_esther said:

Pure comedy!

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Yes, but it's true.

So, I tell my husband that I really, really want to get serious about getting my novels polished and (please oh please) published.

Hubby: Huh. Real novels...books?

Me: Um,yeahhh...(prounounced "duhhhhh")Why? Don't you think I can do it?

Hubby: Oh, yeah, well, it's just novels are like holy or something....like you can't even stand on them.

*blink blink*

I mean, can you just see the memories he's having of his mother clipping the side of his head with the palm of her hand, "I told you not to use your books to reach the cocoa puffs!"


Another good one is when my family (Mom, Dad, brother, sis-in-law -the whole kit and kaboodle) came over on December 1st for hot chocolate fest at my house.

They're going on and on about one of my brothers who is in Hollywood right now doing some assoc production stuff for TV and my other brother who is trying to beef up his photography hobby into a business. When they are done smiling and praising my baby brothers, I pipe up.

"Hey, speaking of creativity, I just finished the first draft of my second novel!" I'm grinning like a cheshire cat.

I swear to you, they all turned to me - every one - got very quiet...and...

all at once they looked back at my brother and said, "So those are some great pics!"

Who does that?? Who are these people and why do I love them? (hey that'd make a catchy book title, yes?)


My last and perhaps favorite stupid story is once again the quintessestial fam gathered around the big game table at the Tahoe house.

Ahhh, what a picture. Obviously, a close knit little group. We're playing a board game that includes finding the closest match to adjectives out there on the table.

This word was "brilliant". Now, the object of the game is to toss out the name of someone/something that best describes that word. I had Mark Twain. I throw my card out there.

My dad says, "Well, clearly Mark Twain isn't the best for this description."
I said, "Why not?"
My dad says, "Well, I mean he was just a writer."

Thanks, Dad.

Was the game Apples to Apples?

I see you have partaken in the game, my ferreted little friend.

My niece just got it for her birthday tonight and we were dabbling in it.

Good. Now teach your niece that you can pair up "brilliant" with a writer!

By the way, do you have ferrets? Awesome little creatures. My brother has one named Zowie.

THEM: Why do you have to find an a agent before you write the book?

ME: Because it's a non-fiction book. It's no different from writing a regular story. First, someone has to be interested in the story. Then you have to write it. Not the other way around.

THEM: That's not what I heard.

ME: And where did you "hear" this from?

THEM: I don't remember, but I don't think you're going about this the right way. You should write the book first and then try to sell it.

ME (patiently): That is what you have to do with fiction. With non-fiction, you have to sell the idea and then write the book.

THEM: I don't think that's right.

ME: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

A good friend of mine was applying for a second mortgage with her husband. The gentleman taking their application information asked the husband what he did for a living.

"Mechanic."

Then he turns to my friend and asks, "And what do you do?"

She replies, "I'm a writer."

He nods, then says, "Right. Unemployed."

I howled with laughter when she told me.

My sister once said about my work, "It's good ..." She seems to be searching ..."but you try to *hard* to be a writer, you know?"

I dropped it because, no, I didn't know.

i was talking to my friend about poetry and i mention that i had written some and she was very supportive then when the conversation moved onto boys and such i mentioned that i knew a guy who worte poetry really really great poetry and her responce was "oh ..... *crinkles nose* isnt that kinda gay" and when i said no its not she replied "well ... its quite a ... girly thing to do..." and asked how it was and she said" i dunno ... it just is...." she then told me her favorite poet is robert frost.

needless to say she was very embarrassed when i pointed out that robert frost is in fact a man....

Thrillride said:

My last and perhaps favorite stupid story is once again the quintessestial fam gathered around the big game table at the Tahoe house.

Ahhh, what a picture. Obviously, a close knit little group. We're playing a board game that includes finding the closest match to adjectives out there on the table.

This word was "brilliant". Now, the object of the game is to toss out the name of someone/something that best describes that word. I had Mark Twain. I throw my card out there.

My dad says, "Well, clearly Mark Twain isn't the best for this description."
I said, "Why not?"
My dad says, "Well, I mean he was just a writer."

Thanks, Dad.

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Ouch....

Yeah, spank you very much, Dad.

Them: So what do you?
Me: I am a student, mother and writer
Them: OH! You write? Do you have a book published that I can read?
Me: No not yet.
Them: Well then how do you know if you are a writer? I thought you had to be published to be considered one.
Me: I have been published before just not a novel.
Them: Oh how much money did you make?
Me: Nothing it was for a couple different organizations when I was a teenager.
Them: Oh, well that doesn't really count does it since you were paid for it. Anyone can get published for free, even I can.
Me: So have you?
Them: What?
Me: Had something published for free?
Them: Well no no...I don't want to be a writer...
Me: But you wouldn't be a writer because it would be for free.

At this point they usually shut up.

Oh and yes..I believe I told this one on another thread:

On a flight to South Africa I was working on my novel when I notice this man leaning over to read what I was typing. Now I find it really annoying but I thought I would play nice. I looked up at him and gave him a patient, small smile. He takes it as a sign to speak to me and asks:

Him: What you writing?
Me: A murder mystery.
Him: Is it a true story?
Me: Not until they find my ex husband's dead body.
Him: *look of horror on his face* You aren't a very nice person are you?

I didn't say anything but he stopped looking over my shoulder.

I want to win the lotto.

My SIL said, the night I met her "You write? I'm not a reader."

Umm... learning disability? Blow to the head? And you ADMIT it OUT LOUD?

I have since discovered she really meant it.

MMcC: yep, there are people like that out there.

My entire family doesn't read. Mum and Dad read non-fiction once in a blue moon, my four siblings read nothing. To them, fiction is 'crap' or 'for children.' Odd, because they watch movies.

At least my older sister is smart enough to ban most TV and encourage reading in her kids and my older brother had bought stacks of books for his kids. My younger sister? Her kids say 'I don't like reading', and they haven't even hit adolescence yet. If you lack curiousity when you're five or ten, what are you going to be like in the teen years and as an adult?

The stupidest thing I've ever heard a non-writer say was "Why don't you just give up?."

Any variation of that statement, including but not limited to "You know, some writers don't even get famous until they're dead" and "You'd make a lot more money teaching" are equally stupid.

engmajor2005 said:

The stupidest thing I've ever heard a non-writer say was "Why don't you just give up?."

Any variation of that statement, including but not limited to "You know, some writers don't even get famous until they're dead" and "You'd make a lot more money teaching" are equally stupid.

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If someone tried to say to me, "you know some writers don't even get famous until they're dead" I would look at them and say..."wishful thinking about getting my royalties check from an inheritance estate is just bad karma

You know I've been really lucky with my friends and family being really supportive. I suppose the one thing that doesn't really upset me, but puts me in a strange position, is when I'm talking with someone who assumes getting published is easy or something. That when I tell them what I have accomplished, that they sort of nod and think that it's very nice, but they are unaware of how huge some of it is (maybe I'm over inflating it, who knows, but to me everything that is happening to me is ridiculously massive). And you know you can't really tell someone, "But . . . I mean . . . it's a big deal to be published in another country. . ." because that sounds icky. I guess it doesn't matter if people think it is a big deal or not really in the end. Still that's the one little thing that I never really know how to handle.

When I finished the first draft of my Nanowrimo novel, my dad said, "Why don't we register it at the US copyright office, and try to get it in the Library of Congress?"

My response was, "Because the writing sucks, and that's what you do with engineering journals, Dad, not books about fairies."

After that incident, both my parents researched book publishing ("What is this freakshow called PublishAmerica!?") and I haven't heard anything silly since. xD;

I love my family.

I love this one..."why don't you publish your book yourself...I mean...you would get more of the money that way"

Trust me...I don't even bother to respond to that.