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Stew21
11-15-2006, 11:37 PM
Robeiae goes into a bar and sees Terri (for the first time) sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage (because you know how shy he is, especially in the presence of such beauty), he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which Terri responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, Robeiae is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, Terri walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which Rob responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"

WackAMole
11-15-2006, 11:40 PM
Robeiae goes into a bar and sees Terri (for the first time) sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage (because you know how shy he is, especially in the presence of such beauty), he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which Terri responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, Robeiae is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, Terri walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which Rob responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"

:ROFL:

CaroGirl
11-15-2006, 11:46 PM
Trish goes to see a psychic. The psychic looks into her crystal ball.

"Oh dear," she says, "I have terrible news. I see within the waters of the future that your husband will die a violent and horrible death."

Trish sits in silence, looking at her trembling hands.

"But will I get away with it?"

September skies
11-15-2006, 11:50 PM
ok.....you folks have way too much time on your hands and spend way too much time in here.....
:ROFL:i love it.

sassandgroove
11-15-2006, 11:51 PM
Good one. I got nothin'.

robeiae
11-15-2006, 11:53 PM
Anyway, it's backwards: I'd be the one playing with Terri's mind from the get go, and the one requesting payment for services... :tongue

tiny
11-15-2006, 11:55 PM
But in single digits, right?

Stew21
11-15-2006, 11:55 PM
Anyway, it's backwards: I'd be the one playing with Terri's mind from the get go, and the one requesting payment for services... :tongue


next time I put you in a joke I'll make sure you are the only clever one in the bunch.
;)

WackAMole
11-15-2006, 11:56 PM
But in single digits, right?

:roll: HA! You guys are great for a good laugh!

Stew21
11-15-2006, 11:56 PM
Trish goes to see a psychic. The psychic looks into her crystal ball.

"Oh dear," she says, "I have terrible news. I see within the waters of the future that your husband will die a violent and horrible death."

Trish sits in silence, looking at her trembling hands.

"But will I get away with it?"

well? what did the psychic say to the question? Will I? It's a Good question!
Come on. Don't leave me hangin!

:D

tiny
11-15-2006, 11:57 PM
:roll: HA! You guys are great for a good laugh!


dang... I said that loud enough for people to hear? I gotta get my volume fixed.

CaroGirl
11-15-2006, 11:59 PM
well? what did the psychic say to the question? Will I? It's a Good question!
Come on. Don't leave me hangin!

:D
If you do it on the 7th day of the 7th month of the 2007th year, during a full moon and in the state of California, then you might get away with it. When you actually try to kill him won't matter in the slightest.

Stew21
11-16-2006, 12:02 AM
that's entirely too much effort and forethought for me, Caro. I guess I have to let him live.

Stew21
11-16-2006, 12:03 AM
someone tell a joke about Kevin so he doesn't feel left out.
:)

robeiae
11-16-2006, 12:05 AM
But in single digits, right?Terri's preferences for the nature of my services are private matters.

tiny
11-16-2006, 12:07 AM
She wasn't bragging.

Stew21
11-16-2006, 12:07 AM
*deleting before Rob copies it.*

*giggles*

NeuroFizz
11-16-2006, 12:16 AM
**** and her husband were having trouble paying bills, so they decided that *** would have to get a job. She wasn't qualified for anything, so in frustration, they concluded she'd have to prostitute herself. Nervous, she set out the first night in a short skirt and halter top, her curves setting a tempting lure. Three hours later, she returned, a fistful of money held out to her husband.
"How much did you get," he said, fanning the bills.
"Forty-four dollars."
"What jerk gave you four dollars?"
"All of them," she said with a smile.

MacAllister
11-16-2006, 12:34 AM
Neuro walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" So the barkeep sets up a beer--but he kind of wonders about it.

Again, Neuro orders a beer with, "Give me a beer before problems start!"

The bartender just shakes his head, a bit confused. This goes on for a couple of hours, and after the seventeenth beer the bartender is completely baffled, so he asks Rich, "When exactly are you planning to pay for these beers, anyway?"

Neurofizz answers, "Ah-HA, now the problems start!"

September skies
11-16-2006, 12:44 AM
*deleting before Rob copies it.*

*giggles*

too late, we all saw it. And those of us who didn't, are using our imagination as to what you wrote....

TRISH! how could you!? .....er, never mind. I forgot, we're talking about Trish.

Stew21
11-16-2006, 12:46 AM
too late, we all saw it. And those of us who didn't, are using our imagination as to what you wrote....

TRISH! how could you!? .....er, never mind. I forgot, we're talking about Trish.

sometimes good judgment escapes me. this time it came back in time to delete before I got quoted.

robeiae
11-16-2006, 01:52 AM
If Trish had said "KTC walks into a bar," you'd have made at least 40 replies by now, all by yourself.

writerterri
11-16-2006, 02:01 AM
Anyway, it's backwards: I'd be the one playing with Terri's mind from the get go, and the one requesting payment for services... :tongue



You couldn't handle me.

Celia Cyanide
11-16-2006, 02:01 AM
KTC, WriterTerri, Haskins, Macallister, and Celia Cyanide walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "What is this a joke?"

writerterri
11-16-2006, 02:10 AM
KTC, WriterTerri, Haskins, Macallister, and Celia Cyanide walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "What is this a joke?"


I'm a fraid knot.

robeiae
11-16-2006, 02:14 AM
You couldn't handle me.
Ah, sweets...you couldn't ignore me if you tried.

Rolling Thunder
11-16-2006, 02:16 AM
Spooky, Haggis and KTC go into a strip joint. Terri comes over to their table. Spooky takes out a $20 bill, licks it and sticks it to her a**.

Not to be outdone, Haggis takes out a $50 bill, licks it and sticks it next to the twenty.

KTC thinks for a second, pulls out his ATM card, swipes it down her a** crack, grabs the $70 bucks and goes home.

ETA: Bwahahahahahahahahah

writerterri
11-16-2006, 02:19 AM
Ah, sweets...you couldn't ignore me if you tried.


You already used that one on me. And it still does something to me.

writerterri
11-16-2006, 02:20 AM
Spooky, Haggis and KTC go into a strip joint. A dancer comes over to their table. Spooky takes out a $20 bill, licks it and sticks it to her a**.

Not to be outdone, Haggis takes out a $50 bill, licks it and sticks it next to the twenty.

KTC thinks for a second, pulls out his ATM card, swipes it down her a** crack, grabs the $70 bucks and goes home.


I'm so glad my name wasn't in there. :D

robeiae
11-16-2006, 02:21 AM
You already used that one on me. And it still does something to me. Why try something different, when I already know how to get what I want? :D

writerterri
11-16-2006, 02:28 AM
Why try something different, when I already know how to get what I want? :D


Answer: Pretty good when you know you're going to get it.


Now, what's the question?

Rolling Thunder
11-16-2006, 02:28 AM
I'm so glad my name wasn't in there. :D

That would be reprehensible. So.........http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_16.gif

writerterri
11-16-2006, 02:43 AM
That would be reprehensible. So.........http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_16.gif


Great, now I have to go to dictionary.com brb...

Rolling Thunder
11-16-2006, 02:45 AM
Take your time. And whatever you do....don't scroll down this page.:D

writerterri
11-16-2006, 02:50 AM
Take your time. And whatever you do....don't scroll down this page.:D


I feel better now, thank you!


I scrolled down and didn't see "nothing".

Rolling Thunder
11-16-2006, 02:57 AM
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/29/29_1_16.gif

writerterri
11-16-2006, 03:12 AM
Someone make Chocolatethunda stop messing with me!

Rolling Thunder
11-16-2006, 03:30 AM
I'm so glad my name wasn't in there. :D


Bwahahahahahahahahaha.

Okay. Gonna go play with someone more challenging now. :)

dclary
11-16-2006, 03:58 AM
As you all know, Dr. Spork lived down in Florida during the triple-hurricane a few years ago. Sadly, his college was hit square on by the 3rd hurricane. It was a tragedy: his entire library was destroyed. Both books.

And the worst part?

He hadn't finished coloring one of them.

writerterri
11-16-2006, 05:29 AM
Bwahahahahahahahahaha.

Okay. Gonna go play with someone more challenging now. :)


Really. Go ahead! Make my day! Dork.

writerterri
11-16-2006, 05:30 AM
As you all know, Dr. Spork lived down in Florida during the triple-hurricane a few years ago. Sadly, his college was hit square on by the 3rd hurricane. It was a tragedy: his entire library was destroyed. Both books.

And the worst part?

He hadn't finished coloring one of them.


Ooo

Haggis
11-16-2006, 05:38 AM
Hey! I want my $50 back.

MacAllister
11-16-2006, 05:41 AM
So Deek walks into a pub where KTC is bartending and says, "Shots for everyone, and Bartender, set
one up for yourself too."

Everyone thanks him, they all toss down their shots, then he buys another round for everyone including KTC. He orders a third round and then a fourth, and the party is seriously underway, but then when he orders the fifth or sixth round, Kevin tells him, "Sure, but Dude, you gotta pay for all those other rounds before I pour another one--or give me a credit card, sumthin', though."

Dclary says, "Money? I don't have any money." So KTC kicks the crap out of him and throws him into the street.

So, a few minutes later, he comes back in and says, "Barkeep, drinks for everyone. But not for you. You get just plain mean when you're drunk."

dclary
11-16-2006, 05:42 AM
LOL!

Alan Yee
11-16-2006, 07:05 AM
Rllgthunder walks into a bar one day, and finds himself choosing between three different women to take home with him and sleep with. "Damn, I'm screwed," he thinks. "Who do I choose?"

The first one, a brunette, tells him she likes men like him who look hot and sexy. The second one, a blonde, says she will sleep with him if he can give her enough money to dye her hair. The third one, a redhead, smiles seductively and says, "I like men with nice a$$es. My friends can back me up on that. You have a nice one. I'll sleep with you for free."

He drinks a beer with her, until he realizes he's awfully drowsy and can't drive her home with him. The redhead smiles and takes his keys to drive him home. He falls asleep in the car as the redhead starts singing happily.

He wakes to find himself tied up on his own bed, naked, surrounded by all three women from the bar. They were all naked as well and laughing uncontrollably. "He's not too smart, choosing the redhead."

He blinks, greatly confused, and asks, "Why? Why are you all here? What did you do to my beer? I thought I only agreed to bring the redhead?"

The brunette and the blonde laugh and rip off their wigs, revealing their real hair, which was just as red as the other redhead. "We're all redheads," they say simultaneously. "If you take on one redhead, you take on all of them. We put a little potion into your drink so we could all three of us into your car. Now shut up and let us have fun with you."

All three redheads pounce on him. The first redhead laughs and says, "You know when I said I like men with nice a$$es? It's true. Here are my friends who can back me up on that."

As they all laugh like maniacs and start spanking him and doing inappropriate things to him, he finally has another revelation from the heavens:

"Damn, I'm screwed."

BottomlessCup
11-16-2006, 08:49 AM
Trish walked into a bar and ordered a "Double Entendre." So the bartender gave it to her.

Stew21
11-16-2006, 08:52 AM
and he gave me the drink too!
:D

Rolling Thunder
11-16-2006, 04:32 PM
Jenna is in the mood for some sweetbreads one evening. She walks into a store and tells the man behind the counter she would like some brains.

"Alright" he says, "What kind?"

"What kinds do you have?" she asks.

"Well," he says, pointing inside the case, "those there are freelance brains at $5 a pound, those are novelist at $7 a pound, and those are editors' at $10 a pound.

"What are those way back there?" she asks.

"Those are agent brains."
"How much do they cost?" she asks.
"They cost $100 a pound."

"GOODNESS!!" she exclaims. "Why are they so expensive?"

"Lady, do you realize how many agents it takes to get a pound of brains?!?!"

Rolling Thunder
11-17-2006, 03:45 AM
In honor of Spookywriter’s new job:

Spooky’s boss sends him to Japan, to meet with an important executive. After the long flight he checks into his hotel, then goes down to the bar for a drink. While there he meets a lovely young woman and, even though he can’t speak a work of Japanese, they go back to his room.

During their passionate love making the young woman begins to softly moan, “wick-esshy-ha”. As they continue her moans grow louder until she is literally screaming, “wick-esshy-ha…wick-esshy-ha…WICK-ESSHY-HA!!!!!’’

“Wow,” Spooky thinks to himself, “She must be saying something really good about me!”

The following day, Spooky meets with the executive at his office. It is a grand place with glittering marble floors, fine furniture and a wonderful view of Tokyo.

After a few minutes of chit chat the executive says, “You are a fine representative of your company, Spooky-san. Would you like to join me in a game of golf at my country club?”

“Wow! This is the best business trip ever,” Spooky thinks to himself, as he graciously accepts the man’s offer.

They arrive at the golf course (accompanied by a group of the executives minions) and when they reach the ninth hole the executive makes a great shot. The ball arcs high into the air, bounces twice and lands directly into the cup; a hole in one!

The minions are clapping and bowing to the man when Spooky suddenly remembers the woman from last night. Wanting to make a good impression he shouts, “Wick-esshy-ha! Wick-esshy-ha!”

The group of men all become silent as the executive turns and glares at him.

“Spooky-san! What do you mean, wrong hole?”

MizzACEE
11-17-2006, 03:50 AM
If you do it on the 7th day of the 7th month of the 2007th year, during a full moon and in the state of California, then you might get away with it. When you actually try to kill him won't matter in the slightest.


You're in luck I'll be back in California by then, I'll hide you out for a while.

http://www.ridingarizona.com/forum/uploaded/flipper/2006714122910_thumbs_up_smiley.gif

MizzACEE
11-17-2006, 03:53 AM
Spooky, Haggis and KTC go into a strip joint. Terri comes over to their table. Spooky takes out a $20 bill, licks it and sticks it to her a**.

Not to be outdone, Haggis takes out a $50 bill, licks it and sticks it next to the twenty.

KTC thinks for a second, pulls out his ATM card, swipes it down her a** crack, grabs the $70 bucks and goes home.

ETA: Bwahahahahahahahahah


http://ekvinde.dk/forum/style_emoticons/default/rofl.gif

Stew21
12-04-2006, 08:23 PM
Walking into the bar, Ray said to Frank the bartender, "Pour me a stiff
one - just had another fight with Rhymegirl."
"Oh yeah?" said Frank. "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over, she came to me on her hands and knees." Ray said.
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-shit."

Stew21
12-04-2006, 08:26 PM
burp.

(that's what happens when I give you a pat on the back.)

SpookyWriter
12-04-2006, 08:30 PM
(that's what happens when I give you a pat on the back.)I thought that's what happens when you give him a Trishket. :D

rhymegirl
12-04-2006, 09:18 PM
Walking into the bar, Ray said to Frank the bartender, "Pour me a stiff
one - just had another fight with Rhymegirl."
"Oh yeah?" said Frank. "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over, she came to me on her hands and knees." Ray said.
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-shit."

Well, at least I made him have a stiff one, Trish.

Stew21
12-04-2006, 09:30 PM
I thought you'd like the stiff one, and scaring Ray under the bed! :)